Girl I'm dating still adding new photos to her dating profile despite saying she can only focus on dating one person at a time

[poppyfields]

OP, my personal opinion based on everything you've posted suggests she is not as into you as you are her and dating you for attention, ego boost, the appearance of having abundance,  to elicit competition in other men or any other number of reasons that have little to do with her interest in you as a man or romantic partner.   

Just my spiny sense which has always been pretty spot on about such things. 

BUT all you can do is play this out, let chips fall where they may. 

If it works out, great, if not, you reflect and learn for next girl. 

 

Edited June 7, 2022 by poppyfields

[Eternal Sunshine]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

OP, my personal opinion based on everything you've posted suggests she is not as into you as you are her and dating you for attention, ego boost, the appearance of having abundance,  to elicit competition in other men or any other number of reasons that have little to do with her interest in you as a man or romantic partner.   

Just my spiny sense which has always been pretty spot on about such things. 

BUT all you can do is play this out, let chips fall where they may. 

If it works out, great, if not, you reflect and learn for next girl. 

 

I have the same intuition too.

All the texting about the restaurants, meh. Dates are not about food, they are about spending time with the person you like.

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

The conversation was me asking when she’s free and that there’s a place I wanted to take her to. That’s when she joked about being in competition with her show. She then asked me where I was taking her incase she didn’t like it, when I said it she said it wasn’t her type of food, etc so I suggested two other places and she said “That Italian is the best one out of the two 🙂”. Then I asked if Thursday or Friday was good and she picked thursday.

I understand that you are keeping her in mind and it seems to me that you are trying to be accommodating to her and impress her, which is a lovely and thoughtful thing to do.

However, there is something that I'd like you to keep in mind in the future.

Which would you prefer? Planning all the dates yourself, or would you prefer she put in a bit more effort?

She too can give you her own suggestions if she wishes if she is not a fan of something.

Edited June 7, 2022 by Alpacalia

[poppyfields]

>>you are trying to be accommodating to her and impress her, which is a lovely and thoughtful thing to do.<<

OP, I would like to interject my two cents about this statement.

On its face yes it would appear to be lovely and thoughtful, however when it's not reciprocated or balanced, men who behave this way can come across almost "too nice," which is NOT lovely and thoughtful, it can appear manipulative.  It reflects low value and a "white knight" mentality which is a turn OFF for many women, myself included.

Our thoughts are, why is he being so "nice," I haven't responded in two days, I am on vacay with another man, I am giving him breadcrumbs, but yet he's going out of his way to be so accommodating and well, NICE!   What's his game, his agenda?   

Speaking personally, I have learned to not trust such over-zealous "niceness" for various reasons which I won't get into now.  I lose respect for men who behave this way REAL fast. 

Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy," it does NOT mean don't be nice, of course you want to be nice, just not overly nice and accommodating especially when you're not receiving it back, she is making you jump through hoops, play guessing games or otherwise acting elusively.

I suggested this earlier but please learn about women and what they actually respond to, not what they tell you they respond to.  Often times that can be two entirely different things.  Because as @dramafreezoneso eloquently posted, what women tell you is what they logically want, but attraction and feelings are very rarely logical, they're emotional.

A woman responds to what her emotions tell her, not to what she believes she logically wants.  I can attest to that myself as a woman.

Talk to men on a few men's sites about their experiences with such behavior from women and what they have learned from it.

Also, read some threads from women here who often complain about the men they date acting distant and cool, but yet they appear to have fallen hard for them, almost to the point of obsession!

I am not suggesting you act like an d-bag, please don't!  But learn balance.  Give and take, reciprocation.   Give what you get, she should be doing same.  Stay focused on your purpose in life which during these early stages should NOT be her!

That is how you earn a woman's respect and as @dramafreezonealso posted, a woman cannot love a man she does not respect.

 

 

Edited June 7, 2022 by poppyfields

[IrinaM]

On 5/30/2022 at 6:42 AM, ramboparrot3 said:

She’s definitely with a guy and just him. Her photo at the airport was of two passports and a glass of wine and a beer, even though she likes beer.

Here's the thing: traveling alone with someone of the opposite sex typically means couple. You seem certain that this is an opposite-sex friends international-travel trip. You also seem to think this is an inexpensive, last minute international trip. All of these assumptions on your part are highly unlikely, to the point that you seem easily convinced. I've never taken a cheap international trip with a platonic male friend that I threw together at the last minute.

Also, you are overlooking the point of the photo. When a woman posts a photo like that to her social media, it means, "look at me, I'm taking an international vacation with my SO, aren't I lucky, be envious." That's the meaning of the two passports and the two drinks. It doesn't mean "I'm off with a pal, could be a man could be a woman, the gender is irrelevant."

I'll reiterate a point many other posters have made -- it shouldn't be difficult for her to be in touch or get back to you. This is 2022 not 1999. There are no roaming charges or whatever. Whenever someone tells me that they will make every attempt to be in touch with me but not to expect too much because of: their data, or their plan, or their coverage, their voice mail, their work, their vacation, their travel, their children, their parents, their grandparents, cousins, burning man etc., I know this is someone who has some psychological need to be chased.

I'm not trying to be harsh. Just please guard your heart, it's precious.

[Alpacalia]

It seems that some of these posts lead to the impression that she lacks self-control? No sense of autonomy?

A man's physical proximity to you isn't a prerequisite to having a sexual relationship with him.

Still, I feel most people would not want to send such a message by traveling with someone of the opposite sex when they first start dating. It's not really a good idea to do this when you're just getting to know your date and want to start a relationship with him or her.

There is no exclusivity or commitment between you, but you have been on four dates together so far and you both can choose who to spend your vacation time with. The idea of dating someone new who is going away on vacation with a friend of the opposite gender is not appealing to most people. Even so, if you have only been on four dates, it certainly seems reasonable to assume that you both are conversing with or dating other people.

[dramafreezone]

8 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

The conversation was me asking when she’s free and that there’s a place I wanted to take her to. That’s when she joked about being in competition with her show. She then asked me where I was taking her incase she didn’t like it, when I said it she said it wasn’t her type of food, etc so I suggested two other places and she said “That Italian is the best one out of the two 🙂”. Then I asked if Thursday or Friday was good and she picked thursday.

 

There's a little bit of truth in jest.  I think she is a high flake risk.  To me it sounds like if nothing else is going on, if her cat doesn't need to go to the vet, if she doesn't have to wash her hair, if her grandmother doesn't need her medication picked up, then she'll make the date because it's better than staring at the four walls in her house.

Again, this is not the talk of someone that's really into you and can't wait to see you.   If she was really into you, she might have agreed to the restaurant regardless of if she liked the food or not.   I hope I'm wrong, she's super into you and everything goes off without a hitch.  Good luck!

[Uruktopi]

3 hours ago, poppyfields said:

A woman responds to what her emotions tell her, not to what she believes she logically wants.  I can attest to that myself as a woman.

Talk to men on a few men's sites about their experiences with such behavior from women and what they have learned from it.

True

It took me years to see this.

 

[CLS63AMG]

Why are you taking this girl out for expensive dinners??  That's relationship stuff.  3rd date should have been you inviting her over for dinner and wine - and we know where that leads.  Switch your next date to this and I bet she bails.

[Wiseman2]

8 hours ago, CLS63AMG said:

 3rd date should have been you inviting her over for dinner and wine - and we know where that leads.  

What do you mean by this? He should test her?

[introverted1]

22 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

Well I mean she’s replying positively and agreeing to dates, showing interest in person so that’s all that matters lol.

No, that is not all that matters.

Name one thing this girl has done to advance the relationship. Planned a date? Suggested an activity? Told you she missed you while on vacation?

From what you've written here, she allows you to jump through hoops looking for the magic sequence that will unlock the reward of buying her dinner.  She's not even putting in 1%, let alone 50%.

I don't see this ending well for you OP, although I certainly hope it does. 

Good luck.

 

[Alpacalia]

Women are emotional?

Oh my gosh, what a terrifying thought. 😱 What revolutionary discoveries have we made? I've never heard of anything like this before. 

This is pretty standard fare, OP.

Edited June 8, 2022 by Alpacalia

[glows]

23 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

The conversation was me asking when she’s free and that there’s a place I wanted to take her to. That’s when she joked about being in competition with her show. She then asked me where I was taking her incase she didn’t like it, when I said it she said it wasn’t her type of food, etc so I suggested two other places and she said “That Italian is the best one out of the two 🙂”. Then I asked if Thursday or Friday was good and she picked thursday.

Looking back I overblew the situation due to my anxiety. She replied to my texts with effort, just half a day to a day late which was longer than before her vacation. I think that change in communication caught me off guard, but her response time went back to normal once she got back.

Just like what others said to me, it was her vacation and I doubt she wants to spend a large amount of time thinking of a detailed reply when you go there to relax in the sun and to get away from everyday life. I’m surprised she made the effort she did

It’s too early to tell. Don’t worry so much about texting every day or keeping in touch daily. That is also the stuff of relationships and further down the line. I would not respond well to daily/frequent texts. That to me is too much. I agree with you about the anxiety. Try other ways to manage this - stay busy.