Should I be doing more for my adult daughter?

[sadfeelingsforher1717]

I lost my husband over 10 years ago, who is the father on my daughter. She got married last year to a great guy.

Over the years I've dated various men and she seems to always seem disturbed that I'm dating (I was a widow at 54). She finds something "wrong" with all of them and gets very upset if in their presence. Fortunately, she's lived out of state for the last 9 years so the occasions are limited.

I feel like I've finally met someone I can build a future with. He is thoughtful and very kind. I wanted them to meet while my daughter was visiting yesterday and both were in my house. Once again, my daughter was very irritated he was going to spend any time with me and her and while I understand we don't see each other often b/c she lives far, it was only going to be an hour or so and it was important to me b/c I will be moving in with him in a few months (on a limited basis since I'm keeping my house until next Spring to make sure things work out and esp. b/c it's a different town). Bottom line, she never trusts the men I'm with (and in the past, it turns out, she was right) but I'm smart and have never lost any money or anything with these men.

So when she comes to my house yesterday, she goes outside even though I set the table for lunch and puts her back to the kitchen from my deck and I can see her crying. Her husband sat with her outside and I didn't react b/c he was there and she needs to grow up. I've been through this with her too many times.

Finally, she was somewhat cordial to my boyfriend and I asked him to leave shortly after that since I wanted some alone time with her before taking her and her spouse to the airport. After he left, she said she felt bad she didn't really say goodbye to him and she seemed to settle down at which point I told her I really believe he is good for me and I'm going to live with him half of the week starting in July. She didn't say anything rude but did say "Just don't marry him". You still don't know if he is financially stable as he tells you (but I assured her he is very financially stable from what I can see) and doesn't need any of my money (he apparently has much more than me and is a lawyer like me).

I felt bad for my bf but he made light of it saying he knows now why I warned him she can be a hand full.

What, if anything, should I do with my daughter to avoid these future incidents? I've told her no one will ever replace her dad but I've been alone over 10 years and it's time for me to move on.

[stillafool]

Why was she crying?

[sadfeelingsforher1717]

I don't know maybe she was upset my bf was here at all.

[BrinnM]

Listen, if there’s no blatant evidence that he’s a bad egg, there’s no reason for your adult daughter to make you feel miserable. You’re old enough to make your own decisions, and you don’t sound like you’re some unreasonable, naïve person.
 

You have every right to live your life the way it suits you, and your daughter doesn’t even live in the same state as you do. She’s not going to be there for you on a daily basis. I don’t know why she is trying to make you feel guilty, but for some reason she is. But after 10 years of being widowed, you definitely have the decision-making power, and she definitely shouldn’t have any say in your future love life.