Is it normal to feel this way?

[Renale195]

I'm a 32 year-old guy who has never been in a relationship before. I never cared about dating throughout my life as I always focused on my career. I consider myself an average guy (looks/intelligence) living a healthy lifestyle (workout regularly) working towards his goals. I don't consider myself weird or creepy, and I don't think any girl I ever met could have considered me that way. However, I acknowledge that I'm a lonely person (by choice because I like spending time alone).

Three years ago I met a girl who I liked a lot, and thought she liked me back. It turned out I was wrong since she already had a boyfriend. By the time I knew that, I was so into her that I suffered and cried as I had never done in my adult life. Eventually, after almost one year I was able to finally forget her and move on.

Nine months ago I befriended a girl online (in a professional setting, not a dating site) who I've been interacting with quite often since then through video calls and text. Since the past 6 months I've developed a big crush on her. I'm constantly thinking about her every single day and I'm afraid that I could end up suffering as much as the last time I was interested in a girl. I've also found myself crying very often since then. Sometimes out of happiness/joy as it feels nice to have (or at least believe that there is) a deep connection with someone. Sometimes just out of frustration as I think I might just be building a fantasy in my head or that I won't be able to move this relationship further.

This situation is so emotional exhausting for me and I'm tired of it. Is it normal to be and feel this way?

I don't know what to do.

Edited June 12, 2022 by Renale195
grammar

[glows]

To me, no, it doesn’t sound normal. I’m sorry. If you have doubts see your doctor for a full check up and describe the intense moods, despair, depressive thoughts. You may need help from professionals that is beyond the scope of a forum.

[Weezy1973]

22 hours ago, Renale195 said:

Is it normal to be and feel this way?

I don't know what to do.

Not sure how to define "normal" but I don't think this is healthy. I would talk to your doctor or try a therapist. There's probably a lot of stuff going on here to have you reacting this way.

[Scotty Riggs]

I can relate, but only slightly. I was a later bloomer at dating (had difficulty finding women in my isolated rural area, and didn't regularly date until age 25, when I moved to the city and dove head-first into online dating). As far back as high school, I suffered depression and obsession at the feet of women's rejection, and to this day I resent my sometimes heavy emotions surrounding dating. It sounds like you have a similar situation only far more intense because of your even greater delay.

Regardless of your self image, if you've waited all the way until your 30s to date, you have a ton of emotional growing pains to overcome, as I did. You can cite your "career" all you want, but we all have a job, and it shouldn't stop anyone from dating. And who honestly chooses to be lonely into their 30s? We're social/sexual animals, so there are likely other issues that held you back this long.

Consider psychiatric counseling. I've never done it but have considered it to better understand the roots of my emotions and learn how to cope with them. You could also consider trying online dating and learn how you manage your emotions in "real world" scenarios, but you must remember to always uphold some basic standards for boundaries and general respect when dealing with women. Good luck.