Hurting (UPDATE - should I be friends)

[glows]

9 hours ago, PainAndTorment said:

Its done, I'll never hear off her again. I'm broken, but I hope she'll be okay and has a nice life.

Glad to hear this. Avoid situations like this in future or investing in individuals before you’ve met. Keep focusing on you and getting back on your feet. I think you’re looking for distraction but this was tremendously destructive.

[PainAndTorment]

we got close guys come on, all you lot patronizing like I'm crazy. we told each other everything about our lifes and got really close, we were so open with each other and spoke on the phone loads and shared pictures. Alright it don't compare to real life of course it doesn't, but it wasn't just a "fantasy" and we did get close. She's  crazy [ ] anyway, I'm glad I'm done with her lol.

Edited June 23, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
gendered insult

[PainAndTorment]

She expected me to sit with her all day long and got mad when I left for the night or said I'll speak to ya tomorrow, what the hell?

[Wiseman2]

44 minutes ago, PainAndTorment said:

I'm glad I'm done with her.

Yes, you dodged a bullet. Unstable people have unstable relationships. Next time screen for compatibility, location and cut your losses early on if someone is nothing but headaches and heartaches.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, PainAndTorment said:

we got close guys come on, all you lot patronizing like I'm crazy. 

We're not. And you're not crazy. We're simply pointing out the truth: you don't know her as well as you think you do.

Nobody can really know anyone until you have spent plenty of time together in person. You don't have any real idea if what she's told you about her is true. She showed you (and told you) only what she wants you to know. That doesn't mean it's the whole story, so it is rather presumptuous to assume you know everything about her life. That is practically impossible after two months of meeting someone, and much less when you have never actually met in person. 

It might be a good idea to unplug for a little, and recalibrate. Focus on formuating relationships with women you can meet in real life. Not online chicks.  Don't dive in head first with a stranger, and don't mistake intensity for love. As you can see, it really lead you down the wrong path here. You got attached to the idea of  her, but as you are learning, the reality is very different. 

[PainAndTorment]

I'm such a fool people, we were so close and I've ruined everything. I told her I didn't want to be with her no more and immediately regretted it. I've been talking to her all day yesterday, I've tried my absolute hardest to win her back but she's not having it. I did block her at first but its too painful, I don't care what anyone says I did love her loads and we had such an amazing bond. Yes, I know its online but I don't think I'll ever meet a girl like her again with all the things in common we had and how close we were (we're both different and have had tough lifes). We were so effing close and I've ruined it. I thought I wanted to ended it but realized I made a huge mistake. We were only a few weeks away from meeting as well, it might take awhile to get over this one guys or I might never. Thanks for all your comments though, I do appreciate them. Why coudn't she of gave me another chance though, I told her I made her mistake and fought really hard to change her mind.. but she was too hurt and her mind was made up. Really, really painful this guys.. sorry for repeating myself. We agreed to be friends but its too effing painful for me and is tormenting me. I keep talking  to her like we used too but she isn't having it. I think letting her go is for the best, but not talking to her again after talking everyday for nearly two months too absolutely not hearing or seeing her again.. pain is not the word!!! I love her so much and wish her a great life. 

Edited June 23, 2022 by PainAndTorment

[basil67]

12 minutes ago, PainAndTorment said:

Why coudn't she of gave me another chance though

Because you accused her of cheating.  Even with an apology and groveling, we do not have to take someone back if their behaviour is unacceptable to us.  I'd be highly unlikely to give another chance to someone who falsely accused me of cheating....especially if we weren't living together

What I don't understand is how you can go from "I'm done with her" six hours ago and write that you want her back just now.  Please, go back and re-read all the negatives you've written.

[PainAndTorment]

41 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Because you accused her of cheating.  Even with an apology and groveling, we do not have to take someone back if their behaviour is unacceptable to us.  I'd be highly unlikely to give another chance to someone who falsely accused me of cheating....especially if we weren't living together

What I don't understand is how you can go from "I'm done with her" six hours ago and write that you want her back just now.  Please, go back and re-read all the negatives you've written.

I know I'm a fool, something I'll have to live with the rest of my life and because I realized I made a mistake. It's over, we've decided to stay friends but I don't think it will be for very long.. worst pain I've ever gone through.

Edited June 23, 2022 by PainAndTorment

[basil67]

You're not a fool. Given the amount of complaints you had about her, you were right to end it.   

Freedom to start over (hopefully with someone local) is in your future

[PainAndTorment]

I messed up an online relationship after two months of knowing her, I hate myself for it but still love/care for her very much. I've tried to win her back but the ship has sailed unfortunately, she's too hurt and has made up her mind. She has offered for us to be friends however still, the first day or two I couldn't stop trying to win her back but now I finally accept it and understand. It will be a struggle to get used to her not talking to me everyday for nearly two months after being so close, but considering she popped up to me first as a friend and is a lovely girl, what shall I do? Part of me wants to finish where start as friends, another part of me is saying it might be too painful to see her become distant and better to let go.. what do you suggest I do? We were really close guys and have alot in common, I consider her my best friend (I don't have any other close friends like her). I would still like to care for her and stay in touch, but like I said no longer talking everyday is going to a really tough adjustment. Its happening anyway, whether we are friends or not, appreciate the comments and your time.

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

You're not a fool. Given the amount of complaints you had about her, you were right to end it.   

Exactly this. 

This woman was trouble, OP. She's not the unicorn you think she is. If she was amazing as you want to believe, you wouldn't be here now. This is very unlikely to have worked out, even if you had never accused her of cheating. Too many serious red flags and dysfunction. 

[PainAndTorment]

22 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Exactly this. 

This woman was trouble, OP. She's not the unicorn you think she is. If she was amazing as you want to believe, you wouldn't be here now. This is very unlikely to have worked out, even if you had never accused her of cheating. Too many serious red flags and dysfunction. 

Thank for your replies expat, I really appreciate your time and advice. I've realized that accusing her of cheating even though she sworn her loyalty (I do believe her, of course) she actually MADE me believe she was by a: being off with me the day before, not as many kisses as usual b: telling me she didn't know what to do after boys were hitting on her and then c:: dissapearing for two days. I don't know about you but she definitely made me think she was cheating. Like I said before, the on and off with the friend situation too. One minute she just wanted to be friends and then lovers again, my head was all over the place. I acussed her alot asking if he she loved me or saw a future between us because to be fair, I never really knew due to her inconsistency. She said she still wants to be friends but I'm not sure its a good idea, I'll have a think about it but do you thing I should just accept we've had a mostly nice time for two months and go my distant ways. She's planning to sell her house soon and move abroad and plus her bipolar and nasty history. She told me about how nasty she was too other people, but not me so much. I'm sure if I actually met her in real life, I would of eventually saw the real her and experience that wrath myself. Thanks for listening.

P.S Breaking up with her has killed me after I sent her a few farewell messages, but if everything was okay I would of never of sent them too her and as I said deep down as much as I loved her, I had been thinking about it on and off for awhile too. She was lovely to me and I loved her, but she was SOOOO needy. I used to wake up sometimes and think ffs I gotta put a shift in today talking to her. Sometimes the days were lovely and I really enjoyed our conversation (speshly first few weeks) but it did become tiring after abit. If I told her I was going she was like arr you leaving me or if I ran out of things to talk about and said I'll pop up next day, she went upset and cold.. weird to be fair. Another thing, she never used to realize she was hurting me or being distant either, she thought she done nothing wrong and everything was okay! Did I mention that one of her close family members was really violent and had a history of beating up boys who disrespected her lmao my word have I dodged a bullet! She sounded really common and had a tough life, I wanted to help and give her a better life.. but it weren't to be! I don't like talking like that about her, I still love and care for her.. but its true though!

Edited June 23, 2022 by PainAndTorment

[PainAndTorment]

18 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Exactly this. 

This woman was trouble, OP. She's not the unicorn you think she is. If she was amazing as you want to believe, you wouldn't be here now. This is very unlikely to have worked out, even if you had never accused her of cheating. Too many serious red flags and dysfunction. 

Your right, I'm starting to see it now.. thank you. Is she was that amazing, why would I sent her farewell emails and want to end it on and off with her? thank you

[ExpatInItaly]

18 minutes ago, PainAndTorment said:

Did I mention that one of her close family members was really violent and had a history of beating up boys who disrespected her

Or she is full of BS. She sounds like she's got more than a couple screws loose so you would be wise not to believe everything she tells you. 

You need to cut her out of your life in every way. Don't stay friends. Cut all contact, block her, and move on. 

[PainAndTorment]

19 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Or she is full of BS. She sounds like she's got more than a couple screws loose so you would be wise not to believe everything she tells you. 

You need to cut her out of your life in every way. Don't stay friends. Cut all contact, block her, and move on. 

My mental health isn't the greatest either but its nowhere near as bad as her bipolar, maybe we were bad for each other and yeh I think your right. She's been very supportive and I thank her for everything, but now the sparks gone I don't see no point either.. thank you. Lets say she did have me back, would I have been truly happy? Maybe for abit until she started being distant or needy again and talking about being friends so yeh, i agree.

Edited June 23, 2022 by PainAndTorment

[PainAndTorment]

Quick update everyone I haven't spoke to her for two days and probably never will again, we've both blocked each other. I tried to be a friend to her but I just couldn't, way too painful. You know what she said to me before we went our separate ways, you can be the one who walks me down the aisle when I get married 😄 really? after investing two months of my life to her, giving her my heart and soul.. she comes out with something like that? That was the final straw for me she also begged me not to leave and still be her friend. She didn't understand that if one of you has the stronger feelings than the other, its impossible to be friends.. at least at first. I was liberated at first when I blocked her for good saterday night and felt free, happy and strong for finally letting her go. Then at other times I'll be really upset and miss her terribly. Will I ever recover from this guys? I might try and reach out in a couple months time after I've healed (don't worry, not anytime soon, maybe never) or I might just leave it for life now. She'll always remember me I'm sure, at worst. I hope she find's a decent fella that will look after her, she really needs one with her bipolar.. so I'm hoping fate can do that for her.

Edited June 27, 2022 by PainAndTorment

[basil67]

It's been just a couple of months of chaos in a long distance relationship.   Yes, the end does hurt, but you will forget about her in time and she will forget you.  It will stop hurting after a while and in a year you'll rarely think of her.  In five years, she'll be the one you talked to online but who's name you can't remember.

And I know you mean well, but she does not need a man to look after her because she has a mental illness.   Rather, she needs to have professional supports giving her the tools to help her look after herself.   When she can do that, she will be in a better place to be in a relationship....a relationship of equals. 

[PainAndTorment]

36 minutes ago, basil67 said:

It's been just a couple of months of chaos in a long distance relationship.   Yes, the end does hurt, but you will forget about her in time and she will forget you.  It will stop hurting after a while and in a year you'll rarely think of her.  In five years, she'll be the one you talked to online but who's name you can't remember.

And I know you mean well, but she does not need a man to look after her because she has a mental illness.   Rather, she needs to have professional supports giving her the tools to help her look after herself.   When she can do that, she will be in a better place to be in a relationship....a relationship of equals. 

Thanks for reply basil, means alot. yeh its really hurt me, hardest and most painful thing I've ever gone through. Its ashame because her mom tried to talk her into giving me another chance and really liked me too, but she just woudn't change her mind. You can't force someone at the end of the day, I just wish I never sent them emails telling her I wanted to end it. I didn't realize what I had, espeically after her mom told me how loyal she was turning every boy down on her holiday because she was talikng to me  something I'll have to live with the rest of my life  You know we had like 10-15 things in common, the chances of me finding a girl like this again who loved and accepted me like she did.. is very very slim and i've ruined it/threw her away. I hope so basil, thank you. Means alot knowing I won't always be hurting like this and yeh she does need help your right but she does like her boys. Like I said lets hope she finds a decent one next time in a real life instead of her ex jerk of 8 years who assaulted her and someone toxic online like me. 

Edited June 27, 2022 by PainAndTorment

[Confused8647]

OP it really shouldn't be this complicated, this early in a relationship. She is not the one for you, and you are not the one for her. Whatever issues you either have. I would take this as a lesson learned, and remember the good times. There will be someone special out there for you!

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, PainAndTorment said:

Will I ever recover from this guys?

Yes, you will. 

What you had with her wasn't sustainable, in the long run. It was not the basis for a healthy and long-term relationship. Next time, stick to women you can meet early on, and don't go for relationships that are purely online. 

[PainAndTorment]

Quick update people good news is i'm officially moving on, will be four days tomorrow. It's officially over so don't worry I'm just typing for comfort and closure. We did initially agree to give it another go last week and we was both really happy. Then the next day I didn't hear off her which I thought was strange, considering I'd thought she'd be happy to talk to me considering she wanted to give me a second chance and then when I did speak to her the day after she was really off with me. I told her I didn't want to meet her family yet, under I got to know her better and she woudn't stop talking about a boy who's got close to her last week in real life. Everytime I spoke about meeting up soon with her, she kept throwing that boy in my face all day long until I finally had enough and said all you've done is talk about him today and that I was going for good this time. She then said how she was just praising him for looking after her but she also had plans to have a drink with him that evening, that was the last time I spoke to her. I will never speak to her again now and there is absolutely no reason too go back. There was drama with boys in her life from the start people. Her ex, her ex mate trying to get with her and now the new guy and she had no girl mates. it just got too much in the end. I'll never speak to her again and have finally accepted it, but I do wish her well. Do you guys think I was being a jealous on the last day or did I have every right to call her out for it? it wasn't very nice having to listen to that, to be honest.

Edited July 4, 2022 by PainAndTorment

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, PainAndTorment said:

 it wasn't very nice having to listen to that, to be honest.

Of course not. It appears she enjoyed toying with you and making you jealous, and loved feeling desired by all the men she claims want her. You can't have a relationship with someone like this. 

It is best that this is over and done with. There was no future for you here.