Girl I'm dating still adding new photos to her dating profile despite saying she can only focus on dating one person at a time

[dramafreezone]

1 hour ago, ramboparrot3 said:

At least I did something right. Felt like the right thing to say lol. If this works out I did plan to take her to that location and make things official with her (obviously after more dates) assuming we see each other again

I'm not going to even address the other guy that's there.  I just have learned that you can't believe every word that comes out of someone's mouth.  Their actions are far more revealing than what they say.

I guess my thing is why do you feel the need to keep contacting her?  It goes without saying that you like her, but what is the purpose of continuously contacting her?  Do you feel you have to do something to keep the interest?

Someone interested will be contacting you back at the same frequency if not more frequently than you're contacting them, and don't you feel that you deserve the same attention that you're giving her?  All of that stuff about using her data is BS in my opinion.  She has a few thousand to spend on vacation but being charged a few extra bucks for data is too much, come on think about it.😆  If she's heads over heels into you that wouldn't matter.  In fact she might not even been on vacation because she wouldn't want to risk losing any momentum. 

And if she were into you she would probably not want to go on vacation with another guy simply due to appearances.  If she liked you that much she would not want to risk turning you off, but the reality is here she does not care how it appears to you.  That speaks volumes.

I'm not saying she doesn't like you at all but I think it's just very unbalanced right now.  You are way more into her than she is into you and that's going to be a turnoff if it continues.  She has to do some work and IMO she wants someone that she has to do *something* to earn.  If you are always available, I think she will eventually believe that your time is cheap, and disposable.  It's just human nature, we do not place a high value on what is readily available.  How many times have you appreciated the air that you breathed today?  Or the water that's available? 

We have no choice but to align with how someone views us.  Right now you're sending her the message that her time is more valuable than yours.  You're doing all of the messaging, and she's getting back to you in a day or longer.

Edited June 5, 2022 by dramafreezone

[poppyfields]

40 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

I'm not going to even address the other guy that's there.  I just have learned that you can't believe every word that comes out of someone's mouth.  Their actions are far more revealing than what they say.

I guess my thing is why do you feel the need to keep contacting her?  It goes without saying that you like her, but what is the purpose of continuously contacting her?  Do you feel you have to do something to keep the interest?

Someone interested will be contacting you back at the same frequency if not more frequently than you're contacting them, and don't you feel that you deserve the same attention that you're giving her?  All of that stuff about using her data is BS in my opinion.  She has a few thousand to spend on vacation but being charged a few extra bucks for data is too much, come on think about it.😆  If she's heads over heels into you that wouldn't matter.  In fact she might not even been on vacation because she wouldn't want to risk losing any momentum. 

And if she were into you she would probably not want to go on vacation with another guy simply due to appearances.  If she liked you that much she would not want to risk turning you off, but the reality is here she does not care how it appears to you.  That speaks volumes.

I'm not saying she doesn't like you at all but I think it's just very unbalanced right now.  You are way more into her than she is into you and that's going to be a turnoff if it continues.  She has to do some work and IMO she wants someone that she has to do *something* to earn.  If you are always available, I think she will eventually believe that your time is cheap, and disposable.  It's just human nature, we do not place a high value on what is readily available.  How many times have you appreciated the air that you breathed today?  Or the water that's available? 

We have no choice but to align with how someone views us.  Right now you're sending her the message that her time is more valuable than yours.  You're doing all of the messaging, and she's getting back to you in a day or longer.

This!!  1000%.

Threads like this are difficult to respond to sometimes because it's obvious how into her you are, and what I'm about to say is going to hurt.  

But as a woman who has been in her shoes (several times), she's not into you, not the way you're into her, I'm sorry.

You are what's referred to as an "orbiter' which is a male friend who is very into her who she keeps around for attention and validation. 

She gives just enough to continue that dynamic; you're probably not her only orbiter either.  My guess is she has a few. 

I would not be so quick to label the the guy she's with as just a friend either.  There's something going on there, more than what she's having you believe. 

To YOUR behavior, your obvious "thirst" for her is quite apparent, and trust me, eventually she will lose respect, for ALL the reasons @dramafreezonementioned in his post. 

Please read his post again and again, cut and paste to your fridge if you have to, it's 100% spot on.

He's got tremendous insight into human behavior, both men and women, I would also suggest reading some good books yourself, get on some men's sites, talk to other men who have experienced same or similar.

For now, my suggestion is to step WAY back.  Your attempts to please her and follow HER frame are going to backfire if they haven't already. 

Good luck.

 

Edited June 5, 2022 by poppyfields

[ramboparrot3]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

 

Even if she still hasn't replied to you?

 

I usually give two messages over a couple of days before leaving it. Like others on here have said she probably just wants to enjoy the last bit of her holiday and get home. She hasn’t been a great texter even before this but I don’t want to judge it whilst she’s on vacation. Expecting the worst, but I’d rather make one more move than not at all

Edited June 5, 2022 by ramboparrot3

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

At least I did something right. Felt like the right thing to say lol. If this works out I did plan to take her to that location and make things official with her (obviously after more dates) assuming we see each other again

You've been on four dates.

See how it goes.

As for as texting, to me, it would be prudent to keep the frequency of texts to a 2-3 times a week at the moment. Ideally, it's much better when you know she will be more willing to engage in a conversation with you. 

If you message her too frequently, she might feel that you're coming across as strong. You can assume that if you do not text her enough, she may take it as a sign that you have little interest in her. It can be a tricky task to strike a balance between the two.

In a recent discussion, a man texted a woman during the initial dating period several times each day and every day. After becoming physically intimate, the man was declining to keep in touch with her. 

So it's understandable that there is a great deal of confusion about the whole texting thing when you first start dating.

Give her the option to initiate conversations from time to time, and you will have created a number of opportunities for her to do so herself sometimes and you will no longer have to wonder if she will notice if you stop texting her or her interest level. The only way to know is to give her room to take the initiative now and then.

Having her request twice per day is a bit much to ask of you for where both of you are in your dating relationship (i.e. having 4 dates). Basically she has given you her preferences, where she likes to be kept in touch with twice a day. But guess what? You're not her boyfriend. That's girlfriend stuff.

Edited June 5, 2022 by Alpacalia

[ramboparrot3]

43 minutes ago, dramafreezone said:

I'm not going to even address the other guy that's there.  I just have learned that you can't believe every word that comes out of someone's mouth.  Their actions are far more revealing than what they say.

I guess my thing is why do you feel the need to keep contacting her?  It goes without saying that you like her, but what is the purpose of continuously contacting her?  Do you feel you have to do something to keep the interest?

Someone interested will be contacting you back at the same frequency if not more frequently than you're contacting them, and don't you feel that you deserve the same attention that you're giving her?  All of that stuff about using her data is BS in my opinion.  She has a few thousand to spend on vacation but being charged a few extra bucks for data is too much, come on think about it.😆  If she's heads over heels into you that wouldn't matter.  In fact she might not even been on vacation because she wouldn't want to risk losing any momentum. 

And if she were into you she would probably not want to go on vacation with another guy simply due to appearances.  If she liked you that much she would not want to risk turning you off, but the reality is here she does not care how it appears to you.  That speaks volumes.

I'm not saying she doesn't like you at all but I think it's just very unbalanced right now.  You are way more into her than she is into you and that's going to be a turnoff if it continues.  She has to do some work and IMO she wants someone that she has to do *something* to earn.  If you are always available, I think she will eventually believe that your time is cheap, and disposable.  It's just human nature, we do not place a high value on what is readily available.  How many times have you appreciated the air that you breathed today?  Or the water that's available? 

We have no choice but to align with how someone views us.  Right now you're sending her the message that her time is more valuable than yours.  You're doing all of the messaging, and she's getting back to you in a day or longer.

It’s a cheap last minute holiday so she isn’t spending much. And regarding the guy she hasn’t openly told me it was, but it’s definitely her long term guy mate and they’re 100% mates. That’s probably why she hasn’t tagged him in or openly put photos with him incase it puts me off I’m guessing.

The thing is she does reply back to me, as I do with her. She gives me detailed responses and did warn me before the vacation she wouldn’t be responding quickly.

So what do I do? Just say nothing from now and have things not move anywhere? She’s the type who likes the guy to pursue her. I’d rather just ask her when she’s free and risk it than going completely silent. I did the same before her vacation and we met up, everything was fine.

Rather risk trying than not

[ramboparrot3]

11 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

This!!  1000%.

Threads like this are difficult to respond to sometimes because it's obvious how into her you are, and what I'm about to say is going to hurt.  

But as a woman who has been in her shoes (several times), she's not into you, not the way you're into her, I'm sorry. 

You are what's referred to as an "orbiter' which is a male friend who is very into her who she keeps around for attention and validation. 

She gives just enough to continue that dynamic; you're probably not her only orbiter either.  My guess is she has a few. 

I would not be so quick to label the the guy she's with as just a friend either.  There's something going on there, more than what she's having you believe. 

To YOUR behavior, your obvious "thirst" for her is quite apparent, and trust me, eventually she will lose respect, for ALL the reasons @dramafreezonementioned I'm his post. 

Please read his post again and again, cut and paste to your fridge if you have to, it's 100% spot on.

He's got tremendous insight into human behavior, both men and women, I would also suggest reading some good books yourself, get on some men's sites, talk to other men who have experienced same or similar.

For now, my suggestion is to step WAY back.  Your attempts to please her and follow HER frame are going to backfire if they haven't already. 

Good luck.

 

No, He’s 100% a friend and they’ve been friends for years, I have no worry about this guy. They’ve travelled on holiday before and he calls her “mate” going off his statuses.

I mean she still agrees to meet and shows interest in person. She was fine before the vacation, so I don’t expect her to drop everything to stay in contact with me whilst she’s in another country lol.

If I’m going to give up after one text, then I’m going to lose out on a lot of chances out there. If I don’t get a response when I initiate tomorrow then I’ll draw the line and move on

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

So what do I do? Just say nothing from now and have things not move anywhere? She’s the type who likes the guy to pursue her. I’d rather just ask her when she’s free and risk it than going completely silent. I did the same before her vacation and we met up, everything was fine.

If you backing off a little and waiting for a response means it dies completely, believe me when I say she wasn't that interested to begin with. 

There is a difference between pursuing a woman who is expressing mutual interest, and chasing one who is showing minimal interest. 

[ramboparrot3]

9 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

You've been on four dates.

See how it goes.

As for as texting, to me, it would be prudent to keep the frequency of texts to a 2-3 times a week at the moment. Ideally, it's much better when you know she will be more willing to engage in a conversation with you. 

If you message her too frequently, she might feel that you're coming across as strong. You can assume that if you do not text her enough, she may take it as a sign that you have little interest in her. It can be a tricky task to strike a balance between the two.

In a recent discussion, a man texted a woman during the initial dating period several times each day and every day. After becoming physically intimate, the man was declining to keep in touch with her. 

So it's understandable that there is a great deal of confusion about the whole texting thing when you first start dating.

Give her the option to initiate conversations from time to time, and you will have created a number of opportunities for her to do so herself sometimes and you will no longer have to wonder if she will notice if you stop texting her. The only way to know is to give her room to take the initiative now and then.

Having her request twice per day is a bit much for where both of you are in your dating relationship (i.e. having 4 dates). Basically she has given you her preferences, where she likes to be kept in touch with twice a day. But guess what? You're not her boyfriend. That's girlfriend stuff.

Yeah she ideally wants that if it became a relationship, not right now. I don’t think she’s the type to initiate, she likes the guy to do all that stuff including DTR. My ex was the opposite.

I’ll try and arrange something and give it this week, if no response by the end of the week then I’ll remove her off facebook and move on

[ramboparrot3]

6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

If you backing off a little and waiting for a response means it dies completely, believe me when I say she wasn't that interested to begin with. 

There is a difference between pursuing a woman who is expressing mutual interest, and chasing one who is showing minimal interest. 

She likes the guy to initiate everything like contact, plans, the relationship, etc. I don’t mind doing that as long as plans are made to meet up as what happens in person counts. She’s quite stubborn with that it seems. I’ve got nothing to lose trying to make plans so I’ll see what happens. I could’ve given up before the 4th date but I didn’t.

Everything in person is great, if I based it strictly off that I wouldn’t see any issues. She’s not big on conversing over text but I think the vacation and the change in frequency of contact has made me overthink 

Edited June 5, 2022 by ramboparrot3

[ExpatInItaly]

7 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

She likes the guy to initiate everything like contact, plans, the relationship, etc. I don’t mind doing that as long as plans are made to meet up as what happens in person counts. She’s quite stubborn with that it seems. I’ve got nothing to lose trying to make plans so I’ll see what happens. I could’ve given up before the 4th date but I didn’t.

Yes, I understood that. It was clear from your previous posts. You have repeated this several times. 

But it does not change my perspective. In my opinion, you aren't overthinking. You're correctly reading the signals that you like her more than she likes you and is more interested in updating her social media than replying to you. 

Come on, OP. You know perfectly well what that means. 

Edited June 5, 2022 by ExpatInItaly

[poppyfields]

24 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

She’s the type who likes the guy to pursue her.

Interesting comment. 

What it means is she wants the man SHE is highly interested in and attracted to to pursue her.

However ironically and human nature being what it is, it's the man who does NOT pursue her with the vigor and thirst that you're exhibiting who she will fall for.  

She desires a man who demonstrates high value and chasing (pursuing) a reluctant woman such as herself (at least with you), demonstrates the opposite - low value. 

Stop following her frame, stop acting so "thirsty."  Stop listening to everything she tells you like it's gospel. 

It won't serve you well or get you what you want, could almost guarantee it. 

 

Edited June 5, 2022 by poppyfields

[ramboparrot3]

3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Yes, I understood that. It was clear from your previous posts. You have repeated this several times. 

But it does not change my perspective. In my opinion, you aren't overthinking. You're correctly reading the signals that you like her more than she likes you and is more interested in updating her social media than replying to you. 

Come on, OP. You know perfectly well what that means. 

I guess, but doesn’t look like she’s been online on whatsapp although if she was interested she’d check I guess. I don’t know, I’m confused. Communication was fine before the vacation and even when she replies it’s very detailed, emojis, asking questions etc so I don’t know

The thing is if I complain about that, people tell me she’s on vacation and is telling me to let her enjoy it

[Wiseman2]

26 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

It’s a cheap last minute holiday so she isn’t spending much.

So they are sharing a hotel room?

[ramboparrot3]

6 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Interesting comment. 

What it means is she wants the man SHE is highly interested in and attracted to to pursue her.

However ironically and human nature being what it is, it's the man who does NOT pursue her with the vigor and thirst that your exhibiting who she will fall for.

Stop following her frame, stop acting so "thirsty."  Stop listening to everything she tells you like it's gospel. 

It won't serve you well or get you what you want, could almost guarantee it. 

 

I’ve not been sending her morning messages like she wanted, only in reply to her messages. If I did any less I’d be ignoring her lol. Maybe that’s what I should do instead of pursuing to ask her out if that seems to be how dating works

[ramboparrot3]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

So they are sharing a hotel room?

I’ve no idea, all I know is that it was a last minute deal

[poppyfields]

8 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

If I did any less I’d be ignoring her lol.

Well, "ignoring" has a tone of negativity to it.

Wording it differently, sometimes when warranted (like here) leaving someone alone for a bit can render positive results.  

It gives them an opportunity to wonder about you and miss you, which in early stages can increase interest and attraction.

Just like what YOU are experiencing and feeling now, with her, when she doesn't respond and leaves you alone.

It's not gender specific, it's human nature. 

Edited June 5, 2022 by poppyfields

[Alpacalia]

33 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

Communication was fine before the vacation and even when she replies it’s very detailed, emojis, asking questions etc so I don’t know

It was for this reason that I suggested not to text as much since she is on vacation.

You're trying to read into text messages and response times while she is on vacation.

So, is it that she's just not responded in two days?

There is no doubt that how she treats you in person is what counts the most, but texting is also a form of communication that you don't want to ignore.

By texting each other too much, for example, you are also creating a false sense of connection that isn't grounded in reality.

Whatever the case may be, decide if this is the right fit for you.

There's just seems to be too many unknowns in the air.

Between her approach that seems to be more traditional dating, where the man does most of the pursuing, her updating her dating profile is another aspect that needs to be considered.

As well as her being on vacation with some dude.

 

Edited June 5, 2022 by Alpacalia

[ramboparrot3]

34 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Well, "ignoring" has a tone of negativity to it.

Wording it differently, sometimes when warranted (like here) leaving someone alone for a bit can render positive results.  

It gives them an opportunity to wonder about you and miss you, which in early stages can increase interest and attraction.

Just like what YOU are experiencing and feeling now, with her, when she doesn't respond and leaves you alone.

It's not gender specific, it's human nature. 

True, I see your point. Not spoken for a couple of days but I feel like she’ll think I’m not interested if I don’t pursue her eventually. I know that she should, but she likes being pursued when it comes to dating.

I know I went a whole day without contacting her before our 4th date and she used that as an example for what she wasn’t keen on so it must drive her up the wall a bit when I don’t reach out. That’s why I would avoid reaching out every day, it gets stale and loses its meaning. Sometimes it’s better to vary it up a bit

[ramboparrot3]

31 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

It was for this reason that I suggested not to text as much since she is on vacation.

You're trying to read into text messages and response times while she is on vacation.

So, is it that she's just not responded in two days?

There is no doubt that how she treats you in person is what counts the most, but texting is also a form of communication that you don't want to ignore.

By texting each other too much, for example, you are also creating a false sense of connection that isn't grounded in reality.

Whatever the case may be, decide if this is the right fit for you.

There's just seems to be too many unknowns in the air.

Between her approach that seems to be more traditional dating, where the man does most of the pursuing, her updating her dating profile is another aspect that needs to be considered.

As well as her being on vacation with some dude.

 

You were right and to be honest she did warn me herself not to expect quick replies. I think that change in communication due to the vacation has made me anxious. I think it’s been good that there’s been a message sent from her most days, but again it’s these expectations that as soon as you get a day without a message being received you then start to think the worst.

Yeah just these last two days. Other days were fine as a response came eventually. There have been issues where I’ve had to double text every once in a while since knowing her but that led to positive responses and dates. I mean i’ve no idea what her past experiences were like, assuming she’s interested she might purposely not reply to ensure I’m actually interested. I know that sounds like me being hopeful but she did joke I’d be back on dating sites finding someone new when she went on vacation so makes me think she could’ve been stung in the past, who knows

With her updating her dating profile, people told me until I DTR then she’s free to do that and it’s no concern. On the bright side she hasn’t done it this week lol

With the dude she’s on holiday with, he’s 100% a friend going off facebook statuses etc. They’ve been friends for a long time and they have albums of travelling places. He also called her mate in one of his statuses and they definitely have a friendship vibe there so I’ve no concern with that

Edited June 5, 2022 by ramboparrot3

[Wiseman2]

55 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

I’ve no idea, all I know is that it was a last minute deal

She's there with this guy and having fun with him every day together. Sun, drinks, budget travel (probably same room) and that's a recipe for "friends" to become FWB. You need to stop texting her.

You're trying to intervene and text-tether her, but she's not having. If you keep trying to stay on the radar this could go from friendzone to textbuddy because she has no opportunity to miss you or wonder what you're doing. In fact it proves to her you have no other options.

[ramboparrot3]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

She's there with this guy and having fun with him every day together. Sun, drinks, budget travel (probably same room) and that's a recipe for "friends" to become FWB. You need to stop texting her.

You're trying to intervene and text-tether her, but she's not having. If you keep trying to stay on the radar this could go from friendzone to textbuddy because she has no opportunity to miss you or wonder what you're doing. In fact it proves to her you have no other options.

We’ve both said to each other we’re not dating anyone else due to time restrictions, etc.

Our responses have been spread out so it’s not like we’ve been talking all day every day. She’s out there with a friend but that doesn’t mean they’re sleeping together, they could have separate beds. We’ll never know but it’s not worth worrying about. She isn’t my GF so what she does is up to her.

If I don’t reach out, she’s not a fan and brings it up but I’ve given her a couple of days space and not reached out towards the end of her vacation. The only thing that’s going to friendzone me is not making a romantic move on her and I’m only going to do that by asking her out 

The end result is whether she still wants to meet up when she’s back. If she does then that’s all that matters and things continue as normal. If no response or I get excuses then I have my answer

Edited June 5, 2022 by ramboparrot3

[ramboparrot3]

I think I’ll wait another day to message her, least gives it 3 days or so. Saw she uploaded another photo on FB and tagged herself at a location there although looks like it was a day time pic from earlier on as it’d be 11pm there now lol.

Was going to reach out tomorrow as I’d assume she’d be back for the school term resuming, but probably just wait another day and confirm she’s back in the country at least. Least get my answer then and can be done with it 

If she has an issue with me going 3 days not reaching out then I can say to her that she’s allowed to reply too 😂

Edited June 5, 2022 by ramboparrot3

[ExpatInItaly]

7 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

Saw she uploaded another photo on FB and tagged herself at a location there although looks like it was a day time pic from earlier on as it’d be 11pm there now

Doesn't it feel kind of crappy each time you see she's updated something, but still hasn't responded to you?

I would stop looking at her FB. 

Edited June 5, 2022 by ExpatInItaly

[poppyfields]

52 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

I know I went a whole day without contacting her before our 4th date and she used that as an example for what she wasn’t keen on so it must drive her up the wall a bit when I don’t reach out. 

Do you have much experience dating women?   Because what's in bold is actually a good thing!

It gets her wondering or as my brothers would say, gets the hamster wheels spinning, which increases attraction.

Especially given the fact she's vacationing with another man and NOT responsive to you!

Once again, why do you insist on following her frame? You're a man, not her lapdog.

Where's it getting you?  She hasn't responded in two days!  But yet she's uploading new pics, etc..  

Stop texting.  Stop following her lead. 

Start learning about women and what actually attracts them NOT what they tell you attracts them.

Observe actions, actions are where it's at, not words. 

What do her actions tell you now? 

Edited June 5, 2022 by poppyfields

[Weezy1973]

@ramboparrotJust start going on dates with other women. The two of you are not exclusive. Why put all your eggs in one basket. That's why you're spending so much emotional energy on this. Clearly she's just living her life and I suspect you're a "maybe" in her eyes, which is exactly as it should be in the early stages. Everybody is a maybe because you don't know each other well enough yet. Get out there and start dating. She's an option, but there could be better matches for you.