Left toxic workplace years ago due to boss, now she wants to catch up

[suckered]

To make a long story short, I was stuck with a really bad boss. She somehow fixated on me (I am also female just to make clear there is not a romantic component). She would get overly interested in my personal life, in particular that I am single and live alone. She would make a big deal if I for example send an email to her with a question - this would warrant a long meeting where she would talk at me for an hour about the intent behind my email (like that it was insecurity and envy of my co-workers) - where I really wanted just a simple answer to a work question. Similarly, in team meetings she would randomly say that she can sense negative vibes from me and then call me into a 1-1 meeting to berate me and talk at me on how to become a more positive person. It was all bit bizarre, she framed it that she wanted to help me succeed in my career but constant psychoanalysis really stressed me. I don't come to work for that and felt like it was crossing the boundary. She didn't do this with anyone else.

Eventually she gave me "rules" in when can I send emails to her and what to say in them so that it's more positive and it just made me lose all confidence. I never had these issues at any other workplace before or since. I attempted talking to her and her manager about this but it only made it worse. She was playing innocent and saying how she is actually investing a lot of time in me to try to make me more successful and it is a form of mentoring. Her boss bought it and left it looking like I was the crazy one. Stress of this situation made me put on a lot of weight and I had to start a blood pressure medication. I eventually found a new job. I outlined the reasons why I left in the exit interview (her as the main reason) and refused to attend a good-bye event she organized so I really left on a bad note. I wasn't looking for a reference so I didn't care.

Now, 5 years later without any contact with her, she emails me out of the blue from her personal account saying she wants to catch up for coffee. Whole email sounds really patronizing and weird and I am looking for opinions if I am reading it wrong. It says: "Hi suckered, I have been thinking about you a lot lately. Must have been really terrible living through the pandemic by yourself and being single, poor thing. My heart really goes out to you. I am reaching out to offer you some company and meet up for coffee. I am only wishing you all the very best, as always". I find it odd that she just assumes that I am still living alone and being single after 5 years. Where does she get that info? Also all the pandemic related restrictions have ended months ago and I can go out and do what I want so [why is she saying this]? Plus given how I left that workplace on a bad note with her, it's just all bizarre.

I keep second-guessing myself. I have so far ignored the email and plan to ignore any further ones. Perhaps I should reply "I would appreciate if you didn't contact me again" and CC her boss. She knows where I live due to HR records and even that unnerves me. Even her still thinking about me after all this time with no contact is very odd.

Edited May 28, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[ClearEyes-FullHeart]

Wow she sounds horrendous. Sorry you had to experience that. I’d block her and never reply. She sounds like the kind of person who will sink her teeth into you if you reply and continue to creat chaos for you.

I also think she seems mentally unbalanced. She likely is unhappy in her life. Good riddance!

BTW I lived alone through the pandemic (well with my best bud, a now almost 14 year old labrador,) and I would be totally put off by her tone, esp give the history you shared. 

 

[glows]

1 hour ago, suckered said:

I have so far ignored the email and plan to ignore any further ones. 

Don't respond to it. Individuals like this thrive on response as they want a reaction and validation from you that you do need them. Your best course of action is to understand her for what she is, what she's shown herself to be towards you as an employee and as a person. 

I would block that address and continue doing well for yourself or working on yourself/career. 

[Wiseman2]

No. Only stay in touch on LinkedIn for professional reasons. You don't need to socialize with former co-workers.

Don't respond. It's not even likely it's this person. No one would bother sending you this. Sounds like someone playing a prank.

Edited May 28, 2022 by Wiseman2

[ShyViolet]

Don't give her the satisfaction of a response.  She sounds crazy!  With crazy people, the key is you need to NOT engage, not take the bait.

[stillafool]

I agree with Glows why in the world would you respond to someone you have no desire to see or socialize with.  Trust me, once she realizes she's never going to get a "call back" from you she will move on and stop all contact.  Just block her.

[dramafreezone]

On 5/27/2022 at 9:13 PM, suckered said:

"Hi suckered, I have been thinking about you a lot lately. Must have been really terrible living through the pandemic by yourself and being single, poor thing. My heart really goes out to you. I am reaching out to offer you some company and meet up for coffee. I am only wishing you all the very best, as always". I find it odd that she just assumes that I am still living alone and being single after 5 years

She sounds extremely passive-aggressive and condescending.  She's trying to prop herself up by trying to point out how sad everyone else is by comparision.  If she were truly happy she wouldn't be consumed with other people's lives. 

I recently discovered the term "toxic positivity" and that seems to be what she's expousing.   As to why she's reaching out, probably something isn't going very well in her life so she wants to pick on you to feel better about herself.  It's very much a form of bullying, make fun of others so that no one can take a good look at her.

Edited May 30, 2022 by dramafreezone