Wiseman2 Posted June 25, 2022 Share Posted June 25, 2022 Generally, whoever is wearing the diamond, lives in the same house and gets treated to lovely vacations is the winner. While he's away, delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. Invest in yourself and your future. Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to single interested available men. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted June 25, 2022 Share Posted June 25, 2022 On 6/24/2022 at 9:30 AM, EJay1987 said: this was never planned or intended to happen and we both tried to resist it Oh you could have resisted - you just didn't want to! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Arrangrl62 Posted June 26, 2022 Share Posted June 26, 2022 Hi there You are only 2 months into this. Tell him to go get his own house in order, then contact you when he has. Set your boundaries and take control. Link to post Share on other sites
Maylady Posted June 26, 2022 Share Posted June 26, 2022 (edited) 57 minutes ago, Arrangrl62 said: Hi there You are only 2 months into this. Tell him to go get his own house in order, then contact you when he has. Set your boundaries and take control. I too got pretty intense feelings after just two months. My MM dropped me like a hot rock when his wife found out. Looking back, how in the world can a person get strong feelings in just two months. In any relationship, but especially in horrible relationships like these. Edited June 26, 2022 by Maylady 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 26, 2022 Share Posted June 26, 2022 Now you're seeing why being the OW sucks, OP. It's a lonely place to be. It's unfulfilling. It's emotionally draining. And there is absolutely no guarantee this will work out in your favour. You are putting yourself on hold for some sort of vague hope of a future, without anything concrete to suggest that will happen. Even if he were single, though, I would say you're completely over-invested after just 2 months. What's with the "l love yous" after only 60 days? The two of are getting swept away in a fantasy and plunging in emotionally way too fast. That's generally the sort of thing that crashes and burns in normal situations, and add all the complications that come with having an affair, and it's even more likely to blow up. Being patient isn't a virute here. All that tells him is that you don't have boundaries for yourself (which works in his favour, of course) What would be more admirable is you telling him that you are going to walk away, and unless and until he is single, you don't want to hear from him. See where his heart is really at. I suspect you fear doing this because you already know what his choice will be. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 26, 2022 Share Posted June 26, 2022 Dont' be a fool OP. It's easy to end a relationship. That's not to say it's not a painful and difficult process, it totally is, but taking the actual actions of ending is easy. I've done it, more than once. To get the ball rolling I just had to speak some very easy words. Here's the condensed version. "This relationship is not working for me, I am moving out" This sentence of course led to a longer emotional discussion but just speaking those words was all it took to move things along. By the end of that week I was staying with my brother and we sorted out our belongings and assets later. Yes it was messy and painful but there is no such thing a "trying" to end a relationship. You just do it. It's been several months now so you have given him plenty of time already. The fact that he hasn't taken any action yet tells me he is unlikely to. You are now in a very toxic destructive relationship. You should get out now. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Arrangrl62 Posted June 27, 2022 Share Posted June 27, 2022 23 hours ago, Maylady said: I too got pretty intense feelings after just two months. My MM dropped me like a hot rock when his wife found out. Looking back, how in the world can a person get strong feelings in just two months. In any relationship, but especially in horrible relationships like these. Because its all a bubble / a fantasy Glad you got out it x Link to post Share on other sites
Redwoodgirl Posted June 29, 2022 Share Posted June 29, 2022 I recently went through the same thing. Actually we both had vacations planned with our respective spouses one week apart. We kept in touch as best we could and we both struggled with jealousy. Pictures his wife posted almost killed me. But in the end it actually helped our relationship because it made us realize how badly we want to be together. Nothing about this is easy. I hope you stay strong Link to post Share on other sites
Author EJay1987 Posted July 1, 2022 Author Share Posted July 1, 2022 Thank you for all of your responses. He is now back and seems no closer to a decision. It seems very 50/50 for him. He states he loves two people at once and can’t help but compare us. I have said I won’t wait around forever and I need more than just words Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 Probably the right way to go - too much hemming and hawing suggests he's not willing to leave his current relationship. That is the tendency with these things, although since he's only engaged it's less of a big deal. IF he's unhappy in his relationship already then he's probably a fool to go through with the marriage. But, people do foolish things all the time. C'est la vie. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 (edited) 38 minutes ago, EJay1987 said: It seems very 50/50 for him. He states he loves two people at once and can’t help but compare us. Nothing melts a woman’s heart more than a man who is very 50/50 and can’t help but compare both women as he does his analysis and tries to decide which woman to chose… In all seriousness, don’t you want a partner who says - “You are the one that I want in my life! I can’t live without you! I would do anything to have you in my life!” Whats with the pick me dance you are doing here. Are there no other men to date? Edited July 1, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole2 Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 He's telling you that he's deciding between you and his fiancee, but I think what he's really deciding between is . . . making a decision, or having his cake and eating it too for as long as he can. And telling you that he's trying to decide allows him to eat cake a little longer. If you're in a relationship with a single person, you can judge the relationship on its own merits. . . . stay together, or split up? It's pretty straight forward. But if you are in two relationships, now your possibilities are myriad. Should I go with Lady A? But then I'm giving up the qualities of Lady B! So then I should go with Lady B? But now I'm giving up all that's good about Lady A! Can I keep both? Yes, both seems the best course . . . If his relationship with his fiancee isn't right for him, then he should end it, whether or not he has someone else in the wings. But this comparison and analysis crap, ick no. I'm AWESOME. It would be AWESOME to have a relationship with me. There isn't anything to "figure out," except that having two relationships at the same time, one of them a secret, is a terrible idea. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 3 hours ago, EJay1987 said: He states he loves two people at once and can’t help but compare us Why is this enough for you? In kindness, you really need to evaluate your own standards here. You are not setting the bar high enough for yourself. The wrong people (men like him) will take full advantage of that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted July 1, 2022 Share Posted July 1, 2022 7 hours ago, EJay1987 said: Thank you for all of your responses. He is now back and seems no closer to a decision. It seems very 50/50 for him. He states he loves two people at once and can’t help but compare us. I have said I won’t wait around forever and I need more than just words How about you don't want to be compared to another person but loved for who you are? Link to post Share on other sites
Arrangrl62 Posted July 2, 2022 Share Posted July 2, 2022 On 7/1/2022 at 3:16 AM, EJay1987 said: Thank you for all of your responses. He is now back and seems no closer to a decision. It seems very 50/50 for him. He states he loves two people at once and can’t help but compare us. I have said I won’t wait around forever and I need more than just words Oh you poor deluded woman.. I mean this with the utmost sympathy xx Take care 1 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted July 4, 2022 Share Posted July 4, 2022 On 6/30/2022 at 10:16 PM, EJay1987 said: Thank you for all of your responses. He is now back and seems no closer to a decision. It seems very 50/50 for him. He states he loves two people at once and can’t help but compare us. I have said I won’t wait around forever and I need more than just words He's not married. I assume they have no children. This is a no-brainer to me. If he wants to be with you, he'll break off the engagement and either put the house up for sale or let her buy him out. If he is not willing to do this ASAP, then tell him you are not willing to be anyone's second choice and break it off with him. It'll hurt for a little while, but you'll be okay. If you stay involved, however, you'll find yourself in even deeper, especially if he goes through with the wedding and you end up being the OW to a married man. You deserve better and you should want better for yourself. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted July 5, 2022 Share Posted July 5, 2022 My ex and I were living together and planning our wedding when he broke up with me for another woman. We'd been together nearly 4 years and our wedding was in a few months. They're married now with kids. So yeah - he could if he really wanted to. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted July 5, 2022 Share Posted July 5, 2022 On 6/30/2022 at 10:16 PM, EJay1987 said: Thank you for all of your responses. He is now back and seems no closer to a decision. It seems very 50/50 for him. He states he loves two people at once and can’t help but compare us. I have said I won’t wait around forever and I need more than just words So now he's set up the triangulation and you're hoping you win out over this other woman who is blissfully unaware of you, and planning her wedding and going on vacations with her man. What he's doing is so messed up. Like a kid in the candy store trying to figure out if he wants Hershey's or gummy bears for keeps. How can he look her in the face?! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 5, 2022 Share Posted July 5, 2022 (edited) On 7/4/2022 at 3:33 AM, vla1120 said: He's not married. I assume they have no children. This is a no-brainer to me. If he wants to be with you, he'll break off the engagement and either put the house up for sale or let her buy him out. It really is a no brainer, isn't it? Why even go on the vacation with her when he should have told her he loves OP; and then let her take a friend on the trip to help her get over him. Edited July 5, 2022 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted July 5, 2022 Share Posted July 5, 2022 6 minutes ago, stillafool said: It really is a no brainer, isn't it? Why even go on the vacation with her when he should have told her he loves OP; and then let her take a friend on the trip to help her get over him. Sounds logical and reasonable. He had his exit right there. Didn’t take it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EJay1987 Posted July 25, 2022 Author Share Posted July 25, 2022 For anyone still following, I ended things today. 3 months in and I told him that it was now hurting me and if he ever wanted to be with me he would do the right thing. It feels really painful right now but I know this is the best thing to do for myself. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 23 minutes ago, EJay1987 said: For anyone still following, I ended things today. Good call. When the fog lifts, you'll thank yourself for this. Link to post Share on other sites
Arrangrl62 Posted July 25, 2022 Share Posted July 25, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, EJay1987 said: For anyone still following, I ended things today. 3 months in and I told him that it was now hurting me and if he ever wanted to be with me he would do the right thing. It feels really painful right now but I know this is the best thing to do for myself. Trust me , when the scales fall from your eyes, you will see you have had a lucky escape x Edited July 25, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator formatting Link to post Share on other sites
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