Guy tried to approach me

[Bluebird22]

Hi
So there is a guy at work that I am already acquainted with though not on a very social level. I have been told that he is 40 and single and lives alone (I didn't ask, a friend of mine told me). According to them, he's been asking them for my age and if I am single, getting jealous when I am with other guys, checking me out when I am not looking, telling them he looks at my photos on social media and making comments about my appearance and how I am still in the building.

I didn't quite believe what they were saying until I returned to work to start a new role in February and he was already there at his desk. We hadn't seen each other in the building for 2 years due to the pandemic, but I didn't say anything. I just went straight to my desk and I heard him say to someone he was talking to "(my name) has just posted herself around the corner from us!"
The other person said "(my name)?"
Him (he sounded like he was excited) "yeah, (my name)!!!"

A couple of weeks ago when I was sitting on my own during my morning tea break he came from his office. I was nervous, mainly because I don't get a lot of people talking to me and the guy doesn't smile, is a lot taller than me and quite strongly built all of which can make him look intimidating to me.
But I wasn't really sure what he was going to do anyway, so I stayed put. I figured if I walked away then he could suspect I was avoiding him. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him slow down his walking pace and then drift over to where I was sitting. I didn't turn my head or anything because I didn't know what to expect, and he continued to walk over to me really slowly, from the side.

It was only when he got about a metre or so from me that he looked like he was going to sit with me when two people called out to him and he backed away from me before he could say anything. He didn't stay around to talk to them and disappeared around the corner to go into another part of the building.

It's left me feeling really bad, because he seems like a really nice guy and so intelligent. He offered me help a few times and when I was looking for another job he told me he wanted me to stay put in the company. He is very shy and introverted and my friend has encouraged me to go and talk to him when I have some free time because they think he likes me, just that he is socially awkward...but he's so work focused and I don't want to make him uncomfortable by talking about things outside of work.

I only have his works phone number and I don't feel comfortable contacting him on that. He has social media accounts but I don't feel comfortable sending him direct messages out of the blue. I am also very shy myself and so I really don't know how to approach this. He will only speak to me if I am on my own. If there is so much as one person around he will back away and disappear like he did that day.

Are there any hints/tips to speaking to someone so introverted and private when I am also pretty introverted and private myself? Honestly, I am like a bag of nerves when he is around. Thank you.

[Bluebird22]

He tried to approach me at my table when I was at a company party and I was sitting on my own, but my girl friends pulled me away from him as well. I thought maybe he'd had a few drinks and was being overfriendly.

[glows]

He sounds remarkably unprofessional and inappropriate. Are you actually interested in dating this coworker and opening this can of worms or are you lonely or feel pity towards him? 

He may indeed be socially awkward but making comments about the women he works with and inquiring about their age and whether they are single amongst work buddies is such a turn off and workplace harassment.

I suggest you speak with him person in the office and both of you stop avoiding one another as it’s incredibly immature and makes for an awkward work space. Say hello and take it from there. Make small talk. I don’t suggest dating anyone at work. Enforce better boundaries. Personally I’d ignore the terrible advice from your friend if she’s trying to encourage you to date this man.

Edited June 22, 2022 by glows

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, Bluebird22 said:

I was nervous, mainly because I don't get a lot of people talking to me and the guy doesn't smile, is a lot taller than me and quite strongly built all of which can make him look intimidating to me.

I'm trying to figure out if you actually like this guy because above you seem afraid of him.  If your friends have told you he likes you it's not up to you to then contact him but for him to make his move on you.  It's a turn off to have to chase some guy that others are saying "he likes you".  If he does let him act on it.  How old are you OP?

Edited June 22, 2022 by stillafool

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Bluebird22 said:

I was nervous, mainly because I don't get a lot of people talking to me and the guy doesn't smile, is a lot taller than me and quite strongly built all of which can make him look intimidating to me.

I only have his works phone number and I don't feel comfortable contacting him on that. He has social media accounts but I don't feel comfortable sending him direct messages out of the blue.

It's unclear whether you feel harassed and stalked or whether you would like him to ask you out. Review and reset  your social media setting so only people you know and trust can see your content and take it off "public" if your coworkers claim he's stalking you. 

Try not to get caught up in hearsay, whether it's coworkers claiming he's stalking you or trying to push you to ask him out. First decide if you are afraid of him or like him.

In any event, be polite and professional to all coworkers and it's ok to make polite chitchat while on break. Keep in mind, may people don't want to date coworkers or get involved in messy workplace romances.

Edited June 22, 2022 by Wiseman2

[Johnjohnson2017]

Just say Hi/good morning to him just to start breaking the ice. Once one of you becomes more confident/comfortable, the conversations will become longer lasting. A greeting with a smile goes a long way. As you are introverted/closed off, people get the wrong impression that you are stuck-up thus becoming unapprochable. He is probably hesitating because he doesn't know what your reaction will be if he starts a conversation with you. 

[Bluebird22]

17 hours ago, glows said:

He sounds remarkably unprofessional and inappropriate. Are you actually interested in dating this coworker and opening this can of worms or are you lonely or feel pity towards him? 

He may indeed be socially awkward but making comments about the women he works with and inquiring about their age and whether they are single amongst work buddies is such a turn off and workplace harassment.

I suggest you speak with him person in the office and both of you stop avoiding one another as it’s incredibly immature and makes for an awkward work space. Say hello and take it from there. Make small talk. I don’t suggest dating anyone at work. Enforce better boundaries. Personally I’d ignore the terrible advice from your friend if she’s trying to encourage you to date this man.

Thanks. 

I feel pity towards him. He often offered me help and it'd seem like I'm not doing my bit in being nice back to him in saying "hi" etc. 

I don't really have anyone on my team in every day so I sit on my own in the office. The friend who encouraged me to talk to him has been looking me up and down my body a few times which makes me embarrassed. 

[Bluebird22]

17 hours ago, stillafool said:

I'm trying to figure out if you actually like this guy because above you seem afraid of him.  If your friends have told you he likes you it's not up to you to then contact him but for him to make his move on you.  It's a turn off to have to chase some guy that others are saying "he likes you".  If he does let him act on it.  How old are you OP?

I don't know if he makes me afraid but he's a big/tall guy, bald and doesn't smile. His appearance might have something to do with it. My friend admits he does look like a brute though. 

Plus we were never really friends to start with. 

I'm 37. I am not used to men liking me either so I feel ashamed to give my age out

[Bluebird22]

15 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's unclear whether you feel harassed and stalked or whether you would like him to ask you out. Review and reset  your social media setting so only people you know and trust can see your content and take it off "public" if your coworkers claim he's stalking you. 

Try not to get caught up in hearsay, whether it's coworkers claiming he's stalking you or trying to push you to ask him out. First decide if you are afraid of him or like him.

In any event, be polite and professional to all coworkers and it's ok to make polite chitchat while on break. Keep in mind, may people don't want to date coworkers or get involved in messy workplace romances.

I suppose I like him enough to be friends because I don't know him well enough to date. 

But he has to stop talking to others about me as I feel he should be talking to me about me and not them about me. 

I know he was talking to them about me the last time because of the way the lady gave me a worried look.

He once asked my manager for my name and where I work and what my hours are but the manager told me they didn't give him this info. This was confirmed after I said hi to him and he asked me those questions. 

Whatever is going on is so weird and I've not had to deal with anything like this in a job before. 

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, Bluebird22 said:

I don't know if he makes me afraid but he's a big/tall guy, bald and doesn't smile. His appearance might have something to do with it. My friend admits he does look like a brute though. 

Plus we were never really friends to start with. 

I'm 37. I am not used to men liking me either so I feel ashamed to give my age out

Don't be ashamed and 37 isn't old.  I think you should talk to him if you're interested.  Hopefully he is not a brute and you will find out more about him through conversation.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Bluebird22 said:

He once asked my manager for my name and where I work and what my hours are but the manager told me they didn't give him this info.

Hopefully the manager made a note of this because it's highly inappropriate. Set your social media on private so he can't stalk it. Report any further strange, weird, inappropriate behaviors to your manager.

[glows]

4 hours ago, Bluebird22 said:

Thanks. 

I feel pity towards him. He often offered me help and it'd seem like I'm not doing my bit in being nice back to him in saying "hi" etc. 

I don't really have anyone on my team in every day so I sit on my own in the office. The friend who encouraged me to talk to him has been looking me up and down my body a few times which makes me embarrassed. 

Is this “friend” a male coworker as well?

If you feel in any way that you’re being harassed report it. Please don’t misunderstand intimidation and harassment for romantic attention.