Need help to make it hurt less.

[Hurt M]

He was my bestfreind and we always thought we are soulmates and stuff and were togather for 3 years but we never talked about when exactly we took things further. We were classmates in medical school and internship rotations. We were so happy and then we graduated. He wanted to immigrate and i wanted to continue residency in my own country. He always told me that he never wants to loose what we have and it means a world to him. A few month after the graduation i started feeling that something was not right and he out of charecter ignored me and treated me badly. I confronted him for so many times and each time he told me long ass stories of how he was struggling in his daily life and family and immigration stuff and it was just stress making him act like that and i believed him and worried so much. This pattern repeated for 7 month and he was my bestfriend, he was my first so i tried to be patient with him and hope things work for better. A while ago i heared from a friend that in this 7 month he was dating another girl which i should mention that she was a mutual friend and they are now happily in love and the times he ignored me or told me that he was just not feeling well he was out with her and he just manipulated me into being someone for emotional support and venting out his stress. I noticed that a lot of things makes sence now and tgat he lied so much to me. I feel abused and i didn't want anything to do with him so i ended everthing. But now it hurts so bad and i can't get my head around the fact that how could he do this to me and lie to me and just use me...he could have ended this from the begining. God, i always was afraid of relationships and never trusted anybody the very first time i did he betrayed me. And he doesn't feel any remorse. Can anyone please tell me how can i get over with this... i have zero experience and i think i might loose my mind soon.

[glows]

I'm so sorry. He cheated on you while he was dating you and lied while he was seeing someone else. This is more about him and less about you. When someone treats you badly, don't stay for it. 

Even though it hurts, he's not your problem anymore nor your boyfriend. When the pain subsides, you may feel great relief that he's gone from your life but it doesn't excuse the lies and the cheating. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Hurt M said:

i heared from a friend that in this 7 month he was dating another girl which i should mention that she was a mutual friend and they are now happily in love and the times he ignored me or told me that he was just not feeling well he was out with her and he just manipulated me into being someone for emotional support and venting out his stress. 

Sorry this happened. In the long run, you dodged a bullet. He's a cheating snake and it's good you ended it.

Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps. That is the first step to healing. 

Keep in mind most men are not cheaters like this.

[stillafool]

I wish we knew how someone could get over another quickly but it's rarely done that way.  It takes months sometimes years to get over somebody.  You just have to stay incredibly busy and keep pushing foward.  It also helps when you meet another to take their place.

[Hurt M]

52 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. In the long run, you dodged a bullet. He's a cheating snake and it's good you ended it.

Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps. That is the first step to healing. 

Keep in mind most men are not cheaters like this.

Thank you for your kind advice. I guess you're right. That is the wisest thing to do for me.😔

[Hurt M]

1 hour ago, glows said:

I'm so sorry. He cheated on you while he was dating you and lied while he was seeing someone else. This is more about him and less about you. When someone treats you badly, don't stay for it. 

Even though it hurts, he's not your problem anymore nor your boyfriend. When the pain subsides, you may feel great relief that he's gone from your life but it doesn't excuse the lies and the cheating. 

You are right. I should have ended things even earlier. There is no excuse for treating anybody like that.😔

[Hurt M]

30 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I wish we knew how someone could get over another quickly but it's rarely done that way.  It takes months sometimes years to get over somebody.  You just have to stay incredibly busy and keep pushing foward.  It also helps when you meet another to take their place.

Yeah it would be a time consuming process cause we have been friends like 7 years. I need to detoxify him from my system. I need to collect myself. Thank you for your kind advice.😔

[glows]

1 hour ago, Hurt M said:

You are right. I should have ended things even earlier. There is no excuse for treating anybody like that.😔

 

1 hour ago, Hurt M said:

Yeah it would be a time consuming process cause we have been friends like 7 years. I need to detoxify him from my system. I need to collect myself. Thank you for your kind advice.😔

Give yourself time to heal. Don't stay angry and bitter because in the end you know that eats you up inside. Don't let anyone have that effect on you. Move on in time knowing what you deserve. Keep working on you and doing what you need to do to move forward.

[Hurt M]

21 minutes ago, glows said:

 

Give yourself time to heal. Don't stay angry and bitter because in the end you know that eats you up inside. Don't let anyone have that effect on you. Move on in time knowing what you deserve. Keep working on you and doing what you need to do to move forward.

At first i was so angry...i felt used and betrayed and now i'm feeling insecure and alone and on top of that stupid. I don't wanna feel like trash for someone elses mistake. I hope i can work and focus on myself by time.

[stillafool]

4 minutes ago, Hurt M said:

i'm feeling insecure and alone and on top of that stupid. I don't wanna feel like trash for someone elses mistake.

LOL, don't be ridiculous.  You are at the top of the food chain, young and a soon to be doctor, the world is your oyster.  You'll be just fine.

[Hurt M]

24 minutes ago, stillafool said:

LOL, don't be ridiculous.  You are at the top of the food chain, young and a soon to be doctor, the world is your oyster.  You'll be just fine.

Aw that means alot😭😭💜💜💜

[glows]

Since you mentioned zero experience I'm assuming this is your first relationship and it lasted three years which is some time. Just know that these things take time to fade and when the dust settles you'll realize that you are better off without someone like this.

Go back and reread your words: "..he ignored me and treated me badly". He was also involved with someone else while not breaking it off with you completely. Only cowards and seriously disillusioned or deceptive people do this. Each time you feel sad remember the way he treated you and stay on track with your studies or other things you need to do for yourself.

If you're having trouble concentrating, see your doctor, ask for support and check out additional resources for mental health support. Take care of yourself. Even though it feels like this is the worst pain you've ever known and it won't end, believe me, it certainly will. Don't let it stop you from accomplishing everything else you need to do. Multi-task and put things in perspective and seek support if you need it. There is absolutely no shame in admitting pain and feeling pain. Acknowledge what you feel and keep going.

[Hurt M]

34 minutes ago, glows said:

Since you mentioned zero experience I'm assuming this is your first relationship and it lasted three years which is some time. Just know that these things take time to fade and when the dust settles you'll realize that you are better off without someone like this.

Go back and reread your words: "..he ignored me and treated me badly". He was also involved with someone else while not breaking it off with you completely. Only cowards and seriously disillusioned or deceptive people do this. Each time you feel sad remember the way he treated you and stay on track with your studies or other things you need to do for yourself.

If you're having trouble concentrating, see your doctor, ask for support and check out additional resources for mental health support. Take care of yourself. Even though it feels like this is the worst pain you've ever known and it won't end, believe me, it certainly will. Don't let it stop you from accomplishing everything else you need to do. Multi-task and put things in perspective and seek support if you need it. There is absolutely no shame in admitting pain and feeling pain. Acknowledge what you feel and keep going.

Yeah it was my first relationship and the betrayal and the break up is so new to me. This afternoon i was really on the verge of a mental break down. He did not even try to stop me and i felt so small and weak. I randomly find this forum and i was seeking much needed advice and You can't imagine how your words hit me. It gave my heart much needed warmth. I really feel stronger now. You are right, i'm planning on a visit to one my psychiatry professors. I never thought i would receive this much help and kindness here. 🙇‍♀️

[glows]

1 hour ago, Hurt M said:

Yeah it was my first relationship and the betrayal and the break up is so new to me. This afternoon i was really on the verge of a mental break down. He did not even try to stop me and i felt so small and weak. I randomly find this forum and i was seeking much needed advice and You can't imagine how your words hit me. It gave my heart much needed warmth. I really feel stronger now. You are right, i'm planning on a visit to one my psychiatry professors. I never thought i would receive this much help and kindness here. 🙇‍♀️

What do you mean by this? "He did not even try to stop [you]?" Don't ever expect a person to stop you. If you are going to leave, do it with purpose on your own terms. Those were because he was treating you badly. Don't seek this type of person out. Let the shock and sadness subside and try to learn from this. I'm glad you're feeling stronger. 

Edited May 24, 2022 by glows

[Lotsgoingon]

Go see a doctor and/or therapist immediately. On your own! 

[Hurt M]

6 hours ago, glows said:

What do you mean by this? "He did not even try to stop [you]?" Don't ever expect a person to stop you. If you are going to leave, do it with purpose on your own terms. Those were because he was treating you badly. Don't seek this type of person out. Let the shock and sadness subside and try to learn from this. I'm glad you're feeling stronger. 

You are right. I will do.🏵🏵