Should I kick my family out?

[BambooSticks]

Hi there, 

Seeking advice please as I’m really torn over what to do.

I’m 47 year old female with no kids based in Australia. 7 years ago, I had enough money to place a deposit on a home.  I have 2 brothers (one sickly-ish, the other very supportive of my mother) who have always lived with my mother.

As my mother had always rented and disliked the regular realtor check-ups, hikes in rent, and the uncertainty of having to move out if a house is sold, I felt sorry for her I purchased a large home in a suburb they prefer to live in (I don’t personally like the area). I offered them a low-rate boarding fee which I have never raised in this last 7 years despite increased costs.

Thing is: I don’t feel like this is my home or I have a say in my home. I am a minimalist who likes tidy/cleanliness and they are fairly unclean hoarders. She said I can’t dump their piles of “things” unless my brother reviews what’s being discarded (it takes up the double-garage and outdoor patio area). My mother does not speak as freely with me as she does with my brothers who she’s always doted upon, and says she can’t speak to me as I get snappy when she says something; there has always been this somewhat competitive tension between us. I try to ask her questions to engage her in conversation and she just smiles and nods, looking at me. 

I really feel like I need to get out as I feel so unable to breathe in this environment. I’ve taken 6 months off work to de-clutter my life and get healthy again. I’m surrounded in their noise and clutter, and it’s eating me up inside, I mean, we’re all adults still living together as though we’re 12 year olds living with our Mum…but I feel so bad at the thought of asking her to move out because she’s 75 years old and will panic and cry. 

What do I do? I can’t afford to keep supporting their low-rent and this home, plus move out and pay my own rent (or need to take out a further loan). I’d rather sell this home. It will be a huge job for them to move out as they have so much stuff and not so much money (only my one brother works full time). What do I do please? 

Thank you. 

 

[basil67]

Wow, I can't imagine living in such a state of mess.  Can I ask if the hoarding is stacked stuff or is it unsafe/unsanitary?   

There is no reason why you shouldn't sell your home and move somewhere where you want to live.  Work out when you want to put it on the market and inform your brother that you need to declutter by X date.  If he hasn't done so, then there will be a garage sale and proceeds from that will be used to pay for skip bins for the stuff you can't get rid of.    

Perhaps you want to move to a smaller house?  If this is the case, you won't be able to accommodate them and their stuff anymore.  What a shame 😉 .  Or if you still want a spacious place, you'll have to be very strong and blunt and tell them that sharing with them is no longer working for you and they will have to find somewhere else to live.     

One other option is staying where you are but lay down the law on hoarding.  Give your brother an ultimatum: If they want to stay living in this house with you, the hoarding ends now.  If you're in NSW you may be able to find advice on how to deal with it here  https://www.fairtrading.nsw.gov.au/housing-and-property/renting

There will be tears and drama, but remember that this is your house and you have every right to choose where and how you live.   

 

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, BambooSticks said:

She’s 75 years old and will panic and cry. 

Maybe it's time for your mother to consider an assisted living facility. That way she'll be taken care of, can't be evicted and you'll be able to live without the serious physical and mental health problems that come with hoarders. Your bothers can get a place together.

[glows]

13 hours ago, BambooSticks said:

What do I do? I can’t afford to keep supporting their low-rent and this home, plus move out and pay my own rent (or need to take out a further loan). I’d rather sell this home. It will be a huge job for them to move out as they have so much stuff and not so much money (only my one brother works full time). What do I do please? 

I think you know what to do. You’re feeling overwhelmed because they’re family. Sell the home and look at a care home for your mother. Your brothers have to start looking out for themselves. This has gone on too long and it wasn’t a good idea providing for them beyond your means, especially knowing the kind of people they are. Start looking out for yourself a bit more.

[ShyViolet]

Oh my goodness.  You've sacrificed everything for your mom and brothers... your home, your mental health, your finances, your job.  You've bent over backwards for them, way too much.  It's time for you to be a little selfish and stop letting them use you.  I wouldn't be able to live like this, not for a minute.  I would give them a deadline, they need to be out in 60 days, 90 days, whatever, but stick to it.