Would the elastic band Strategy work

[Ashley7495]

So I've been hitting on this girl who was my co-worker and too bad I got rejected. 

Of course when you try to confess to a girl. When she says no. There are two meanings for that. Its either she really means no or she means yes when she says no. 

I've tried to ask for some advice. Some said that you should stop and move on for damage control for your pride. 

My question is what if you really liked the girl? What if you have doubts in your head that she means yes when she says no? Its really hard to generalize based on how she acts since every people are different?

Is my idea of using the elastic band strategy a good idea?

It is where after I got rejected, I give her space then I go for her again after a month. If it failed again then after 2 months, then after 4 months, then 8 months and so on and so forth. This means that I'm still trying but at the same time I'm not being too need that I initiate every single day. This means that I already accepted the fact that she doesn't like me but still giving the benefit of the doubt. 

What do you think of this approach?

Others might say that I should stop already because if she says no, she really means it. Lets put the case in my perspective. Whatbif she means yes? I've been into situations where girls says mo when they mean yes since they are conservative or they don't want to act as an easy catch. 

Any advice?

[glows]

No always means no. Remain professional and don’t harass and make others feel uncomfortable at work. Your emotions do not justify making anyone uncomfortable repeatedly in the workplace. 

It’s toxic culture believing a person means yes when someone says no. Please be more respectful of your coworkers and leave her alone. 

[ExpatInItaly]

11 minutes ago, Ashley7495 said:

What if you have doubts in your head that she means yes when she says no?

You need to ignore those doubts, and respect what she told you herself: no. 

12 minutes ago, Ashley7495 said:

I give her space then I go for her again after a month. If it failed again then after 2 months, then after 4 months, then 8 months and so on and so forth.

 

12 minutes ago, Ashley7495 said:

What do you think of this approach?

I would feel harrassed and annoyed, quite frankly. It's a terrible approach. Don't be That Guy who cannot take "no" for answer. Listen to what the woman is saying, and stop asking her out. 

[Wiseman2]

25 minutes ago, Ashley7495 said:

I've been hitting on this girl who was my co-worker and too bad I got rejected. When she says no. There are two meanings for that. Its either she really means no or she means yes when she says no. 

No means no, especially in the workplace. Date outside of work.

The workplace is not a singles bar to try out pickup strategies.

She's there for a paycheck. Reread your employer's sexual harassment policy.

[smackie9]

I would be going to my boss/HR and complain if I had a guy that kept asking me out when I already told him no. No means NO! 

[introverted1]

2 hours ago, Ashley7495 said:

she means yes when she says no. 

Only in the movies does continuing to pursue someone who's made their disinterest clear result in "getting the girl" rather than being perceived as a weird stalker/discomforting co-worker.

You've made your interest known and she has said no.  She knows where to find you if she changes her mind.

[Alvi]

13 hours ago, Ashley7495 said:

When she says no. There are two meanings for that. Its either she really means no or she means yes when she says no. 

I don't understand what you are so confused about. A NO means NO. It DOES NOT MEAN YES. A 100 percent of a time, NO means NO. Unless you are looking for her to file a sexual harassments suit against you, leave her alone. Seriously, this is your workplace. Act professional. Do your job (whatever that is you are paid to do) 

and let her do her job without feeling stalked and harassed. 

You took your chance, good for you. But she is not interested. Respect her wishes and don't bother her again.  Please don't make her feel any more uncomfortable by asking her out again and again. Don't be that stalky creepy dude (I am sure there is one in almost every workplace), who makes everybody cringe. Focus on other women and hopefully not the ones that you work with.

 

14 hours ago, Ashley7495 said:

Whatbif she means yes?

She knows where to find you if she means yes.. But if she is not finding you, it is best to assume that she means no.

[basil67]

14 hours ago, Ashley7495 said:

Some said that you should stop and move on for damage control for your pride. 

^^^ Worse advice ever ^^^   Accepting a woman's "NO" isn't about damage control and your pride.  Rather, it's about respecting the woman who's saying NO.  

Regarding the Rubber Band idea....worst idea ever.   

 

[basil67]

Sorry, I posted without explanation.  The Rubber Band idea is bad not only because you're not respecting her No, but also because each time you take a break from asking her out, she'll start to relax and think you're going back to normal.  Then you'll ask her out again and she'll realise that you didn't listen to her at all and put her back in the awkward place.  At which point she'll say No again and the cycle will restart.  

And for what it's worth, I've never said No when I've wanted to say Yes.   There have been a couple of men who thought I was playing hard to get and each time they tried again, I just lost more respect for them.  

[SumGuy]

On 5/30/2022 at 8:54 AM, Ashley7495 said:

....

It is where after I got rejected, I give her space then I go for her again after a month. If it failed again then after 2 months, then after 4 months, then 8 months and so on and so forth. ...

Any advice?

What you describe is called harassment, repeatedly pestering some after they say no.  It will also get you a reputation as a creep amongst her and her friends.  Let's not forget this is work....are you trying to build a case for HR?  A one time ask out can be overlooked but if you repeatedly keep asking her out after she says no...that's harassment.  I presume your company has training on this.

A better approach is to show your sense of security and value by dating others.  A man can take a no, a boy acts like a puppy and won't leave.

[SumGuy]

On 5/30/2022 at 10:47 AM, smackie9 said:

I would be going to my boss/HR and complain if I had a guy that kept asking me out when I already told him no. No means NO! 

Word.  As a manager I would be required to go to HR if I saw or heard of it.   Also, I'd likely seek to have the asker move on, nothing is more damaging to a work team than this kind of stuff as it can make one person dread coming to work for fear "that guy" is going to pester you, again.  Also, if the worker can't listen to her no, how likely are they to follow other rules,  directions and legal compliance in the workplace?  Not very is the common view.

[stillafool]

Trust me OP, if she in any way wanted you she would make it known.  It won't matter if you come back to her in 2 years she'll still feel the same.  Truth is, we don't get everyone we want as they may not want us back, and we have to accept that and move on.  She does not want you and will end up hating you if you don't leave her alone.  Are there any girls you don't work with that you can chase after?

[dramafreezone]

On 5/30/2022 at 5:54 AM, Ashley7495 said:

My question is what if you really liked the girl? What if you have doubts in your head that she means yes when she says no? Its really hard to generalize based on how she acts since every people are different?

Is my idea of using the elastic band strategy a good idea?

No not a good idea.  You have to take people at their word.  You certainly want to avoid any accusation of harassment or stalking.

No amount of liking her is going to make a difference.  She either likes you back or she doesn't.  Most women that really like you are going to make it very apparent and aren't going to risk losing you just to play a game.

Why would you want someone that doesn't like you at least close to as much as you like them?  You think you're missing out on her, maybe start to believe that it's her that blew her chance with you?  You have to adopt more self-affirming beliefs.

[SingFish]

On 5/30/2022 at 7:54 AM, Ashley7495 said:

If it failed again then after 2 months, then after 4 months, then 8 months and so on and so forth.

You would be wasting a year of your life on an obsession. It's a bad idea to try to date coworkers, especially if you have a hard time letting something go. 

On 5/30/2022 at 7:54 AM, Ashley7495 said:

Is my idea of using the elastic band strategy a good idea?

No. Don't do it.

[mark clemson]

On 5/30/2022 at 5:54 AM, Ashley7495 said:

Others might say that I should stop already because if she says no, she really means it. Lets put the case in my perspective. Whatbif she means yes? I've been into situations where girls says mo when they mean yes since they are conservative or they don't want to act as an easy catch.

 

As others are pointing out, generally when a woman says no it mean no, plain, simple, and end of story. So your "move" is to drop it.

In the cases where it's actually "playing hard to get" you can expect a woman to drop substantive hints that she actually didn't mean no. On your part, in order to be safe and respectful, and to maintain your own "self-esteem" you should ONLY accept the most blatant, obvious, and sustained hints. Do NOT read in to casual conversation or anything similar - this would be your own wishful thinking. She should start to genuinely "chase" you, giving a LOT of time and attention to you and dropping repeated hints until the message is obvious. This is unlikely to happen in a workplace setting, but could in theory.

Anyway, IF that starts to genuinely happen (again, a low probability), confirm with her before making a move. E.g. you would say something like "so I'm getting the sense that you really do like me, and want to go out?" She probably won't say yes directly, but may nod or say something ambiguous (but importantly, NOT "no" a second time). If she says "no" a second time, despite genuinely chasing you, then she probably only sees you as a convenient person to practice her flirting on.

Some women do a lot of "indirect communication" in the romantic arena and some like to garner male friends (and in some cases "orbiters"); this sometimes confuses men, particularly those who aren't good at reading social cues and/or are lonely. More often than not it seems, the guy misreads the signals or "jumps at" the prospect in early stages (and thus appears too interested before she's developed any interest). This blows it for the guy (IF there was a chance at all) as most attractive women by necessity develop a practiced skill at driving overly interested/socially-unskilled men away.

Once you trigger her "shoo" response, it's likely to be over, unless you're quite good looking, socially skilled, or otherwise attractive to her, in which case there's a chance she'll change her mind over time if you let her be for a good while.