Who do I talk to?

[Fox Sake]

I’m kind of struggling at the moment. I don’t really know who I should talk to. I probably need a psyche evaluation of some sort. This is quite hard for me to write. It seems anytime I make myself vulnerable I get some sort of humility kick that I feel helps me grow somehow but I hate sharing this deeper part of myself…. It shows some of how I work  I like being an enigma. 
 

I feel so misunderstood. That’s the biggest problem. *Feeling misunderstood*.  
I feel like family don’t have a clue how I operate and can’t see things from my view. Actually not many people can and I find it close minded and infuriating that someone can’t take two views- it’s only their own. 
Like people don’t know how my mind works and how I process things. Being positive , dealing with Trauma, negative experiences, how I can pick myself up from having a meltdown and after a day be okay again. (I had a meltdown 5 days ago -by meltdown I mean losing my s*** at my mum and my sibling for being one sided and close minded and not looking at the facts in front of them that speak louder than any emotion they have. That was apparently a meltdown. I would somewhat agree because I let out things from my childhood that I was blaming my mum for. I was so mad at that point she was being so stubborn, making really b****y remarks at me, telling me I’m stupid and wrong and my brother was just jumping to her defence , where as I thought empathy was better and facing the facts. 

 In the middle of family separations and my brothers are taking sides , I have been trying to stay the middle ground. Plus dealing with friends problems who rely on me heavily for support (that friendship is now toast too) , and other family issues , my crypto business , It all just got too much when my siblings returned home for a week. 
I have have my own place on the family property that I moved to when my dad was leaving my mum (4 years later and he’s still stalling and just taking long holidays)  Without me the place wouldn’t manage to stay maintained. He is back today for the first time in months to sort everything out and finally put all this to bed. I organised for him to come back and stop running cos it was unfair on my mum. so I’m happy about that, but f*** me is it infuriating that this has been going on for so long and no one was willing to look at the facts or listen. I He’s home now - it’s happening as I write. 

My brothers don’t understand I’ve been on the frontlines of this family situation daily, witnessed the hurt and destruction and it’s taken it’s toll on me. My mum doesn’t like me much although she loves me, I can tell that my input and view on things although has been correct and done with empathy , wasn’t appreciated. More so because she knows I’m right and doesn’t want to hear nor accept it.  She would rather stick her head in the sand than even make a contingency plan , which is difficult to watch when I know my dad wants nothing to do with her romantically anymore. I know for a fact cos he told me and mum refuses to accept it from him or anyone else. I feel like this is ridiculous and I don’t even want involved anymore. Since I was 7 years old I remember them arguing  about dad going off with other women and my mum just lets him walk all over her even when she knows it’s wrong. 

I feel like I’m exceptionally strong, positive and have learned a lot of skills and been through a lot that has helped me be who I am. I left home and school at 15 and have lived and worked all over the world. My life certainly hasn’t been normal by any stretch.  I’m quite spiritual and super intuitive but quite sensitive. I like to think I’m reasonably smart. However I do think I’m very different ….I’ve always felt that. 
 

The way my family and a few friends view me is that I’m not normal and there’s something  wrong with me if I can pick myself up…I have a long fuse. Once the explosion goes off it’s all reset.  I tried to explain its fight or flight but no one gets me. They just dictate the way that “they and everyone else” does things. I honestly feel like it’s everyone else who’s being close minded and unwilling to listen. …I know just as well as anyone else that if I think it’s everyone else and I’m okay and just misunderstood, there must be something up with me … 
 

I’m now starting to question myself. Maybe there is something deeply wrong with me somewhere. I was diagnosed with ADD as a kid. Not ADHD. But now I’m wondering if I’m possibly bipolar or something else. I really need to speak to someone. There must be something up with me if I feel so ‘different’. Like half of me is human and the other half of me is some old soul who’s retained knowledge and lessons from the past- learning some hard lessons in this life. 

I’ll take any stab-in-the-dark evaluations anyone has going. Really tho I don’t know who I should speak to or what to do from here. This is a part of me that I never show to anyone. I asked one of my brothers if they would come to a psyche evaluation with me, because I feel so misunderstood. I hope that will bring some answers … I really don’t know tho. I’m questioning now what is actually wrong with me. 
 

Edited June 15, 2022 by Fox Sake

[glows]

Why do you involve yourself in your parents’ marriage?

Why stay on your parents’ property or have anything to do with the business?

Be a sounding board but change in their lives is up to them, both for friends and family. Draw boundaries if words are no longer useful. 

If you’re overextending yourself like this quite a lot in many areas it’s bound to exhaust anyone. People react poorly because the help isn’t wanted or appropriate. Take a few steps back. 

See a doctor for your your own well being. I think you’re too enmeshed with your family. I’d leave your brother out of it. Some distance is good.

Edited June 15, 2022 by glows

[Fox Sake]

18 minutes ago, glows said:

Why do you involve yourself in your parents’ marriage?

Why stay on your parents’ property or have anything to do with the business?

Be a sounding board but change in their lives is up to them, both for friends and family. Draw boundaries if words are no longer useful. 

If you’re overextending yourself like this quite a lot in many areas it’s bound to exhaust anyone. People react poorly because the help isn’t wanted or appropriate. Take a few steps back. 

See a doctor for your your own well being. I think you’re too enmeshed with your family. I’d leave your brother out of it. Some distance is good.

Thank you. 
I’ve been made involved since I was a teenager. I’ve been piggy in the middle trying not to take sides and having to support them both as I’m the only son who is “fair” and try’s to see everyone’s side. I don’t have much sympathy but I have a lot of empathy. 
Then my mum will want to talk about it and doesn’t like what she hears sometimes. She literally involves me, complains about it but refuses to do anything. So does my dad. It’s hard. After so many years I’ve honestly had enough. It’s been going on solid since I was a teenager and it’s been nothing but destructive within the entire family. No one deals with anything or talks- it’s honestly ridiculous. 
 

 I’m done now tho-  it was stupid of me to think I could help by coming back here and I’m done getting involved. I’m looking out for me from here on and am stopping overextending myself to help others. I used to have a great life overseas and I don’t know why I even came back here now. 
 

The business in mine, not my family’s. My younger brothers just like to think they know better because they go by the rules of society and have stable careers within established companies. We are chalk and cheese. 
 I moved back here because it would not have been maintained, it’s a lot of work, and mum could not manage while my dad was away (sometimes a year at a time he would just go off). It’s the family home but I’m over all that now. They can do as they wish! 

My main concern is feeling so misunderstood. It’s the most helpless and infuriating feeling. I don’t fit in anywhere here….. I’m seriously looking forward to moving on with my own life right now. Everything is clearly telling me to remove myself from the situation. 
 

Thanks for making me reflect a little further 

[glows]

4 minutes ago, Fox Sake said:

Thank you. 
I’ve been made involved since I was a teenager. I’ve been piggy in the middle trying not to take sides and having to support them both as I’m the only son who is “fair” and try’s to see everyone’s side. I don’t have much sympathy but I have a lot of empathy. 
Then my mum will want to talk about it and doesn’t like what she hears sometimes. She literally involves me, complains about it but refuses to do anything. So does my dad. It’s hard. After so many years I’ve honestly had enough. It’s been going on solid since I was a teenager and it’s been nothing but destructive within the entire family. No one deals with anything or talks- it’s honestly ridiculous. 
 

 I’m done now tho-  it was stupid of me to think I could help by coming back here and I’m done getting involved. I’m looking out for me from here on and am stopping overextending myself to help others. I used to have a great life overseas and I don’t know why I even came back here now. 
 

The business in mine, not my family’s. My younger brothers just like to think they know better because they go by the rules of society and have stable careers within established companies. We are chalk and cheese. 
 I moved back here because it would not have been maintained, it’s a lot of work, and mum could not manage while my dad was away (sometimes a year at a time he would just go off). It’s the family home but I’m over all that now. They can do as they wish! 

My main concern is feeling so misunderstood. It’s the most helpless and infuriating feeling. I don’t fit in anywhere here….. I’m seriously looking forward to moving on with my own life right now. Everything is clearly telling me to remove myself from the situation. 
 

Thanks for making me reflect a little further 

Don’t be the piggy in the middle, stay on the sidelines and let your parents work out their differences. Take that childhood pain to a therapist and speak freely there. You won’t encounter backlash and emotional drama from the very people you’re trying to govern(who are dysfunctional). 

When someone makes an inappropriate comment to me, I usually pause for awhile, smile and look them in the eye. It usually disarms people and most will self-correct and apologize for saying anything inappropriate when they realize they’ve said something they shouldn’t. Regarding your brothers, you don’t have to defend your methods. Just don’t respond to them. Don’t debate, don’t bother arguing your point. Be more assured about what you’re doing and stay on track with your anything you have to do. 

[Alpacalia]

Hi Fox Sake,

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so low at the moment.

Really, there are a lot of people whom you would not want to understand you anyway. They would make your life worse, or at least not as fun.

What is the term: "look at where the crowd is going and head the opposite direction?".

With all that's going on in your life at the moment, and the fact that you don't have the support from your family members and some of your friends, and that you could use a little more help in figuring things out - it is understandable that you are feeling overburdened at this present moment. There seems to be no end in sight and sometimes it seems as if you're going to snap. I assure you, there is no such thing. You will survive.

You have my full support in this matter. I am delighted to hear that you will be seeing someone. I think that this is a loving decision for yourself that you have made.

Whenever possible, try to get rid of/reduce as many stressors as possible, at least in the short term. Do not feel bad about it either. Your number one priority is you right now.

 

[LeoEnki]

3 hours ago, Fox Sake said:

No one deals with anything or talks- it’s honestly ridiculous. 

Hi Fox.

I hope I can relate here as I have dealt with and deal with similiar circumstances as I run a company. Obviously, the analogy isnt family but I am trying to relate somehow.

When situations of conflict when no one talks or resolves it (between the two parties) is the most pathetic experience I find. Simply find out who caused the problem in the first place then take a stance on them. What I have learnt in this situation is that it always comes down to responsiblity - if they cant be responsible I wouldnt bother, its futile. They kind of like the drama with all the bitterness associated with it.

Put down boundaries with the perpetrator, being the mature one here, essentially the liaison between the two wont do anything as its clear they arent mature enough - there is no point in expecting these people to be mature when they cant, its clear you are much better than these people. Lay down the conditions (from yourself) and if it isnt respected start removing yourself from the situation one step at a time. You have to be prepared to remove yourself from the whole situation if it cant be resolved. Put it all on the perpetrator.

Show them that actions speak louder than words.

I have to do this with 4 staff under my belt. I set out the rules and if they cant be respected they are out, they dont get second chances. This also applies with personal conflicts in the workspace, from passive aggressive comments and bullying.

What gets me the most over time (and it never fails me) is people think they are better than what they are when they can never ever back it up. It comes down to entitlement, that lack of responsiblity. 

[Alpacalia]

Fox Sake, how are you doing? Is everything okay with you?

[poppyfields]

Hi Foxy, just saw this, I've been gone for awhile.  

First off, big virtual ((HUG)).  I sense you're needing that just about now.

Secondly, I experience same as you, feeling misunderstood, in fact "misunderstood" could be my middle name! 

Knowing you as I do, you are quite evolved, as I consider myself to be as well.  NOT without a lot of hard work - introspection, self-reflection, owning mistakes I've made, learning from them and growing. 

One thing I've also learned is acceptance, which means accepting myself as well as accepting others for who they are. 

And understanding that we are all a product of one thing or another - our perceptions, our observations and interpretations of what we read, see and experience in the world and in life.

I try to not impose my opinions on others, strive to not argue, say my piece and leave it there. 

However, I still mess up sometimes, I did so yesterday in fact and kicking myself now for it, but then I tell  myself it's all a journey that has many paths, sometimes we fall but get back up, shake it off and carry on.

There is NOTHING wrong with you for being resilient and able to bounce back quickly from hurtful situations, it does NOT mean the hurtful situation did not hurt you or affect you, heavens NO!

And don't allow anyone to tell you otherwise.  Being resilient reflects a highly evolved person as is the ability to forgive -- yourself and others. 

Not sure if it will help but this (below) is what I do, especially with family.

I listen, don't argue and accept. They don't understand me and never will, which is OK, I love and accept myself and when you have self-love, nothing that anyone else says or does, negative or positive will affect you. 

This means hurtful things people say and do as well as praise and compliments.

If it's negative, try to let it roll off and focus on your own reality, and if it's positive like praise, thank them for their appreciation and leave it at that. 

When you have self-love, and self-acceptance, it really shouldn't affect you either way, I truly believe that.

I guess some would classify that as being somewhat detached, I have been accused of that many times!

It's all part and parcel for why I feel misunderstood and perhaps why you feel that way as well?

In truth, I feel things almost too deeply.  When younger I was told by healthcare professionals I was a "Highly Sensitive Person" (HSP) and thus I was almost forced to become as resilient as I am, somewhat detached if you will, otherwise my overly sensitive nature to everything around me and in the world, would have destroyed me.

I hope this made sense Foxy and hope you're feeling better.  💛

 

 

Edited June 25, 2022 by poppyfields