Incredibly lonely, and struggling to cope.

[Happy Lemming]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

 Maybe not on paper, but something is stalling you out.

I was searching for the proper term/words and "stalling out" fits perfectly.  There has to be some nuance, something about you that turns women off (or scares them off). 

In my early youth, I was not all that successful dating women.  I watched what other (successful) guys did and tried to mimic their behavior/approach/etc.  This concept was somewhat successful, then I improved my skillz/game (through trial and error).

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

You don't want to risk that rejection. You want a guaranteed connection, without the risk of rejection.

This crossed my mind, as well.  Trust me... every guy out there has been rejected many, many times.  You just have to let it roll off of you "like water off a duck's back".  You can't take it personally and just move on to the next woman.

And yes, I've been "shot down" more times than I care to remember. 

I've also been dumped for all manner of reasons, again I let it go and move forward (immediately).

[Cute-Meet4848]

 

 

19 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Again, it's likely that these things happen because you (subconsciously) make sure you aren't getting to close. You make sure your relationships don't extend beyond casual acquaintance and when you do open up, it's with people that won't be staying in your life for very long. Again it's really hard to see, because these are subconscious defense mechanisms. What you are waiting for is the "guarantee". That a person very obviously likes you and wants to be your friend, or a woman you're attracted to makes it very clear she wants to date you. You don't want to risk that rejection. You want a guaranteed connection, without the risk of rejection. And that's not how connection works. There's always a risk of rejection, it's just that rejection doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. And you'll be fine even if you're rejected.

I don't really know how to answer this.

When I go to a new event, I talk to people. I ask them about themselves, what they do etc, and often times they'll do the same. That's pretty normal. However, I'll go a handful of times and it just never seems to progress to a point where they could be considered a "friend" - there's no communication outside of these events, no real attempt at building a bigger bond etc. I do share things about myself, where appropriate, but that doesn't seem to deepen the relationship. It really isn't for lack of trying. And as I've said, I'm never approached - these stories you see online of people going to a festival and making new friends through that common interest is just a fantasy to me.

As for women, I also don't know what to add to this. I've been online to have people judge my appearance and was always told I'm attractive, hell I've even been told in real life on the rare occasion. I remember once that I had a guy approach me at a bar, ask me if I was trying to get with any of the girls, and when I told him I'd never taken a girl home, his jaw had dropped. And this is better I was fitter / healthier than I am now. I never see a girl look my way, or give me any indication of attraction when I do speak to them...but that's if I happen to come across anyone of my age, who is available. I don't think I've even met an available 20-something year old in many years; they're usually older, or married.

Of course, this makes it even more difficult when I don't have any friends, so I have no social circles to expand from.

17 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

I was searching for the proper term/words and "stalling out" fits perfectly.  There has to be some nuance, something about you that turns women off (or scares them off). 

In my early youth, I was not all that successful dating women.  I watched what other (successful) guys did and tried to mimic their behavior/approach/etc.  This concept was somewhat successful, then I improved my skillz/game (through trial and error).

This crossed my mind, as well.  Trust me... every guy out there has been rejected many, many times.  You just have to let it roll off of you "like water off a duck's back".  You can't take it personally and just move on to the next woman.

And yes, I've been "shot down" more times than I care to remember. 

I've also been dumped for all manner of reasons, again I let it go and move forward (immediately).

I've observed others, and apart from the really successful guy that ended up being abusive, the others aren't doing much else different. They're on the apps (I'm not anymore, waste of time), they're out-and-about, and somehow they simply fall into relationships / dates / casual flings.

I can't be rejected if there's not an element of communication / interest to begin with.

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

apart from the really successful guy that ended up being abusive...

I'm not saying be abusive, but it does appear you've observed other guys start conversations and chit-chat with women. So you do have a point of reference. 

Personally, I use the circumstances (I'm in) to start a conversation.

Describe the places you go and what you might say to a woman as an opening line to start a conversation/chit-chat.

[Cute-Meet4848]

On 5/17/2022 at 7:43 PM, Happy Lemming said:

I'm not saying be abusive, but it does appear you've observed other guys start conversations and chit-chat with women. So you do have a point of reference. 

Personally, I use the circumstances (I'm in) to start a conversation.

Describe the places you go and what you might say to a woman as an opening line to start a conversation/chit-chat.

it depends on the circumstances really. I don't cold approach women, so I usually bounce off anything that is going on around me, or make small talk while waiting around for something etc. I do this with anyone, mind you. For example, I happened to see that woman I mentioned previously, again. I asked her how her night was going, and that was it, as we were otherwise busy doing our own thing.

I don't know how else to explain it, really. What I tend to find is that everyone my age has a small group of people they hang with, who know someone from another group, and people mingle that way. I was at an event yesterday, and whilst I did speak to a couple of people, it was clear everyone else was getting along "better" than I was able to.

Edited May 18, 2022 by Cute-Meet4848

[Happy Lemming]

56 minutes ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

...it was clear everyone else was getting along "better" than I was able to.

On paper... everything sounds good and I really can't come up with a reason as to why you are having difficulty securing dates/relationship.

The only advice I really have left is practice, practice, practice... just keep trying to talk to women in social situations.

As a side question, have you every tried "Speed Dating"??  Some areas have it... some don't.

[Wiseman2]

You need to broaden your horizons. The places you hang out and groups you are in doesn't seem to work.

Steer clear of the pickup artist philosophy of cold approach and game playing and believing everyone else is getting lucky except you.

You claim you are doing everything right and have a lot to offer however you complain that you are not having any luck, so what exactly can you do differently?

[Cute-Meet4848]

@Wiseman2 The places I'm going now, are not the same as I went to previously. I've changed it up over the years.

I'm not saying I'm doing everything right, only that I've done what you're suggesting.

The sad thing is, I've been told these very same things for almost eight years now. I really do feel stuck.

[Wiseman2]

Everywhere I go I see couples together. The supermarket... everywhere. Are they Hollywood beautiful people? No.

Perhaps you are unrealistically thinking that women need to approach you or you need to follow pickup artist rules.

You've gotten some great tips, but shoot them all down in an almost incels type of mindset.

Perhaps you are not ready willing or able to date or have relationships at this time. 

See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Talk about the inertia, lassitude, malaise and feeling "stuck". Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

While no one is owed a relationship or sex, if you want those things you'll have to make changes rather than engage in help-rejecting-complaining.

 

 

[Cute-Meet4848]

28 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Everywhere I go I see couples together. The supermarket... everywhere. Are they Hollywood beautiful people? No.

Perhaps you are unrealistically thinking that women need to approach you or you need to follow pickup artist rules.

You've gotten some great tips, but shoot them all down in an almost incels type of mindset.

Perhaps you are not ready willing or able to date or have relationships at this time. 

See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Talk about the inertia, lassitude, malaise and feeling "stuck". Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

While no one is owed a relationship or sex, if you want those things you'll have to make changes rather than engage in help-rejecting-complaining.

 

 

This is wholly untrue, and insulting.

I have not rejected any suggestion. I have told you that I have already tried and it has not worked for me. And you clearly haven't read my posts because you would know I've done therapy.

I won't be responding to your replies anymore, as you are twisting my words.

 

Edited May 19, 2022 by Cute-Meet4848

[Wiseman2]

What I read was pages of people giving you excellent advice, tips and suggestions. However you state none of them work for you. 

[Cute-Meet4848]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

What I read was pages of people giving you excellent advice, tips and suggestions. However you state none of them work for you. 

That's not rejecting.

[Happy Lemming]

As an experiment, would you be willing to try "Speed Dating"??

The cost is minimal and it may allow you to collect some data (about yourself).  I'd be curious to see if anyone "picks" you.  Some "Speed Dating" services have coaches that help you have a more successful experience.

Do they have "Speed Dating" in your area?? 

[mark clemson]

On 5/15/2022 at 10:42 AM, Cute-Meet4848 said:

So you may be wondering "What have you tried to resolve this?", and the answer is...quite a lot. For simply meeting new people in general, I regularly go to meetup events, concerts, bars / clubs, and occasionally do volunteer work - through all of these, whilst I have certainly spoken to people, I have never met a new friend out of it. I don't have anyone add me on social media, and my suggestions to do things never lead anywhere. For dating, I've tried all the apps and never got a match. When I do go out to socialise, I very rarely meet available women, and the few I do meet are clearly not interested in me.

 

Hmm. It sounds like you are doing the right things, mostly.

I think possibly there is substantial truth to the subconscious sabotaging/interference concept mentioned above. THAT would be something for a therapist to help you address IMO. Also it goes both ways in that there's (IMO) a certain % of women out there who want a relationship, but then unconsciously sabotage potential good ones. When that happens, it has little to do with you.

Some thoughts - and don't feel the need to answer any of the questions - they are points for you to reflect on:

Are the suggestions to do things dates? Because perhaps making it clear that you want to go on a date (specifically) is the issue. My thought would be at the end of a conversation with a woman who appears interested you say more or less - "You know, you seem really nice. Would you like to go out for dinner or go on a date sometime?" or similar. Make it unambiguous.

Are you giving off an awkward vibe specifically when it comes to women you're interested in? Many women seem to sense neediness/clinginess/excess nervousness - e.g. awkward eye contact without saying something, awkward hesitation, etc, and I believe many find it off-putting/unattractive as it shows a lack of confidence. Women tend to be attracted to confidence/self-assurance and this awkwardness/neediness stuff is a "tell" that you don't actually have it (IMO). So IF that is happening, it may be driving off some potential good ones.

You might also be giving the impression you're trying too hard. Keep it casual while you pay attention to them - you can be genuine of course and genuinely friendly and interested, but you don't need to appear too interested romantically right at first. Think "self-assurance" - you can "take it or leave it". As ridiculous as it sounds, be "James Bond" and stick to that at least until something starts to be established.

DON"T talk about your emotional unhappiness or difficulties with women or make negative generalizations. Avoid this because it's a pitfall. A year into a relationship feel free to talk about that stuff, but (generally) people don't want to hear it right at the start.

Things to try/continue:

Try to look REALLY good. Nice haircut and facial grooming, keep your back straight to look a little bit taller. Like men, many women tend to gravitate towards a more attractive partner and if you can look REALLY good, there is a bit of a bandwagon effect. If possible, you want them in effect seeing that you're quite a catch and rushing to "claim you" before someone else does. Find clothes that look good on you and wear them a lot.

If you're "pretty good", what would appear to be small issues can make a big difference in attractiveness. For example, women respond differently to me after I've just had a haircut. (I tend to get one only every couple of months.) It would seem ridiculous, as I'm still the same me, but I'm simply not as interesting to them once my hair starts to get a bit shaggy. C'est la vie.

Along with looking good, confidence/self-assurance/social fluency/ease of conversation are very important. I believe you could actually counter-act a stellar appearance with poor self-assurance/poor social skills; in fact it probably happens all the time at bars, etc.

Some women seem to analyze your body language as a "confidence indicator". Any guy can lie about e.g. their great career or what have you (and many do) so I think women instinctively look to body language as a "tell". You want your body language to really powerfully convey confidence/self-assurance and "good energy".  Experiment a bit with this and also the cadence of how you walk. If you're able to do this (it's a bit like "acting") you can take it right up to the point where it starts to come across as ridiculous (but not beyond that). It can be a fine line.

Some women seem to respond VERY strongly to body language/walking cadence as a "sexual signal" (for lack of a better term) as surprising as that might seem. At any rate, it's easier said than done no doubt, but if you can TRULY have the combination of good looks, great body language, conveying solid self-assurance, and good social skills, finding a romantic partner should be easy. THEY will be very interested in YOU (which is key) and mostly what you need to do is to avoid blowing it with a mis-step.

Edited May 19, 2022 by mark clemson

[Cute-Meet4848]

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

As an experiment, would you be willing to try "Speed Dating"??

The cost is minimal and it may allow you to collect some data (about yourself).  I'd be curious to see if anyone "picks" you.  Some "Speed Dating" services have coaches that help you have a more successful experience.

Do they have "Speed Dating" in your area?? 

Speeding dating is scarce in my area, and tends to attract much older folk. While I'm not directly opposed to trying it, I do find the idea of such an experience to be artificial, and to be honest I'd rather meet people through an app.

I'll keep an eye out, but I'm not sold that this will get me anywhere.

42 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

 

Hmm. It sounds like you are doing the right things, mostly.

I think possibly there is substantial truth to the subconscious sabotaging/interference concept mentioned above. THAT would be something for a therapist to help you address IMO. Also it goes both ways in that there's (IMO) a certain % of women out there who want a relationship, but then unconsciously sabotage potential good ones. When that happens, it has little to do with you.

Some thoughts - and don't feel the need to answer any of the questions - they are points for you to reflect on:

Are the suggestions to do things dates? Because perhaps making it clear that you want to go on a date (specifically) is the issue. My thought would be at the end of a conversation with a woman who appears interested you say more or less - "You know, you seem really nice. Would you like to go out for dinner or go on a date sometime?" or similar. Make it unambiguous.

Are you giving off an awkward vibe specifically when it comes to women you're interested in? Many women seem to sense neediness/clinginess/excess nervousness - e.g. awkward eye contact without saying something, awkward hesitation, etc, and I believe many find it off-putting/unattractive as it shows a lack of confidence. Women tend to be attracted to confidence/self-assurance and this awkwardness/neediness stuff is a "tell" that you don't actually have it (IMO). So IF that is happening, it may be driving off some potential good ones.

You might also be giving the impression you're trying too hard. Keep it casual while you pay attention to them - you can be genuine of course and genuinely friendly and interested, but you don't need to appear too interested romantically right at first. Think "self-assurance" - you can "take it or leave it". As ridiculous as it sounds, be "James Bond" and stick to that at least until something starts to be established.

DON"T talk about your emotional unhappiness or difficulties with women or make negative generalizations. Avoid this because it's a pitfall. A year into a relationship feel free to talk about that stuff, but (generally) people don't want to hear it right at the start.

Things to try/continue:

Try to look REALLY good. Nice haircut and facial grooming, keep your back straight to look a little bit taller. Like men, many women tend to gravitate towards a more attractive partner and if you can look REALLY good, there is a bit of a bandwagon effect. If possible, you want them in effect seeing that you're quite a catch and rushing to "claim you" before someone else does. Find clothes that look good on you and wear them a lot.

If you're "pretty good", what would appear to be small issues can make a big difference in attractiveness. For example, women respond differently to me after I've just had a haircut. (I tend to get one only every couple of months.) It would seem ridiculous, as I'm still the same me, but I'm simply not as interesting to them once my hair starts to get a bit shaggy. C'est la vie.

Along with looking good, confidence/self-assurance/social fluency/ease of conversation are very important. I believe you could actually counter-act a stellar appearance with poor self-assurance/poor social skills; in fact it probably happens all the time at bars, etc.

Some women seem to analyze your body language as a "confidence indicator". Any guy can lie about e.g. their great career or what have you (and many do) so I think women instinctively look to body language as a "tell". You want your body language to really powerfully convey confidence/self-assurance and "good energy".  Experiment a bit with this and also the cadence of how you walk. If you're able to do this (it's a bit like "acting") you can take it right up to the point where it starts to come across as ridiculous (but not beyond that). It can be a fine line.

Some women seem to respond VERY strongly to body language/walking cadence as a "sexual signal" (for lack of a better term) as surprising as that might seem. At any rate, it's easier said than done no doubt, but if you can TRULY have the combination of good looks, great body language, conveying solid self-assurance, and good social skills, finding a romantic partner should be easy. THEY will be very interested in YOU (which is key) and mostly what you need to do is to avoid blowing it with a mis-step.

I'll answer in brief, but firstly thank you for taking the time to respond to my post in such a detailed manner.

1) I haven't met a woman who "appears interested", so that's one of the main issues. I am not getting ANY signs of interest.

2) I don't know what vibe I am giving off, but I find women to be comfortable with me. Many years ago I did have a handful of female acquaintances, and I remember one being drunk and saying that she was really comfortable around me (no interest as she was chasing someone). For the sake of a more recent example, a few months ago I was at a meetup and I basically hung out with one woman for the entire evening, and she was happy for me to walk her back to her car at the end of the event (she's dating someone, so no interest present). I know for a fact that I make eye-contact, speak clearly etc, so I don't know what the issue is. Ironically, I've had people say to me that I come across as very confident. Funnily enough, I distinctly remember once on a night out that there was this guy, arms folded, clearly uncomfortable, who had multiple women approach him during the evening - the complete opposite to me in terms of body language.

3) Although my appearance will be subjective, I've often been told I'm handsome. I groom regularly and workout a lot, stand straight etc as you've described. I have never found this to be a plus when it comes to women. I've been told I could model (although I think that's quite a stretch!). I'm happy to send pictures, privately.

I'm absolutely not trying to suggest I'm "perfect" or doing everything right, only that I've had so many people say good things about my attitude / appearance, that it leaves me completely baffled as to why this is happening to me.

[glows]

Unfortunately if nothing has been working and you feel the same way for some time with multiple individuals, the common denominator is you. Try not to blame it on anyone else and certainly don't take it personally if people aren't into you at first. Friendships take time to develop.

There is very little that a group of anonymous members on a relationship forum can help you with to be frank so all of the replies are shooting in the dark and all of them are individuals trying to help you but no one here if they don't know you in person will be able to pinpoint what's wrong with you or why you get no interest from the opposite sex.

You will have to take yourself to a life coach or speak with your family members or people who have known you for awhile and ask for their honest feedback on what you're doing wrong or what can be improved. People who see you on a regular basis and see how you problem solve, work through challenges or difficulties or perceive others or situations will be able to give you more constructive feedback. Someone may be able to write very well and yet come across as condescending towards others in person or pass comments that aren't acceptable in a lot of social circles. I'd suggest you turn to the ones closest to you for better feedback more personalized to you if you're looking to make more improvements.

[mark clemson]

45 minutes ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

I'll answer in brief, but firstly thank you for taking the time to respond to my post in such a detailed manner.

Fair enough + YW + no problem.  Yes, you don't have to perfect (no one is). If you are pretty good - that is (normally) enough I think. The woman at the meetup you mention was already taken, so was just flirting with you only IMO.

You say you don't know what vibe you're giving off - ok, to me that suggests somehow it's the social fluency.

Perhaps women ARE giving signals but you're not yet skilled at reading their "cues"?  A tall, handsome, confident guy should in theory be garnering interest.

If it's possible you aren't reading social cues well, could you perhaps look into them/try to research a bit and to improve?

If it's genuinely that you're not getting female interest, then something is counteracting your good qualities (again, likely the social fluency aspect). @glows is right IMO that this is virtually impossible to "work on" over an internet forum. Would it be possible to ask a friend or even just an acquaintance to "read" you socially and ask for their direct, honest, no-holds-barred feedback and ways you could improve? The Life Coach idea isn't crazy for this, although I suspect they will vary greatly in quality.

In terms of your appearance/confidence/body language, consider taking what you have and improving on it even more, to give your chances an extra boost. I think the difference between a "7" and a "9" may be a big deal to many women.

Since you look good, you might consider focusing your efforts on 1-1 situations rather than group situations like bars/parties. I think group situations can be disconcerting and distracting and indeed I myself tended not to do well in them (Meetups were an exception for me, but by that time I was not really taking anything beyond flirting anyhow).

So for example, if you go to a Starbucks and strike up a conversation with a woman while waiting for your order, and if it seems to go well, end with the "You seem really nice. Would you like to maybe go get dinner sometime" etc, and see if she accepts + gives you her number.

Women often (certainly not always) communicate "indirectly" with hints rather than directness, and this can throw guys off. Look for tells from a woman, such as eye contact with a smile. This is (sometimes, not always) an "opening" and essentially an invitation to converse. Start a conversation and IF it goes well, continue + ask for the date. IF the talking doesn't go well, just bow out (don't try to "press" things, it's typically a waste of time and how guys end up with fake phone numbers, etc).

You can even just go to a public place, such as sitting and having lunch at a food court, and look for these tells from women, and respond by seeing if there's interest in conversation. It won't always go well, but sometimes it probably will and could even lead to a date conceivably. Be very self assured when responding and if there isn't interest just let it slide off your back. It helps to be looking your best IMO if you're going to attempt something like this, and even so only like 10-15% of the women there are likely to be interested.

Edited May 19, 2022 by mark clemson

[Happy Lemming]

1 hour ago, mark clemson said:

Are you giving off an awkward vibe...

 

34 minutes ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

While I'm not directly opposed to trying it, I do find the idea of such an experience to be artificial...

 

This is why I suggested going to a "Speed Dating" event, I was leaning towards this "Awkward Vibe" theory. 

Many years ago, I was watching one guy at a bar trying to talk to women and immediately I picked up on this "awkward vibe".  I couldn't put my finger on it. I don't know exactly what was wrong with him, but I just knew there was something amiss.  I knew if I picked up on it (just by watching him)... the women he was approaching and attempting to talk to were also picking up this "awkward vibe".

I figured if you went to a "Speed Dating" event and got zero picks/matches, then my theory about the "Awkward Vibe" may hold water.

[Cute-Meet4848]

1 hour ago, glows said:

Unfortunately if nothing has been working and you feel the same way for some time with multiple individuals, the common denominator is you. Try not to blame it on anyone else and certainly don't take it personally if people aren't into you at first. Friendships take time to develop.

There is very little that a group of anonymous members on a relationship forum can help you with to be frank so all of the replies are shooting in the dark and all of them are individuals trying to help you but no one here if they don't know you in person will be able to pinpoint what's wrong with you or why you get no interest from the opposite sex.

You will have to take yourself to a life coach or speak with your family members or people who have known you for awhile and ask for their honest feedback on what you're doing wrong or what can be improved. People who see you on a regular basis and see how you problem solve, work through challenges or difficulties or perceive others or situations will be able to give you more constructive feedback. Someone may be able to write very well and yet come across as condescending towards others in person or pass comments that aren't acceptable in a lot of social circles. I'd suggest you turn to the ones closest to you for better feedback more personalized to you if you're looking to make more improvements.

I respect that. I just need to vent, as I have no one else to speak to (so no, I can't turn to the closest ones to me).

As for the life coach idea - I actually did have a therapist observe me interacting with others at an event, and I did hire a dating coach at one point. The feedback was again, positive - social, affable, presentable.

37 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Fair enough + YW + no problem.  Yes, you don't have to perfect (no one is). If you are pretty good - that is (normally) enough I think. The woman at the meetup you mention was already taken, so was just flirting with you only IMO.

You say you don't know what vibe you're giving off - ok, to me that suggests somehow it's the social fluency.

Perhaps women ARE giving signals but you're not yet skilled at reading their "cues"?  A tall, handsome, confident guy should in theory be garnering interest.

If it's possible you aren't reading social cues well, could you perhaps look into them/try to research a bit and to improve?

If it's genuinely that you're not getting female interest, then something is counteracting your good qualities (again, likely the social fluency aspect). @glows is right IMO that this is virtually impossible to "work on" over an internet forum. Would it be possible to ask a friend or even just an acquaintance to "read" you socially and ask for their direct, honest, no-holds-barred feedback and ways you could improve? The Life Coach idea isn't crazy for this, although I suspect they will vary greatly in quality.

In terms of your appearance/confidence/body language, consider taking what you have and improving on it even more, to give your chances an extra boost. I think the difference between a "7" and a "9" may be a big deal to many women.

Since you look good, you might consider focusing your efforts on 1-1 situations rather than group situations like bars/parties. I think group situations can be disconcerting and distracting and indeed I myself tended not to do well in them (Meetups were an exception for me, but by that time I was not really taking anything beyond flirting anyhow).

So for example, if you go to a Starbucks and strike up a conversation with a woman while waiting for your order, and if it seems to go well, end with the "You seem really nice. Would you like to maybe go get dinner sometime" etc, and see if she accepts + gives you her number.

Women often (certainly not always) communicate "indirectly" with hints rather than directness, and this can throw guys off. Look for tells from a woman, such as eye contact with a smile. This is (sometimes, not always) an "opening" and essentially an invitation to converse. Start a conversation and IF it goes well, continue + ask for the date. IF the talking doesn't go well, just bow out (don't try to "press" things, it's typically a waste of time and how guys end up with fake phone numbers, etc).

You can even just go to a public place, such as sitting and having lunch at a food court, and look for these tells from women, and respond by seeing if there's interest in conversation. It won't always go well, but sometimes it probably will and could even lead to a date conceivably. Be very self assured when responding and if there isn't interest just let it slide off your back. It helps to be looking your best IMO if you're going to attempt something like this, and even so only like 10-15% of the women there are likely to be interested.

I don't know. I've been to plenty of social events and women typically won't even look in my direction. The only reason I spoke to the last woman was because she had been a "mutual friend" of someone I was familiar with at the group, and so I struck up a conversation about her life, aspirations etc. I go out to a bar / club and again, same issue. That being said, on the rare occasion I do engage in an interaction, there's no telltale signs of discomfort, but also no signs of interest (sure, they make eye contact - most people do that during conversation). Plus there's the aforementioned issue of not meeting many women my age to begin with. I may just have to accept the fact that I am not the type of guy that women want.

None of this really matters when I can't even build a platonic friendship with anyone.

As for your last paragraph, all I can say is that this simply doesn't happen to me, and I already do a lot of stuff alone.

[glows]

When I need to vent I go for a swim or do something that gets my heart rate up. Frustration and anxiety can truly get the best of any of us. Try not to let it eat away at you or affect your mental health/self-esteem. 

[Alpacalia]

Feeling stuck begins in the mind. 

Thinking you're stuck makes you stuck. It’s as straightforward — and as complicated — as that.

This could be wrong but it sounds like you feel alone because you're trying to live your life vicariously through other people. Rather than allowing your environment to define who you are and what you ought to do for a happy, productive life, you need to rely heavily on yourself first. 

Getting a new partner ain't easy, and out there is so much varying advice on how to do it - some of which are very helpful - but irrespective of which of these avenues we (in this case you) choose to pursue, that's the corresponding relationship you'll create.

NOT that I'm saying that we should disregard the perceptions of others, or that we should trash or disrespect the perceptions of others — only that you should believe in your perception of yourself more than the perceptions of those around you.

[Cute-Meet4848]

9 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

NOT that I'm saying that we should disregard the perceptions of others, or that we should trash or disrespect the perceptions of others — only that you should believe in your perception of yourself more than the perceptions of those around you.

I think I'm a good person, I do good towards others and I have positive qualities. But I don't want to be alone in this world.

I'm having the same issue now, that I was eight years ago. That is a VERY long time, and it almost feels like a waste - lacking social / romantic connections is painful, but perhaps that isn't a feeling that you can relate to if you've never been in that situation.

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

I think I'm a good person, I do good towards others and I have positive qualities. But I don't want to be alone in this world.

I'm having the same issue now, that I was eight years ago. That is a VERY long time, and it almost feels like a waste - lacking social / romantic connections is painful, but perhaps that isn't a feeling that you can relate to if you've never been in that situation.

I believe you that you're a good person and what you say is true.

You're right, on the other comments, it sucks.

FTR, I have been in a semi-similar situation. Not with friends or family, no, but romantic yes.

Have you ever visited a nursing home?

[Cute-Meet4848]

14 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Have you ever visited a nursing home?

Yes.

[2.50 a gallon]

There is an old saying the pathway to a man's heart is thru his stomach.  The truth the same can be said for a woman. 

30 years ago, I found myself alone.  The Ex-Wife and I had married and immediately moved out of state to Silicon Valley, 6 months later the marriage broke up.  I found myself alone, as all our friend had been hers.  When I moved out I looked for a good apartment with a social life.  i. e. a nice pool, with a volley ball net, etc.  Upon moving in I spent about a little less than a $100 on a new weber grill and a electric ice cream maker.  That first weekend while unpacking I made a batch of vanilla ice cream, and offered it to my new neighbors.  I had plenty of takers and the next weekend a neighbor showed with a small crate of over ripe peaches, it made damn fine peach ice cream.  While grilling it too did not take long, If you have a burger of a hot dog you want to throw on the grill, help yourself.  I did not take long before my apartment was the social center of that part of the complex.  

      

[2.50 a gallon]

Part II

At about this same time I bought at a used book store a book on gourmet cooking,   Divorce is terrible, your best friend has now become your worst enemy.  My thoughts were the more I kept busy the less I would think about her.  And gourmet cooking was double and triple rewarding as it takes a little effort, preparation, etc, and less time for my mind to wonder, and I got a great meal and for the future, when and I again got back into the dating game it would be another resource.  

The results, for the past 25 years, 20 living together, I have been in a relationship with a gal, totally out of my league in the looks department. She is a great grandma and still has an hour glass figure.  And guess who does all of the cooking.