Girl I'm dating still adding new photos to her dating profile despite saying she can only focus on dating one person at a time

[ramboparrot3]

3 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

4 casual dates does not make you a couple

I totally understand. I’m just a bit miffed she prioritised updating her dating profile with her holiday photo than read/reply to me on whatsapp lol, considering she wanted me to communicate a bit better and mentioned what communication style she prefers. Maybe I should’ve said to her that I prefer a response 😂 Just didn’t want to sound needy saying it

Edited May 29, 2022 by ramboparrot3

[glows]

40 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

I totally understand. I’m just a bit miffed she prioritised updating her dating profile with her holiday photo than read/reply to me on whatsapp lol, considering she wanted me to communicate a bit better and mentioned what communication style she prefers. Maybe I should’ve said to her that I prefer a response 😂 Just didn’t want to sound needy saying it

Just no. Slow down and do other things while she’s away. Meet with friends, go out, do things on your own too.

Her sharing that info with you as I said earlier are only points of interest. My suggestion is to not keep looking at your phone for a response from her. Work on other hobbies/interests, plan something with your friends. Have a balanced and healthy life outside of dating as you’re going to keep running into issues like this or self-sabotaging before anything has taken off the ground. If you don’t like her choices or lifestyle or whatever let her know you’re not a match and don’t talk to her again. Keep things simple.

Edited May 29, 2022 by glows

[ExpatInItaly]

49 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

She told me she likes being checked in with at the end of the day because her dad does that with her and if we were to have kids then she likes to feel i’d do that with them for their safety.

Do you not see that as a bit excessive for a girl you've met 4 times in your life? 

[ramboparrot3]

17 minutes ago, glows said:

Just no. Slow down and do other things while she’s away. Meet with friends, go out, do things on your own too.

Her sharing that info with you as I said earlier are only points of interest. My suggestion is to not keep looking at your phone for a response from her. Work on other hobbies/interests, plan something with your friends. Have a balanced and healthy life outside of dating as you’re going to keep running into issues like this or self-sabotaging before anything has taken off the ground. If you don’t like her choices or lifestyle or whatever let her know you’re not a match and don’t talk to her again. Keep things simple.

You’re right. I do have a good focus this week, trying to sort a deposit for a mortage so my mind will be on this lol.

Personally I’m going to send “hope you arrived there safely” because I genuinely would send something like that if someone was travelling abroad. Also shows I listened to her on our last date when she said she likes when a guy checks in on her later in the day because her dad does this and it makes her feel like i’d do this for our kids if we had any.
 

At this point it’d probably cause more harm not sending something like that than sending it given where she’s travelling to. If she was still at home, I wouldn’t bother with a second text.

[ramboparrot3]

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Do you not see that as a bit excessive for a girl you've met 4 times in your life? 

Excessive from her or would it be excessive from me if I was to do it? She mentioned she’d expect that if we were in a relationship and not much of it right now. Although when we met up on Friday she did say she wasn’t a fan of not hearing from me all day Thursday

Edited May 29, 2022 by ramboparrot3

[glows]

1 minute ago, ramboparrot3 said:

You’re right. I do have a good focus this week, trying to sort a deposit for a mortage so my mind will be on this lol.

Personally I’m going to send “hope you arrived there safely” because I genuinely would send something like that if someone was travelling abroad. Also shows I listened to her on our last date when she said she likes when a guy checks in on her later in the day because her dad does this and it makes her feel like i’d do this for our kids if we had any.
 

At this point it’d probably cause more harm not sending something like that than sending it given where she’s travelling to. If she was still at home, I wouldn’t bother with a second text.

Then go with your gut about replying. I mentioned previously whether you message her or not will likely have little effect. If you do, great. If you don’t, fine. You are not her dad. I think you may be taking her too literally but also can see where you’re coming from and trying to anticipate what she prefers. Please don’t worry too much about this.

Remember it’s not the end of the world if she isn’t into you. Hope everything with the mortgage goes ok. 

[ExpatInItaly]

6 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

Excessive from her or would it be excessive from me if I was to do it? She mentioned she’d expect that if we were in a relationship and not much of it right now. 

I think it's excessive that she's even outlined her communication requirements at all at this point, to the extent that she has. 

She sounds needy. 

And hypocritical. 

Edited May 29, 2022 by ExpatInItaly

[ExpatInItaly]

9 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

I’m going to send “hope you arrived there safely” because I genuinely would send something like that if someone was travelling abroad. Also shows I listened to her on our last date

But what does it show you that she opted to update her dating profile rather than reply to you when she was connected to the internet?

You're so worried about proving yourself to her, but what is her behaviour telling you? 

[Lotsgoingon]

You are not dating yet--exclusively, which is the only way that really matters. 

So chill.

But you need to think about her expectation about when she wants texts. Don't assume that's something you want to do. It's a red flag in my book that three dates in she is talking about how she wants to be texted and how her father texts her. Three dates in she needs to be focused on basic compatibility it seems to me. She just needs to figure out if she likes you and suddenly she's laying down these rules. 

Well when someone lays down their rules, that's fine. You can do the same. But you want to be brutally honest about whether you really want to comply with her rules. Three dates in, I'm not promising ANYONE a morning text and a night text. Nope. Ain't gonna happen. That's me taking care of them before I know them.

 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, ramboparrot3 said:

She told me she likes being checked in with at the end of the day because her dad does that with her and if we were to have kids then she likes to feel i’d do that with them for their safety.

So she's clingy until she ghosts? Worst of both worlds.

[ramboparrot3]

33 minutes ago, glows said:

Then go with your gut about replying. I mentioned previously whether you message her or not will likely have little effect. If you do, great. If you don’t, fine. You are not her dad. I think you may be taking her too literally but also can see where you’re coming from and trying to anticipate what she prefers. Please don’t worry too much about this.

Remember it’s not the end of the world if she isn’t into you. Hope everything with the mortgage goes ok. 

I think mostly because of how she kept hinting at little things like me not reaching out all day then I wanted to at least show I’m listening. I won’t be sending anything else this week and just let her enjoy her holiday. I’ve been quite consistent with reaching out to her so if it looks like i’ve given up then if she has any sort of interest I’ll eventually hear back.

There’s been times before the 2nd and 3rd date (regarding texting) that’s made me question her interest but with persistence we’ve made dates and she shows interest in person, so guess wait out her holiday and see what happens

I’m annoyed because it always happens to me, but also that she showed every sign of high interest in me in person and yet it still goes wrong 😂 thanks anyway, hopefully the mortgage goes well

Edited May 29, 2022 by ramboparrot3

[ramboparrot3]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

So she's clingy until she ghosts? Worst of both worlds.

She’s clingy and seems quite high maintenance, but it’s simple things I can compromise on if it’s just morning texts and checking in with her.

Ghosting? Been a couple of times she hasn’t replied to me but replied when I initiated again and we had dates following that.

Anyway I’ll just let her enjoy her holiday then see if I can sort anything out once she’s back. Until then, radio silence so I don’t look annoying lol. I’ve no reason to believe she wasn’t interested based on our last date but maybe more fool me

[ramboparrot3]

14 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

You are not dating yet--exclusively, which is the only way that really matters. 

So chill.

But you need to think about her expectation about when she wants texts. Don't assume that's something you want to do. It's a red flag in my book that three dates in she is talking about how she wants to be texted and how her father texts her. Three dates in she needs to be focused on basic compatibility it seems to me. She just needs to figure out if she likes you and suddenly she's laying down these rules. 

Well when someone lays down their rules, that's fine. You can do the same. But you want to be brutally honest about whether you really want to comply with her rules. Three dates in, I'm not promising ANYONE a morning text and a night text. Nope. Ain't gonna happen. That's me taking care of them before I know them.

 

Yeah I said to her not to expect me to text all say every day because I’m busy. She said a simple checking in text is fine, just when I take all day to reply or hear nothing from me she’s a bit concerned.

During the last date we had no awkward silences, she took photos of me and got someone to take one of us, I reached for her hand and she accepted, when I let go she reached for it instead, had a great kiss by the end and when I pulled away she wanted to keep kissing. If I based it off our date interactions, I wouldn’t have posted this today.

She told me she considers being single until I make her my GF, that’s fair enough. Updating dating profile after 4 dates? Ok, cool even if she said she’s just dating me. But doing that on holiday instead of replying, that’s a bit sour for me.

I’ve checked to see if she got there safely so all I can do is just get on with things and let her finish her holiday, give her that space. If nothing then, I’ll probably just unfriend her and date elsewhere

[ramboparrot3]

42 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

But what does it show you that she opted to update her dating profile rather than reply to you when she was connected to the internet?

You're so worried about proving yourself to her, but what is her behaviour telling you? 

It’s annoyed me enough to post on here. But then everyone’s general reaction is that she’s single and we’re not exclusive, that she doesn’t owe anything to me just yet as we’re not in a relationship 

[ramboparrot3]

47 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I think it's excessive that she's even outlined her communication requirements at all at this point, to the extent that she has. 

She sounds needy. 

And hypocritical. 

I didn’t expect a photo together on the 2nd date either. This is when she brought up how she likes to be surprised and how she prefers the guy to DTR. 
 

It’s funny because she brought up communication due to booking something for an hour after we arranged to meet, yet her communication is equally lacking. If I bring it up she’ll say she was on holiday, but she had enough time to update photo on her profile

[ExpatInItaly]

34 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

It’s annoyed me enough to post on here. But then everyone’s general reaction is that she’s single and we’re not exclusive, that she doesn’t owe anything to me just yet as we’re not in a relationship 

My point wasn't about the fact that she updated her dating profile. She is perfectly free to do so. 

My point was that she appears to be such a stickler for regular communication, yet she didn't bother replying to you - but did update her profile instead. What do you think her reaction would be if you'd done the same? 

She doesn't seem to hold herself the same standard that she expects from you. That is where I see the problem. 

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

But yeah as she says, until I DTR then she does consider herself single. I’d like to but it’s only been 4 dates. Best course of action might be to check in with her sporadically over the holiday and just arrange a date once she’s back, just treat it as normal. She’s updated her profile after each of our dates and continued to see me, so worst thing I can do is act bothered

Don't feel pressured to rush into a relationship because she set out a bunch of "rules" for herself after four dates.

In this regard, she needs to understand that she is simply trying to get to know you and you her and to continue dating each other to determine where this leads.

1 hour ago, ramboparrot3 said:

Yeah I said to her not to expect me to text all say every day because I’m busy. She said a simple checking in text is fine, just when I take all day to reply or hear nothing from me she’s a bit concerned.

I think that's quite a lot for her to expect of you, to check in with her like that.

In fact, it's a bit clingish. 

 

 

Edited May 29, 2022 by Alpacalia

[glows]

1 hour ago, ramboparrot3 said:

Yeah I said to her not to expect me to text all say every day because I’m busy. She said a simple checking in text is fine, just when I take all day to reply or hear nothing from me she’s a bit concerned.

During the last date we had no awkward silences, she took photos of me and got someone to take one of us, I reached for her hand and she accepted, when I let go she reached for it instead, had a great kiss by the end and when I pulled away she wanted to keep kissing. If I based it off our date interactions, I wouldn’t have posted this today.

She told me she considers being single until I make her my GF, that’s fair enough. Updating dating profile after 4 dates? Ok, cool even if she said she’s just dating me. But doing that on holiday instead of replying, that’s a bit sour for me.

I’ve checked to see if she got there safely so all I can do is just get on with things and let her finish her holiday, give her that space. If nothing then, I’ll probably just unfriend her and date elsewhere

Since you’ve already texted her go about the rest of your week. Wait for her to reply. 

Frankly this could be her being over the top or you taking her too literally and getting very anxious. Stick to basics. See if she replies and if she doesn’t in a timely manner yet again boot her. This is no good for you if you’re questioning her interests or motives. 

I agree with you there’s nothing to do now except observe. 

[CLS63AMG]

On 5/22/2022 at 7:03 PM, anonymousparrot1 said:

Girl I’m dating still adding new photos to her dating profile

 

First of all we’ve only been on two dates and we have a third in a couple of days. We haven’t spoken about being exclusive so that’s understandable, but she has told me when she dates someone she prefers to focus on that one person and mentioned to me that she wasn’t dating anyone else asking if I was dating anyone else too.

 

She shows high amount of interest in me, has taken photos of the two of us already and already told me that she prefers the guy to ask her to be their girlfriend rather than her asking them and obviously until that happens she considers herself single, etc. She was also telling me what she likes in a relationship, but obviously I’ve only had 2 going on 3 dates so for me I’d have to wait a other month before asking.

 

My issue is, whilst she says all of this, she’s still uploading new photos to the dating profile we met on.

 

Whilst I understand we both have every right to date whoever this early on, if she’s told me she only focuses on one person when dating then why continue to upload new photos? To me it feels like she’s making do until something better comes along based on what I’ve mentioned. Am I wrong thinking this or should I be cautious?

She likes you but is addicted to the attention from the 100 guys that send her messages each day from dating sites.  Don't say anything about it, I'd use it as an opportunity to tune out from her a bit and make her work for you. 

[ramboparrot3]

Yeah I’ll probably get my answer once she’s back.

She did have a little bit of a go at me over text before we met on Friday, but it was my fault because I booked the restaurant an hour after we planned to meet. After clearing that up her response was “That’s fine….just communicate 🙂” yet here we are lol.

I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt and just waiting until she gets back, then reach out and arrange something. She has my whatsapp message from earlier today and hasn’t read it so I’ll just give her that space.

I’m genuinely confused because of her high interest on Friday 🤷🏻‍♂️ All I can think of is this “friend” could be something more. Makes sense given she corrected herself when saying “he” and not tagging or taking a selfie with them on facebook. Just a photo of wine and a beer with two passports

Would it be wrong for me to update my dating profile in retaliation to her doing so?

[ramboparrot3]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

My point wasn't about the fact that she updated her dating profile. She is perfectly free to do so. 

My point was that she appears to be such a stickler for regular communication, yet she didn't bother replying to you - but did update her profile instead. What do you think her reaction would be if you'd done the same? 

She doesn't seem to hold herself the same standard that she expects from you. That is where I see the problem. 

Yeah she’s very contradicting it seems.

I totally get if she wanted to just ban communication completely so she can just enjoy the holiday but she said don’t expect a quick reply as she won’t always be around wifi. Had she replied along with updating the profile i’d have been fine, but choosing that over replying back says it all really.

Part of me genuinely thinks she’s using the vacation as a smoke screen to cut contact with me, even though a simple “not feeling it” text would’ve been preferred. But then the way she was in person was far from someone who was uninterested.

I’ve overthought her texting style between every date and was proven wrong with her agreeing to dates again, so hopefully I am wrong here. 

[glows]

1 hour ago, ramboparrot3 said:

Would it be wrong for me to update my dating profile in retaliation to her doing so?

Not sure what this means. It sounds terribly insecure. There's nothing wrong with updating your profile but avoid retaliation of any sort. 

You are totally free to do whatever you want but always treat others how you'd want to be treated. This is only one week until she gets back. It's not long. Can you not think of other things to do besides her and the dating profile? 

Edited May 30, 2022 by glows

[Lotsgoingon]

She's slow to respond to your test ... but ... she wants you to make her the center of your universe by texting her awake and goodnight?

A serious red flag here. Dude, this will only be a mountain of drama to hang more with this woman. 

[assertives]

Dating is a try out, to see if you are compatible as partners in the day to day life. I would give it serious thought about whether her communication style, priorities, lifestyle and expectations are compatible with yours. What you experienced on your in person dates may be magical, but you also need to pay attention to how she makes you feel when outside of the date. I frankly think her communication habits when you are apart are likely going to stay even when you guys are officially together.

I get that you guys are not exclusive and hence you both can do whatever you want, but there seems to be an air of nonchalance that gives off this vibe that you want this to work more than she does. Invest your time and energy in someone who puts forth the same energy as you.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

She's slow to respond to your test ... but ... she wants you to make her the center of your universe by texting her awake and goodnight?

A serious red flag here. Dude, this will only be a mountain of drama to hang more with this woman. 

I agree, on all counts. 

She sounds high-maintenance. Let this be your advance warning, OP.