Should I apologize to my married female friend

[theflan]

I need advice. I’ve come to this group before, and I got good advice. This isn’t a major thing but not sure how to handle it. I’ll explain the best I can

I’ve been doing to a group fitness gym for 5 years that my friend owns. The group is about 95% married women and a few guys. I’m a single male.
I had a gal (I’ll refer to her as Gym wife 1) who was my workout buddy for years, but she did stop coming to class over the past 6 months. When the group had social gatherings, we would also pair up and it did look like we were a couple. I was growing fond of her and she did buy my gifts from time to time. I thought it was time to ask her out. I think she caught onto it and told another friend of ours who informed me she was married. In all the time we worked out she NEVER mentioned her husband. I was pissed and wanted to stop working out with her. In the next class, my friend who owns the business notices I’m ignoring her. My friend, in front of everyone, starts saying.. what are doing you need to go workout with her. My friend did not know what happened, and I don’t want her caught up in any of the drama. I never communicated with gym wife-1 outside of the group it was just during workouts and social gatherings. We continued to workout together

Enter gym wife-2. Gym wife-1 has not attended class in some time. My friend wants us to get a workout buddy and have a competition and post on social media to promote her business. I wasn’t excited about it. There was a lot of post pandemic turnover and didn’t have any real connections with anyone.

Before this, it had come to my attention that gym wife-2 was married. I didn’t interact with her because she was married and didn’t want more drama. She mentioned she golfed and the only personal question I ever asked was who she golfed with. She said her husband who had a stroke at a very young age. He golfs with one arm. I just mentioned if they ever wanted to go golfing let me know.

Gym wife-2 picked me to be her workout buddy. We are doing the workout buddy thing. It was a lot of fun. Full disclosure, if she was single I would try to date her.

Gym wife-2 kept saying we should go golfing and just ignored it. She texts me one day and says let’s go to the range and hit some balls. I agreed to it. Then it changed to let’s go out for breakfast before the range. I agreed. I was expecting her to say her husband would join us. He didn’t. I am feeling a little uncomfortable about this. We golfed a few times and she did invite me to her house and mentioned her husband was excited to meet me. That made me feel better about things but I still don’t know him very well.
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A few weeks ago gym wife-1 starts attending class with the expectation we would be workout buddies again. To be honest I did like working out with gym wife-2 because it was fun and pushed each other. I thought about this day and wondered how I would handle it. When it came time workout I walk over to gym wife-1 and gym wife-2 is visible angry. After class, gym wife-2 just leaves without saying anything. I felt bad because I felt like I was being a dick.

Now there is drama, and I didn’t want any of it.

I go to the next class that gym wife-1 doesn’t attend and gym wife-2 is there. I approached gym wife-2 to say hi and she just stared at me. I have confirmed there is any issue, Things have been awkward since then but are getting better. Gym wife-2 and I have developed a friendship, but she is married. I’m not trying to be with her romantically, but we do have fun when we are together. I don’t have an ego and realize if she was single, she may not have any interest in me.

I hope that makes sense. I have helped my friend build her fitness business. I knew if I worked out with gym wife-2, gym wife-1 would not come back. My friend needs the business. I’m not sure why married women gravitate to me. I am a very nice guy and at times think that is the issue,

I know this sounds silly but do you think I should apologize to gym wife-2? I do enjoy are friendship. To be honest, I would have been mad at her if she did the same to me.

[vla1120]

Is a workout buddy mandatory? Does it have to be one-on-one? I'd avoid workout buddies like the plague if it caused this much drama.

Maybe you could introduce gym wife 1 to gym wife 2 and let the two of them become workout buddies, or maybe the three of you could workout together? When you think you have to start apologizing to "gym wives", I believe the purpose of the workouts has gotten lost along the way.

[theflan]

They do know each other. I don't think gym wife-1 likes gym wife-2 that much. It does seem a few of the woman in the group are jealous of gym wife-2. Gym wife-1 said she thinks gym wife-2 needs friends. She wasn't aware I had a friendly relationship with gym wife-2.

It has made going there a bit uncomfortable.

I'm thinking of going to  a different gym for a bit. The buddy thing isn't mandatory and I was trying to avoid it but because my friend owns the busy I need to participate. 

 

I'm debating my motives for wanting to apologize to gym wife-2. I do enjoy hanging out with her but she's married. I seem to be expending energy in a friendly relationship that is not going to be a romantic one. 

I'm single, don't have children and have never been married.  All the woman seem to want to take care of me. lol. I had knee surgery a few years ago. Two of the woman took me to and from surgery and got my meds. The rest brought me meals for 2 weeks. Ain't gonna lie, the attention is nice. I have never been in a group where every  woman is married. There was one single woman in the group and we did go on a date. During the date she informed  that "well, I still married but going to be getting a divorce" I don't do the married woman thing.

 

I feel I should at mix it up with a different gym. I do want to find a girlfriend. 

 

Thank you vla1120.

 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, theflan said:

 I feel I should at mix it up with a different gym. I do want to find a girlfriend

Agree. Yes there's too much drama and soap operas going on in this place. 

Keep working out and dating separate. Hitting on women at gyms isn't a good idea.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting single interested women.

Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, take some classes and courses.

Edited May 20, 2022 by Wiseman2

[theflan]

I don't hit on these women because they are all married. They seem to choose me. After gym wife-1 I was thinking I'm not going to let this type of thing happen again. Here I am again. I  have to take some responsibility. I did let it get to this point. Gym wife -2 and her husband are the same age as me and do not have children so I thought that we might hang out.

 

I do belong to a singles' group on Facebook and I think these gym wife things take me away from focusing on that. The current drama makes going to the classes uncomfortable. 

 

Thanks Wiseman2

[glows]

It doesn't matter if it looks like they chose you. You don't choose them. This means letting go of the idea that any of them are options to date. Don't date anyone at your gym. Attend to work out and be a friend to that one who needs help with the business. Keep it strictly on those terms. 

It sounds like you were flattered by the attention and assumed that it was ok to ask anyone out. It also seems like they have personal issues you don't want to get involved with. Steer clear. 

I'd find another gym and keep your distance from the other members. 

 

[salparadise]

I think this drama was inevitable. Everyone involved loves attention, and being married does't negate human nature. They may not have designs consciously, but feel safe behind the boundary (being married) while relishing the attention of the single, social, good-looking man (because otherwise they wouldn't give a damn). Then after awhile they come to have expectations and start to become a little bit possessive. Then you start being friendly with someone else and it triggers jealousy and competition. They react the same way as if you were all single and you were working the group, dating one after another. It's just human nature. The only way you can avoid it is to put up a wall and not interact in a fun way, which of course is not fun. If I were you I'd try not to switch gyms over this. I'd be equally nice to all of them, smile and greet them warmly when you see them, and just be yourself. Let the chips fall where they may and be loyal to the one who owns the gym.

[ShyViolet]

It sounds like you are interested in meeting women to date.... you are hanging out in the wrong place.  Stop hanging out in a place where all the women are married.  All this drama is ridiculous and a complete waste of your time.  Find another gym and start fresh.  I'm sure there are gyms where not everyone is married.