When you Facebook friend goes completely off the radar

[QuietRiot]

You know what's interesting, I've come across profiles through the years where some of my friends, even an ex...have gone completely off the Facebook or social media radar.   You can tell this happens by them having not posted in a few years.   

The ONLY thing you'll see posted on their pages, is when it goes WILD on their birthday, getting "Happy Birthdays!" from tons of friends. Nary to get a thank you nor a like from the Facebook profile holder.

Some remark "Hey, hadn't heard from you in a while, everything all right?" and so on.   That said, isn't there something odd or concerning about them just going dark like this, leaving their friends wondering what happened with them?

[basil67]

I don't think it's the slightest bit odd or concerning and I don't wonder what's happened.  I just figure they got fed up with social media noise and walked away from it all.   And only a fool would write a birthday greeting on an long term inactive page and seriously expect a thank you response. 

If someone is really concerned about the wellbeing of an acquaintance who's no longer on social media, all they have to do is pick up the phone and call to say Hi 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, QuietRiot said:

leaving their friends wondering what happened with them?

Those closest to them know what's going on and many people take a break from social media. Perhaps they prefer texting close friends or a quieter more private life.

[glows]

2 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

You know what's interesting, I've come across profiles through the years where some of my friends, even an ex...have gone completely off the Facebook or social media radar.   You can tell this happens by them having not posted in a few years.   

The ONLY thing you'll see posted on their pages, is when it goes WILD on their birthday, getting "Happy Birthdays!" from tons of friends. Nary to get a thank you nor a like from the Facebook profile holder.

Some remark "Hey, hadn't heard from you in a while, everything all right?" and so on.   That said, isn't there something odd or concerning about them just going dark like this, leaving their friends wondering what happened with them?

No, probably not. It seems kind of you to wonder but if they don’t want to be contacted they deserve that privacy. 

People change also and may realize SM is more trouble than it’s worth or realize it’s completely fake and virtual, not what they want much of in their life so leave at any time. If they’re friends of yours in reality you wouldn’t be in the dark about why they left. That you don’t know why they’ve gone “dark” means you likely don’t know enough about them at all to consider them a friend in the first place.

[ShyViolet]

2 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

 That said, isn't there something odd or concerning about them just going dark like this, leaving their friends wondering what happened with them?

Umm no, because Facebook does not equal life.  If you were a real friend of this person you would be part of their life outside of facebook and have other lines of communication with them such as texting, emailing, or *gasp* seeing each other in person.  If them going dark from Facebook means that you never find out what happened to them, then that person isn't a real friend of yours.  People don't have to stay active on Facebook.  Many people choose to stop using it and delete their profiles because Facebook is kind of weird.  And many people choose to cut these pointless, fake "Facebook friendships" from their lives because that does not equal a real friendship.  

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

isn't there something odd or concerning about them just going dark like this, leaving their friends wondering what happened with them?

Not really, no. 

I haven't checked my FB in ages. I am just not that interested anymore, though I keep my profile for the odd time I want to see how old friends or distant family members are doing. My closest friends and family know I'm not that into social media, so they are not concerned. 

Some people just lose interest in FB or other social media. It's not always something ominous. If you have no idea what has become of them, it suggests you were not close to that person anyway. 

[Alpacalia]

The social media world can be very distracting. 

The activity can become time consuming or boring for some, or it can also pose a privacy concern.

If you want to know what your ‘friend’ is up to, ask them.

 

[QuietRiot]

16 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Not really, no. 

I haven't checked my FB in ages. I am just not that interested anymore, though I keep my profile for the odd time I want to see how old friends or distant family members are doing. My closest friends and family know I'm not that into social media, so they are not concerned. 

Some people just lose interest in FB or other social media. It's not always something ominous. If you have no idea what has become of them, it suggests you were not close to that person anyway. 

This one person I knew from work, left work to pursue a future career. She only uses it for projects and that's pretty much it. She even told me that if we were to add each other, she's rarely on the site. I asked her how often she checks her messages on messenger, and she says like every few months.

But I figure the ambition would be like 'Hm, I wonder who has messaged me since I signed off of FB?"  I mean, I do have her regular phone number, but she hadn't been very receptive to it either...in pretty much the similar fashion. You could say texting is no different than social media.  Both are common as there's distance between people regardless. Its kind of one in the same.

I remember seeinga meme, where someone said they read a text, and answered the text in their head, but didn't type anything. This can be kind of true. lol

I figured after she left work, she really didn't want to maintain touch with anyone from there as well.

[basil67]

11 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

I remember seeinga meme, where someone said they read a text, and answered the text in their head, but didn't type anything. This can be kind of true. lol

Yes, the meme can be true - but it refers to messages which you genuinely wanted to reply to but they got postponed and then forgotten.   But in the situation you're talking about, the woman in question clearly has no intention of staying friends with you.   I'm sure she does respond to texts which she wants to respond to. 

And I think you're overestimating the interest in who may have sent messages since not using Facebook.  If a person cares about who messages them on social media, they wouldn't have stopped using it in the first place

Take the hint and unfriend her on FB and delete her contact number.  She won't notice your absence and you won't be left actively wondering. 

Edited June 20, 2022 by basil67

[ExpatInItaly]

17 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

She even told me that if we were to add each other, she's rarely on the site

It sounds like she is trying to keep you at a distance, OP. 

She doesn't want to add you on social media, and doesn't appear to want to text with you:

17 hours ago, QuietRiot said:

I do have her regular phone number, but she hadn't been very receptive to it either

So this isn't about her not using social media, but rather her not be responsive to your attempts to get closer to her. She's keeping a boundary with you for a reason. It would be wise to read between the lines here.