ex has been reaching out after 5 months since breaking up

[GloriaDaisy]

Hi there,

my ex and i broke up back in January. I would say it was both our faults in the long run but basically we got into a fight and I over reacted pretty bad. I said some hurtful things, The next  day i  tried  to apologize . He didn't want to see me again and he asked me to stop reaching out. A month after  I wrote him a letter, telling him how I was working on myself, hoping if we ever crossed paths again we could be friendly with each other. I said i was sorry.  He never responded. I was in a lot of pain but I moved on. Nearly 6 months later he reaches out...seeming friendly and wanting to chat again.  Its been small talk for over a month now. Him sending pictures, asking how im doing , stuff like that.  I was shocked to hear from him. I never expected that. 

Its been bringing back a lot of emotions. I find myself, not answering him for days, telling myself to cut him off, then he will send me another message...or ill reach out to him again. I've tried hard to be strong and ignore him but i find it difficult to fully cut off contact. I asked him why has been reaching out, and he said  "he didn't want things to be weird between us" which is odd because we aren't in the same social circle and  we both live in a big city. 

The weird thing is, He rescued a old flame (a girl he  had a long distance thing with from a few years ago, long before we met)  from Ukraine a couple  months ago. Hes been sending her money and clothes, trying to help her flee Ukraine. . He Met up with her in a different country and then Eventually hes helped her move into his house and she's now living with him. I understand she probably needed help and has no one  else. I asked him if she was his girlfriend and his answer was " well i dont know if i would say girlfriend, she has her own separate room, but she will probably be staying with me for a few years because she town has been bombed" I asked our mutual friend about it and she did say she met the girl and she does in fact have her own bedroom. His fb status says single so i dont know. 

He has never said to that me misses me, or ever asked to see me, or ever brought up our relationship. I tired to keep my emotions to myself because i don't want to get hurt. 

Today, I was chatting with him, and i felt a rush of sadness come over me. I realized I miss him a lot, i have feelings for him  and i don't know what to do. The Ukraine girl seems very odd to add to the situation.

Does anyone have any thoughts as to why hes messaging me? or any advice on how i should handle this? I always end up hurt and i dont want to feel anymore pain from this. thanks for listening.   This is confusing. 

[stillafool]

I think you should back away so you don't end up hurt.  You're already falling for him again and that may not be what's best for you since he has that girl living with him.  A long time ago a boyfriend of mine let a friend of a friend stay in his house while she went through an internship at his firm.   She too had her own bedroom in his house.   Later after she went back east he confessed they were having sex.  This was his last confession as we were breaking up.  So IDK, having two attractive young people staying in a house alone can lead to trouble if one of them is partnered with someone else.  

 

[GloriaDaisy]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

I think you should back away so you don't end up hurt.  You're already falling for him again and that may not be what's best for you since he has that girl living with him.  A long time ago a boyfriend of mine let a friend of a friend stay in his house while she went through an internship at his firm.   She too had her own bedroom in his house.   Later after she went back east he confessed they were having sex.  This was his last confession as we were breaking up.  So IDK, having two attractive young people staying in a house alone can lead to trouble if one of them is partnered with someone else.  

 

oh wow that is tough. sorry that has happened. 

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, GloriaDaisy said:

He rescued a old flame (a girl he  had a long distance thing with from a few years ago, long before we met)  from Ukraine a couple  months ago. Hes been sending her money and clothes, trying to help her flee Ukraine. . He Met up with her in a different country and then Eventually hes helped her move into his house and she's now living with him. I understand she probably needed help and has no one  else. I asked him if she was his girlfriend and his answer was " well i dont know if i would say girlfriend, she has her own separate room, but she will probably be staying with me for a few years

Given the fact that he didn't outright say, "No, she's not my girlfriend", I would cut all contact with him. 

His answer to that question reveals that they are involved on some level. Maybe they aren't offically dating, but they're not just roommates either. It's obvious in his wording. And it would be incredibly awkward to date a guy who has an old flame living with him, especially since she will be there long-term.

I wouldn't bother trying to revive this. It will be too messy. Just wish him well and block. 

[Wiseman2]

Sorry this is happening. It's time for a clean break. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps

Whenever an ex contacts you, it's for their own reasons. Dry spell, bored, etc. It's usually not a good reason.

[ShyViolet]

He is playing games with you, and you need to stop allowing it.  He is living with another girl for goodness sakes, and didn't even give a clear "no" when you asked him if she is his girlfriend.  There is clearly something going on between them.  Wish him well, tell him that you won't be continuing to communicate with him like this because it's not helpful or healthy for you, and block him.

[GloriaDaisy]

thanks everyone, youre absolutely right. I just needed to gain some outside perspective. He messaged he again and i wont answer him. thinking about it, i realize how ridiculous this is.