What is he really going for?

[glows]

10 minutes ago, partycity said:

You’re so right . I do feel frustrated sexually but if he wants to wait I will too. I love being with him. I feel so calm and relaxed even after a long week of work . 

Give it time then and grow in the relationship together. Try changing things up and suggest doing different things. Don't let it get stale and one-sided or routine. It's too easy to get caught with sex and being physically intimate in the beginning. It's an important part of a relationship but not the only crucial element.

[Calmandfocused]

I think is an example of a Casual Relationship without the sex. 
 

I used to meet a lot of men online who just wanted to talk. That was it. Why? Because the female conversation/ someone to talk too was all they wanted. 
However it wasn’t a lot of fun for me. I couldn’t see the point personally. 
 

I think you’re experiencing another version to this. He wants to see you occasionally, loves talking to you but has 0 intention of getting into a serious relationship with you. 
 

Is this what you want? A man who your strongly attracted to, who talks to you all the time but can’t make time to see you? 
 

If your ok with casually dating this guy, that’s fine but I wouldn’t bet on it going any further. 
 

My sense is that it will fizzle out. 

[partycity]

11 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said:

I think is an example of a Casual Relationship without the sex. 
 

I used to meet a lot of men online who just wanted to talk. That was it. Why? Because the female conversation/ someone to talk too was all they wanted. 
However it wasn’t a lot of fun for me. I couldn’t see the point personally. 
 

I think you’re experiencing another version to this. He wants to see you occasionally, loves talking to you but has 0 intention of getting into a serious relationship with you. 
 

Is this what you want? A man who your strongly attracted to, who talks to you all the time but can’t make time to see you? 
 

If your ok with casually dating this guy, that’s fine but I wouldn’t bet on it going any further. 
 

My sense is that it will fizzle out. 

Talk for what ? We don’t always talk that much during the week. We’re both busy. However when we talk he will try to make plans for us to see each other . And he makes it a point to show his phone around me. He knows my past.  I think he’s just slow to commit. 
 

he also goes clubbing and chilling with his mates a lot. If he wanted to he’d pickup a girl better than me . Much younger too.

Edited June 29, 2022 by partycity

[partycity]

27 minutes ago, glows said:

Give it time then and grow in the relationship together. Try changing things up and suggest doing different things. Don't let it get stale and one-sided or routine. It's too easy to get caught with sex and being physically intimate in the beginning. It's an important part of a relationship but not the only crucial element.

Thank you so much . I’m so glad I’m getting advice from kind people such as yourself. He hasn’t made plans so far this week. So I’ll see if he asks me out again . He does have a busy week this week with a baby shower and some other family events. Let’s see if we see each other. 

[glows]

1 hour ago, partycity said:

Thank you so much . I’m so glad I’m getting advice from kind people such as yourself. He hasn’t made plans so far this week. So I’ll see if he asks me out again . He does have a busy week this week with a baby shower and some other family events. Let’s see if we see each other. 

You are welcome. The bold part is important. See how it goes. When dating it's usually (hopefully) more than just the physical aspect. You're seeing who this man is as a person or how he goes about his life and navigates other areas. Don't get too involved or attached so quickly and take your time getting to know one another.

[partycity]

2 hours ago, glows said:

You are welcome. The bold part is important. See how it goes. When dating it's usually (hopefully) more than just the physical aspect. You're seeing who this man is as a person or how he goes about his life and navigates other areas. Don't get too involved or attached so quickly and take your time getting to know one another.

Thank you so much. I will def keep you guys updated.

Also does it matter if he calls me “baby” and send me hearts here and there ? He doesn’t really do that to other females in his life like family or friends.

[glows]

10 minutes ago, partycity said:

Thank you so much. I will def keep you guys updated.

Also does it matter if he calls me “baby” and send me hearts here and there ? He doesn’t really do that to other females in his life like family or friends.

Not really. This is easy to do and words are at surface level. Mind you, it's one thing if he calls you something derogatory (totally unacceptable) and another if he's being sweet with you with common terms of endearment. I generally dislike when someone doesn't make an effort to use my name and it's a bit funny as well as I'll know when it's low effort or the person can't remember how to spell it or isn't interested in texting or writing it out.

You're dating again to see his character over time and how he treats you in terms of honouring what he says, his integrity over time and what his interests and goals are. You mentioned for example he's a mechanic and you're a paralegal. Where do you see yourself? If you both live with your parents, will there be issues with you dating him? Will your parents or family accept him? 

It's still too soon to tell whether this will work out. Enjoy the journey.

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, partycity said:

Cultural yeah but I usually know how to sneak out for a day or 2 haha 

Why not wait for him to suggest that? Are you from the same culture? Is he/his family traditional or conservative?

You can't win a man or secure a relationship with sex. So, become intimate when you are both ready.

[Happy Lemming]

45 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You can't win a man or secure a relationship with sex.

I usually agree with you @Wiseman2, but this isn't always the case.

I went out with this one woman.  It was our first date, by the end of the meal I had decided I wouldn't ask her out again.  When I went to drop her off, she invited me in for coffee and we ended up having sex... mind blowing sex.  I wanted more, so I did ask her out on a second date and a third, etc. etc.   As I got to know her better, I liked her more and more.  So, for me, the great sex really did cement the relationship.

After dating a while, I remember talking to her about this very subject and she said she wanted to ensure that I would ask her out on a second date, so she "rocked my world" on that first date!!

[stillafool]

5 hours ago, partycity said:

Cultural yeah but I usually know how to sneak out for a day or 2 haha 

Since it's a cultural thing to wait to have sex won't he look down on you for asking for sex before marriage?

[Alpacalia]

Take your time with this OP.

Having once been undecided about whether I liked someone and about to call it a day, only to discover he had some rather interesting skills...I changed my mind. 

You are in a sense on the rebound (two months isn't really that long).

That might be on his mind, too. (like previously mentioned)

However decent he seems, in contrast to the jerky ex, try not to rush the emotional process or make haste. 

Keep dating each other and see how it goes. Do a temperature check from time to time. Enjoy!

[partycity]

So we’re talking tonight over text . Should I tell him my feelings? 

[ExpatInItaly]

What is it you want to tell him, exactly? 

When is your next date? 

[partycity]

We might see each other soon by the way. This weekend or On my next day off next week . He just told me he wants to see me soon. 

 

I told him I think of him every day . But he said I am hard to read sometimes so I want to send a message with my feelings.That I like him and that I wanna keep seeing him and I love being around him. That okay or too heavy? 

or should I not say it because he kind of knows? He’s a smart guy not the type of guy you need to explain things to but I feel like with my aloof nature he might want to know. 

Edited July 2, 2022 by partycity

[ExpatInItaly]

11 minutes ago, partycity said:

That I like him and that I wanna keep seeing him and I love being around him. That okay or too heavy? 

The bolded is a bit much, yes. 

If he has told you that you are hard to read, then by all means, clarify that you like him and have been enjoying your time together and want to continue seeing him. I am sure he realizes this since you keep accepting dates, but it might be nice for him to hear it. 

Then see if he responds in kind. 

 

[partycity]

14 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

The bolded is a bit much, yes. 

If he has told you that you are hard to read, then by all means, clarify that you like him and have been enjoying your time together and want to continue seeing him. I am sure he realizes this since you keep accepting dates, but it might be nice for him to hear it. 

Then see if he responds in kind. 

 

Thanks I haven’t sent it but the 6th date he told me he likes me and likes being with me I didn’t say much except give him a kiss because I’m not good at expressing feelings like he is .

i told him just now that I always think of him and he said he is always thinking of what we will both do together next . What do you guys think ?

[smackie9]

Let me guess you don't flirt with him.....that might be your "hard to read" issue .

Edited July 2, 2022 by smackie9

[partycity]

Guys he’s becoming a bit distant 

[ExpatInItaly]

How so? 

[stillafool]

On 6/29/2022 at 6:44 PM, Happy Lemming said:

After dating a while, I remember talking to her about this very subject and she said she wanted to ensure that I would ask her out on a second date, so she "rocked my world" on that first date!!

This^^^is what I tell women, that if you must have sex on the first date because you can't wait make sure to make it memorable to the point he will thirst to see you again.  Of course it takes skill for this also.

[glows]

1 hour ago, partycity said:

Guys he’s becoming a bit distant 

Leave off the texting for a bit and let him start initiating more texts and dates. 

[partycity]

21 minutes ago, glows said:

Leave off the texting for a bit and let him start initiating more texts and dates. 

So I texted him Friday.  I said hi . We started talking . I told him I’m thinking of him. He was surprised. Then he told me “I’m always thinking of what we will do next”. He asked me if I’m free Saturday he wanted to see me. I said no I have my brothers baby shower.

He said no problem . I offered Sunday he said he will let me know. Today is Sunday he said he couldn’t . But he didn’t ask when I’m free next. I just said I’m free this week Tuesday he seems too busy to respond.

 

I just told him I’m thinking of him to be open with my feelings . I’ve been really closed off for a while.

Edited July 3, 2022 by partycity

[glows]

6 minutes ago, partycity said:

So I texted him Friday.  I said hi . We started talking . I told him I’m thinking of him. He was surprised and asked me if I’m free Saturday he wanted to see me. I said no I have my brothers baby shower. He said no problem . I offered Sunday he said he will let me know. Today is Sunday he said he couldn’t . But he didn’t ask when I’m free next. I just said I’m free this week Tuesday he seems too busy to respond.

Well, it’s still Sunday so give it till tomorrow Monday. Is he usually responsive? 

You gave an alternative day so see what he comes back with. Be busy and don’t keep checking your phone. 

I think you’re fine. I don’t see where you’re being distant. You’re agreeing to meet with him when he suggests to go out and you told him you were thinking of him. That is not distant anymore. You’re flaming hot for the guy so let him reciprocate.

Edited July 3, 2022 by glows

[Happy Lemming]

17 minutes ago, partycity said:

 I said no I have my brothers baby shower.

 

What time did the Baby Shower end??  Could you have met him later in the evening??

I don't claim to know a lot about Baby Showers, but aren't they during the day??

[stillafool]

On 7/2/2022 at 1:48 AM, partycity said:

I told him I think of him every day . But he said I am hard to read sometimes so I want to send a message with my feelings.

I think this statement you made told him how you feel about him so there's no need to say more at this point.  Sit back and let him ask to see you to go on a date.  Don't text him again until that happens would be best.