Consequences of overcontrol

[hotpotato]

I've talked several times about my bizarre upbringing. I have several family members who are extremely negative and controlling, esp my mother. She was always there to tell me how I was too much, to tell me to stop doing things I enjoy, or if she could, stop me altogether.

 

[ ] I have not come to appreciate her as I've gotten older. The older I get the more I realize how precious time is. I think everything  about me is beautiful and good, not just my potential to go to college and be a Dr or veterinarian because that's what someone else wants. Basically, I did very little growing up. I lost out on a lot of my potential. My family esp my mom were hell bent on trying to make me into a Poindexter. While ot is good to encourage kids to do well in school, it's not good for a parent to try to force them to be what they parent or grandparent wants by any means necessary. 

[ ] 

My family has very little if any idea of what I do in my life. I am now a fire performer and in the verge of being a pro athlete. ( I could actually go pro today, i just need to log a certain score and have a coach see and pay my dues to the league.)I will never invite my mother or grandmother to any of my functions. I don't want their fake support. In private, they will tell me how I need to just stop, how ill never go pro/never go to the Olympics (most people don't go to the Olympics 🥴), how I could never be good at anything non-academic, literally laugh in face, etc etc. In public, they would act so supportive. I'd bet my life on that. 

They never stopped me. I still became a dancer and circus freak anyway! I'm still athletic anyway, but I missed on a lot of vital training. 

I realize that I have been dating men who are very negative about me bc that's what I'm used to. I'm not used to people cheering me on except when it's time for me to live their plans for my life. What they give me isn't love, it's operant conditioning. Like a disobedient rat in a cage, anytime I ventured away from their plans for my life, I'd get a physical or verbal punishment.

Some will say I'm entitlement. Entitlement is locking your child away from the world bc the parent has planned for them to grow up and get a fancy career. They are still like this, too! They are very negative towards me. Im so incompetent, but I bet if I said I were going to vet school, suddenly I'm so competent and able! Anytime I do something they wound do or can't do, they get very negative. However, I guess the clout of having a daughter or granddaughter be a Dr makes that go away. 

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Edited May 22, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[siren8272]

Lot of us were raised with emotionally immature narc parents best thing to do is to go low or no contact if possible

[SingFish]

On 5/22/2022 at 8:52 AM, hotpotato said:

However, I guess the clout of having a daughter or granddaughter be a Dr makes that go away. 

 

You should do what fulfills you but doctor is a good career move ie. not necessarily bad advice. You don't have to think about that advice now, you seem to be doing fine and found your career. If your family is holding on to their dream for you then have some distance or set some boundaries. If your success means nothing to you now though you will need to repair any scars of the past.

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks now you're an adult. It's up to you what you do in life.