ddh33 Posted October 24, 2005 Share Posted October 24, 2005 Hi everyone I need some suggestions. I'm have been in America for 2 years but I speak decent English. She's American. We're both college freshmen at a huge University. She's in my English class. We know each other and have talked like three times. She's nice and patient when I talk to her, sometimes smiling and always answers my questions in detail. I mean it's not just me talking although it has been me who initiated these talks. And it looks like the only time I could talk to her is after class...Last week I walked up to her and was like hi how are you. Then we talked as we walked out and I followed her to the parking lot...talking along the way. Did it look a bit like stalking? But it was a pretty good conversation and we laughed a little at times. Last time I saw her after class i was a little nervous cuz I slowed down on purpose to talk to her...we both left that class pretty late. I like, turned around oh hi and "where are you going" which i think was really lame. And then I asked about her classes and schedule which I had asked about every time we talked...though she answered patiently I said bye to her at the exit..before she was finished cuz I felt stupid about the question and didn't want to "stalk" again...sorry kinda long but the thing is we have only two classes a week. How should I talk to her without being stalker-like? So far she may think I'm a pretty nice guy but not consider us anything like friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Deshanga Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 Lok for opportunity. Keep the communication. Talk to her a little almost every time you see her. If she needs help with something and you help her, she will really like that. And of course, do you best to be yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
ddh33 Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 Thanks it's a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Milo Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 It's good that the two of you are in the same class together. Just talk to her again and casually ask if she wants to go grab dinner later. Don't ask her in advance or make it a date, just a friend thing. Then get to know her better in terms of what she likes to do in her spare time as well as in school of course. I have found that it helps if you are into a lot of fun and interesting sports or activities, like you are into seeing shows and dancing like a fool. Maybe you like exploring old, abandoned buildings? Perhaps you like finding hidden patches of flowers up in the mountains? Talk about those little moments you have had doing interesting things and maybe she will be inspired to go seek them out. Above all, keep your romantic interest low key at first and talk about introducing her to your friends sometime. That keeps the pressure off. Besides, this girl may not see you that way...at the moment. You might have to become friends first. Link to post Share on other sites
gridiron Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 Sounds like she is just being nice to you. I would suggest making as many friends as possible - male or female. Join clubs, maybe an Asian American club? Hang around guys that get girls to find out what they do. Small talk is fine for your first conversation, but you need to learn how to flirt and read body language. It will come eventually. Link to post Share on other sites
ddh33 Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 I know some American guys on my floor very well who do get girls...but they're American and I can't get to be like them in a lot of ways. I do have many Asian friends, male and female, but they're totally different. Honestly I'd find it a lot easier to get Asian girls. I don't know why. My confidence level just goes way up when I talk to them...nothing like that with American girls. In terms of interests, I just like the usual stuff: movies, rap, cars, computers etc. I'm not that good at sports. I'm not the flirtatious or funny type. I can talk a lot to the right people, though. Anyways, thanks for all your advice. The casually grabbing dinner one is pretty good. I might try it out. Link to post Share on other sites
ddh33 Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 I didn't see her last Thursday because she was sick...she seemed pretty weak and pale. She was sick three weeks ago when I first talked to her. What should I do next time I see her? Link to post Share on other sites
Milo Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 You should ask her how she is feeling of course. Ask her if she is getting enough rest and if she is eating right. When she is feeling better, you can get back to asking her to join you in something. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 I didn't see her last Thursday because she was sick...she seemed pretty weak and pale. She was sick three weeks ago when I first talked to her. What should I do next time I see her? Offer her some vitamin C. Don't focus so much on one girl. She's equivalent to every other girl you could ask out at this point, so don't try to cut her from the herd first thing. Take the whole herd on first and see which ones single themselves out. You should be able to get a good reading on her from a simple chat, and it looks to me like isn't giving you "go ahead" signals. That shouldn't be a big deal to you, since you shouldn't expect most women to. It's not non-American you, it's the same for everyone. Maybe she has a boyfriend or is a lesbian or hates men or maybe she's just tired. Or sick and thinks she doesn't look that great. Those American guys you know may look like they have good luck with women, but have you actually heard them talk to those girls? What about all the other girls you haven't seen them talk to who shot them down? Do you know for a fact that those girls are that much into those guys? More often than not, you'll find that those guys aren't really scoring that much more than you. When you have made the effort a few times like you have, and you haven't made any more progress than you have, then you should just give it up and leave it to her to make the next move. Or none. Don't go up to her or "stalk" her anymore. Just let her do her thing. Link to post Share on other sites
ddh33 Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Thanks johan. I really dig what you say. Link to post Share on other sites
ddh33 Posted November 1, 2005 Share Posted November 1, 2005 I'm feeling really s***ty today... She came unusually early today..which I hadn't expected at all. She was always late. There were three seats on her left side but I hesitated and took the one in the middle..I didn't even say hi, and of course, she wouldn't. After class she was asking the teacher questions so I didn't get to talk to her either. Was I a coward?? Or was it right not to have sat by her, since she never sat by me? The other one I'm thinking about is to ask her out directly after class...This class will end in early December anyway, and I'd rather be rejected than regret not doing that. We're not really friends and likely to lose contact after Dec. So that wouldn't matter. I know I must be thinking too much...please help!! We would you do if you were me? Link to post Share on other sites
gridiron Posted November 2, 2005 Share Posted November 2, 2005 Sitting one seat over is fine for now. From what you have typed thus far, she is just being nice to you. Tell her some funny stories that happened to you or your friends in the past week, talk about what you like to do, ask her what she does for fun. Make your talks FUN, not boring. Once you have gotten her to laugh a few times and you guys are talking to each other before or after class for two or three classes, then you can ask her out. You will know what she likes to do, based on your conversation, and can ask her in a casual way if she wants to go (insert whatever she likes to do here). Link to post Share on other sites
ddh33 Posted November 3, 2005 Share Posted November 3, 2005 Update: I approached her today after class. She was listening to music so I had to wave at her after calling her a few times, a bit awkward..anyway we walked and talk together..about classes and stuff. Then I asked her where she was heading she said going to get some hot drink. I was frozen..the weather was so cold and rainy. I asked if I could go with her, and she was like "..if you'd like." There was a pause between my question and her answer. In your American perspective, does her reaction show something wrong? So we got coffee. She is friends with the cafe people so they started talking. I thought she would be coming back to me so I sat down and studied for a test. But she wasn't coming...After 15 minutes I went to her and found out she had been talking to her friends. I started talking to her when her friends got busy...and for the next five minutes. She seemed cooler today and wasn't looking at me at all when she talked...maybe it was my illusion. She didn't smile much either talking to her friends. Her responses to my questions and stuff were okay..not especially interested but..you know. I saw her cell phone. And we she left I followed. She put on her earphones..another sign I worry about. I said something to her and she took it down. Maybe I made the wrong move to ask for her number..She was in a little hurry for her class in 10minutes. She said something like I don't get calls a lot or something I can't remember. AND "YEAH IF YOU WANT"..Is that a sign of unwillingness? I found that I didn't have my cell with me...!! I told her she was like ok have to get it next time. I said I'd forget next week so do it now if you have a minute or two. I said I'm getting out a pen..she was like Can you get it next Tue. in a normal tone. I already got out a pen so she told me her number..and then she said I have to go to my class. We said bye. What do you all think I've done right or wrong? Any comments will be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Milo Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 She's definitely not interested from the way you describe it. Well, now you know so you can move on. I would have expected much friendlier conversation and more eye contact. If I don't get that, I am done. Link to post Share on other sites
ddh33 Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Yeah...I'm frustrated. I'll see how she acts next week, and then ask her out on the phone. It she says no then it's over. I'll forget it. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Excellent! You've got her right in the palm of your hand now. The way to play it now is to back off and let her do some of the chasing. Don't call or talk to her or anything, or she'll lose interest. It will be really subtle at first, but give it a few months and you'll see what I'm talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
ddh33 Posted November 4, 2005 Share Posted November 4, 2005 Sadly the class will end in early December and I'm unlikely to see her again. I made the bold move today because of that. I'll think about not talking to her and maybe call her when the class is done. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruff Ryder Posted November 6, 2005 Share Posted November 6, 2005 And we she left I followed. She put on her earphones..another sign I worry about. I said something to her and she took it down. Maybe I made the wrong move to ask for her number..She was in a little hurry for her class in 10minutes. She said something like I don't get calls a lot or something I can't remember. AND "YEAH IF YOU WANT"..Is that a sign of unwillingness? I found that I didn't have my cell with me...!! I told her she was like ok have to get it next time. I said I'd forget next week so do it now if you have a minute or two. I said I'm getting out a pen..she was like Can you get it next Tue. in a normal tone. I already got out a pen so she told me her number..and then she said I have to go to my class. We said bye. What do you all think I've done right or wrong? Any comments will be appreciated. The key here is attraction. It sounds like you blew it at the coffee shop BUT that doesnt matter ATTRACTION can be re istablished at any given time you want. The trick is STAY AWAY FROM SAME OLD BOARING STUFF. dont talk about school family bla bla bla rather pick something intresting like SEX DRUGS AND ROCK AN ROLL read the news papers see what sells the best DEATH MURDER DRUGS SCANDLES, that is what you should be talking about. Be funny make jokes i.e: if she ask what you want to be in the future DONT ANSWER "A scientist working on animal sickness" rather say some thing like "a stunt man you know when you see brad pitts ass in the shower? I want to be his ass" COCKY AND FUNNY is the way to do it. ATTRACTION is something she cant and wont resist its a mental thing not a choice one makes. Talk to her about diffrent stuff stay away from the usal and if she asks a question about your family or past respond sometjing like "Damn we not married still have loads of time to find out all that stuff" Keep her attracted to you and the rest will fall into place Go for it be brave funny cocky and confident. Link to post Share on other sites
ddh33 Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 Yeah I'm thinking about similar things. I can't talk to her about those things anymore they get her bored. However I DON'T KNOW HOW TO START TALKING ABOUT OTHER, INTERESTING THINGS. It's like, when I see her a few minutes before class and sit by her, I'll get a little nervous and can only start at the small talk...It's hard to get elsewhere. Same after class. So, how do you guys start conversations and talk about fun stuff? I don't know what she's interested in talking about. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruff Ryder Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 Just come straight out and ask her whats shes into. You say she had a little radio. Ask "what you listning to?" Shell tell you ask questions about her style of music and what she does for fun. That would be a good start. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 Excellent! You've got her right in the palm of your hand now. The way to play it now is to back off and let her do some of the chasing. Don't call or talk to her or anything, or she'll lose interest. It will be really subtle at first, but give it a few months and you'll see what I'm talking about. Excuse me, but what are you saying here? It's absolutely clear that she's not interested in him, I'd rather say, she was quite irritated with him and no wonder, he sounds very insecure and desperate not to make any wrong moves which inevitably has to turn her off. He might not be acting in the smartest way, but giving him sh*tty sarcastic advice is not going to help him. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 Be funny make jokes i.e: if she ask what you want to be in the future DONT ANSWER "A scientist working on animal sickness" rather say some thing like "a stunt man you know when you see brad pitts ass in the shower? I want to be his ass" COCKY AND FUNNY is the way to do it. I'm not sure if it's my age, but I've started to be bored with guys who make nothing but "funny" comments all day long. I find it has a desperate touch when a guy tries too hard to entertain a girl. An occasional joke is ok, but that's basically it. Humor is the desired quality that most people look for, but that is an attitude towards life and is not conveyed by continuously cracking jokes. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 I'm not sure if it's my age, but I've started to be bored with guys who make nothing but "funny" comments all day long. I find it has a desperate touch when a guy tries too hard to entertain a girl. An occasional joke is ok, but that's basically it. Humor is the desired quality that most people look for, but that is an attitude towards life and is not conveyed by continuously cracking jokes. Ok, I think my answer was not really that humorous either... Putting your earphones on is a really rude way of telling someone to piss off, she seems to be annoyed already and I doubt that it makes sense to continue further contact with her. If she is just a little bit like me, then trying to entertain her with jokes when she is in this mood is not getting you anywhere. She'll just get more mad with you, ddh33, because you don't understand that she wants you to leave her alone. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 She'll just get more mad with you, ddh33, because you don't understand that she wants you to leave her alone. She can always just TELL him to p*ss off, ya know? Then she wouldn't have to be *mad* at him! Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted November 7, 2005 Share Posted November 7, 2005 ...say some thing like "a stunt man you know when you see brad pitts ass in the shower? I want to be his ass" COCKY AND FUNNY is the way to do it. Brilliant. Yeah, that's REALLY gonna win the women over! Hey, might as well *one-up* that by asking her what her sign is. Link to post Share on other sites
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