how to approach and talk to her naturally

[johan]

Excuse me, but what are you saying here?

 

I'm saying if he plays it cool and lets her make the next move, then he'll be in good shape. Playing it cool in this case means facing up to the real possibility that she won't do anything at all. Which is what will happen. If he does anything else, he's foolish. I put all my good advice several posts up, if you want to reference that.

 

He might not be acting in the smartest way, but giving him sh*tty sarcastic advice is not going to help him.

 

If it's ****ty and sarcastic, then can it also be advice? Not in my book. I think the "advice" stage passed several posts ago.

[ddh33]

Thanks to you all.

 

I won't say anything to her tomorrow. I've been bothered by other stuff recently, besides this. I'm under stress. I felt like two days after the awful experience that, I don't want to take this no more. I myself suffer being that way with her, stalking and all that s***. It might be my second total failure with white girls and I'm afraid it's going to be a fatal blow to my confidence if I persist.

 

I don't weed out the possibilities that she would make the next move or something would happen. For the time being I don't want to approach her. She HURT ME BAD last week.

[gridiron]

Blow this girl off. Does it really matter that one girl you didn't know before does not want to go out with you? Who cares? It happens to the best of us. Don't talk to her again unless she says something to you first. Don't follow her. Nothing.

 

I think you have some work to do before you can really attract many girls. You need to learn everything we discussed above in this thread. Unless you are studly looking and you can get chicks that way, you will need to learn how to tell stories, make people laugh, and carry on interesting conversations - not just the smalltalk like the weather, what classes she is taking, that boring stuff. Watch some comedy shows, get LOTS of male and female friends to talk to all the time to practice jokes and stories, and just be comfortable being social. When you can do this and actually enjoying yourself everyday without seeming desperate or like a stalker, you will be posting your success stories here and asking for dating advice.

[ddh33]

I talk to my male American friends ok. I don't feel uncomfortable around them other than some language problems. Frankly I don't get all their jokes and stories because of cultural/language differences and s***.

 

I should stop chasing American girls, if all they like to hear is funny stories and stuff. I'm not that type of person at all.

 

And no I'm not studly looking.

[Panhandler]

She gave you a chance, and probably was a bit interested in your background, but the language barrier probably frustrated her some. I think the last thing on her mind, was what was on your mind(going out), and when you asked for her number she drew the line there, not wanting to show any desire.

 

But she was probably hoping that you would interject and talk with her friends at the cafe, rather than put yourself out of the group. That would have given her security if her friends liked you, and she would have tagged you along as an interesting friend.

 

You have to smile be happy, and be very self-confident to be around women and people in intial stages. Have a good time with them, and they will probably have a good time with you. You had more oppertunity than a lot of guys to get a chance to talk to her, and she was probably in a social state but later thought you didn't fit in with her, and figured you're just some dumb asian trying to get it on with her.

 

You gotta be more smooth, and let the girls come into your hands if they are the honeys. I have even found that ugly looking girls are stuck up, so it doesn't really help to play the low cards. What you wanna look for is girls that are you type, that's the bottom line. You are an asian, so people aren't gonna have as much in common with you and you will feel alienated.

 

That is why you will click better with asian girls, because you will feel less alienated and unworthy by their standards. There's only a few routes to get girls, you either have to be damn sexy and rich, or on your way to the riches. Or you have to be smart and clever, friendly enuff to make acquaintance, and hope that somewhere along the line you hook up intimately. Or you have to lower your standards beg like a dog and hope that someone wants the bone.

[Ruff Ryder]

I'm not sure if it's my age, but I've started to be bored with guys who make nothing but "funny" comments all day long. I find it has a desperate touch when a guy tries too hard to entertain a girl. An occasional joke is ok, but that's basically it. Humor is the desired quality that most people look for, but that is an attitude towards life and is not conveyed by continuously cracking jokes.

 

Hate to tell you this but it must be your age.......

 

Funny is good. Sure not all the time but without a sence of humor then what else is there. and Thats just to get her ATTENTION AND ATTRACTION nothing more.

 

He must be serious from time to time but keep her smiling......

[ddh33]

She gave you a chance, and probably was a bit interested in your background, but the language barrier probably frustrated her some. I think the last thing on her mind, was what was on your mind(going out), and when you asked for her number she drew the line there, not wanting to show any desire.

 

But she was probably hoping that you would interject and talk with her friends at the cafe, rather than put yourself out of the group. That would have given her security if her friends liked you, and she would have tagged you along as an interesting friend.

 

You have to smile be happy, and be very self-confident to be around women and people in intial stages. Have a good time with them, and they will probably have a good time with you. You had more oppertunity than a lot of guys to get a chance to talk to her, and she was probably in a social state but later thought you didn't fit in with her, and figured you're just some dumb asian trying to get it on with her.

 

You gotta be more smooth, and let the girls come into your hands if they are the honeys. I have even found that ugly looking girls are stuck up, so it doesn't really help to play the low cards. What you wanna look for is girls that are you type, that's the bottom line. You are an asian, so people aren't gonna have as much in common with you and you will feel alienated.

 

That is why you will click better with asian girls, because you will feel less alienated and unworthy by their standards. There's only a few routes to get girls, you either have to be damn sexy and rich, or on your way to the riches. Or you have to be smart and clever, friendly enuff to make acquaintance, and hope that somewhere along the line you hook up intimately. Or you have to lower your standards beg like a dog and hope that someone wants the bone.

 

I didn't talk to her and she didn't talk to me either this week. I can say it's over. Thank you for your opinions. Honestly, it's not been a good experience but I learned a lot from it.

 

The language barrier is definitely my worst enemy. And then it would be what Panhandler said, the last thing on her mind(going out). The first 2 times I talked to her, I spoke well and quite fluently. And I was acting natural despite a little stalky. My English mistakes and accent probably even made her a little interested. She may be thinking I was nice and somebody she could speak to at times. She's an international studies major and says she wants to do humanitarian work, so I suppose she's pretty interested in foreigners. Plus, I talked to her female friend Meredith really well that second time.

 

Then it was me who started thinking about how to talk to her more and eventually ask her out. I developed a bad habit of being intolerant about not getting to talk to girls I like. I blew my potential date in high school because I called her too much. Only this time, I had a good reason for being intolerant. She was always late so I could only approach her after class. For that to happen I had to wait for or "stalk" her. The fact that there's only two classes a week made me "want to achieve" something every time. That's how the slowing down and stalking came.

 

Stalking already made me uneasy, and the lack of topics added to that. I didn't know what to say to her. So I repeated the old stuff every time. I couldn't even convince myself that I was not STALKING.

 

She obviously didn't have any interest in me about going out. Then everything I did was pointless. I don't think she wanted me to talk to her friend in the cafe, though. She didn't want my accompany at all that day because she realized I was interested in her and she wasn't. Every "yes" she said was reluctant, and she ignored me as much as she could without telling me to piss off. She didn't look at me or ask me to join their conversation. Until I realized they were friends, I tried to join but failed.

 

Anyway the key is indeed attraction here. She was not at all interested and I had no way to get her interested. I admit, that I don't feel confident around American girls because of my language, race, and looks. I always think the last guy they would want is one like me. Whereas with many Asian chicks, I'd think I'm an above-average looking Asian, who speaks good English and has every right to get them. No I'm not funny even with them. But I feel I'm attractive and anything I say can be flirteous to them, however simple or stubborn. I'M GLAD THEY REALIZE THAT I WANT THEM. I chat casually and if they don't like me, I just don't give a f.