mortensorchid Posted June 11, 2022 Share Posted June 11, 2022 Tonight I went to see live theater on the other side of town, School of Rock. It starred a buddy of mine in the lead and I went out on a date with a long time FWB - we get together once a year and have a weekend. But I won't get into the situation with me and him, needless to say this is it and what it is with me and him. We walk into the theater and sit down and caught my breath. He asked what was wrong, I said I thought this guy across the room was the math teacher who ruined my self esteem. To review with the forum - I had a crush on this coworker about 8 years ago (a horrible person to have a crush on), I was a secret admirer. I bought presents and put them in his box in the office anonymously. Then got his number from my hacker buddy. After I committed the cardinal sin of teaching (calling rhe principal by her first name) I was ousted. After I was out I asked via text of he wanted to hang out and he texted back I am not interested in you romantically sorry to be so blunt. I lied and said I wanted to be friends, he texted back oh sorry my bad sure! I erased his number and never contacted him again. I left it in peace. My self esteem has been in the gutter ever since, something inside me changed / broke and it's not going to get fixed. But the guy turned around and I saw that it wasn't him. Oh but wait ... There's more! After I finished telling that story the actual math teacher walked in! Then I leaned over to the FWB and said that the guy in the green t shirt is the guy in question. He said not to worry, he'll be all over me in case he looks this way. And he was, it was nice being with him. At intermission we got up to use the bathroom. I stood up on a rise at the top of the stairs scanning the crowd to see where he went, and I saw the math teacher. I was happy I was dressed to the punk rock 9s (jeans jacket vest, short sleeves showing off my buff arms, leather cuffs on both wrists, sparkling diamond belt buckle that everyone compliments me on), hope he saw me there. But I doubt he would recognize me. My FWB made sure to make a deal out of kissing me, holding hands, arm around me. Just in case he was watching. Second half I got back to my seat and the math teacher sat ahead of me. He was with this other guy... His arm was around him. And he had an earring in his left ear. Oh Lord... No wonder. Others told me when I was rejected that he must be gay. I think I just saw ... That. We left, happened to be right behind the math teacher, we held hands and kissed. Maybe this is just a rant. I know / knew someday our paths would cross again. And they did. We just didn't interact. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 11, 2022 Share Posted June 11, 2022 This is good news! You've just discovered that his rejection wasn't a personal slight on you, but rather, you weren't a guy. Perhaps you'll be able to forgive him now and move on from the whole incident. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted June 11, 2022 Share Posted June 11, 2022 Mort, Hallelujah! This is the best new that could've happened to you. You spend years agonizing (and writing on this forum) about how you let your work crush know how you feel about him and how he cruelly rejected you. Somehow, you took it way to personally. It crushed your self esteem to the point where you stopped trusting men and people in general around you. You even became a self proclaimed "sociopath" as a defense mechanism to protect yourself from being hurt again. As you can see now, his rejection had nothing to do with you whatsoever. So, now you can start a healing process and hopefully with the help of a right councilor you can shed off that "sociopath" bask that you've been wearing for so long and become a loving, trusting, non-jaded woman again. You were always complaining about guys rejecting you and not asking out out on a second date. But as you see, this is very little to do with you and probably everything to do with them. I really hope you take this as a stepping stone to a new life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted June 11, 2022 Share Posted June 11, 2022 9 hours ago, mortensorchid said: My self esteem has been in the gutter ever since, something inside me changed / broke and it's not going to get fixed. Like I was saying above, now is an excellent time to start fixing this. With the help of the phycologist, of course. It's like you've been given a second chance to do something right in your life. Take it! Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 (edited) Sorry girl I know we all have been on this forum for a very long time but I need to say this.... well you really need to work on your self esteem and by that to rework your perception of how you see things. You need to stop thinking that people don't like you or their decision is based on you as a person, it's not always, if ever about you. But it seem that this has been the driving force behind your existence. Edited June 12, 2022 by smackie9 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 If nothing else, perhaps you learned not to give another person so much power over you, your life and your happiness. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 I sort of read this another way. You had the courage to ask a man out, something a tremendous number of women would never do and you walked away from the rejection and did live the rest of your life. Whether you think your self-esteem is in the gutter or not it certainly looks like you’re doing fine to me. Not to mention the show you both put on with your friend making out - I don’t think many would even think of doing this. Anyway, good story. And glad that you got some closure or answer for an old chapter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 On 6/10/2022 at 10:40 PM, mortensorchid said: My self esteem has been in the gutter ever since, something inside me changed / broke and it's not going to get fixed. And now? Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 Well, sure. Any failure can be a chance to try something entirely different. Even something as sad or soul-crushing as rejection. It is a way for you to compensate for being rejected by ascribing to him the possibility of being gay. It's a silly predicament, isn't it? The more you like someone, the more eager you are to make them like you, which in turn makes them also less inclined to like you. When you're not that into someone, how often do we not care if they don't like us back? Lots. But once you decide you actually like the person, that's when you have a chance of going, well, a bit bonkers. You start doing weird stuff. Presenting him with presents, letting your hacker friend get his number, and acting unprofessionally at work. It's all because you're nervous. In an attempt to make him like you back, you're trying way too hard to project the "perfect" image of yourself. Seems you were just too taken with him to really just be yourself around him. He never gets to meet the real, awesome, normal you. This is why your crush didn't like you back. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 (edited) 13 hours ago, glows said: Not to mention the show you both put on with your friend making out - I don’t think many would even think of doing this. Mature adults don't think of doing this. This is an act of revenge, to "rub" it in this guy's face. It's a loss of control over something that was long ago done and should have been dismissed. Might have felt like victory in the moment but there is no reward afterwards. That's why she's here...looking for reassurance that her actions were just and that she did right by herself. I'm actually worried about her. No one needs to do anything like that to know they have worth. She doesn't have to prove anything to anyone. Edited June 12, 2022 by smackie9 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:. This is why your crush didn't like you back. As per the original post, her crush didn’t like her romantically because he’s gay. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 On 6/11/2022 at 1:40 AM, mortensorchid said: My self esteem has been in the gutter ever since, something inside me changed / broke and it's not going to get fixed. Morten, we are (and become) the stories we tell ourselves. Some teacher rejects you and it guts you for life? I think you need to change the wording in this story like this teacher rejected you and it pinched your ego. Words have power, chose wisely what you tell yourself. It's a funny story, and it made me laugh but, think about it, this man rejected you as he did not view you as a romantic partner and you thought seeing you in a romantic relationship would do what? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 (edited) I have to say there are A LOT of good looking gay men out there. I am positive that they get hit on by woman all the time....why not right? Some gay guys don't act gay at all. So this guy probably was just frustrated that a woman was interested in him....like oh gosh another one! Edited June 12, 2022 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 30 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Mature adults don't think of doing this. This is an act of revenge, to "rub" it in this guy's face. It's a loss of control over something that was long ago done and should have been dismissed. Might have felt like victory in the moment but there is no reward afterwards. That's why she's here...looking for reassurance that her actions were just and that she did right by herself. I'm actually worried about her. No one needs to do anything like that to know they have worth. She doesn't have to prove anything to anyone. Very true. But I didn’t read it as a cry for help post. It was an entertaining story with dramatic and unrealistic scenes for humour. Link to post Share on other sites
AndyCapp99 Posted June 12, 2022 Share Posted June 12, 2022 This wasn’t just asking someone out or lighthearted fun. She basically stalked him. Anonymous gifts. A hacker finding his phone number. Then forces a date invitation. And overreacts to his “no”. This is boiler bunny territory and very creepy, and if a guy did this to a woman he’d get the stalker label real quick with maybe restraining orders. Whether this guy is gay or not is immaterial. This was NOT the way to go about any of this. 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted June 13, 2022 Share Posted June 13, 2022 I think in life sometimes good things happen and sometimes bad things happen. We tend to forget about the good things as we expect that is the way life should be and we somehow deserve that. Then when something bad happens we want to blame someone else or think the world is conspiring against us to be happy. When in fact, that is just life. I have good things happen in my life and bad things happen. I've accepted that is just the natural order of life. We get some good... we get some bad. Try to move past the bad... we don't always win and we never get everything we want. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts