Author Darcus30 Posted August 30, 2022 Author Share Posted August 30, 2022 28 minutes ago, Will am I said: Don’t worry about us being annoyed. If we get annoyed we simply jump to another topic or leave the forum for a while. Worry about the incremental damage to your own emotions and spirit. Move forward. It’s the only way. Either with or without your affair partner. I really will try my upmost, I know I can't live like this forever, yes the highs are amazing but the lows Oh my days 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 5 minutes ago, Darcus30 said: I really will try my upmost, I know I can't live like this forever, yes the highs are amazing but the lows Oh my days Affairs are really intense emotionally. I understand how hard it can be to walk out. But you can do it ane it will be better in time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darcus30 Posted August 30, 2022 Author Share Posted August 30, 2022 Does the coupled up partner miss the single guy just as much Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 6 minutes ago, Darcus30 said: Does the coupled up partner miss the single guy just as much The answer is usually no because they are busy living their lives with their spouse and children. Feelings are meaningless when you are sitting at home alone and she is enjoying a vacation with her family and having sex with her husband/partner? Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 (edited) Yes and no. Both experience the hurt. But the void is not so bad for the married man or woman. Came out of a short emotional affair earlier this year, have a wife and family so I should have been fine. But there were times that I missed xOW so much. Edited August 30, 2022 by Will am I 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bubble_20 Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 (edited) 32 minutes ago, Darcus30 said: Does the coupled up partner miss the single guy just as much Maybe to some extent? But I believe it’s more of the fantasy and escape they are missing. Not necessarily YOU as the wonderful person you might be. It’s the excitement, sex, chatting about what interests THEM and not the normal relationship chat they get at home. Without the daily grind of life with kids and finances. Finding an affair partner in it for the long haul is actually not that easy. Many would piss off and not tolerate all the nonsense involved. People lose themselves in marriage or long term relationships and when someone enters their life who adores them and presents an opportunity to ‘let go’ then yes of course it’s addictive. But when push comes to shove, putting the hard work in to leave the primary relationship and gamble on the what-if is just too much for many. The fall out, especially with kids involved bursts that bubble. Which is why many affair partners start receiving the hot/cold behaviour and back peddling with excuses and delayed timelines for action. don’t get me wrong, I was a total sucker for the “I love you’s” and “I am unhappy in my marriage” etc… but when building works (yes, I accepted those too!) and shift patterns start getting in the way of the star crossed lover’s narrative, you have to feel embarrassed about being taken for an fool and move on. Edited August 30, 2022 by Bubble_20 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 4 minutes ago, Will am I said: Came out of a short emotional affair earlier this year, have a wife and family so I should have been fine. But there were times that I missed xOW so much. And yet, she still got discarded (in the words of Expat above). When push came to shove, you chose your wife and your family and the OW was discarded. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darcus30 Posted August 30, 2022 Author Share Posted August 30, 2022 Thank you, yes you never know I may get to thst point eventually, and get tired but for now I'm on the hook I'm affraid Yes she has been hot and cold of late, and u questioned it, she said she's struggling for head space. Should I take a step back and give her space 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 1 minute ago, Bubble_20 said: But I believe it’s more of the fantasy and escape they are missing. The excitement, sex, chatting about what interests THEM and not the normal relationship chat they get at home. Yes!! I am not naive enough to think that there are no feelings there, but when he primarily thinks about his affair partner when he is on the toilet, bored at work, or angry with his wife… when he has all the control in the relationship and the relationship revolves primarily around his needs, his interests, his plans for the future, etc… that’s not love and that’s not a healthy relationship. It’s a distraction. It’s a fantasy. It’s an ego boost. It’s a sexual release. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 Just now, Darcus30 said: I may get to thst point eventually, and get tired but for now I'm on the hook I'm affraid Nobody can help you Darcus if you don’t help yourself. We are going in circles here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 6 minutes ago, BaileyB said: And yet, she still got discarded (in the words of Expat above). When push came to shove, you chose your wife and your family and the OW was discarded. Yes, that’s a fair observation. But it wasn’t the classical example where one AP got caught by his/her spouse and suddenly pulled out of the affair. I got conflicted about being in the affair and decided to end it for that reason. But the end result was the same. I did feel guilty for a while. Even though xOW seemed ro take it so lightly, like she knew the nature of the relationship and didn’t look for more. Link to post Share on other sites
Myabee Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 9 minutes ago, Darcus30 said: Thank you, yes you never know I may get to thst point eventually, and get tired but for now I'm on the hook I'm affraid Yes she has been hot and cold of late, and u questioned it, she said she's struggling for head space. Should I take a step back and give her space How long do intend to be bait in a hook? That is what you are here I'm sorry to say. What outcome are you really looking for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darcus30 Posted August 30, 2022 Author Share Posted August 30, 2022 17 minutes ago, Myabee said: How long do intend to be bait in a hook? That is what you are here I'm sorry to say. What outcome are you really looking for? I'm looking to be with her, I have given her a get out option and she said she doesn't want it to end, Link to post Share on other sites
Myabee Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 21 minutes ago, Darcus30 said: I'm looking to be with her, I have given her a get out option and she said she doesn't want it to end, Ok. Well then does she not realize she can't be married and have you at the same time? Let her get a divorce, And if you are still free when that day comes then that's cool. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 (edited) 54 minutes ago, Darcus30 said: I'm looking to be with her, I have given her a get out option and she said she doesn't want it to end, Of course, she doesn’t want the party to end. Neither do you. That doesn’t change the fact that you don’t have the option to be with her Darcus - she is committed to another man. Willfully ignorant, that is the word that describes most of your responses at this point… “I hear what you are saying, but I still want to be with her. I’m prepared to wait indefinitely and nobody will convince me otherwise…” Edited August 30, 2022 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Darcus30 Posted December 4, 2022 Author Share Posted December 4, 2022 Hi all So ive been javing an affair with a lady whos in a long term (20 yr) relationship but not married, im single. Weve been seeing each other foe 1.5 years now, im not proud of it but we just fell in love. We meet up when we can all be it breifly, sometimes booking days off work so we can have more time. My question is, she sometime turms cold, slow responding to messages and not being as attentive and loving in her messages, not calling so often. Im not paranoid you just know right, i can tell. Why would this be... i find it really hard to deal with. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 4, 2022 Share Posted December 4, 2022 Yes, I'm sure you're not imagining it. The logical conclusion one would draw is that she's losing interest in you. Is there any reason you haven't come to the same conclusion? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 4, 2022 Share Posted December 4, 2022 3 hours ago, basil67 said: Yes, I'm sure you're not imagining it. The logical conclusion one would draw is that she's losing interest in you. Is there any reason you haven't come to the same conclusion? Especially after your previous thread where it was discussed at length that you are clearly more invested in this relationship than she is - 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 4, 2022 Share Posted December 4, 2022 It would mean that things are prbably working out between her and her partner and she's back in love with him again. That would mean she no longer has the desire to see you the way she did when they were having problems. She may be done with this affair or ready to end it. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 4, 2022 Share Posted December 4, 2022 Maybe she is just busy living life with her family… her partner and their children. There is less time for her affair partner and need for distraction. Link to post Share on other sites
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