Girl I'm dating still adding new photos to her dating profile despite saying she can only focus on dating one person at a time

[ramboparrot3]

6 hours ago, glows said:

Not sure what this means. It sounds terribly insecure. There's nothing wrong with updating your profile but avoid retaliation of any sort. 

You are totally free to do whatever you want but always treat others how you'd want to be treated. This is only one week until she gets back. It's not long. Can you not think of other things to do besides her and the dating profile? 

I’m trying to sort a mortgage out this week so there is that I guess. I reached out the morning after but just saying I hope she arrived safe and having fun so far. I’m not sending anything else until I know she’s back in the country and will focus on other things for now

[ramboparrot3]

4 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

She's slow to respond to your test ... but ... she wants you to make her the center of your universe by texting her awake and goodnight?

A serious red flag here. Dude, this will only be a mountain of drama to hang more with this woman. 

She said she prefers this when in a relationship but doesn’t expect me to do this all the time until we got to that point. Although I say that, but when we spoke about it on Friday, she used me not sending her a message all day on Thursday as an example saying not hearing from me on that day would concern her lol.

In person it’s been perfect, great communication snd chemistry and I would put my life savings on that she was interested in me. I went for her hand and she reciprocated then after putting my coat on her as she was cold, she then took my hand. Pulling away from kissing you could tell she was in the moment and wanted to keep kissing.

However in between it’s a chore. This is coming from myself who would be happy going 1 or 2 days without texting as I prefer in person contact. Although I’m willing to compromise and reach out more, it’s just every now and then she won’t reply without a double text. She did that before the 3rd and 4th date.

If possible I think I need to make what I want clear as well. I’ve said to her I’m too busy to text all day everyday and she was fine with that, just a simple check in will do but I may say that I’d appreciate a reply at least. At this moment I’m giving it benefit of the doubt due to being on holiday 

[ramboparrot3]

2 hours ago, assertives said:

Dating is a try out, to see if you are compatible as partners in the day to day life. I would give it serious thought about whether her communication style, priorities, lifestyle and expectations are compatible with yours. What you experienced on your in person dates may be magical, but you also need to pay attention to how she makes you feel when outside of the date. I frankly think her communication habits when you are apart are likely going to stay even when you guys are officially together.

I get that you guys are not exclusive and hence you both can do whatever you want, but there seems to be an air of nonchalance that gives off this vibe that you want this to work more than she does. Invest your time and energy in someone who puts forth the same energy as you.

If I ask her on a date over text and she agrees then I’m fine with anything else. If I check in or send something without a reply, that’s fine for me. At this moment I have the uncertainty of not arranging any date due to her vacation so it’s all up in the air. For example If we had a week on Wednesday arranged already I wouldn’t be bothered right now.

Edited May 30, 2022 by ramboparrot3

[Lisa]

Moderator note: @ramboparrot3 and @anonymousparrot1 are the same poster

[ramboparrot3]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I agree, on all counts. 

She sounds high-maintenance. Let this be your advance warning, OP. 

Yeah definitely gathered that. Feels like a lot of rules early on but it didn’t seem to ruin the fun. My negative is that she doesn’t use them herself lol.

Definitely some insecurities in there too. As I walked her back I remember when we spoke about not dating anyone else she teased me saying she might end up running off with a turkish man for all she knows (by her tone it was said jokingly) but she also joked saying that I’d probably be on another date with someone else off the dating app when she’s on vacation.

I did initially change my photo on facebook dating the other day so it might have notified her on facebook, but then she did the same and we’re both single lol

[ramboparrot3]

22 minutes ago, Lisa said:

Moderator note: @ramboparrot3 and @anonymousparrot1 are the same poster

Sorry, I tried resetting my password for my account but it kept failing to sign in lol

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, ramboparrot3 said:

She said she prefers this when in a relationship but doesn’t expect me to do this all the time until we got to that point. 

You're paying way too much attention to a random remark about communication preferences. This is typical get-to-know-you chitchat on the first few dates.

Ok. You messaged her now step back and relax. Date others or don't date others.

It seems you're upset she's off traveling with a mixed group and your mind is all over the place that she's having sex with the guys on the trip.

 

[ramboparrot3]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

You're paying way too much attention to a random remark about communication preferences. This is typical get-to-know-you chitchat on the first few dates.

Ok. You messaged her now step back and relax. Date others or don't date others.

It seems you're upset she's off traveling with a mixed group and your mind is all over the place that she's having sex with the guys on the trip.

 

She’s definitely with a guy and just him. Her photo at the airport was of two passports and a glass of wine and a beer, even though she likes beer. On our last date she mentioned “he” then changed to “they” when she realised. Like another commenter on here said, she may have thought going with a guy friend would put me off. I’m confident enough that looking at her past photo albums she does travel places with individual guys from her friendship group.

If it isn’t then sure whatever, she obviously isn’t the girl for me.

I’d like to see if this did become more official and see if i’m okay with it. I think as long as we’re constantly making plans then that’s fine but yeah will be worth going on other dates too

[glows]

5 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

She said she prefers this when in a relationship but doesn’t expect me to do this all the time until we got to that point. Although I say that, but when we spoke about it on Friday, she used me not sending her a message all day on Thursday as an example saying not hearing from me on that day would concern her lol.

 

Don’t stew on this in future. Mention to the other person that they are welcome to message you. Be very wary of excessive passiveness in a potential partner and then turning it around as if you’re the only one to put in the work. This is just manipulative, OP. I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt and that you were anxious but language like this suggests someone not confident enough with herself nor possibly able to have healthy or balanced relationships. 

Good of you to stay busy. Don’t let these things toy with you mentally. Just recognize it and move on. It’s early days and you seem to want to get to know her a bit more. I’d tread with caution and not keep thinking you have to jump through hoops to impress her. Be your gentlemanly, genuine self and that is all.

[ramboparrot3]

1 minute ago, glows said:

Don’t stew on this in future. Mention to the other person that they are welcome to message you. Be very wary of excessive passiveness in a potential partner and then turning it around as if you’re the only one to put in the work. This is just manipulative, OP. I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt and that you were anxious but language like this suggests someone not confident enough with herself nor possibly able to have healthy or balanced relationships. 

Good of you to stay busy. Don’t let these things toy with you mentally. Just recognize it and move on. It’s early days and you seem to want to get to know her a bit more. I’d tread with caution and not keep thinking you have to jump through hoops to impress her. Be your gentlemanly, genuine self and that is all.

It does make me question what happened in her last relationship, but I’m no pushover and I’ll make it clear I don’t like something if she does anything I don’t like

I have a tendency to overthink so hopefully I can get past that. Thanks, yeah I am my gentlemanly, genuine self in person and we click very well but I’ll have to find that routine with her over text. If it’s going to be as simple as checking in morning and evening I’m fine with that, but I do worry that gets repetitive over time

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

She’s definitely with a guy and just him. Her photo at the airport was of two passports and a glass of wine and a beer.

Ok, if she's with someone an on/off BF, whatever, just end it.

[Lotsgoingon]

Look, what someone who has some social sophistication would do in her circumstance is to make it 1,000 percent crystal clear--totally obvious, open, blatantly, redundantly clear--that she is ONLY friends with the guy she is with. This is what most people would do in your gf's position would do if she were genuinely interested in you. 

I have several very close women friends. But I don't travel with any of these women. I might have long breakfasts out with them, but not travel alone somewhere. 

Red flag, bro. 

Edited May 30, 2022 by Lotsgoingon

[glows]

8 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

It does make me question what happened in her last relationship, but I’m no pushover and I’ll make it clear I don’t like something if she does anything I don’t like

I have a tendency to overthink so hopefully I can get past that. Thanks, yeah I am my gentlemanly, genuine self in person and we click very well but I’ll have to find that routine with her over text. If it’s going to be as simple as checking in morning and evening I’m fine with that, but I do worry that gets repetitive over time

My suggestion is to let it happen on its own without forcing a routine of some sort. You both are not there yet when she doesn’t reply. If I have it correctly you’ve already double texted her: once to wish her a good trip, second to check in if she reached safely. That’s enough and shows how caring you are. 

No, it doesn’t get repetitive. I’ve had it in serious relationships for years without fail. You find ways to communicate but it comes about organically and with love in your hearts not stressing about impressing someone you barely know. You’ll need to see that she matches your interest over time and whether you even like her once you know her. There’s a lot you still don’t know about her.

[ramboparrot3]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, if she's with someone an on/off BF, whatever, just end it.

I would definitely do that, but I’m in no position to ask at this stage. All I can do is assume. She’s open to the idea of a relationship so I’ll get my answer around then should we still keep seeing each other. Her past vacations and looking at her social media suggests it’s probably one of her friends but then why not just tag him in and just warn me about it. Unless she doesn’t want to risk that, all I can do is go with the flow and keep doing what I’ve been doing. She mentioned the holiday as a last minute invite by her friend the weekend before this.

[ramboparrot3]

5 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Look, what someone who has some social sophistication would do in her circumstance is to make it 1,000 percent crystal clear--totally obvious, open, blatantly, redundantly clear--that she is ONLY friends with the guy she is with. This is what most people would do in your gf's position would do if she were genuinely interested in you. 

I have several very close women friends. But I don't travel with any of these women. I might have long breakfasts out with them, but not travel alone somewhere. 

Red flag, bro. 

She did make it clear it was a friend she was going with on both our 3rd and 4th dates. The only information I have that it’s a guy was the slip of her tongue when she said “he”, but end of the day I can’t question something I’m not 100% sure on as it could be a girl, it could genuinely be a friend. I’m not her boyfriend so I don’t really have a say in the matter aside from cutting things off due to a guess on what’s happening

[ramboparrot3]

10 minutes ago, glows said:

My suggestion is to let it happen on its own without forcing a routine of some sort. You both are not there yet when she doesn’t reply. If I have it correctly you’ve already double texted her: once to wish her a good trip, second to check in if she reached safely. That’s enough and shows how caring you are. 

No, it doesn’t get repetitive. I’ve had it in serious relationships for years without fail. You find ways to communicate but it comes about organically and with love in your hearts not stressing about impressing someone you barely know. You’ll need to see that she matches your interest over time and whether you even like her once you know her. There’s a lot you still don’t know about her.

I also had to before date 3 and 4, she’s not great at texting but I don’t hold a trophy for it either.

Yeah too early to tell, rose-tinted glasses and all. If it becomes a chore over time then I’ll communicate about having a more balanced effort between us then move on if nothing changes.

I’ll take it one step at a time and just let her enjoy the vacation this week. If it doesn’t work out then I’ll find someone who feels the same way

[glows]

Just now, ramboparrot3 said:

I also had to before date 3 and 4, she’s not great at texting but I don’t hold a trophy for it either.

Yeah too early to tell, rose-tinted glasses and all. If it becomes a chore over time then I’ll communicate about having a more balanced effort between us then move on if nothing changes.

I’ll take it one step at a time and just let her enjoy the vacation this week. If it doesn’t work out then I’ll find someone who feels the same way

Good to hear. 👍 

[ramboparrot3]

I sent “Hey, hoping you got there safe and that you’re having a good time so far 🙂” this morning

She replied “Good morning 😎 yes we arrived safe and sound! Just up for breakfast now. Hope you are okay 😊”

So I am glad I checked in. I do think she’s someone who likes to be chased though, she seems to like the guy doing the work so I’ll have to judge that for myself going forward. As long as I find it fun, that’s okay

Edited May 30, 2022 by ramboparrot3

[ccas93]

6 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

I sent “Hey, hoping you got there safe and that you’re having a good time so far 🙂” this morning

She replied “Good morning 😎 yes we arrived safe and sound! Just up for breakfast now. Hope you are okay 😊”

So I am glad I checked in. I do think she’s someone who likes to be chased though, she seems to like the guy doing the work so I’ll have to judge that for myself going forward. As long as I find it fun, that’s okay

I dunno, I would detach from this girl of break it off. At the very least develop a take-it-or-leave-it attitude with her, see other women and stop thinking about her until she chases you a little bit. Sounds to me like her communication is a headache for you and you guys aren't really compatible. She also didn't ask how you are doing and left it close ended.

[glows]

7 hours ago, ramboparrot3 said:

I sent “Hey, hoping you got there safe and that you’re having a good time so far 🙂” this morning

She replied “Good morning 😎 yes we arrived safe and sound! Just up for breakfast now. Hope you are okay 😊”

So I am glad I checked in. I do think she’s someone who likes to be chased though, she seems to like the guy doing the work so I’ll have to judge that for myself going forward. As long as I find it fun, that’s okay

Agree. Let dating not be a headache but a pleasant undertaking. 🌹

[ramboparrot3]

3 hours ago, ccas93 said:

I dunno, I would detach from this girl of break it off. At the very least develop a take-it-or-leave-it attitude with her, see other women and stop thinking about her until she chases you a little bit. Sounds to me like her communication is a headache for you and you guys aren't really compatible. She also didn't ask how you are doing and left it close ended.

When I mentioned I went on a run she asked about that lol, she’s not a great texter but she does ask me questions tbh

[Eternal Sunshine]

You are way too focused on what she likes. What about what you like?

- You don't like that she puts up new photos on her dating profile

- You don't like that she is on a holiday with a male friend and wasn't even clear/honest about it

- You don't like that she doesn't reply to your texts yet posts semi-romantic photos on her social media (that photo with 2 passports and 2 drinks was obviously posted with no concern for your feelings. Yes, it's only 4 dates but I can guarantee you that if she really liked you, she would never risk turning you off like that).

This girl is bad news. She is keeping you around as an option while she sees what else is out there on the dating site and how things progress with her holiday friend. You might have a shot if none of that pans out but I wouldn't settle for that.

[ramboparrot3]

5 hours ago, Eternal Sunshine said:

You are way too focused on what she likes. What about what you like?

- You don't like that she puts up new photos on her dating profile

- You don't like that she is on a holiday with a male friend and wasn't even clear/honest about it

- You don't like that she doesn't reply to your texts yet posts semi-romantic photos on her social media (that photo with 2 passports and 2 drinks was obviously posted with no concern for your feelings. Yes, it's only 4 dates but I can guarantee you that if she really liked you, she would never risk turning you off like that).

This girl is bad news. She is keeping you around as an option while she sees what else is out there on the dating site and how things progress with her holiday friend. You might have a shot if none of that pans out but I wouldn't settle for that.

I get what you mean but we’re both single anyway, it’s early days. I want to see where it goes without any pressure and also keep my options open. She does go travelling with one or two of her male friends in her social group so I don’t want to shoot myself in the foot by assuming. I’m assuming it’s male based off a slip of the tongue but I don’t know for sure. She also puts hearts on all her statuses by the way, not just that photo.
 

She said she considers herself single until I ask her to be my GF which I can’t argue with, I also consider myself single until I do that. Also mentioned to me a few times she doesn’t have the time to date anyone else and asks if I am so I’ll take her word on it.

She could also be using that photo to make me jealous as well, because I can play it too cool sometimes and she prefers more communication.

I don’t mind her being on holiday with a friend, being it male made me wonder but looking at all her trips on facebook with certain guy friends she’s gone with are all part of her friendship group. I could be wrong but not worth overthinking, I’ll see it in her actions.

Either way I have a few concerns but these are based on assumptions really. I think as long as she agrees to dates and agrees to being official then that’s ok.

Most advice I’ve got so far have told me she’s single so she’s obviously free to do what ever as am I as we’re not exclusive

I’d actually prefer her to meet other people because if she prefers me then it shows there’s something there. With my ex I felt like she settled for me due to nobody showing interest in her.

I’ll keep cautious though and have other options just to cover myself

Edited May 31, 2022 by ramboparrot3

[flitzanu]

i don't think it's been mentioned in comments yet, one notion overlooked is this "guy" she is traveling with could just be her gay bff.  or if not, could literally be just a platonic nonsexual friend, as people are allowed to be friends and not be dating.

it is worth observing for sure, but don't get too reactive about it since you literally know zero about who this person is.

[ramboparrot3]

23 hours ago, flitzanu said:

i don't think it's been mentioned in comments yet, one notion overlooked is this "guy" she is traveling with could just be her gay bff.  or if not, could literally be just a platonic nonsexual friend, as people are allowed to be friends and not be dating.

it is worth observing for sure, but don't get too reactive about it since you literally know zero about who this person is.

Yeah I’m not worrying mainly because looking through her past holiday albums she’s been with one of her guy mates that are also in her social group. The only reason I think it’s a guy was her slip of the tongue saying he, then said they, so assumed she didn’t want to put me off openly saying it. My only concern is she’s only really put photos of herself on Facebook from this trip, there’s no other person (probably taking the photo) apart from the photo of the two passports and drinks. Just seems a bit weird if you were going with a friend you’d take a selfie together, or at least if it was a guy friend then could just tell me. Either way, both of us still single so what ever