Why none of my friends ever invites me out?

[ohso]

I've moved to a new city. It's a very small town. I've gained quite a few friends. So we all live very close to each other. 

Problem is that although it seems I have a lot of friends, not one of them ever reaches out to me first. I was never ever asked by any of them to go out with them. I am always the one who calls them first or texts them. And I ask them out. 

Sometimes they say yes. Other times they have some excuse like they're sick or they don't have time and so on. Sometimes we make a date but they cancel last minute.

At first I was a bit insulted by such behavior and I thought they were avoiding me. And I was the only one doing some effort. So I stop texting them first and decided to wait and see will they ever remember me and ask me out etc. And it never happened. I was ghosted. I lost that way a lot of friends. 

The rest of them I still have, we see each other very rarely. Many months pass until we even hear from each other. I don't even know what are we. Acquaintances at best? Also I'm afraid if I stop reaching out to them, that the same thing would happen, our friendships would dissolve.

I honestly don't know what is going on. I guess they don't like me? This whole situation brings me down and I lost my confidence. I also feel very lonely because no matter how many new friends I meet this happens with everyone. I can't develop deeper friendship with no one. I am tired of trying. But if I stop trying, then nothing will ever happen.

I actually talked with some of them about this. They said they love when they hear from me. I explained that I feel like I'm bothering them because they don't show much interest in me back. They said it isn't true and I can always text them. But when I do, they text me back so little and don't even try to keep the conversation going. They leave in the middle of it and never reach out to me back. What on earth?

I wonder is it me or is it them? What do you think? How can I know that? And what can I do about this situation?

 

Edited May 28, 2022 by ohso

[Wiseman2]

Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses, make new friends.

Throw small parties at your place. A casual bbq or things like that.

Get on some quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men.

Your current BF is rarely there for you and friends can't compensate for a busy, uninvolved, unavailable BF.

[glows]

I use texting mostly to make plans and they are short, not to catch up with anyone. I'm really terrible at conversations on text so ask if I can call instead. I think you have several issues: 

-If these are new friends, friendships take time to develop especially if you're not seeing these people often enough at weekly or monthly gatherings similar to what an interest group like a book club, hiking club or cooking club might do. Your friendships seem too new to have any established roots and people are probably just not thinking of you. Don't get upset or too offended or jump to the conclusion that they don't like you. They probably just don't know you that well. People also don't want to feel obligated to contact you because they're afraid of offending you. 

-Go out and start doing things that inspire you as looking to see if friends keep in touch regularly or holding a scorecard rarely brings much happiness. If you'd like to join some clubs or meet ups find some that interest you and meet new people that way. Do things on your own too and don't be afraid to strike out and discover new things on your own. Your life is not on hold just because someone doesn't respond. You may be less frustrated with people overall when you're out there fulfilling your own interests/dreams.

-Also lastly maybe they're acquaintances and not friends so less expectations overall. 

Being proactive and throwing parties are sure to draw a crowd. Not everyone might show and people have other commitments but the few who show up are bound to appreciate it. 

Hopefully you enjoy the new city and get out there exploring and enjoying what it has to offer. Don't let this hold you back!

[basil67]

Kindly, a review of your posts in the "friendship" topic shows that you can be quite a harsh judge of others and have a fairly low tolerance.  Recent examples being the new friend who didn't tell you that she was emigrating and the guy who didn't disclose he was in a wheelchair.   I wonder if your friends find you to be a bit too much hard work?