Girl I'm dating still adding new photos to her dating profile despite saying she can only focus on dating one person at a time

[CLS63AMG]

OP, she's not that into you, I'd even say not much at all, just likes the attention.  You know the rejection text or flat out ghosting from her is coming.  Any girl I've had 4 dates with, at that point, is 100% purely into me and only me, they dont run off on a LAST MINUTE vacation with another GUY.  C'mon man.

Your only move here is to full-stop texting her and pray there was enough interest there for her to reach out, but she probably wont.

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

We’ve both said to each other we’re not dating anyone else due to time restrictions, etc.

Our responses have been spread out so it’s not like we’ve been talking all day every day. She’s out there with a friend but that doesn’t mean they’re sleeping together, they could have separate beds. We’ll never know but it’s not worth worrying about. She isn’t my GF so what she does is up to her.

If I don’t reach out, she’s not a fan and brings it up but I’ve given her a couple of days space and not reached out towards the end of her vacation. The only thing that’s going to friendzone me is not making a romantic move on her and I’m only going to do that by asking her out 

The end result is whether she still wants to meet up when she’s back. If she does then that’s all that matters and things continue as normal. If no response or I get excuses then I have my answer

The way you sound now sounds a lot more confident than it did when you started.

I think it's fair to point out that just because a man and a woman are friends doesn't mean they are automatically going to become "FWB's."

Thinking that way is either based on experience or based on uncertainty, I suspect.

Edited June 5, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Versacehottie]

4 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

I usually give two messages over a couple of days before leaving it. Like others on here have said she probably just wants to enjoy the last bit of her holiday and get home. She hasn’t been a great texter even before this but I don’t want to judge it whilst she’s on vacation. Expecting the worst, but I’d rather make one more move than not at all

But why are you sticking to some ROTE way of the way you do things....READ THE ROOM, MAN: You are trying way too hard!!! 

Not to be mean, but honestly it's a bit cringey all the stuff you wrote and while you may think you are hiding your true thoughts and fretting behind the scenes, no DOUBT those are coming out in YOUR actions. You are forcing it. READ THE ROOM. Have more self-respect. Also where is the d*mn fire???!! You say it's early days and that you are going to wait to send more texts but then a few hours later (or next day, not sure), you are gonna do a hail mary last ditch attempt text.  Why whimper off like that?? It's self-sabotage to manage your dating like this. 

Not the time at ALL for your last ditch attempt. Even the fact that it is one, shows that deep down you actually recognize what sort of footing you are on with her. If you want to operate on strategy, use patience, it will be more likely to work in this circumstance than not using patience. You've got a girl on your hands that likes attention: if you withhold some of your attention, that "might" get hers. But agree with dramafree that it you keep trying and trying it devalues you in her eyes. I'd be way off you based on what you wrote. Sorry, just being honest...good luck sincerely.

[poppyfields]

27 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

You've got a girl on your hands that likes attention: if you withhold some of your attention, that "might" get hers.

Well said.  The entire post was well said but what's quoted is a point I had attempted to make as well. 

OP, just because she told you she likes to be pursued/chased that doesn't equate to her becoming attracted to men who chase.

She likes it because it alleviates any anxiety and uncertainty she's experiencing, however it also prevents her from missing you and wondering about you, and her missing and wondering about you are precisely what adds to her attraction to you!  

Take that away, and she feels bored, meh, nothing.  Which if I had to render a guess, is what she's feeling now.

Stop following her frame and learn about women, especially attention seeking women like her.

Edited June 5, 2022 by poppyfields

[dramafreezone]

11 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

So what do I do? Just say nothing from now and have things not move anywhere?

But you're beginning with a faulty premise that what you're doing now is moving things along with her, or that you have to actively do something to move things along.  You shouldn't have to, that's not how emotions/affection work.    Attraction/feelings grow in your *absence*.  Any work that needs to be done is done on the date.  That's when you create memories, an experience.  Then you give that person enough space to miss you, and she *wants* to miss you.  I know that sounds counterintuitive but it's the truth.  Just consider backing off significantly.  Scarcity creates value.  If she likes you, the more scarce your time is, the more she'll value it.

 

11 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

did warn me before the vacation she wouldn’t be responding quickly.

This was probably an indirect way to say don't bug me on my vacation.  People don't like to hurt someone's feelings.

 

11 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

She’s the type who likes the guy to pursue her. I’d rather just ask her when she’s free and risk it than going completely silent. I did the same before her vacation and we met up, everything was fine.

 

Couple of things; what about what you like?  Did she ever ask you that?  Do you ask yourself that?  I'm sure you'd like it if she contacted you as often and as enthusiastically as you're contacting her.  So why is what she wants more important than what you want?  She knows now from experience what you like, and she hasn't changed her behavior to align with that.  That speaks volumes to the imbalance in this relationship.

Next, why do you put so much stock into her rules?  I would bet my house that every single woman in this thread has had a list of rules at one point, and they've dated someone that did not conform to those rules.  Rules come from a logical mindset.  Rules are for men that logically she thinks would be good for her.  Attraction is not a choice though, and doesn't care about our rules that we set. 

I think this woman likes being in control, and it may be why she sees some value in you, and I hate to say that because it sounds harsh.  The bottom line is love is born from respect.  And I don't think women can respect or feel safe with a man they can control.  I think she literally cannot ever love you with the way things are with her right now.  So if that's something you want, you have to change the dynamic somehow.

I say all of this not from someone that's done things perfectly.  Quite the opposite, I've made every mistake you're making right now.  I know how you feel, and maybe this is just a case of having to go through the heartache before you learn.  Wish you the best.

Edited June 6, 2022 by dramafreezone

[flitzanu]

22 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

I think I’ll wait another day to message her, least gives it 3 days or so. Saw she uploaded another photo on FB and tagged herself at a location there although looks like it was a day time pic from earlier on as it’d be 11pm there now lol.

Was going to reach out tomorrow as I’d assume she’d be back for the school term resuming, but probably just wait another day and confirm she’s back in the country at least. Least get my answer then and can be done with it 

If she has an issue with me going 3 days not reaching out then I can say to her that she’s allowed to reply too 😂

she hasn't responded to your last message in 2 days, so you absolutely should not send another message "after 3 days of no response" it is in her hands to reply to you.  everyone is trying to nicely tell you to pull your head out of her butt and stop following every single rule and command she has given you.  

she doesn't "need to know you're into her" because that has already been established.

[ramboparrot3]

23 hours ago, CLS63AMG said:

OP, she's not that into you, I'd even say not much at all, just likes the attention.  You know the rejection text or flat out ghosting from her is coming.  Any girl I've had 4 dates with, at that point, is 100% purely into me and only me, they dont run off on a LAST MINUTE vacation with another GUY.  C'mon man.

Your only move here is to full-stop texting her and pray there was enough interest there for her to reach out, but she probably wont.

It’s her best friend though, they’ve been friends for years and they call each other mate. It’s purely platonic and I have no worry at all about that

[ramboparrot3]

Listened to what you guys said and took a step back. She reached out herself with a reply once she got back home from vacation, so like @dramafreezonesaid she probably wasn’t wanting too much contact whilst she’s on vacation hence the long waits for replies.

Fortunately I didn’t send anything and waited until she did. I ended up arranging a date for this week and she agreed. Initially she played hard to get saying I’ll be in competition with her new reality tv show that’s started. She didn’t initially like my first idea as she wasn’t, funnily enough, keen on turkish food so I gave her a choice of two other places I liked, that she might also like, and she picked one.

I think just going about things my usual way is best and not listening to what she says she wants, so I won’t text every day and will give her a chance to miss me. Attraction works in absence the same way muscles grow with rest after a gym workout.

Looking at my last relationship I felt like I slacked off a bit which ended up ruining things, so I guess part of me was thinking I needed to overcompensate with this girl. But then I forget what initially attracted my ex in the first place, was not reaching out everyday. I just struggled to maintain the energy with her, although the spark fizzled out with that and it’s now in the past. The good thing with this girl is we have a lot more of a spark in person.

Edited June 6, 2022 by ramboparrot3

[Calmandfocused]

Take your attention away from the friend. It’s no longer relevant. I’m not sure why you keep banging on about that but it makes no difference to how she feels about you. 
 

She’s not interested Parrot. In you. It’s screaming out to us as clear as day. No question. 
 

You’re kidding yourself. Completely in denial. Waiting for any little scrap of attention from her like a loyal puppy dog.
 

Please respect yourself and please stop this Parrot. 
 

You try and give the impression that you’re going to relax and wait to see what happens. Then your next sentence is full of desperation and denial. 
 

You’re going to drive yourself mad over a woman who doesn’t deserve your adoration.  

I repeat; please stop. 
 

Date women who clearly show interest in you. And just a final word of advice: drop the needy texts and call a woman you’re interested in. 

 

[Weezy1973]

1 minute ago, Calmandfocused said:

 

Date women who clearly show interest in you. And just a final word of advice: drop the needy texts and call a woman you’re interested in. 

 

It sounds like he did stop texting. And they've organized a date. So a "win" for all those folks advising for the OP to take a step back. He stepped back, and got back on track. Take that!

[ramboparrot3]

2 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said:

Take your attention away from the friend. It’s no longer relevant. I’m not sure why you keep banging on about that but it makes no difference to how she feels about you. 
 

She’s not interested Parrot. In you. It’s screaming out to us as clear as day. No question. 
 

You’re kidding yourself. Completely in denial. Waiting for any little scrap of attention from her like a loyal puppy dog.
 

Please respect yourself and please stop this Parrot. 
 

You try and give the impression that you’re going to relax and wait to see what happens. Then your next sentence is full of desperation and denial. 
 

You’re going to drive yourself mad over a woman who doesn’t deserve your adoration.  

I repeat; please stop. 
 

Date women who clearly show interest in you. And just a final word of advice: drop the needy texts and call a woman you’re interested in. 

 

See my last post. We have a date arranged this week now so just going to go with the flow

[ramboparrot3]

1 minute ago, Weezy1973 said:

It sounds like he did stop texting. And they've organized a date. So a "win" for all those folks advising for the OP to take a step back. He stepped back, and got back on track. Take that!

Glad I listened! But I will still take all advice on board going forward. I think the vacation threw me so I need to stay composed, distract myself with other things and still go on other dates with other girls too.

[glows]

11 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

Looking at my last relationship I felt like I slacked off a bit which ended up ruining things, so I guess part of me was thinking I needed to overcompensate with this girl. But then I forget what initially attracted my ex in the first place, was not reaching out everyday. I just struggled to maintain the energy with her, although the spark fizzled out with that and it’s now in the past. The good thing with this girl is we have a lot more of a spark in person.

I never had much doubt it would work out if you could settle those anxious thoughts and let her come home. Yes, give people their space to vacation and spend time with family and friends.

You have good insight from the past but let the doubts go. She’s a new person and not your ex. Go day by day and see how things go. You just need a little confidence and hopefully you’ve got some back after this hump. 

[Versacehottie]

1 hour ago, ramboparrot3 said:

Listened to what you guys said and took a step back. She reached out herself with a reply once she got back home from vacation, so like @dramafreezonesaid she probably wasn’t wanting too much contact whilst she’s on vacation hence the long waits for replies.

Fortunately I didn’t send anything and waited until she did. I ended up arranging a date for this week and she agreed. Initially she played hard to get saying I’ll be in competition with her new reality tv show that’s started. She didn’t initially like my first idea as she wasn’t, funnily enough, keen on turkish food so I gave her a choice of two other places I liked, that she might also like, and she picked one.

I think just going about things my usual way is best and not listening to what she says she wants, so I won’t text every day and will give her a chance to miss me. Attraction works in absence the same way muscles grow with rest after a gym workout.

Looking at my last relationship I felt like I slacked off a bit which ended up ruining things, so I guess part of me was thinking I needed to overcompensate with this girl. But then I forget what initially attracted my ex in the first place, was not reaching out everyday. I just struggled to maintain the energy with her, although the spark fizzled out with that and it’s now in the past. The good thing with this girl is we have a lot more of a spark in person.

Hmmm. ok well it's a step in the better direction. I'm going to bold what still is a problem though....so you can learn from it. Why are you so worried about doing what she finds "right"? I know drama is right about this however I think you are parceling out advice and missing the bigger point--which is WHY is a person looking specifically to escape YOU, her new crush, while on vacation???!!! She was giving you signs to back off--so that's a no brainer to back off, but doesn't it put the whole relationship in the yellow light category/yellow flag? I think so. A person can deduce from this:

a) she is chatty with no one from her other life while on vacation--some people definitely do this  (only way her behavior isn't really a problem IMO)

b) something is going on with the guy she is there with or she is leaving herself wide open to other dating and you are a nuisance or block that activity with your contact. (PROBLEM)

c) She is not where you are emotionally (yet/maybe just not yet/maybe never) (PROBLEM, in terms of how you are currently managing things including your own emotions)

d)She is a hypocrite in terms of what she told you she wants and expects in terms of you communicating with her. (PROBLEM/Character Flaw or she is going off of you)

e)She isn't excited or going with flow of her own (positive) emotions when you reach out (PROBLEM--meaning there are not as positive emotions as there should be; you are an obligation not someone fun reaching out to her, ie she does not HAVE positive emotions when you reach out). 

Next bolded. So she's been away and the first thing she does is "play hard to get"? Hmmmm, not a great sign. Secondly, I have seen many guys lose their minds because they have or almost have a wanna be actress or d-list celebrity in their clutches.  Is there a chance that is what is going on in the dynamic between you and her? It feels like you have her on some pedestal like she is more worthy than you are and that is not going to win you this girl. The reality show comment sort of suss that one out for me (IMO).

Turkish food? Man, you are really grasping at straws and trying too hard! You see how that is a problem?  You are trying sooo hard to connect with her you are becoming a shadow you whomever you are and just echoing back what you think she is...aka "she must like Turkish things since she is in Turkey now, I'll take her for nice Turkish food when she gets back."  Who are you and what are you about independent of her? That's what is important at this juncture. If you are just trying to regurgitate little factoids that you know about her in an effort to show her that you fit into her world, you don't stand for much. You should be showing her to see if she fits in YOUR world. Idk, to me the turkish food is the biggest mistake, most problematic part of today's whole thing with her. Be your own person.  You are turning into a doormat-ish person before her very eyes--THAT is why she is backing off you. 

Bolded next ("not listening to what she wants and not texting every day")....Hmm this sounds like an overcorrection...in that you are missing the point and think there is a formula to winning her affection. Doing what she wants because she throws out some demand--well I'm with you on that. Texting every day "could" be a good thing but you seem to misread when her investment matches yours to warrant that. I think you need to look for equal energy and investment and enthusiasm from her end and that will guide how much you should be in touch vs doing ANYTHING by rote. And listening to what makes her happy in general isn't bad and builds connection--I just think you are doing it from the position that it's her playbook on how to win her over vs what little things you pick up on over the time you spend with each other and do some here and there because she is also doing some here and there for you too!).

Yes you sound like you are overcompensating. Idk, it doesn't feel like a one time thing though/one person thing. Feels like it would have been in place and your way of interacting before this girl.

Um, I guarantee "not reaching out everyday" is NOT what made your previous ex fall for you. it's not a formula of action A, B, C....of which not texting every day is the magic sauce.  It can send a message that is more balanced which is what you need to be achieving. I think you are misinterpreting that previous behavior with ex-gf as the winning formula when more likely it was that it was more balanced at the beginning OR that your not texting made it appear more balanced ("fake it til you make it" sort of thing). 

Um last bolded: do you? Do you actually have more of a spark in person? Or do just you?  I would say from the behavior you described from her, the spark is one-sided...You have it and hers is TBD. I would just encourage you to pay much more attention to how she treats you and quickly and correctly balance things out with her. Good luck😊

Edited June 6, 2022 by Versacehottie

[CLS63AMG]

2 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

It’s her best friend though, they’ve been friends for years and they call each other mate. It’s purely platonic and I have no worry at all about that

More likely scenario is he put her in the friendzone and she's trying to make it romantic, she uses your texting as a factor to try and make him jealous. 

Edited June 6, 2022 by CLS63AMG

[Eternal Sunshine]

1 hour ago, CLS63AMG said:

More likely scenario is he put her in the friendzone and she's trying to make it romantic, she uses your texting as a factor to try and make him jealous. 

Could be that, could be million other things. OP is jumping to conclusions that just because they are calling each mate and have known each other for many years, nothing romantic is going on.

- Friend and her may have never been single at the same

- Feelings developed as time went on

- My former roommate called me "mate" before we started sleeping together

Budget travel almost certainly involves room sharing. Women will rarely share a room with a man that she has zero attraction to. She also posted mysterious 2 passport photos on social media, hinting to their friends and whoever else that they are together. Also, a very odd thing to do.

 

 

[Alpacalia]

9 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

Fortunately I didn’t send anything and waited until she did. I ended up arranging a date for this week and she agreed. Initially she played hard to get saying I’ll be in competition with her new reality tv show that’s started. She didn’t initially like my first idea as she wasn’t, funnily enough, keen on turkish food so I gave her a choice of two other places I liked, that she might also like, and she picked one.

Fantastic! Who doesn't enjoy Turkish cuisine? Well, whatever.

9 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

I think just going about things my usual way is best and not listening to what she says she wants, so I won’t text every day and will give her a chance to miss me. Attraction works in absence the same way muscles grow with rest after a gym workout.

Looking at my last relationship I felt like I slacked off a bit which ended up ruining things, so I guess part of me was thinking I needed to overcompensate with this girl. But then I forget what initially attracted my ex in the first place, was not reaching out everyday. I just struggled to maintain the energy with her, although the spark fizzled out with that and it’s now in the past. The good thing with this girl is we have a lot more of a spark in person.

Your plan is in place, and you've nailed down the areas where you were losing focus.

Your unique characteristics already exist inside you, so keep developing them and adding to them. In place of the whole scarcity mindset, this makes you much more valuable as a potential partner.

Both availability and scarcity are important to us (humans). We want the things we need to be available to us and no one else. So… Be available. And worth dating.

Understand your goals. 

In general, the term "the dating game" is vague and ambiguous, so it is important that you define it for yourself. To me, it seems like it should be a relatively small part of life, and I don't spend much time studying it, or at least that is what I consider to be the case. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people."

This one-dimensional outlook on women (or men for that matter) that many manifest is simply unhealthy for everyone involved.

I hope that you have an amazing time on your next date, and that you slay her with your sexiness! 

 

Edited June 7, 2022 by Alpacalia

[introverted1]

I have a friend who just started seeing a girl prior to a vacation she already had on the books. This girl sent daily texts and even occasional videos because she was into my friend, and he did the same.  Sometimes he texted first; sometimes she did.  Neither of them was stressing out about who texted last, how long it had been between texts, whether there were status updates on Facebook but unread messages on Whatsapp, etc.  When she got back, they made immediate plans to see each other. They could have chosen to eat take-out on one of their couches and it would have been fine:  they just wanted to be together.  That's what balance looks like.

I am not sensing that this girl is anywhere near as into you as you are into her, OP. I think you are a placeholder, at best.  I know that's not what you want to hear, but that's how I read it.

14 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

I ended up arranging a date for this week and she agreed. Initially she played hard to get saying I’ll be in competition with her new reality tv show that’s started. She didn’t initially like my first idea as she wasn’t, funnily enough, keen on turkish food so I gave her a choice of two other places I liked, that she might also like, and she picked one.

A girl who was into you would have accepted your initial offer or, if she really hated Turkish food, would have suggested an alternative.  Instead, this girl first tells you that you're in competition with a crappy tv show and then makes you jump through hoops to suggest a restaurant that meets her standards.  This is not the behavior of someone who is into you in any significant way.

Guard your heart.

Edited June 7, 2022 by introverted1

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

I ended up arranging a date for this week and she agreed. The good thing with this girl is we have a lot more of a spark in person.

Exactly. Build rapport in person not through cheeky texts. Have fun on the date!

[ramboparrot3]

13 hours ago, Versacehottie said:

Hmmm. ok well it's a step in the better direction. I'm going to bold what still is a problem though....so you can learn from it. Why are you so worried about doing what she finds "right"? I know drama is right about this however I think you are parceling out advice and missing the bigger point--which is WHY is a person looking specifically to escape YOU, her new crush, while on vacation???!!! She was giving you signs to back off--so that's a no brainer to back off, but doesn't it put the whole relationship in the yellow light category/yellow flag? I think so. A person can deduce from this:

a) she is chatty with no one from her other life while on vacation--some people definitely do this  (only way her behavior isn't really a problem IMO)

b) something is going on with the guy she is there with or she is leaving herself wide open to other dating and you are a nuisance or block that activity with your contact. (PROBLEM)

c) She is not where you are emotionally (yet/maybe just not yet/maybe never) (PROBLEM, in terms of how you are currently managing things including your own emotions)

d)She is a hypocrite in terms of what she told you she wants and expects in terms of you communicating with her. (PROBLEM/Character Flaw or she is going off of you)

e)She isn't excited or going with flow of her own (positive) emotions when you reach out (PROBLEM--meaning there are not as positive emotions as there should be; you are an obligation not someone fun reaching out to her, ie she does not HAVE positive emotions when you reach out). 

Next bolded. So she's been away and the first thing she does is "play hard to get"? Hmmmm, not a great sign. Secondly, I have seen many guys lose their minds because they have or almost have a wanna be actress or d-list celebrity in their clutches.  Is there a chance that is what is going on in the dynamic between you and her? It feels like you have her on some pedestal like she is more worthy than you are and that is not going to win you this girl. The reality show comment sort of suss that one out for me (IMO).

Turkish food? Man, you are really grasping at straws and trying too hard! You see how that is a problem?  You are trying sooo hard to connect with her you are becoming a shadow you whomever you are and just echoing back what you think she is...aka "she must like Turkish things since she is in Turkey now, I'll take her for nice Turkish food when she gets back."  Who are you and what are you about independent of her? That's what is important at this juncture. If you are just trying to regurgitate little factoids that you know about her in an effort to show her that you fit into her world, you don't stand for much. You should be showing her to see if she fits in YOUR world. Idk, to me the turkish food is the biggest mistake, most problematic part of today's whole thing with her. Be your own person.  You are turning into a doormat-ish person before her very eyes--THAT is why she is backing off you. 

Bolded next ("not listening to what she wants and not texting every day")....Hmm this sounds like an overcorrection...in that you are missing the point and think there is a formula to winning her affection. Doing what she wants because she throws out some demand--well I'm with you on that. Texting every day "could" be a good thing but you seem to misread when her investment matches yours to warrant that. I think you need to look for equal energy and investment and enthusiasm from her end and that will guide how much you should be in touch vs doing ANYTHING by rote. And listening to what makes her happy in general isn't bad and builds connection--I just think you are doing it from the position that it's her playbook on how to win her over vs what little things you pick up on over the time you spend with each other and do some here and there because she is also doing some here and there for you too!).

Yes you sound like you are overcompensating. Idk, it doesn't feel like a one time thing though/one person thing. Feels like it would have been in place and your way of interacting before this girl.

Um, I guarantee "not reaching out everyday" is NOT what made your previous ex fall for you. it's not a formula of action A, B, C....of which not texting every day is the magic sauce.  It can send a message that is more balanced which is what you need to be achieving. I think you are misinterpreting that previous behavior with ex-gf as the winning formula when more likely it was that it was more balanced at the beginning OR that your not texting made it appear more balanced ("fake it til you make it" sort of thing). 

Um last bolded: do you? Do you actually have more of a spark in person? Or do just you?  I would say from the behavior you described from her, the spark is one-sided...You have it and hers is TBD. I would just encourage you to pay much more attention to how she treats you and quickly and correctly balance things out with her. Good luck😊

Well I mean she’s replying positively and agreeing to dates, showing interest in person so that’s all that matters lol. If she didn’t have any sort of interest then she wouldn’t continue to meet up and make moves on me. No offence but I think your reply just makes me overthink things more so I’m best just going at my own pace and seeing where it goes. It was fine before and after the vacation, just communication changing during the vacation threw me off

[ramboparrot3]

13 hours ago, CLS63AMG said:

More likely scenario is he put her in the friendzone and she's trying to make it romantic, she uses your texting as a factor to try and make him jealous. 

Unlikely. Going off her facebook albums she’s close to him and her other guy mates along with a few girls. There’s a lot of photos of them as friends with other people in their social circle. Plus, they look like they’re in completely different leagues. I’d expect her to have friendzoned him if that was the case. He also invited her on a last minute holiday, they usually arrange last minute things. I’m 100% not concerned by that

Edited June 7, 2022 by ramboparrot3

[glows]

Just carry on and see how it goes. 

There’s not much to suggest she isn’t interested, more to suggest she is. 

Let us know how the date goes. 💕

[ramboparrot3]

11 hours ago, Eternal Sunshine said:

Could be that, could be million other things. OP is jumping to conclusions that just because they are calling each mate and have known each other for many years, nothing romantic is going on.

- Friend and her may have never been single at the same

- Feelings developed as time went on

- My former roommate called me "mate" before we started sleeping together

Budget travel almost certainly involves room sharing. Women will rarely share a room with a man that she has zero attraction to. She also posted mysterious 2 passport photos on social media, hinting to their friends and whoever else that they are together. Also, a very odd thing to do.

 

 

Can also have separate beds though. And yeah I guess but would seem risky to post herself with her male friend incase it puts off anyone she’s dating. I’d avoid doing the same vice versa but at least hint I wasn’t going on my own

Either way she’s single as am I. We’re still in the dating stage so I’ll see how it progresses and whether she wants to make things official down the line. Least I’ll have my answer then

Edited June 7, 2022 by ramboparrot3

[ramboparrot3]

1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

I have a friend who just started seeing a girl prior to a vacation she already had on the books. This girl sent daily texts and even occasional videos because she was into my friend, and he did the same.  Sometimes he texted first; sometimes she did.  Neither of them was stressing out about who texted last, how long it had been between texts, whether there were status updates on Facebook but unread messages on Whatsapp, etc.  When she got back, they made immediate plans to see each other. They could have chosen to eat take-out on one of their couches and it would have been fine:  they just wanted to be together.  That's what balance looks like.

I am not sensing that this girl is anywhere near as into you as you are into her, OP. I think you are a placeholder, at best.  I know that's not what you want to hear, but that's how I read it.

A girl who was into you would have accepted your initial offer or, if she really hated Turkish food, would have suggested an alternative.  Instead, this girl first tells you that you're in competition with a crappy tv show and then makes you jump through hoops to suggest a restaurant that meets her standards.  This is not the behavior of someone who is into you in any significant way.

Guard your heart.

The conversation was me asking when she’s free and that there’s a place I wanted to take her to. That’s when she joked about being in competition with her show. She then asked me where I was taking her incase she didn’t like it, when I said it she said it wasn’t her type of food, etc so I suggested two other places and she said “That Italian is the best one out of the two 🙂”. Then I asked if Thursday or Friday was good and she picked thursday.

Looking back I overblew the situation due to my anxiety. She replied to my texts with effort, just half a day to a day late which was longer than before her vacation. I think that change in communication caught me off guard, but her response time went back to normal once she got back.

Just like what others said to me, it was her vacation and I doubt she wants to spend a large amount of time thinking of a detailed reply when you go there to relax in the sun and to get away from everyday life. I’m surprised she made the effort she did

[Versacehottie]

1 hour ago, ramboparrot3 said:

Well I mean she’s replying positively and agreeing to dates, showing interest in person so that’s all that matters lol. If she didn’t have any sort of interest then she wouldn’t continue to meet up and make moves on me. No offence but I think your reply just makes me overthink things more so I’m best just going at my own pace and seeing where it goes. It was fine before and after the vacation, just communication changing during the vacation threw me off

If you say so.....

I think you are setting the bar low and evaluating the wrong things, such as getting compliance or a bare minimum response which is sort of what I would consider you getting.

I don't want to contribute to your overthinking though--which is important that you recognized and identified. What I think you should DO, is work on managing and working on your overthinking and thoughts especially now since you've self-identified it. You can't or shouldn't manage your anxiety and overthinking THROUGH your progress with her, ie result A means good and B bad and a whole lot of overthinking and hand wringing. Need to manage it separately from this person and bring a less overthinking self to your relationships. 

Honestly, IMO people that do things by rote, want to rely on a magic set of steps/formula, and are ripe for a hail mary in budding romantic relationships are classic overthinkers. You let your personal fretting drive the bus and guide your actions and it's will be the downfall of your relationships.  So please work on it. Anyway good luck😊

ETA: you should stop the deep dives into her FB and monitoring her social media as job number one. If you are ACTUALLY trying to manage your overthinking, not sneak around the idea of stopping overthinking but doing things that calm it momentarily but are actually more fuel. All of this puts emphasis on outside or external factors being more important than who you are and what you bring to the table. You need to work on your self-worth and your chill

Edited June 7, 2022 by Versacehottie