Girl I'm dating still adding new photos to her dating profile despite saying she can only focus on dating one person at a time

[ramboparrot3]

So she reacted really well to my message wishing her morning the other day but towards the end she said “What do you keep deleting  Haha I can be at times, depends who I am dealing with haha!  Good day, burnt myself a little bit though so covering up. How are you?” (I deleted a message correcting something before this)

I replied “Sent you my bank details but you were too slow so guess you missed out i’m good, got a few days off now. All this sunbathing, I might have to fly over and fight all these turkish blokes off you haha”

I sent it at 4:30pm on Tuesday and it’s now 7pm Wednesday. Whatsapp shows she hasn’t read it, but noticed half an hour ago she uploaded a photo of her at a place on holiday so I don’t know really. I didn’t give her a question to respond to, but seems odd that she didn’t read it.

I find it a bit annoying but she’s on holiday and I can’t exactly show my annoyance with it at this stage apart from judging things when she returns

I’ll wish her morning over next couple of days but just get past this week and once she’s back from holiday I can assess it then. If we’re still making dates and things seem more normal then fair enough but if things continue to be a chore i’ll leave it. Can’t judge it whilst she’s on vacation as it was fine before this week

Edited June 1, 2022 by ramboparrot3

[Alpacalia]

Let her enjoy her vacation instead of texting her constantly.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, ramboparrot3 said:

I sent it at 4:30pm on Tuesday and it’s now 7pm Wednesday. Whatsapp shows she hasn’t read it, but noticed half an hour ago she uploaded a photo of her at a place on holiday so I don’t know really.

Knock off all the chitchat. Wait until she's back. Try not to suffocate or text-tether (which you are trying to do and she knows it). 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, ramboparrot3 said:

I sent it at 4:30pm on Tuesday and it’s now 7pm Wednesday. Whatsapp shows she hasn’t read it, but noticed half an hour ago she uploaded a photo of her at a place on holiday so I don’t know really. I didn’t give her a question to respond to, but seems odd that she didn’t read it.

Does it?

She did something similar before, when she didn't reply to you but updated her dating profile picture. It's thus not totally strange of her. I agree that you need to let it be, but again this is evidence of someone who holds you to a different standard than she does herself. 

1 hour ago, ramboparrot3 said:

I’ll wish her morning over next couple of days

Why? Let her initiate sometimes too. Don't be so afraid not to follow her "rules" of how you should communicate with her. It would be worth standing still and seeing what she does of her own volition without any nudging from you. 

[CLS63AMG]

This happened to me years ago, she said she'd get back to me by the weekend, didnt and put up new pics, I blocked and moved on to younger and hotter girls.  Literally she was a struggling new business owner, I traded up for a 5 year younger doctor that was WAY hotter.  Men - you have options, more than you know.

Edited June 2, 2022 by CLS63AMG

[Maldives]

On 5/23/2022 at 9:03 AM, anonymousparrot1 said:

Girl I’m dating still adding new photos to her dating profile

 

First of all we’ve only been on two dates and we have a third in a couple of days. We haven’t spoken about being exclusive so that’s understandable, but she has told me when she dates someone she prefers to focus on that one person and mentioned to me that she wasn’t dating anyone else asking if I was dating anyone else too.

 

She shows high amount of interest in me, has taken photos of the two of us already and already told me that she prefers the guy to ask her to be their girlfriend rather than her asking them and obviously until that happens she considers herself single, etc. She was also telling me what she likes in a relationship, but obviously I’ve only had 2 going on 3 dates so for me I’d have to wait a other month before asking.

 

My issue is, whilst she says all of this, she’s still uploading new photos to the dating profile we met on.

 

Whilst I understand we both have every right to date whoever this early on, if she’s told me she only focuses on one person when dating then why continue to upload new photos? To me it feels like she’s making do until something better comes along based on what I’ve mentioned. Am I wrong thinking this or should I be cautious?

Don't focus on her words. Focus on her actions that speaks volumes not the words and paints a more accurate picture of the person and their personality. Simply put she doesn't walk her talk

[Acacia98]

On 5/30/2022 at 5:55 PM, ramboparrot3 said:

So I am glad I checked in. I do think she’s someone who likes to be chased though, she seems to like the guy doing the work so I’ll have to judge that for myself going forward. As long as I find it fun, that’s okay

Yeah, but you're clearly not finding it fun.

On the communication thing, my policy is to give back as much as I'm getting. That way, I don't get resentful at the person for communicating less frequently/consistently than I do.

Communication is a two-way street. It can't work well if only one person is making a tremendous effort.

And this is not about being venegeful or jealous or controlling. It's just common sense. I write to you, you respond. If you don't respond, I assume you're busy or offline, so I give you the chance to get back to me when you can. Period. If you bring it up in conversation, complaining that I'm not meeting your standards, I'll simply say that when I didn't hear back from you, I assumed you were busy or didn't have decent internet access. So instead of filling your inbox with tons of messages you couldn't respond to, I thought I'd just wait to hear back from you.

Reciprocity matters a heck of a lot, OP. It's something you should keep an eye out for when dating. Your role is not just to meet the woman's expectations; you're also going into this with needs and expectations. So take the time to determine if she meets yours. If she doesn't, you will be as anxious in a relationship as you appear to be in this discussion. You have a right to want and to have a better experience.

[Calmandfocused]

For the 2nd time she has not bothered to read your text whilst on holiday despite having opportunity to do so. 
 

Op, seriously, what is this behaviour telling you? 
 

Is this the sort of behaviour that you engage in when you’re enthusiastic and seriously interested in someone? 
 

You already know what is blatantly obvious yet you’re refusing to acknowledge. 
 

Meanwhile you’re clinging on to any little scrap she may/ may not throw your way - - which is not very attractive btw. Prospective partners sense this “loyalty” before its earned and it’s off putting. 
 

Please stop torturing yourself and go and enjoy yourself. 

[Eternal Sunshine]

I also don't understand the mentality of not having time while on vacation. I have the most free time while I am lying by the pool. "Regular life" is much busier.

[Allupinnit]

12 hours ago, CLS63AMG said:

This happened to me years ago, she said she'd get back to me by the weekend, didnt and put up new pics, I blocked and moved on to younger and hotter girls.  Literally she was a struggling new business owner, I traded up for a 5 year younger doctor that was WAY hotter.  Men - you have options, more than you know.

Good for you!

But most men don't have a ton of online options.

[flitzanu]

2 hours ago, Eternal Sunshine said:

I also don't understand the mentality of not having time while on vacation. I have the most free time while I am lying by the pool. "Regular life" is much busier.

 

i mean, this, yes, but also no, because being on vacation can also mean disconnecting.  having all the free time without work sometimes means wanting to do absolutely nothing.

 

also the passive-aggressive jokes may need a bit of work, i don't think they're "bad" but i'd be more aware of how you word them.

"i hope i don't have to fly over there and beat up all the Turks on the beach gawking at you"  could have a weird cuteness to it, but something like "man, all those dudes on the beach are pretty luck to have you to stare at" is a lot more relaxed and complimentary than imaginary violence on strangers for looking a a person

[Eternal Sunshine]

9 hours ago, flitzanu said:

 

i mean, this, yes, but also no, because being on vacation can also mean disconnecting.  having all the free time without work sometimes means wanting to do absolutely nothing.

 

also the passive-aggressive jokes may need a bit of work, i don't think they're "bad" but i'd be more aware of how you word them.

"i hope i don't have to fly over there and beat up all the Turks on the beach gawking at you"  could have a weird cuteness to it, but something like "man, all those dudes on the beach are pretty luck to have you to stare at" is a lot more relaxed and complimentary than imaginary violence on strangers for looking a a person

I understand disconnecting from work but at a beginning of a relationship she should be excited to hear from him, he should be a bright spot in her life. She could be texting him bikini pics and having fun with it. Yet, she is treating him like a chore.

I do agree that his joke is kind of off-putting. Especially given that it's obvious that he is much more into her than she is into him, this just adds a creepy vibe if taken wrongly.

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, Eternal Sunshine said:

I understand disconnecting from work but at a beginning of a relationship she should be excited to hear from him, he should be a bright spot in her life. She could be texting him bikini pics and having fun with it. Yet, she is treating him like a chore.

I agree. 

If I were into  new guy, I'd be happy to send updates my holidays, excited to send him a couple pics, and generally share the experience a bit with him. That doesn't mean I'd be available to text all the time, obviously, but I would naturally be motivated to keep in touch. 

I am not getting the impression this girl is as into you as you are into her, OP. 

[Alpacalia]

If you're on vacation and you're continuously being texted or called by the man you've been on four dates with.

That is quite different.

Are we talking once a day here? Several times a day?

The OP said she prefers him to check in on her twice a day, and she wants him to do this regularly, but her response to his messages has been mild at best.

 

[glows]

On 6/1/2022 at 11:11 AM, ramboparrot3 said:

So she reacted really well to my message wishing her morning the other day but towards the end she said “What do you keep deleting  Haha I can be at times, depends who I am dealing with haha!  Good day, burnt myself a little bit though so covering up. How are you?” (I deleted a message correcting something before this)

I replied “Sent you my bank details but you were too slow so guess you missed out i’m good, got a few days off now. All this sunbathing, I might have to fly over and fight all these turkish blokes off you haha”

I sent it at 4:30pm on Tuesday and it’s now 7pm Wednesday. Whatsapp shows she hasn’t read it, but noticed half an hour ago she uploaded a photo of her at a place on holiday so I don’t know really. I didn’t give her a question to respond to, but seems odd that she didn’t read it.

I find it a bit annoying but she’s on holiday and I can’t exactly show my annoyance with it at this stage apart from judging things when she returns

I’ll wish her morning over next couple of days but just get past this week and once she’s back from holiday I can assess it then. If we’re still making dates and things seem more normal then fair enough but if things continue to be a chore i’ll leave it. Can’t judge it whilst she’s on vacation as it was fine before this week

I'm not sure why you're texting her like that. Let her respond to your last message. She's also on holiday with a friend. Why can't you let her have a nice holiday or time away and catch up when she's back? The bundle of nervous energy will drive some people away further, OP. Just step back and let her respond to you or catch up in person when she returns.

[dramafreezone]

On 6/1/2022 at 11:11 AM, ramboparrot3 said:

So she reacted really well to my message wishing her morning the other day but towards the end she said “What do you keep deleting  Haha I can be at times, depends who I am dealing with haha!  Good day, burnt myself a little bit though so covering up. How are you?” (I deleted a message correcting something before this)

I replied “Sent you my bank details but you were too slow so guess you missed out i’m good, got a few days off now. All this sunbathing, I might have to fly over and fight all these turkish blokes off you haha”

I sent it at 4:30pm on Tuesday and it’s now 7pm Wednesday. Whatsapp shows she hasn’t read it, but noticed half an hour ago she uploaded a photo of her at a place on holiday so I don’t know really. I didn’t give her a question to respond to, but seems odd that she didn’t read it.

I find it a bit annoying but she’s on holiday and I can’t exactly show my annoyance with it at this stage apart from judging things when she returns

I’ll wish her morning over next couple of days but just get past this week and once she’s back from holiday I can assess it then. If we’re still making dates and things seem more normal then fair enough but if things continue to be a chore i’ll leave it. Can’t judge it whilst she’s on vacation as it was fine before this week

You don't have to keep checking in.  She isn't going to forget about you. 

You have to give people space.  In fact space helps her to fill in that void with thinking about you.  If she isn't more excited to see you after you give her space, then there may not be that much there.

Ever hear the phrase "how can I miss you if you won't ever go away?"  Give it a rest and let her come to you.  If she doesn't then that's because she's just not feeling it, and you can't force her to feel it by giving her more attention.

[Uruktopi]

Give her space.

Make it be a lot.

Better if for a decade or two.

[ ] 

She need it.

And you need it more than her-

 

Edited June 3, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed hyperlink

[bene]

On 6/2/2022 at 6:28 PM, Eternal Sunshine said:

I also don't understand the mentality of not having time while on vacation. I have the most free time while I am lying by the pool. "Regular life" is much busier.

It seems to be a recurring topic in this forum that people leave for vacation after starting dating someone and somehow have absolutely no free time to send an occasional picture or text. I have always found it odd. Being on vacation would be a perfect opportunity to keep in touch, for example send a cute picture every once in a while. It would be fun, not an obligation. If she’s not too busy to post pictures of his and her passports at the airport then she’s not too busy to text the guy she’s dating. 

Let’s not kid ourselves, people these days are glued to their phones. And vacations usually don’t mean being off grid in the wilderness with no means to contact the outside world.

[ramboparrot3]

Thanks for the responses guys but she does respond back whether it takes half a day to over a day. She did warn me before the vacation not to expect quick replies because she didn’t want to be charged for data so she would respond when she can get wifi. I guess I took that too literally lol.

When she does respond she does so in detail and asks me questions, etc. I feel like my anxiousness is painting the wrong picture here. We probably reply back to each other once a day, but I think like some of you said I don’t want to be hounding her on her vacation so I’ve tried not to reply as often

Here’s some examples of her most recent texts since Thursday (all out of context):

”I think you missed out, might of sent you a quid  
Oh that’s good, anything planned with your days off? Haha they are everywhere but a lot friendlier than I experienced in Egypt”

”Well you know, I do splash out from time to time sounds good where you off? 
Holiday is great, having such a good time. You might get your wish, Turkey might be the place for me, the men are so much nicer and gentlemanly, I’ve not had to pull my chair out yet, go to the bar or carry a drink once ”

“You love it there I know it’s bliss! I’m looking for a man like that, premium treatment I’ve not stretched to a massage though, too far I’ll just have to make do with one of yours I’ll be back soon, couple more days. Are you celebrating the queen today?”

I think they’re positive, she responded to my banter and asks questions. Mentions she’ll be back in couple of days. Been over a day since my last reply and she’s yet to read it but I’ve not sent anything else, will wait until I get a reply or when she’s back in the country .

FYI, my response to her if anyone was interested was - “Hope you’ve had a great day. With all this treatment, might be calling you the queen soon… Cheers for the warning, two days for me to escape. Had a couple drinks near me singing god save the queen, what about you? Also had a nice sunset, reminded me of you when you said you go the seaside to watch them”

Edited June 5, 2022 by ramboparrot3

[ramboparrot3]

On 6/3/2022 at 3:10 PM, Alpacalia said:

If you're on vacation and you're continuously being texted or called by the man you've been on four dates with.

That is quite different.

Are we talking once a day here? Several times a day?

The OP said she prefers him to check in on her twice a day, and she wants him to do this regularly, but her response to his messages has been mild at best.

 

Mostly once a day, Monday had 2-3 texts back and forth but I’d say since then the conversation has stretched over the course of the week with one reply from each of us per day 

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, ramboparrot3 said:

Also had a nice sunset, reminded me of you when you said you go the seaside to watch them”

Quite heartwarming to read. If that didn't warm her toes, she's a cold fish.

1 hour ago, ramboparrot3 said:

Mostly once a day, Monday had 2-3 texts back and forth but I’d say since then the conversation has stretched over the course of the week with one reply from each of us per day 

Good to hear.

[Wiseman2]

Let her enjoy her vacation. Step back . Right now you could be placing yourself in the friendzone with all this banter.

Keep in mind she is in a resort area with some dude. Let that register.

Think about it. Drinks, sun, fun the dude she's with vs goofy texts. 

She is probably telling him you're "just a friend" by now.

[ramboparrot3]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Let her enjoy her vacation. Step back . Right now you could be placing yourself in the friendzone with all this banter.

Keep in mind she is in a resort area with some dude. Let that register.

Think about it. Drinks, sun, fun the dude she's with vs goofy texts. 

She is probably telling him you're "just a friend" by now.

I mean we flirt as well as banter. Am I going to go silent all week though?

And it’s 100% her friend btw, saw on his profile he’s at the same place and looking back on facebook they call each other mate, etc. They go back years. I’ve no worries about this.

I do worry that I’m close to two days without a response and she’s updated her facebook story on both days, but still not read my message. Although like everyone is saying just let her enjoy her holiday. She did say in her last message she’d be back in a couple of days anyway.

I’ll wish her morning on Monday and see if she got back ok then ask when she’s free this coming week

Edited June 5, 2022 by ramboparrot3

[ramboparrot3]

11 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Quite heartwarming to read. If that didn't warm her toes, she's a cold fish.

Good to hear.

At least I did something right. Felt like the right thing to say lol. If this works out I did plan to take her to that location and make things official with her (obviously after more dates) assuming we see each other again

[ExpatInItaly]

46 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

I do worry that I’m close to two days without a response and she’s updated her facebook story

 

46 minutes ago, ramboparrot3 said:

I’ll wish her morning on Monday and see if she got back ok then ask when she’s free this coming week

Even if she still hasn't replied to you?