Loyalty XX Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 (edited) What do you do when your other half has Brocken your trust ? How can trust be regained ❤️? Edited May 19, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator edited title to reflect post Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 23 minutes ago, Loyalty XX said: What do you do when your other half has Brocken your trust ? How can trust be regained ❤️? Were you cheated on? How long have you been dating? You could overlook it, but do you really want to? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loyalty XX Posted May 17, 2022 Author Share Posted May 17, 2022 Not sure if he did cheat just found messages and got lied to time and time again, been together 16 years x Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted May 17, 2022 Share Posted May 17, 2022 Trust is difficult to rebuild but it's possible with the right mindset, demeanour and intention. If he has no remorse and has little intention of changing his behaviour or acknowledging that your relationship is broken, there is no opportunity to rebuild trust. I'm sorry you are dealing with a cheater. You might want to go for counselling and start unpacking a lot of your issues and thoughts with a neutral trained professional and thinking about whether your relationship is viable any longer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loyalty XX Posted May 17, 2022 Author Share Posted May 17, 2022 Thankyou 😊 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted May 19, 2022 Share Posted May 19, 2022 In our language there is a proverb that translates to "trust comes on foot and leaves on a horse". Meaning that it's so much easier to break trust than to rebuild it. You are not being very specific here OP. Were the messages between your husband inappropriate? Are they women that your husband has a good reason for knowing or is it more like "where does she come from?". Are there references to secret encounters? Are there insider jokes? Erotic hints? And if you confront your husband, hoe does he defend himself? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loyalty XX Posted May 19, 2022 Author Share Posted May 19, 2022 He said that he was going to meet one person for sex but didn't go through with it, he made me a promise that he would not talk to a ex that said to bin me off so they could have another go at having a relationship. I found out that my partner was stood in her house but I had no reply when I tried to message her to find out if they had slept together. My partner was always hiding his phone and would make my feel stupid when I questioned him. One night I stayed up all night so I could look through his phone this is not something I would normally do as relationships are about trust and believeing in each over. He had me thinking I was crazy. Once I confronted him he still told me lie after lie, he has been very remorseful since but I struggle with trusting him. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 19, 2022 Share Posted May 19, 2022 If he's been telling you lies for 16 years he's never going to stop. Why haven't you left him and found happiness? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted May 19, 2022 Share Posted May 19, 2022 3 hours ago, Loyalty XX said: He said that he was going to meet one person for sex but didn't go through with it, he made me a promise that he would not talk to a ex that said to bin me off so they could have another go at having a relationship. I found out that my partner was stood in her house but I had no reply when I tried to message her to find out if they had slept together. My partner was always hiding his phone and would make my feel stupid when I questioned him. One night I stayed up all night so I could look through his phone this is not something I would normally do as relationships are about trust and believeing in each over. He had me thinking I was crazy. Once I confronted him he still told me lie after lie, he has been very remorseful since but I struggle with trusting him. I'm sorry, OP. There's some behavioural issue there, perhaps he's a pathological liar and cheater. You may have misunderstood him severely when you were first getting to know one another. Times have changed. I can't think of living in your shoes for one minute let alone another 16 years or the rest of my life. Do you work or do you have an income? Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted May 19, 2022 Share Posted May 19, 2022 Sorry to say this, but the situation is worse than I thought. He seems a serial cheater to me. Also the gaslighting (making you feel crazy when you have a very realistic suspicion) is giving me the creeps. I think I would send him back to his ex who apparently still wants him. I do not see how you could turn this situation around (his behavior indicates he doesn’t give a f*** about your feelings so he does not seem motivated to change his ways). And if the situation doesn’t turn around, I don’t see how you can come theough this with your dignity and self esteem intact. This seems like you are losing yourself in staying with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katung44 Posted May 21, 2022 Share Posted May 21, 2022 Trust is very delicate and like a humpty dumpty scenario. Human beings will never be perfect. Not after we're continuously buffeted by a storm of temptations and conflicting emotions. We must try to periodically reevaluate the status of any emotional liaisons we find ourselves. Don't lose yourself too much into any relationship. You need to establish some level of emotional and psychological independence. When someone keeps saying 'I'll change' too many times without you seeing any change in their attitude, it's a giveaway signal of some kind of addiction that is having a detrimental effect on your emotional connection with them. You can either rough it out trying to help them change or bale out and find someone else who less emotionally damaged but still has most of the desired qualities you would want in a man Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted May 21, 2022 Share Posted May 21, 2022 (edited) On 5/19/2022 at 7:43 AM, Loyalty XX said: My partner was always hiding his phone and would make my feel stupid when I questioned him. Once I confronted him he still told me lie after lie, he has been very remorseful since but I struggle with trusting him. Remorse without a change in behavior means only that he is sorry he has been caught. You need to see his behavior change - he needs to be honest and transparent. He needs to be in counselling. Without these kinds of behaviors, I would not trust this man again. I’ve said it before - I’m not interested in monitoring and policing my life partner. When I get to the point of monitoring his phone because I don’t trust what he says, the relationship is over. It’s just not something I’m willing to do. Either he wants to be in the relationship and he respects that boundary, or he doesn’t. And if he doesn’t, I will file for divorce. Edited May 21, 2022 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 21, 2022 Share Posted May 21, 2022 On 5/19/2022 at 8:43 AM, Loyalty XX said: when I tried to message her to find out if they had slept together. I confronted him he still told me lie after lie, he has been very remorseful since but I struggle with trusting him. Sorry this is going on. Don't hunt down his mistresses. Unfortunately "remorsefulness" is usually crocodile tears to get you off the trail while they regroup and figure out new avenues to cheat. Sadly you are hurting from his lies and disrespect. Your only choice may be to leave. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted May 21, 2022 Share Posted May 21, 2022 1 hour ago, BaileyB said: Remorse without a change in behavior means only that he is sorry he has been caught. You need to see his behavior change - he needs to be honest and transparent. He needs to be in counselling. Without these kinds of behaviors, I would not trust this man again. I’ve said it before - I’m not interested in monitoring and policing my life partner. When I get to the point of monitoring his phone because I don’t trust what he says, the relationship is over. It’s just not something I’m willing to do. Either he wants to be in the relationship and he respects that boundary, or he doesn’t. And if he doesn’t, I will file for divorce. I agree. And at that point, it's worth reconsidering whether the relationship has changed irreversibly. What I found most interesting was that no matter how much you may want to trust someone, it's not possible given all the circumstances or issues regarding one particular relationship. This always goes back to what you're looking for in a lifetime partner and whether your reality matches your beliefs in the way life ought to be lived. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted May 22, 2022 Share Posted May 22, 2022 Trust can never be regained unless the words match the actions. as long as there are lies - there is no trust - and there is no relationship without trust. Just a lot of illusions. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LeoEnki Posted June 7, 2022 Share Posted June 7, 2022 On 5/17/2022 at 11:47 AM, Loyalty XX said: What do you do when your other half has Brocken your trust ? How can trust be regained ❤️? It cant. Betrayal is unforgivable. Link to post Share on other sites
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