What should I do as a feminine and less attractive guy?

[Era of Flies]

9 hours ago, IrinaM said:

Can you please clarify how often it is that you cry? And how often you expect you would cry in front of a wife or girlfriend?

I would say, I cry maybe a couple tears at least once a week. By myself. Maybe in the dark right before bed, something confronts me, and I might cry a bit. I basically never cry in front of other people, basically since I was very young. I do expect I would at some point cry in front of a wife or girlfriend for the reasons I've mentioned. You guys have made it seem like it would be absolutely the worst idea ever to cry in front of a woman, which I seem to agree with. Let's say I could get a perfect score with her. I think I could probably manage only once. But realistically, if we had a lifelong relationship (50 yrs), maybe I would cry in front of her 20-25 times? I don't know how often it's going to happen. I just know that it will, and I'm worried about it. 

9 hours ago, IrinaM said:

If you have an issue with crying frequently and inappropriately, it likely has already effected your professional life. Are you able to control yourself at work?

Yep. I've said it many times already, but me being an emotional person doesn't mean I can't control myself. I honestly doubt most people that don't know me personally would be able to suspect. I'm a guy, and I'm good at hiding my emotions. 

9 hours ago, IrinaM said:

It's so odd that you describe your father as someone who couldn't control his anger, and you seem to think he should have. Learning to control your emotions is important.  If you feel your frequent bouts of crying will make you unappealing to most women, see a therapist and learn to control your emotions, especially inappropriate emotions. If you really are as soft and vulnerable as you paint yourself to be, of course you will be unappealing to most women. Just like a man who flies into a rage for no good reason is also unappealing.

I def agree with this. We need to keep our emotions in check. And I'm perfectly capable of doing that. But it's too much to expect of me that I will never cry in front of a woman.

9 hours ago, IrinaM said:

I'm also confused as to your question. You basically describe yourself as being low-value to women, and then ask what woman would want such a low-value man. You also mentioned "incel forums," not sure why. The way you describe women seems antagonistic and hostile, which also might be why you aren't successful with women.

I mentioned "incel forums" because someone else brought it up, saying that I only get my information from incel forums. Look, maybe I'm a stupid virgin, but that doesn't mean I hate women. I'm completely and totally committed to having appropriate ideas about women and treating them with fairness and respect. I'd like you to point out what I say that is hostile towards women. If it's true that it's hostile, I will correct my ideas and move on.

Maybe I'm not putting the question properly either. I don't know. I feel like I've failed to explain myself properly. As far as I see it, women expect something particular from men in heterosexual relationships. I know I shouldn't resent women for that. They just like what they like and love who they love after all. But I still love them, want them, and I want to please them. I want to give them what they want, but I can't. I haven't once described myself as "low-value," only that I'm just a man who happens to lack what women typically want in a heterosexual relationship. I don't understand how I can provide value to a relationship. I don't understand how a woman could ever want me or love me. I don't understand how a woman could ever want my body. 

It's not like I've never even talked to women before. On some level, I still think it's impossible that I can be loved. 

[NuevoYorko]

It seems like you have a boatload of assumptions about women, men, masculinity, femininity, and your own mental state.   You've come to all of these assumptions all by yourself without any real experiences.   

You need to get to know A WOMAN on and individual basis.   You keep talking about "them" as if they're all part of some kind of hive mind.  So very much not the case  

 

[stillafool]

10 minutes ago, Era of Flies said:

You guys have made it seem like it would be absolutely the worst idea ever to cry in front of a woman, which I seem to agree with.

I have searched this thread and have yet to find a poster who said the above.  It is a dated idea that men who cry are not masculine.  Men cry all the time and aren't ashamed of it.  It certainly hasn't kept women away from them.  They still approach women and go out on dates and have sex.