Got a new job, supervisor chose me to be a subject matter expert, a role that I didnt even apply for.

[Sunnydays1111]

So I started a new job last week, the supervisor introduced me to everyone in the dept, then a few days later a co-worker introduced to the guy that sits behind me b/c he was on PTO. Anyway, I'm really started to get irritated with him. On the first few days he started small talk with me-which isn't a big deal-a co-worker getting to know me, he asks me if I talked to anyone else in the dept, then tells me that "I need to get up and chat with ppl." First of all- why the hell would I get up and start going around to ppls desk to chat when clearing I'm trying to focus on my work and have 3 months probation for new hire? If I do chat its going to be out on break or in passing. Now, he keeps "tabs" on me on what time I go to lunch, what I drink, what I eat. Now he's asking me what I do for fun, like personal stuff. He does talk to other people -like he's friends with this older woman who he says is his "work mom." He says he's talking to me because I'm new, but I don't see him talking to 2 other girls that are new-however they do sit on the other side of the dept so not sure I'm making an excuse. I'm like wth is his deal? Maybe he is trying to "welcome" me but now I think he's trying to be a leech and has some crush on me. There is no way to avoid him-he sits in a cubicle right next to me.

Edited May 19, 2022 by Sunnydays1111

[glows]

I doubt he has a crush on you. 

The best approach is to give as little details about yourself as possible while you're still learning the job. Getting to know everyone will come in time and he'll have to be patient if he wants to get to know you more as a coworker. There will be other opportunities and work events, I'm sure, where it's more appropriate to be chatting. Be choosy with what you say and discreet about your personal life. 

Edited May 19, 2022 by glows

[Wiseman2]

Be polite and professional to everyone at work. People work there to get a paycheck,  not cater to your personality or preferences.

[salparadise]

Also understand that the biggest asset in a workplace, after competence, is sociability and likeableness. Consider the possibility that this guy could end up being your supervisor or superior at some point. You don't have to snuggle up too much, but it would be a mistake to express your annoyance. Instead make a friend where you control the frequency and content of interactions. Even if you don't much care for this guy, I guarantee you that how you handle him is being noticed.

[Els]

10 hours ago, Sunnydays1111 said:

Now, he keeps "tabs" on me on what time I go to lunch, what I drink, what I eat

What exactly do you mean by this?

If you feel that he's being grotesquely inappropriate, you can talk to HR about him. But based on your post I'm not sure whether he's literally being a stalker, or he just made a rather innocuous comment like "Hey, I noticed you like sourdough too"...

[Sunnydays1111]

I think you guys are wrong, this guy wants to bang me. His behavior is just creepy and weird, like he keeps "nagging" me on why "I don't talk." I told him I'm busy, and he's like , yeah, but you can still be busy and talk, I then told him that I went to break then he said, "did you go to your quiet place?"I told him no, I was talking to my boyfriend, then he said, "oh he does he keeps tabs on you?" I'm like wth? Then earlier in the day, he came up to my desk and was re "introducing" himself to me and he held out his hand for me to shake. I told him I already know you and returned to my work. Pretty stupid. Which I think he did on purpose just for me to touch his hand. Now there has been 2 other supervisors that have asked what my hobbies were, where I grew up, the normal stuff that ppl ask to get to know them better-which I have no problem with. I have no problem telling coworkers what I like to do for fun or vacation or my weekend plans are. But this guy keeps pestering me about why I'm quiet or he has a problem with my personality in general-or why I am the way I am or why I'm soo serious. I don't have an issue with having a conversation with him about work or hobbies, but when he keeps nagging about my personality which pisses me off. Who the hell is he to tell me "what he thinks is wrong with me?" I don't see him harassing those 2 new girls. And why the hell does he keeps tabs on me on whether or not I talk to other co-workers? I doubt that he will ever become a higher up like you guys have said.

I had a similar situation a few years ago at an old job-this security guard keep greeting me -no big deal, he was being friendly and likes to chat. But then a few days later he kept "nagging" me about why I'm sooo quiet, and why I'm sooo serious. I thought he was creepy because he was keeping tabs on what clothes I wore and complimenting me about my outfits, long and behold -he asked me if I was "single." Turned out he wanted to take me out on a date all alone-that's why he kept pestering me in a NOT normal why. The security guard and this new guy have similar traits.

I just think this guy at my new work wants to bang me , I do see that he does talk to other girls in the dept-but he has "normal" conversations with them, he doesn't nag them about their personality. Also, I don't want to share any more personal info with this assclown, and if I don't tell him anything he gets all pissy and tells me he's going to get me to "open" up to him.

Edited May 21, 2022 by Sunnydays1111

[stillafool]

Why can't you just tell him you find his questions to you inappropriate and to please stop?  Turn around and continue your work.  I assure you if you do that he will back off.  Do it.

[Sunnydays1111]

5 hours ago, stillafool said:

Why can't you just tell him you find his questions to you inappropriate and to please stop?  Turn around and continue your work.  I assure you if you do that he will back off.  Do it.

okay, I'll tell him to piss off and leave me alone. see if he does

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, Sunnydays1111 said:

okay, I'll tell him to piss off and leave me alone. see if he does

How long have you been working there? Is it possible that they contacted your former manager and are trying to get you to leave?

[salparadise]

Yea, I've never known of a women who couldn't shut down an assclown's unwanted attention. I thought these techniques were innate. Men like this have fragile egos, so you can use that to cool them off. You don't need to go for the jugular the first time. When people like this make such comments they're expecting a certain type of reaction. If they get the opposite they'll just slink away. The trick is in how much finesse you can use rather than brute force.

[BaileyB]

I think you need to establish a healthy boundary here.

I would kindly tell him that you appreciate his interest in helping you to settle in at work, but you intend to focus on your work and you would appreciate if he keep his conversation to breaks and lunch. 

If he continues to comment on your comings and goings, I would tell the manager. Whether he wants to “bang” you or not is rather inconsequential - his behavior is very inappropriate for a work environment. 

Edited May 22, 2022 by BaileyB

[Wiseman2]

22 hours ago, Sunnydays1111 said:

I just think this guy at my new work wants to bang me 

You've been there a week, so be polite, professional to everyone. Use a pleasant sense of humor to deflect unwanted conversation or say you're busy or whatever.

You can't read minds so it's your assumption "he wants to bang you". Whatever the case, after quitting your last job suddenly due to personality conflicts,  try to make this a better situation.

Read some books on dealing with "problem" people in the workplace. You don't get to pick who you work with so you'll have to learn techniques to cope with different types of people.

[glows]

Greet him like you would with other coworkers. I don't think he's interested in being with you but he is inappropriate. You've had this issue before with coworkers asking questions that were too personal at work. This person also seems to be reminding you of another inappropriate coworker from a previous job, the security guard, so you feel triggered and very upset. 

Keep practicing deflecting those personal questions with more ease and point him back to his own work. It's no one's business what you do outside of work hours in your relationship so keep those details private and try to separate the negative experiences you've had in previous jobs from this new opportunity. I agree with the others about briefly mentioning when his questions are inappropriate and giving him no time of day beyond that point.

It helps having a big picture view. If you need to get x number of things done by the end of the day, get those things done. The point here is to remain employed if it's a decent company and do what you need to do. There will always be some element of stress in a new job. Try to take that with the territory.

 

[Sunnydays1111]

10 hours ago, salparadise said:

Yea, I've never known of a women who couldn't shut down an assclown's unwanted attention. I thought these techniques were innate. Men like this have fragile egos, so you can use that to cool them off. You don't need to go for the jugular the first time. When people like this make such comments they're expecting a certain type of reaction. If they get the opposite they'll just slink away. The trick is in how much finesse you can use rather than brute force.

What do you mean they get the opposite? You mean if I don't tell him to piss off, he won't? Are you saying that he is "wanting" me to get angry and say something nasty for me to get fired?

[salparadise]

No, not at all. I’m saying that you should quit letting him control the interactions and make you feel uncomfortable with the invasive, personal comments about your behavior or demeanor. This is working for him because his assertiveness puts you on the defensive and gives him a feeling of dominance. My suggestion is that you be prepared to shut him down, or turn the table, but do so with finesse rather than brute force. Or perhaps brute force would be appropriate if you’ve tried and he isn’t taking the hint. 

[basil67]

Agreed on using finesse.  Telling someone to "piss off" will likely see you hauled in front of the manager.  Given that you're only a week into your new job, you could likely see yourself fired.   I suggest a response of "I'm very busy and need to focus on work".

[Sunnydays1111]

17 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been working there? Is it possible that they contacted your former manager and are trying to get you to leave?

I did not put my former manager from my most recent job as a reference. I only put the name of the company and dates worked. For actual references- I put the name of 2 from like a job from 3 years ago-where everyone was laid off- so I left on good terms there.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Sunnydays1111 said:

. I only put the name of the company and dates worked. 

Ok. If you keep finding yourself at the center of personality conflicts wherever you go, do read one of the many fine books on how to deal with problem coworkers.

[ShyViolet]

Don't feel pressured to be "nice" to him or to humor him.  You need to be just a little rude and give him the cold shoulder.  Say something like "Can you please leave me alone?  I don't have time to talk right now."  or "Your question was inappropriate and I don't appreciate it.  Please don't ask me that again."  Make him be the one to feel uncomfortable.  That's the only way he'll get the message.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, ShyViolet said:

Don't feel pressured to be "nice" to him or to humor him.  You need to be just a little rude and give him the cold shoulder.  Say something like "Can you please leave me alone?  I don't have time to talk right now."  or "Your question was inappropriate and I don't appreciate it.  Please don't ask me that again."  Make him be the one to feel uncomfortable.  That's the only way he'll get the message.

I agree, except for the bolded part above because you may never want to talk to him.  You have to give him the impression you're nobody he should mess with and to leave you alone.

[Lisa]

Thread closed as member is a returned poster who has previously been banned

[sandybeaches2323]

Been at my job for 2 months, first interview went well, got called in for 2nd interview, 2 supervisors from other dept interviewed me as well. End of interview, asked me what dept i wanted to me in and chose the one that i didnt apply for, i mean, maybe i would be a better fit for that role, obviously the other supervisors from other dept wouldnt have never met with me. However, the other supervisor immediately made me into the role of subject matter expert. I was like the wth? I didnt ask for that. I had no issue accepted the other role that i didnt apply for b/c it was maybe a better fit for me. But SME? Why the heck would they give a newbie that role  when i’m still learning and dont even know everything ? It should be best suited for someone that has been there for a least awhile not throwing me in like that. Why not give someone else that responsibility? I dont want to be a sme. I didnt sign up to be a trainer/sme. Should i tell my supervisor that? 

Edited June 26, 2022 by sandybeaches2323

[Alpacalia]

What type of business is it? Do you have any concerns regarding the company? How is your opinion of your ability to perform? How does the position match your resume?

If you were hired, the manager probably believes you are a good candidate.

[sandybeaches2323]

I don’t want to be a trainer/sme. My supervisor just threw me into that role when I interviewed. The thing is i didnt even apply to be a “subject matter expert.” I’m still new then why the heck would i be that when i dont know what i’m still doing is my point? Why not make someone else a SME like the ones that have been there for like 3 years? Doesnt make sense. My thinking is that no one wants that job of having that much responsibility. I’m now just kind of pisses that i originally applied for a job that i think i would have been more happy, but thanks to that supervisor decided to  “steal” my originally role and just throw me into some role i dont want just to make me miserable. Does that make sense?

 

[Wiseman2]

59 minutes ago, sandybeaches2323 said:

 I’m still new then why the heck would i be that when i dont know what i’m still doing is my point? Why not make someone else a SME like the ones that have been there for like 3 years?

Are you being appropriately paid/remunerated for this position if you feel it's above your pay grade? Research what people in that capacity typically make and if it's not commensurate with what they are offering, ask for a raise.