Incredibly lonely, and struggling to cope.

[Happy Lemming]

On 6/3/2022 at 6:24 PM, Cute-Meet4848 said:

Alright, so turns out I can't shut up for too long.

 

How was your Saturday night??  Anything interesting??

[Cute-Meet4848]

14 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

How was your Saturday night??  Anything interesting??

I didn't do anything on Saturday night.  Just gym earlier in the day.

Edited June 6, 2022 by Cute-Meet4848

[Weezy1973]

On 6/4/2022 at 10:45 AM, Cute-Meet4848 said:

I just see it as a friendly conversation.

I don't think so, due to the other behaviour she exhibited, and our conversations were short-lived.

Anyway, the point of my post was to (try to) articulate that I get along with people quite well, I don't know why I'm such a loner.

This is the crux of the problem. You're not moving the conversation forward. You could have asked that woman out. Or even just for her phone number. But you didn't. I'm guessing situations like that arise often, but due to your insecurities and anxieties you don't move things forward. It might have been just friendly, but she might have also found you attractive. Even though it happens on occasion, if you just pretend that a woman will NEVER ask a man out or make the first move, and know that it's up to you to do it, then you just have to do it. How many women through the years have you asked out on dates? If the answer is none, that means you've never actually been rejected. You've never put yourself in a position to get rejected. And that's the problem.

[Cute-Meet4848]

41 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

This is the crux of the problem. You're not moving the conversation forward. You could have asked that woman out. Or even just for her phone number. But you didn't. I'm guessing situations like that arise often, but due to your insecurities and anxieties you don't move things forward. It might have been just friendly, but she might have also found you attractive. Even though it happens on occasion, if you just pretend that a woman will NEVER ask a man out or make the first move, and know that it's up to you to do it, then you just have to do it. How many women through the years have you asked out on dates? If the answer is none, that means you've never actually been rejected. You've never put yourself in a position to get rejected. And that's the problem.

I can assure you, that they don't arise often. 🤣

This does loop back to a few things that I've mentioned throughout the thread.

1) I don't have a big social circle, which makes meeting people difficult.

2) Even though I do go to events, and generally have a good time / get along with other attendees, I don't develop a relationship, even on repeated meetings.

3) I meet very few attractive (to me), single / available women within my age range.

4) Regardless, no women have given me any type of signal to indicate there is attraction. There is a distinct lack of eye contact, or wanting to be in my vicinity etc.

5) Of those that "meet the criteria"...yes, I have asked them out. They have said no.

6) Dating apps are a complete bust, and I no longer use them (and this is despite being, allegedly, attractive, and getting rated 8+ on Photofeeler).

In the case of the woman we're now talking about, there was literally no indication of interest from her.

Edited June 6, 2022 by Cute-Meet4848

[Weezy1973]

8 minutes ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

5) Of those that "meet the criteria"...yes, I have asked them out. They have said no.

 

How many have you asked on dates through the years?

 

9 minutes ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

In the case of the woman we're now talking about, there was literally no indication of interest from her.

She was a woman you found attractive who told you you have nice eyes. Might have been nothing, but it's definitely enough to ask her out. Unless she's giving you definite signs of unavailability at that point (ex. mentioning a boyfriend / husband), you would have been fine asking her out. What would you have to lose? Worst thing that happens is she says no.

[Cute-Meet4848]

1 minute ago, Weezy1973 said:

How many have you asked on dates through the years?

Not a whole lot, on account of point's #1, #2 and #3 and #6. A lack of opportunity, in short.

 

 

[Weezy1973]

6 minutes ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

Not a whole lot, on account of point's #1, #2 and #3 and #6. A lack of opportunity, in short.

 

 

You just need to accept the fact that in order to make connections, whether romantic or platonic, you are going to absolutely risk rejection. And the more comfortable you are getting rejected the better. The most successful men with women, get rejected the most. The most successful people in life also fail the most. They just get up and keep going. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again...  You have to get rid of the notion that the opportunity will be served to you on a silver platter. It won't. With women especially, you have to take the reigns. Because you're so insecure, you're not going to count anything as an obvious sign of interest; you'll dismiss it just like you dismissed that woman's compliment. Basically women that aren't interested at all will make it obvious once you strike up a conversation. They'll mention a boyfriend or they'll shut down the conversation extremely quickly. Even if you suspect they're "just being polite", ask them out anyways.

 

Here's a game you can play. See if you can get 20 real life rejections in a week. That mean you're going to have to ask at least 20 women out / for their number in a week. I'm not saying to blatantly try to get reject;  just be fine expecting those rejections. Strike up a conversation. Ask them out / for their number. Enough rejections and you'll be immune. Consider it a rejection vaccination.

[Cute-Meet4848]

34 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

You just need to accept the fact that in order to make connections, whether romantic or platonic, you are going to absolutely risk rejection. And the more comfortable you are getting rejected the better. The most successful men with women, get rejected the most. The most successful people in life also fail the most. They just get up and keep going. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again...  You have to get rid of the notion that the opportunity will be served to you on a silver platter. It won't. With women especially, you have to take the reigns. Because you're so insecure, you're not going to count anything as an obvious sign of interest; you'll dismiss it just like you dismissed that woman's compliment. Basically women that aren't interested at all will make it obvious once you strike up a conversation. They'll mention a boyfriend or they'll shut down the conversation extremely quickly. Even if you suspect they're "just being polite", ask them out anyways.

 

Here's a game you can play. See if you can get 20 real life rejections in a week. That mean you're going to have to ask at least 20 women out / for their number in a week. I'm not saying to blatantly try to get reject;  just be fine expecting those rejections. Strike up a conversation. Ask them out / for their number. Enough rejections and you'll be immune. Consider it a rejection vaccination.

This seems ridiculous to me. If nothing else, you're making a lot of baseless assumptions.

For starters, I'm not afraid of rejection. I do not care what people think of me (albeit I do pay heed so as to address any shortcomings). There is evidence of that in this thread - I keep putting myself out there, week after week. I'm not getting the results I want, sure, but it's not for lack of trying.

I haven't suggested that women will ask me out. I do, however, have enough intelligence to distinguish between a platonic gesture and flirtation. You seem to imply that a woman is interested if she doesn't mention a boyfriend or doesn't shut down the conversation, but that completely ignores the likely scenario that A) The conversation hasn't lent itself to mentioning a partner, and B) She's enjoying having the conversation regardless.

Your last paragraph leads me to my final point. How can I possibly ask out twenty women, if I'm not meeting them in the first place?

I appreciate you taking the time to advise me, however I feel you're projecting your own interpretation of the situation, as opposed to truly understanding what it is that I am saying.

[Weezy1973]

10 minutes ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

 There is evidence of that in this thread - I keep putting myself out there, week after week. I'm not getting the results I want, sure, but it's not for lack of trying.

I've been on these boards awhile; your problem is not a unique one. And the story is pretty much the same - difficult childhood, difficult school experiences and a lack of friends, no confidence, lack of self-worth, and difficulty connecting with people both platonic and romantic.  To be clear, you're not actually putting yourself out there. Putting yourself out there is asking a woman out on a date. Or asking a guy you get along with to do some activity. Those are the things you need to be doing.

 

14 minutes ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

I do, however, have enough intelligence to distinguish between a platonic gesture and flirtation.

It has nothing to do with intelligence; you're clearly intelligent. It has to do with confidence. A confident man will interpret practically everything as potential flirtation. A man without confidence won't interpret anything as flirtation. Despite being socially affable and handsome, you've never, ever detected any signs of interest from a woman.

 

17 minutes ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

You seem to imply that a woman is interested if she doesn't mention a boyfriend or doesn't shut down the conversation, but that completely ignores the likely scenario that A) The conversation hasn't lent itself to mentioning a partner, and B) She's enjoying having the conversation regardless.

I'm not implying that she's interested, but I am definitely saying you don't know one way or the other. Asking her out answers that question for you. You're not doing that.

 

20 minutes ago, Cute-Meet4848 said:

Your last paragraph leads me to my final point. How can I possibly ask out twenty women, if I'm not meeting them in the first place?

 

If what you're doing isn't working, do something different. Lots of great suggestions in this thread already. You can even try online dating again. So many apps out there now, if one wasn't working for you, try another one. Or try a bunch.

 

Question: What would a sign of interest from a woman interested in you look like? What would you need to actually ask a woman out on a date?

[Happy Lemming]

2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

And the more comfortable you are getting rejected the better. The most successful men with women, get rejected the most.

 

100% true...  I can't tell you the number of times I've been rejected/shot down.  Way too many to count, but I didn't let it affect me, I just moved on to the next woman.

And even if she said "no" when I asked for her number or asked her out, I still enjoyed talking to a new person.

I can remember one instance where I was talking to a woman most of the evening (at a bar) and getting shot down.  The only reason I remember this particular instance is she told me her father invented the walkway thing that allows you to board aircraft.  The story, his trial and error developing it, testing, etc.  --- really neat story and very interesting.  I had a good time, even though I got rejected at the end of the night.

[Cute-Meet4848]

17 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Question: What would a sign of interest from a woman interested in you look like? What would you need to actually ask a woman out on a date?

Eye contact, wanting to talk to me, wanting to be around me, playing with hair etc.

I can't answer the second question - there's no set criteria, and there's a lack of opportunity.

As for "trying something new" - I have done a hell of a lot over the years, I can't possibly think of what else to do. I've tried every major dating app.

Edited June 7, 2022 by Cute-Meet4848

[Weezy1973]

On 6/7/2022 at 8:45 AM, Cute-Meet4848 said:

Eye contact, wanting to talk to me, wanting to be around me, playing with hair etc.

Again you’re waiting for the absolute sign that a woman is interested. It’s not going to happen. Women generally put out subtle hints, that if you lack confidence you’ll completely miss. And it’s never a sure thing. No harm in trying though.

 

On 6/7/2022 at 8:45 AM, Cute-Meet4848 said:

I can't answer the second question - there's no set criteria, and there's a lack of opportunity.

There’s a lot of opportunity, you’re just not seizing them. You’re making any excuse you can not to take that risk. I get it. It’s hard to ask someone out that you’re attracted to with no guarantee. 

 

On 6/7/2022 at 8:45 AM, Cute-Meet4848 said:

As for "trying something new" - I have done a hell of a lot over the years, I can't possibly think of what else to do. I've tried every major dating app.

You’ve been doing new things, but you haven’t been taking the risks. Honestly - how many women have you actually asked out on dates in person? I’m guessing it’s less than 10. Or even less than 5. 

[Cute-Meet4848]

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

Women generally put out subtle hints, that if you lack confidence you’ll completely miss.

Those ARE subtle signs.

Okay then, what would you say that "subtle signs" are?

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

There’s a lot of opportunity, you’re just not seizing them.

You've clearly made up your mind and are not reading my posts, because...

1 hour ago, Weezy1973 said:

Honestly - how many women have you actually asked out on dates in person? I’m guessing it’s less than 10. Or even less than 5. 

None, because as I've said before, I rarely meet single, attractive women in my age range.

I remember last time I had a dating profile - I stuck it online for review and was told it was good, that I was "handsome". I got a match once in a blue moon, and instantly ghosted. I clearly don't have what it takes to be a desirable man, even though I'm pretty damn cool.

I'm not trying to be rude, mate. I do appreciate you taking your time to support me. I do feel as if we're butting heads though.

Edited June 8, 2022 by Cute-Meet4848