Author Jim_F Posted June 20, 2022 Author Share Posted June 20, 2022 55 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Jim, there are many relationships that don’t work out because the timing isn’t right - wrong time, wrong place. This is one of those relationships. It’s sad but it’s just life. You are trying to fit a square peg into a round hole here. She has pretty much told you what her intentions are - she does not want to be tied down on a long distance relationship when she moves away. You really need to ask yourself why you are tied up in knots waiting for a woman to chose you. Surely there are other options - women that would be excited to date you that would be more successful and satisfying relationships because they are not long distance. I think Im going to talk to her seriously about it when I see her this weekend. But thank you, i think overall you guys are probably right. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 20, 2022 Share Posted June 20, 2022 Just now, Jim_F said: I think Im going to talk to her seriously about it when I see her this weekend. But thank you, i think overall you guys are probably right. She already isn't exactly great dating material anyway, Jim. Why do you want a person like this in your life? Much less when it inevitably becomes more complicated because she's leaving? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jim_F Posted June 20, 2022 Author Share Posted June 20, 2022 Just now, ExpatInItaly said: She already isn't exactly great dating material anyway, Jim. Why do you want a person like this in your life? Much less when it inevitably becomes more complicated because she's leaving? OK, very good question. We really like each other, both of us are romantic idiots who's eyes met across a crowded room type situation (none of that horrible dating app crap lol) and pretty much knew straight away we really liked each other. She has said she is falling for me and Ive hinted the same back to her. So far, despite us both having very busy lives we have managed to see each other most weekends and when we do its absolutely great, we get on brilliantly and have the same interests, motivations, temperament and future plans. She is more idealistic about this set-up than me (hence why I am here and she is not lol!) and our friends have seen us together and say how great we are together. THAT'S why I'm anxious - I really honestly think we have something here, other wise I would have just let her go long before now. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 20, 2022 Share Posted June 20, 2022 4 minutes ago, Jim_F said: we get on brilliantly and have the same interests, motivations, temperament and future plans. Really? Where does the following fit into that idealized version of her? On 6/17/2022 at 12:17 AM, Jim_F said: she is attacking my personality then laughing it off. On 6/16/2022 at 11:01 PM, Jim_F said: She has gone from acting totally in love with me to being stand-offish. Don't get me wrong, she still likes to chat/message a lot but is non-comittal about dates and things like that. She has also started taking the piss a lot She doesn't sound that lovely, OP. She sounds like a woman losing interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jim_F Posted June 20, 2022 Author Share Posted June 20, 2022 6 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Really? Where does the following fit into that idealized version of her? She doesn't sound that lovely, OP. She sounds like a woman losing interest. Yep I get you - there are contradictions here as we get to know each others personality and last time I saw her she came out and said the reason she had backed off was because everything was moving fast and she was a bit scared of her feelings for me. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted June 20, 2022 Share Posted June 20, 2022 2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Ok, wait. You two are not even a couple? No, there is no way I would sign up for a long-distance relationship here. Just end it now and find a local woman to date. All of this angst is not worth it, for a woman you have dated two months and is not even your girlfriend. You two just don't have the foundation to really make this work, especially considering she is already pulling away. Time to read the writing on the wall here, Jim. yes, he cannot commit to a long distance relationship if they are not even boyfriend/girlfriend! Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted June 20, 2022 Share Posted June 20, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, Jim_F said: I know, i know! I can't help it though! she is moving on and I'll be left waiting to see if she needs me in her life and I'm very fearful of that. I'm not good at 'waiting to see what happens' - I'm either 100% in on something or 100% out so this is making me very anxious. She moves in 5 weeks so I have that long to for us both to acknowledge our feelings for each other and communicate them. This approach here is going to see you get burned in dating if you keep approaching people like this (all or nothing) and it’s also why you’re anxious. Take things in smaller pieces and be a bit more reasonable when you’re getting to know someone. If you’ve only spent a handful of times together in a long distance situation with someone recognize that it’s not enough time to know or commit to someone in a relationship. You’re skipping over too many steps in the process of dating and as a result also ignoring so many red flags and alarms. Edited June 20, 2022 by glows 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jim_F Posted June 20, 2022 Author Share Posted June 20, 2022 15 minutes ago, giotto said: yes, he cannot commit to a long distance relationship if they are not even boyfriend/girlfriend! I guess we'll have that convo before she leaves 1 Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted June 20, 2022 Share Posted June 20, 2022 2 minutes ago, Jim_F said: I guess we'll have that convo before she leaves Please do... I have been in a long distance relationship, but we were definitely boyfriend and girlfriend, not bound by a vague exclusivity promise... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jim_F Posted June 20, 2022 Author Share Posted June 20, 2022 5 hours ago, giotto said: Please do... I have been in a long distance relationship, but we were definitely boyfriend and girlfriend, not bound by a vague exclusivity promise... I will make sure it happens this weekend. a friend of mine did LDR from England - New Zealand and they somehow made it work so anything is possible! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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