Frustrated

[JPrez]

I’ve made an emotional connection with a woman and we talk about all sorts of things, have inside jokes, constantly laugh about things together and there’s been starring between us but no touching. She blushes a lot around me and we had a few sexual jokes between but nothing sexual beyond that. She has gotten super excited to see me several times almost jumping out of her chair. She is on my mind constantly and I have trouble focusing on work. I’m trying to get a woman’s perspective of what she might be thinking/feeling.

[Wiseman2]

31 minutes ago, JPrez said:

She is on my mind constantly and I have trouble focusing on work. 

Is she a coworker? She may enjoy your company but stay professional at work. Does she have a BF? How long have you both worked there? Why do you need to read her mind? Is it's ok at your workplace, ask to go on coffee break together.

[vla1120]

She might be hoping for more, but is too shy to let you know, or is waiting for you to make the first move. The next time you see one another, ask her if you can kiss her. I've had men lean in for a kiss, which can sometimes be awkward if it is unexpected or unwanted, but if a man asked me if he could kiss me, and I was into him, I think I would melt. 

[JPrez]

That’s kinda what I thought too. Thank you so much for answering. Would you mind answering one more question? If she is attracted to me as well, would she be thinking about me a lot, maybe fantasies or such? Do women have trouble sleeping and concentrating too?

[vla1120]

21 minutes ago, JPrez said:

That’s kinda what I thought too. Thank you so much for answering. Would you mind answering one more question? If she is attracted to me as well, would she be thinking about me a lot, maybe fantasies or such? Do women have trouble sleeping and concentrating too?

Of course! Thoughts of the guys we're into interrupt our work schedule too, and keep us awake when we are trying to sleep. I am a firm believer of making your thoughts/feelings known so you don't spend so much time just wondering. 

[JPrez]

Thanks for your help! 

[smackie9]

Go for it!

[JPrez]

Anyone had experience with a married coworker where there are feelings on both sides and you both are afraid to admit how you feel for each other? I’m not looking for preaching, I just need to vent my frustrations as I hate keeping stuff bottled up. We are both married with kids and I’m 52, she’s 42. I realize it’s probably best I keep it to myself but it’s literally driving me crazy as I think about her all the time and I’ve figured out she thinks about me. There has been very little touching but the eye contact is insane and there have been a few innuendos. Just need to know if someone has been through this too and maybe how you manage it. 

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, JPrez said:

We are both married with kids and I’m 52, she’s 42. 

It's ok to be attracted to people, but coworkers + both married is the no fly zone as far as acting on it.

Is this the same woman?:

 

Edited May 16, 2022 by Wiseman2

[stillafool]

Would you both be willing to divorce your spouses to be together?  If so, plan to do it and put your spouses out of their misery.

[JPrez]

Too soon to say. Al this just recently happened and took both of us by surprise 

[glows]

8 minutes ago, JPrez said:

Anyone had experience with a married coworker where there are feelings on both sides and you both are afraid to admit how you feel for each other? I’m not looking for preaching, I just need to vent my frustrations as I hate keeping stuff bottled up. We are both married with kids and I’m 52, she’s 42. I realize it’s probably best I keep it to myself but it’s literally driving me crazy as I think about her all the time and I’ve figured out she thinks about me. There has been very little touching but the eye contact is insane and there have been a few innuendos. Just need to know if someone has been through this too and maybe how you manage it. 

Vent here in this thread. Don't vent it to coworkers or anyone at work or risk getting yourself fired. You've come to the right place.

The main issue is that you could be reading too much into the eye contact or other body language. You seem vulnerable and lonely. People flirt indiscriminately all the time, at work, at leisure, with x y z. Some do it with anything that moves with some response. To each their own/not judging flirting for the sake of flirting but pick your battles here. There seems to be a need for you to connect emotionally with someone, perhaps her. Maybe it's an unfulfilling or unhappy marriage that's prompted you to seek affection or attention outside of the marriage. Why live unhappily?

Stay focused at work and remain professional. Address any other issues going on in your marriage so you're either working on the marriage or free to date and pursue whomever you want. That's how you manage this. 

[mark clemson]

I feel like I've seen this post before a few months ago. OP, is this a repost of a prior question you had?

[JPrez]

11 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

I feel like I've seen this post before a few months ago. OP, is this a repost of a prior question you had?

Too soon to say. All this just recently happened and took both of us by surprise 

[Will am I]

If you add up the facts (married, married, coworkers) it is obvious that you should not be having these cute one on one conversations, secret eye contacts etc with your colleague. But then, falling in love is the best feeling in the world. Right now I think you are going down the slippery slope anyways and I don't think anything anyone could say would stop you.

The question is: do you have your contingency plans ready? You're flirting. There can be two outcomes: 

1. you get closer and closer, until suddenly there's the first kiss and you're officially in an affair

2. you get closer and closer, until she get uncomfortable and says no.

Both of these outcomes would need some planning. 1. what to do with your two marriages and what to do with the work situation? 2. what to do with the work situation?

 

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, JPrez said:

Too soon to say. All this just recently happened and took both of us by surprise 

What exactly are you frustrated about? That you're unhappily married or that she's married or that you're hoping the attraction is mutual?

[BaileyB]

On 5/16/2022 at 3:02 PM, JPrez said:

Too soon to say. All this just recently happened and took both of us by surprise 

That’s a no then.

At this moment, you are fantasizing about a relationship with this woman and that is FAR from the reality of divorce, dividing your assets, altered custody/relationship with your children, and all the other stress and grief that comes from divorce.  

At this point, you don’t even know if she feels the same, if she would consider a relationship with you, if she would ever consider leaving her husband and breaking up her family. Don’t assume anything - it’s easy in this situation to project your feelings on someone else and this site is littered with men and women who have done so and are then SHOCKED to learn that their affair partner had no intention of filing for divorce!!

As was said above, have your fantasies but coworkers + both married is a no fly zone. Ignore this piece of advice at your own peril.

Feelings are just that, fleeting and rather meaningless. They come and they go - Feelings don’t require that you act on them - certainly not if doing so would cause professional, financial, and emotional destruction. That would be very unwise indeed. 

Edited May 18, 2022 by BaileyB

[vla1120]

I didn't realize she was married when I answered your question before. If you want a drama-free life and if you want to keep your career intact, don't date co-workers and definitely don't date married co-workers! Considering that you have your own wife and kids, THAT is where you should be spending your energy. Otherwise, be prepared to deal with the fallout of two failed marriages when they both blow up in your faces.

[Amethyst68]

You could always ask your wife how she feels about the situation.