My girlfriend broke up with me with no explanation

[Reza13741]

Hi, i really need some help, today has been one of the most shocking days of my life. I have been dating a girl for 8 months, everything was awesome between us. We didn't even argue once. Despise not being able to meet in person much as it was somehow a long distance relationship, we were quite happy together. Today she came to me out of the blue and said something that made me stunned, " you might not believe it now, i love you, but we need to break up".

I kept asking her for the reason, she refused to open up. She only told me something had happened in her life and she wouldn't like to talk about it, she is depressed for now and needs to cope with it alone 

I tried many times to be supportive, to tell her we can together overcome whatever it is, but still got the same response. "Im sorry, i know i sound like a jerk, but I'm sorry I can't do anything about it. I need to be alone"

This burst me into crying. She was the only bright point in my life. My father recently had a major stroke and i have been dealing with it for months. I feel that I'm on my last legs. What she did was the last nail in my coffin.

 

I can't understand any of this. nothing makes sense. I'm in a lot of pain. Please help me.

 

[salparadise]

The fact that she won't say what the new development is tells me that it's something that would not render her in a good light, and that would not be a sympathetic story from your perspective. My guess would be a new real-life boyfriend.

I don't mean to discount the pain and heartache this is causing, but it's the inevitable outcome when you get caught up in a fantasy online romance and can't meet in real life. Take a week or a month to equilibrate and start meeting girls and going on real-life dates. You'll probably find someone and realize that it's a whole different dimension. In the short-term it will probably help to talk to a counselor about this and the other stressors you're dealing with. Remember, feelings are temporary... like clouds passing by. You can have them and watch them while realizing that they are only feelings, not who you are.

[Happy Lemming]

33 minutes ago, Reza13741 said:

I can't understand any of this.

She probably found someone who was local.  Long distance relationships are tough!! You can't make "spur of the moment" plans or do stuff that just "comes up".

You were probably just a "place holder" to her until such time she met someone local.

As a side note, sorry to hear about your dad... try to spend some extra time with him.  Read to him, talk to him, you are going to look back (one day) and be glad to you had some extra time with him.

[mortensorchid]

I'm so sorry.  I hope you pick up the pieces and are able to move on. 

[Reza13741]

Thank you everyone for your nice and kind comments, i appreciate how caring you are.

I wasn't probably able to clarify. It wasn't like that we didn't get to see each other at all. We actually met several times in person, but couldn't do that as often as we would like to.

I believe that it is almost impossible to think she's found someone new, she told me how she loved me yesterday in the morning, but something happened in between and she broke up with me in the afternoon 

She never got cold in our relationship, everything was going smoothly and we were getting closer and closer everday. It was bilateral.

 

That's what i really can't get. I noticed that she's been depressed now but the point that everything just happened quickly makes me stunned

Edited June 11, 2022 by Reza13741

[ExpatInItaly]

15 minutes ago, Reza13741 said:

she told me how she loved me yesterday in the morning, but something happened in between and she broke up with me in the afternoon 

This is unlikley. 

It is probably something that has been brewing for a while and she finally worked up the courage to tell you. Despite saying she loved you that morning, I can nearly assure you that she was already thinking of ending it. Some dumpers go through the motions until they cut the cord. 

17 minutes ago, Reza13741 said:

We actually met several times in person, but couldn't do that as often as we would like to.

This could absolutely be part of the problem. How often did you meet? 

[Reza13741]

29 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is unlikley. 

It is probably something that has been brewing for a while and she finally worked up the courage to tell you. Despite saying she loved you that morning, I can nearly assure you that she was already thinking of ending it. Some dumpers go through the motions until they cut the cord. 

This could absolutely be part of the problem. How often did you meet? 

 

While we were talking, she also mentioned that " i know you're not going to believe it, but i love you" i also told here how confused i was because she was alright in the morning and she continued " i didn't know life would treat me like this, i need to be alone."

I also burst into tears when we were talking, she also cried and said " i have been crying all day, i don't have energy to talk, you know how guilty i feel for doing this to you, please don't make me feel worse"

 

And to answer the question, we could meet once a month. Here were i live, we have to do mandatory military service for 2 years. I met her online first, when i was a soldier، every single time that i would come back to my city, she was there for me. Even during my military service, she would make room in her schedule to talk to me. I recently got my exemption from the military service due to my father's situation, and we tried to meet more. We also had a plan to meet next week. She seemed as eager as i was.

 

I really can't figure anything out. I also told her that we could come over whatever it was, she said " i can't, I don't want to open up my personal life, just imagine my father passed away, what difference does it make to you?"

Edited June 11, 2022 by Reza13741

[ExpatInItaly]

36 minutes ago, Reza13741 said:

we could meet once a month.

Unfortunately, this is too little for many people. Circumstances might not have allowed for more frequent meetings but it's hard to keep a relationship going when you don't see each other very much. 

37 minutes ago, Reza13741 said:

she said " i can't, I don't want to open up my personal life, just imagine my father passed away, what difference does it make to you?"

This tells me she is rather immature. How old is she? In any case, if she is refusing to open up to you, then you can't do anything more. It might not even be totally true. Perhaps something else happened and she knows it would make her look bad, so she's cloaking it in some big mystery to avoid being honest. 

At the end of the day, you can't (and shouldn't) convince someone to be with you. If they don't want to be in the relationship anymore, it is best to accept that and let them go. 

[Reza13741]

3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Unfortunately, this is too little for many people. Circumstances might not have allowed for more frequent meetings but it's hard to keep a relationship going when you don't see each other very much. 

This tells me she is rather immature. How old is she? In any case, if she is refusing to open up to you, then you can't do anything more. It might not even be totally true. Perhaps something else happened and she knows it would make her look bad, so she's cloaking it in some big mystery to avoid being honest. 

At the end of the day, you can't (and shouldn't) convince someone to be with you. If they don't want to be in the relationship anymore, it is best to accept that and let them go. 

She is 21 and I'm 26

This was the first time i noticed such an immature behavior from her. It's just like that she's has experienced a big shock, but the point that she is refusing to open up and wants to finish everything despise being in love with me as she says doesn't make any sense to me.

Do i have to give her some time and contact her again? Or would it be juat better to let everything go?

 

[ExpatInItaly]

8 minutes ago, Reza13741 said:

tthe point that she is refusing to open up and wants to finish everything despise being in love with me as she says doesn't make any sense to me.

That's because you don't know the whole truth. She is being evasive. If you knew the real reason about what was actually behind this, it would probably make much more sense. It might just not be what you want to hear. 

And no, I wouldn't contact her again. She isn't mature enough for a grown-up relationship anyway. 

[giotto]

You will never know. Maybe she did find a new boyfriend or she cheated on you. Who knows? Very immature of her not to tell you the reason.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Reza13741 said:

 not being able to meet in person much as it was somehow a long distance relationship,  alone 

This burst me into crying. . What she did was the last nail in my coffin.

Sorry this happened. How often did you see each other in person? How old is she? How did you meet?

Long distance relationships are frustrating and lonely. It's possible she met someone locally. It makes sense for both of you to seek out more viable situations.

See a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Get a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. 

Join some groups and clubs, volunteer, get involved in sports and fitness, take some classes and courses.

Get involved in your local life and look for more support locally and in real life.

[salparadise]

6 hours ago, Reza13741 said:

It's just like that she's has experienced a big shock, but the point that she is refusing to open up and wants to finish everything despise being in love with me as she says doesn't make any sense to me.

Do i have to give her some time and contact her again? Or would it be juat better to let everything go?

No, don't contact her. It's not right to cut you off and refuse to explain, but you know that she doesn't care enough to be honest and fair. Even if you were to get it restarted there would be more BS because this is who she is and how she rolls. You being a sincere person, being treated with this kind of disrespect should be a definite dealbreaker. If you knew, it would probably be worse than you imagine. Turn the page and prioritize character and integrity for future relationships. 

[glows]

15 hours ago, Reza13741 said:

Hi, i really need some help, today has been one of the most shocking days of my life. I have been dating a girl for 8 months, everything was awesome between us. We didn't even argue once. Despise not being able to meet in person much as it was somehow a long distance relationship, we were quite happy together. Today she came to me out of the blue and said something that made me stunned, " you might not believe it now, i love you, but we need to break up".

I kept asking her for the reason, she refused to open up. She only told me something had happened in her life and she wouldn't like to talk about it, she is depressed for now and needs to cope with it alone 

I tried many times to be supportive, to tell her we can together overcome whatever it is, but still got the same response. "Im sorry, i know i sound like a jerk, but I'm sorry I can't do anything about it. I need to be alone"

This burst me into crying. She was the only bright point in my life. My father recently had a major stroke and i have been dealing with it for months. I feel that I'm on my last legs. What she did was the last nail in my coffin.

 

I can't understand any of this. nothing makes sense. I'm in a lot of pain. Please help me.

 

Give it more time. I'd reconsider whether you knew each other as well due to LDR. I'm not against them. They are challenging so take a deep breath, step back. Don't ruminate or think about her any further than she is not available. This means that you stop yourself from leaning too far into the whys or hows. It's easier said than done but it's something you'll have to do. Disengage.

Is your father ok now? Why are you on your last legs? Don't let a relationship put you on last anything. Stay in touch with any other commitments you have like work or staying healthy. Be gentle and good with yourself and eat well and stay hydrated. Stay away from booze, too much caffeine and don't self medicate. Big hugs to you.

[dramafreezone]

16 hours ago, salparadise said:

The fact that she won't say what the new development is tells me that it's something that would not render her in a good light, and that would not be a sympathetic story from your perspective. My guess would be a new real-life boyfriend.

I don't mean to discount the pain and heartache this is causing, but it's the inevitable outcome when you get caught up in a fantasy online romance and can't meet in real life. Take a week or a month to equilibrate and start meeting girls and going on real-life dates. You'll probably find someone and realize that it's a whole different dimension. In the short-term it will probably help to talk to a counselor about this and the other stressors you're dealing with. Remember, feelings are temporary... like clouds passing by. You can have them and watch them while realizing that they are only feelings, not who you are.

This is my guess as well.  Generally I think when people say they just need to be by themselves I think they want to make themselves available to someone else.  So it's not false in the literal sense, but they want that alone time to be short-lived.

OP, it's ok to feel down and it feels like the end of the world but that's only because this person took up so much space in your life.  You can't rely on someone else to give you meaning for life, no one wants that responsibility.  You have to give your own life meaning by realizing that you have value.  It would be a good idea to begin therapy to help get you through all of this.  You will get past this.

Edited June 11, 2022 by dramafreezone

[Reza13741]

Well guys, thank you all for your response, I'm back with new updates. As i told you i am 26 and my girlfriend is 21, she suddenly broke up with me saying she is going through hard times and needs to isolate herself. I offered her to work it out together, she refused and didn't open up even though she loves me.

 

Two days later, i left her a short massage " i know you're going through hard times, but count on me if i can be of service"

And she said " thank you for being awsome"

Some hours later, she dropped me a message saying " i know it's not right to text you, but i would like to let you know, you can count on me too"

We started chatting then, she said " honestly i miss you and I'm glad you texted me" she also asked me if should could call me and i accepted.

 

We talked a little bit, she was sorry for putting me in such a situation and i said" it might have been happened to anybody, the next time i see you, I'm going to kiss you and put all this behind"  she was like " maybe , i messed it up, because we're still on a break"

And i said " that's right, you need still time and space, and i know it, so if it's alright, I'm going to check on you sometime"

 

She confirmed that she would like me to do so but she wasn't sure because it could make the process of moving on harder.

 

Umm and i was caught off guard again, i was wondering if she is in love me why would consider moving on as an option?

I told her that " the point is that, i love you and you love me back, you are going through hard times know and i get it, but we can stay in touch and wait to see if we can fix it when the situation gets better" and she told me she would think about it 

 

So, im totally confused, i know she loves me, and she broke up with me to isolate herself because something quite bad has happened in her life ( i know it's immature to get such a decision) , but what do you think about the situation?

I really love her, we didn't even argue once throughout the time we were together, should i give her more time and space? Do you think she will change her mind and get back to me?

 

[Acacia98]

You're the one who's dealing with a frightening situation involving your father's health and she decided that this was the right time to dump you without a clear explanation that might enable you to accept the breakup and eventually move on. In addition to being immature, her actions are self-serving. She shouldn't even have reached out to you again because it gave you hope and she has no intention of doing what you're hoping for. Based on this alone, I suspect she's going to play a lot of mind games with you if you stay in touch with her. 

She's treating you wrong. And in such circumstances, you are not supposed to reach out to her and assure her you will be there for her. You are supposed to remove yourself from the situation with her and surround yourself with people who genuinely care and support you and focus on your dad. As hard as it sounds, your best bet is to block her.

Regarding why she broke up, I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that she was resentful your father's illness was taking attention away from her. She may very well be "punishing" you for not making her the center of focus in this difficult time. That's just a guess. But it's based on a few things you've said about her.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Reza13741 said:

i was wondering if she is in love me why would consider moving on as an option?

The sad truth is that she is not as in love as she claims. 

She wouldn't consider moving on if she were. My guess is that she knows she doesn't want to reconcile but she's having a hard time being totally direct and telling you that, It sucks, but don't make it worse for yourself by volunteering to wait around. It doesn't appear she wants that. 

[salparadise]

1 hour ago, Acacia98 said:

Regarding why she broke up, I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out that she was resentful your father's illness was taking attention away from her. She may very well be "punishing" you for not making her the center of focus in this difficult time.

And she has found a replacement. If she had an acceptable excuse she'd say what it is.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, salparadise said:

And she has found a replacement. If she had an acceptable excuse she'd say what it is.

I strongly suspect this, too. 

[Acacia98]

1 hour ago, salparadise said:

And she has found a replacement. If she had an acceptable excuse she'd say what it is.

 

36 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I strongly suspect this, too. 

I'm on the same page as you both, having experienced the same and having seen it happen to others.

[glows]

7 hours ago, Reza13741 said:

Do you think she will change her mind and get back to me?

A person who cares about you wouldn't drop you for no reason and start saying they love you or miss you. She's confused so leave her alone. Date someone else who is more convinced you're the man for her. Right now you're clinging to breadcrumbs and holding yourself back from moving on.