Was this guy trying to get my attention? If so why when he's in a relationship?

[chocolatexcupcake35]

I had sex with this guy a couple of years ago he was in a relationship and he's still in a relationship. (I have also given him money in the past) In September when I asked him if I could practice massaging him (I went to Massage Therapy school) he told me that he would love to but that he didn't think it was a good idea. And that he was trying to be a good boy.

So, I started talking to another guy and when he saw me talking to the other guy he walked by saying he liked my scarf. (He said the same thing about the scarf years ago) Then the second time when he saw me talking to the other guy he walked up to us and started talking.

The other day I saw him I was at another register talking to another cashier. He nodded his head hi and as I was walking out the store he told me to have a beautiful night.

I did tell him that I would always be there for him if he needed me. But I don't get why he was trying to be in my business when he has a girlfriend.

[stillafool]

It's hard for men to pass up easy sex.  He's already had sex with you while in his relationship so he knows none of that matters to you.  He said the thing about your scarf because that's the line he used before and it got him sex. You told him you'd always be there if he needed you.  He's probably in need of extra sex and you're the perfect candidate.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, chocolatexcupcake35 said:

.I have also given him money in the past.  I asked him if I could practice massaging him. he has a girlfriend.

Why are you giving him money and massages? He has a GF so this is off limits. Stop chasing him.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting single available men.

[glows]

My read on this is that he's cordial with you as anything could get back to his partner/gf. He's pleasant with you commenting on your scarf and being polite.

There's nothing meant by the scarf comment, having a group conversation or him telling you to have a "beautiful night" (I don't see anything there or him getting in your business). 

As you know involving yourself with married individuals will be trouble so steer clear and try not to read into these things as signs that he still wants to be with you. Stay professional at work and treat him as you would anyone else.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, chocolatexcupcake35 said:

But I don't get why he was trying to be in my business when he has a girlfriend.

Really?

Because....

8 hours ago, chocolatexcupcake35 said:

I had sex with this guy a couple of years ago he was in a relationship

It is not flattering that he behaves this way with you. It suggests that he thinks you have poor  boundaries and not much self-respect. 

[chocolatexcupcake35]

6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why are you giving him money and massages? He has a GF so this is off limits. Stop chasing him.

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting single available men.

I do talk to to men and I never said I actually gave him the massage. The money thing was years ago and he was ok with it.

[chocolatexcupcake35]

6 hours ago, glows said:

My read on this is that he's cordial with you as anything could get back to his partner/gf. He's pleasant with you commenting on your scarf and being polite.

There's nothing meant by the scarf comment, having a group conversation or him telling you to have a "beautiful night" (I don't see anything there or him getting in your business). 

As you know involving yourself with married individuals will be trouble so steer clear and try not to read into these things as signs that he still wants to be with you. Stay professional at work and treat him as you would anyone else.

 

I do not work at the store I am a customer so that can't be the case because there is no way that his girlfriend could find out anything because I don't know his girlfriend. Also, who said he was married? I said girlfriend. Yeah, he commented on that same scarf years ago but I'm not saying that it means anything. We weren't having a group conversation I was minding my business talking to another guy.

[chocolatexcupcake35]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Really?

Because....

It is not flattering that he behaves this way with you. It suggests that he thinks you have poor  boundaries and not much self-respect. 

I do have a problem with setting boundaries I wish I was better at this but it's difficult for me.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, chocolatexcupcake35 said:

I do have a problem with setting boundaries I wish I was better at this but it's difficult for me.

Now would be a good time to start. 

Don't give men like him the time of day. They won't boost your self-esteem when they see you as someone who will devalue herself and have sex with them on the down-low. It might feel good to have their attention for some fleeting moments, but then? They go back home to their girlfriends or wives. And you're left with nothing to show for it. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, chocolatexcupcake35 said:

I do not work at the store I am a customer

Ok, then just leave him alone. He has a GF, so that means he's just doing his job being polite to customers. Even if you had a past.

If you would like a BF, it's best to look elsewhere.

[glows]

2 hours ago, chocolatexcupcake35 said:

We weren't having a group conversation I was minding my business talking to another guy.

Then continue minding your own business and don't pay any attention to what he's doing. You alone decide who you want in your life and if it means filtering out people like this keep doing that. 

[smackie9]

This is what you do....cut him off and cut all contact with him. He is of no benefit to you having him in your life...it's time for you to move on.

[dramafreezone]

16 hours ago, chocolatexcupcake35 said:

I did tell him that I would always be there for him if he needed me. But I don't get why he was trying to be in my business when he has a girlfriend.

What does having a girlfriend have to do with being attracted to someone else?  One can have a girlfriend and still be very attracted to other women.  It's why people cheat but you know all of this.  I don't know what you want to hear.  He likes you and you are appearing somewhat receptive to his advances, so there you go.

I forget who said this (Maybe Chris Rock) but many men are only as faithful as their options.  More options, less faithful.  I don't think that applies to *all* men but certainly some men will puruse every option available to them.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, dramafreezone said:

I don't think that applies to *all* men but certainly some men will puruse every option available to them.

Why?

[dramafreezone]

42 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Why?

Because they can.  I don't have a better answer than that.

I think most guys get an ego boost from being a "ladies man" or to be able to project that image that they are a ladies man to other guys.  It's bragging rights. 

It's something that I don't think women can inherently understand because it's traditionally not seen as a positive to have more sexual partners for women.  Amongst guys, it generally is seen as a positive, they are seen as cool by other guys.

Just an anecdote, I had a friend that I was in the military with that was really good with women.  He said he did it because he was good at it, and that's what gave him his self-esteem, it made him feel better about himself.  He was a really introspective type of guy and that observation he made about himself always stuck with me.

Edited May 29, 2022 by dramafreezone