Break to recover?

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry, breakups hurt. It's possible he met someone locally. You have  to consider that when there seems to be a 180 turnaround. And in Long distance in particular due to the loneliness and lack of relationship activities when apart.

Sorry, but this is my exact same thoughts on this.

[StillSearching]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry, breakups hurt. It's possible he met someone locally. You have  to consider that when there seems to be a 180 turnaround. And in Long distance in particular due to the loneliness and lack of relationship activities when apart.

Appreciate your thought. I have asked if there is someone, and he responded no. But may explore more locals. 
Maybe it’s the distance, but we signed up for it since the beginning. 

Edited June 9, 2022 by StillSearching
Missing info

[glows]

23 minutes ago, StillSearching said:

He said he doesn’t feel the romantic feeling anymore and we aren’t “congruent” and when I asked for specifics, I did not get specifics. Surprise one day, I get heart and kiss emojis, the next, a break-up call. 

You’re right. I don’t know why he ended things. There were no effort to chat about it before making this unilateral decision. I’ve asked for one month to work things out together, and was told no. Hence the silence option for a month was proposed instead for both of us to exercise our thoughts. Like everyone says, it’s unlikely to turn around. 

I am coming more in terms of acceptance, as this feeling has been very exhausting. There was a slight of hope when I felt something was still there when we kissed and that he told me that he loves me before I flew out. But as you have mentioned, he may have just felt bad hurting me. 

Yes, don't put your life on hold for someone who made you an option. Actually, you are now a non-option as he broke up with you. He is not in the picture, has left the building. You deserve someone local who can spend more time with you one on one and take you out. I'm sorry it hurts now but it will get better. It's better to accept this for what it is than continue living in a fantasy.

[stillafool]

27 minutes ago, StillSearching said:

I have asked if there is someone, and he responded no. 

Do you really think he would say "yes" after just ending it with you?🙄

[Alpacalia]

On 6/8/2022 at 7:24 AM, StillSearching said:

He mentioned he doesn’t have the feeling anymore - nothing specific to the relationship.

That would be the area I would concentrate on.

My cousin met his wife long distance, and she moved to be with him, and they have been married for several years and have children. The fact that he was in the military may have given them more flexibility with traveling initially though.

The distance, however, seems to be too great of a challenge for the majority of the population.

I am very sorry to say that; however, what he said above pretty much confirms that he has already checked out.

 

 

 

[StillSearching]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Do you really think he would say "yes" after just ending it with you?🙄

I trust him. That I am certain of. 

[glows]

10 minutes ago, StillSearching said:

I trust him. That I am certain of. 

I suppose the most you can do is wait for him to come back and call you. It's prolonging your healing but if that's what you need to do to make certain he's gone, then I guess that's what you have to do.

[StillSearching]

7 minutes ago, glows said:

I suppose the most you can do is wait for him to come back and call you. It's prolonging your healing but if that's what you need to do to make certain he's gone, then I guess that's what you have to do.

Yes, we agreed to reconnect on July 1st, after a break from contact, and evaluate from there. Will see from there, even though it’s unlikely. 
 

What you have said to me at an earlier post, “say nothing” - stood in my head. Thank you. 

[glows]

28 minutes ago, StillSearching said:

Yes, we agreed to reconnect on July 1st, after a break from contact, and evaluate from there. Will see from there, even though it’s unlikely. 
 

What you have said to me at an earlier post, “say nothing” - stood in my head. Thank you. 

At least you're not the one making any moves and he was the one who proposed first to move. Carry on doing what you need to do for yourself, don't fall off track. I don't advise waiting for him but since you're hurt and likely not going anywhere fast nursing that wound, bide your time. Leave your mind open to the idea of walking away from this waiting period at any time and put your own wellbeing first. 

Edited June 9, 2022 by glows

[ExpatInItaly]

10 hours ago, StillSearching said:

Maybe it’s the distance, but we signed up for it since the beginning

Right, but sometimes we can't really know what we're signing up for until we try it - and then realize it's not what we want.

He might have thought he would be okay with it, but learned that he's not. However, my guess is that it's not just down to distance or he likely would have mentioned that. It was probably a contributing factor since you two can't see each other more regularly, but I have a feeling there's more to it than that. 

[ClearEyes-FullHeart]

I would do absolutely nothing. Sending a card will likely push him further away. He seems resolute in his desire to breakup so your best course is to stop all contact and focus on yourself (connect with friends and family, focus on working out and eating right and your hobbies). Sorry you are in this situation.

[StillSearching]

On 6/12/2022 at 11:38 AM, ClearEyes-FullHeart said:

I would do absolutely nothing. Sending a card will likely push him further away. He seems resolute in his desire to breakup so your best course is to stop all contact and focus on yourself (connect with friends and family, focus on working out and eating right and your hobbies). Sorry you are in this situation.

You’re right. The card did push him further away. I told him I have accepted the break up now. 

Edited June 19, 2022 by StillSearching

[glows]

16 minutes ago, StillSearching said:

You’re right. The card did push him further away. I told him I have accepted the break up now. 

Ok you tried. Good of you to accept it. If you’re going through a rough time keep repeating to yourself it didn’t work. You’ve been in denial. 

[ClearEyes-FullHeart]

1 hour ago, StillSearching said:

You’re right. The card did push him further away. I told him I have accepted the break up now. 

I am sorry that it turned out that way. Now you can move forward with clarity. The loss and pain you feel now will go away, and you will meet other interesting people when you are ready. One day you will probably realize yeah it was for the best. 

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, StillSearching said:

You’re right. The card did push him further away. I told him I have accepted the break up now. 

This is best. 

And the things is, it was already over when he first called it off. The card was likely just a reminder to him that he needed to be firmer with you that this unfortunately is not just a break. It hurts but there is nothing we can do when the other person just doesn't want to be there anymore. 

[StillSearching]

I’ve learned about the attachment theory during my grieving, and really… I was able to relate my ex as someone that’s anxious-avoidance (fearful) attachment. Really made sense to me. I encourage people seeking or with a partner to recognize the attachment we are. Unfortunately, I fell into the anxious-attachment end of the stick - the ones that gets hurt the most, but also the ones that loves the best.