Shamrock lovers Posted May 30, 2022 Share Posted May 30, 2022 Had a tough one day. It's my exes first birthday since we broke up mid February. It was my birthday in April and she sent me a very kind a long birthday message (no indicators of getting back together mind you). For the last week I've been battling with the question of whether I should or shouldn't send her a happy birthday message. I decided not to. Since she sent her happy birthday message to me 6 weeks ago, I did suggest coffee one day and she politely declined saying it was too soon. I therefore don't see any benefits of wishing her a happy birthday other than giving her power again and putting the ball in her court again. I really want to reach out to her to send her my regards but I still miss her, and feel that any response from her will be minimal and will only make me down. I don't want her to think I'm keen to reconcile as this will only push her away further. I know she'll be getting smothered and spoilt by her large wealthy family and maybe she'll notice in a few days that I never reached out, hopefully this has an impact. It sounds silly, childish, like I'm playing games, but after almost 5-years together, maybe it is still a bit roar at times and I'm hoping that the radio silence from my side on her birthday will show her that I'm not going to wait around forever and that I'm trying to move on with my life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted May 30, 2022 Share Posted May 30, 2022 If you are indeed wanting to move on with your life, then stop suggesting coffee or getting together, and stop even thinking about contacting her. Truly moving on means putting an end to the contact. You're not doing yourself any favors by keeping her in your orbit. Leave it all in the past and then you'll be able to start moving on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted May 30, 2022 Share Posted May 30, 2022 7 minutes ago, Shamrock lovers said: Had a tough one day. It's my exes first birthday since we broke up mid February. It was my birthday in April and she sent me a very kind a long birthday message (no indicators of getting back together mind you). For the last week I've been battling with the question of whether I should or shouldn't send her a happy birthday message. I decided not to. Since she sent her happy birthday message to me 6 weeks ago, I did suggest coffee one day and she politely declined saying it was too soon. I therefore don't see any benefits of wishing her a happy birthday other than giving her power again and putting the ball in her court again. I really want to reach out to her to send her my regards but I still miss her, and feel that any response from her will be minimal and will only make me down. I don't want her to think I'm keen to reconcile as this will only push her away further. I know she'll be getting smothered and spoilt by her large wealthy family and maybe she'll notice in a few days that I never reached out, hopefully this has an impact. It sounds silly, childish, like I'm playing games, but after almost 5-years together, maybe it is still a bit roar at times and I'm hoping that the radio silence from my side on her birthday will show her that I'm not going to wait around forever and that I'm trying to move on with my life. Just move on. She deserves to move on too so that means going your separate ways. Avoid the getting someone to miss you tactic as it doesn't work if someone really doesn't want you in their life. I've never believed in those mind games. A person who wants you there will be there, no questions asked or any cajoling or tricks needed. And just as quickly move on if they don't want you there. You're only hoping on a thin thread of hope and eventually making things worse for yourself. Instead be more realistic about the situation and acknowledge that it didn't work. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted May 30, 2022 Share Posted May 30, 2022 11 minutes ago, Shamrock lovers said: I decided not to. I really want to reach out to her to send her my regards but I still miss her, and feel that any response from her will be minimal and will only make me down. Good call. Especially since you wish to reconcile and she does not seem interested in meeting up. Is this the same woman?: Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted May 30, 2022 Share Posted May 30, 2022 When you are in the moment where you don't have to wonder about motives, if it's a good idea or not, and how it will be interpreted, THAT'S when you can wish your ex a happy birthday. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 31, 2022 Share Posted May 31, 2022 9 hours ago, Shamrock lovers said: I'm hoping that the radio silence from my side on her birthday will show her that I'm not going to wait around forever and that I'm trying to move on with my life. With respect OP .... It's already over, so I highly doubt she is expecting you to wait around. She probably anticipates that you will move on, as she has. It's you putting yourself on hold for a woman who apparently decided a while ago that she wanted out. You're assigning a lot more significance to this birthday greeting than it's worth. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted June 2, 2022 Share Posted June 2, 2022 if you have to "ask" if you should send someone a happy birthday message, there's a very high chance that you're doing it for manipulation and not because you wish they have a happy birthday. Link to post Share on other sites
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