Falling my Best Friend

[Lovvejt]

I would like to get some advice…?

PS I know my thoughts are all over the place, I do apologise for that, but I haven't been able to vent to anyone or get any advice as I am afraid he will find out.

I joined this group last year and I’ve made some really great friends. I got close with one person, in particular, and though at times I feel like things aren’t mutual, there are also times where there are certain signs or actions or words from him that make me feel like it is mutual?

Every time we hang out, it goes very smoothly, we talk lots, eat lots and just simply enjoy each other’s company even if it’s in a group or 1on1 setting. Our mutual friends believe he likes me as well but we’ve had various serious conversations in which he stated that he doesn’t like me and provided me with reasons as to why, but then the way he treats me and acts towards me isn’t how you would towards someone that’s just a friend.

We call messages pretty much every day. We call on average like 10-15hrs a day, sometimes 2-3times a day and yes before you say anything… yes we do not have a life… We stay on call while eating, studying, doing random things, or him going on late night shopping trips… We do hang out every so often as well but it’s difficult because we live far away from one another. In the time I’ve known, we’ve never argued, or had a falling out. And I know that isn't the case because we’re hiding stuff, cause we tell each other everything. I’m also the only female friend he has, he trusts me with everything and anything. He tells me everything and asks me for advice on everything and anything. He often tells me about his day or time out with the rest of our group. And now at times, we’re in call doing our own thing but neither of us leaves. I find myself really enjoying his company and missing him when we don't call or message or hang out... He often shows me he cares about me as well, especially when I'm mad, upset, etc

To others, he may be mean or “***head” but there have been countless times where we have good laughs, me venting and he just deals with my ***, my rambling… He never gets mad/annoyed when I call him, even when he is asleep or studying or doing anything. I know he has empathy and sympathy even if not everyone sees it. Whenever I ask for a favour or I plan stuff he happily obliges. He acts cold towards everyone and like he doesn't care but once you get to know him, he is a very different person, what I was told about him prior to getting to know him I realised was a facade he puts on.

Surely there’s a reason why he trusts me so much and always hangs out with me when I’m in town or when he’s in town right? Surely I am not being delusional… To avoid embarrassing myself in a situation and I told him I liked someone else within the group we were in. How do I know if this is just friends level or more?? Honestly, I’ve never felt this way somewhere before and I don’t know how to approach the situation? I really don’t want to lose my best friend.

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, Lovvejt said:

I joined this group last year and I’ve made some really great friends. I got close with one person, in particular, and though at times I feel like things aren’t mutual, there are also times where there are certain signs or actions or words from him that make me feel like it is mutual?

We do hang out every so often as well but it’s difficult because we live far away from one another.

How far away do you live from each other? He seems like a good friend/chatbuddy, but if he is not asking you out, he is not thinking in a romantic sense.

[stillafool]

21 minutes ago, Lovvejt said:

I do apologise for that, but I haven't been able to vent to anyone or get any advice as I am afraid he will find out.

You say this^ but below you talk as though your mutual friends know you like him and have talked to you about it.

22 minutes ago, Lovvejt said:

Our mutual friends believe he likes me as well but we’ve had various serious conversations in which he stated that he doesn’t like me and provided me with reasons as to why,

What reasons did he give you for not liking you in a romantic way?  He obviously values your friendship and probably doesn't want to lose it.  A good platonic female friend is a valuable asset to a man and vice versa.   I think you need to believe what he told you and not get your hopes up that your friendship will turn into more.  If he were feeling anything close to what you are he wouldn't have told you he didn't like you as a gf and gave you the reasons why.  Men don't do this to women they want to have sex with or date.   I think you should distance yourself from him so you can get over him.  At some point he is going to meet a woman he wants to date and you'll end up hurt.

[glows]

9 hours ago, Lovvejt said:

To others, he may be mean or “***head” but there have been countless times where we have good laughs, me venting and he just deals with my ***, my rambling… He never gets mad/annoyed when I call him, even when he is asleep or studying or doing anything. I know he has empathy and sympathy even if not everyone sees it. Whenever I ask for a favour or I plan stuff he happily obliges. He acts cold towards everyone and like he doesn't care but once you get to know him, he is a very different person, what I was told about him prior to getting to know him I realised was a facade he puts on.

Surely there’s a reason why he trusts me so much and always hangs out with me when I’m in town or when he’s in town right? Surely I am not being delusional… To avoid embarrassing myself in a situation and I told him I liked someone else within the group we were in. How do I know if this is just friends level or more?? Honestly, I’ve never felt this way somewhere before and I don’t know how to approach the situation? I really don’t want to lose my best friend.

Don't lie about liking someone else. After all that time you've spent in person together, I'd think you might have made a move by now or shown him how you felt. Not sure why you're hesitating here. It's already crossed into more than friends territory with the amount of time you're spending on daily calls etc. This isn't a best friend. It's a man you have feelings for. Avoid spending that amount of time with someone without clarity on the situation. Be more confident and don't be so fearful of your own feelings and have to lie about it or cover it up. If it's not meant to be, it'll pass. 

You will either be happily partnered together or set yourself free to find someone else. 

Edited May 16, 2022 by glows