sam077 Posted May 28, 2022 Share Posted May 28, 2022 Hey there! For the first part, I'm sorry for my English since it's the second language for me, but I really want to know your opinion on my issue... Me (27 Male) and she (24 Female) had 9 month relationship, which were wonderful for the most part. However, we had a great fight with my ex over 1 month ago when I was out of temper and offended, insulted her for some minor mistakes (small lie). It was harsh, rude and unacceptable from my side. Honestly, I was affected by the situation since the topic was painful for my (my previous ex heavily cheated me on this matter) Before that day, we had some arguments, which was unimportant for me, but not for her as it turned out. In arguments I devalued her opinion, achievments, way of living and I know it was deeply disrespectful. Now I understand how abusive was my attitude to her in last 2 months. Nowadays, I work with psychologist to fix this problems. After the fight, she decided to break up with me 1 months ago without any explanation, just blocking on everything. When she unblocked on whatsapp, I asked for a meeting to express myself for this situation. She agreed, but later refused saying "no chance, I'm 100% commited to break up". So we arranged video call, I appologized for mistreating her, she was highly emotional, cried, then became warm, laughed at jokes and told it was the most sincere conversation we ever had. 1 week later I texted her, told some funny things on our common topic, asked how she was doing, pretending to be just friends. She replied that it has no sence to be friends "I always cry when you write me after break-up, I'm over emotional receiving your messages, it hurts me, there is a lot of pain from previous situation, I just want to leave it in the past and move on alone". Then she blocked me on everything. I've been blocked for 2 weeks, it's really painfull. I tried to work on myself, move on, but it's sooo painful. I still can't eat, sleep, blame myself for mystakes and want just to see her. I miss so heavily. We had lack of proper communication, and I have a deep grief about what's happening now. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 28, 2022 Share Posted May 28, 2022 8 minutes ago, sam077 said: we had a great fight with my ex over 1 month ago when I was out of temper and offended, insulted her for some minor mistakes.It was harsh, rude and unacceptable from my side. In arguments I devalued her opinion, achievments, way of living and I know it was deeply disrespectful. Now I understand how abusive was my attitude to her in last 2 months. I've been blocked for 2 weeks Sorry this happened. You seem to have insight into your abusive behavior and that is a good start. She was correct to block you and her friends and family most likely support that given your abusiveness. See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Get tests done. Rule out physical problems. Keep working with your therapist as well. You need to stop blaming your ex for your abuse, 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sam077 Posted May 28, 2022 Author Share Posted May 28, 2022 6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. You seem to have insight into your abusive behavior and that is a good start. She was correct to block you and her friends and family most likely support that given your abusiveness. See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Get tests done. Rule out physical problems. Keep working with your therapist as well. You need to stop blaming your ex for your abuse, It's really painful to hear but you're right. If I was her father, I would insist to cut off with such abusive person. I realized these problems 5 months ago with her help and started my mental therapy. Ex told that I have some progress and our communication is becoming better. What happed at that second is a something I don't know.. I blame myself everyday for insulting my beloved, who I really cared. Being blocked is an emotional torture. How can I make up a contact with her again? It's so painful not to hear from her and not to see. I'm stuck in grief and doctor advised to get antidepressants as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 28, 2022 Share Posted May 28, 2022 27 minutes ago, sam077 said: How can I make up a contact with her again? I'm stuck in grief and doctor advised to get antidepressants as well. Follow up on your medical treatment and therapy. You cannot circumvent a block nor should you attempt it. Doing so is even more controlling abusive behavior. Leave her alone. If you persist you risk getting in trouble for stalking (abusive) harassment (abusive) or getting a restraining order taken out on you. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted May 28, 2022 Share Posted May 28, 2022 Break ups are painful. Don't contact her again and avoid telling yourself that you need to get back with her. By disrespecting her wishes to break up and move on, you're showing her that what she thinks or wants doesn't matter. If that has been your pattern of treating others, change this. If you've been working with a psychologist on breaking abusive habits, use this situation and start making changes now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 29, 2022 Share Posted May 29, 2022 On 5/28/2022 at 1:54 PM, sam077 said: How can I make up a contact with her again? You can't. Nor should you. She has been clear that this is over. You would best to focus on accepting that and apply the lessons you've learned here in your next relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
torn_heart Posted May 31, 2022 Share Posted May 31, 2022 Move on, respect her decision. Your best bet on getting in contact again is to respect her wishes and when she sees you are doing so she might reach out. As they have told you already, we all have some support system that will help/insist/convince us to remove ourselves from toxic/unhealthy environments and people, she is doing so. You have to work on yourself and respect her. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted June 1, 2022 Share Posted June 1, 2022 (edited) Quote what to do Understand the message that's being conveyed, accept it, and move on. Don't waste your time waiting for her to "come back to you," it's not likely. Just move on instead. You're much better off not holding out hope for this, but simply processing your sadness and beginning to look for new partners as soon as you are ready. On the very remote (perhaps 2% or less) chance she DOES come back to, you can take it from there. Also suggest you be very careful with the "friendship" game (unless you genuinely want to be friends, not romantic partners, which it very much sounds like you don't). If she contacts you for friendship stuff, that's fine - be open to conversing, etc, but try to fairly quickly establish whether she's interested in rekindling things romantically. If she's not, you can decide whether or not to be friends at a fairly distant level, but don't let it in any way stop you from finding a new romantic partner. That can be easier said than done, and it may be easier, more straightforward, and ultimately more beneficial to you to simply let her remain an ex. Edited June 1, 2022 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
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