What is he really going for?

[partycity]

3 hours ago, stillafool said:

I think this statement you made told him how you feel about him so there's no need to say more at this point.  Sit back and let him ask to see you to go on a date.  Don't text him again until that happens would be best.

 

Yeah you’re right . I just have a weird feeling in my stomach. Usually he responds to me. 

[partycity]

Hi everyone. 
 

Update.

So we went on another date. This will be our 8th date.  I was feeling shy because of my hair, LOL. Other than that I’d say it went OK. I guess I’m afraid of boring him. I don’t know if things are so routine now. He doesn’t text much between dates. I brought it up to him on the date that I’d like to know what he’s up to on the weekend. He nodded in response. Let’s see what happens.

I also suggested the hotel thing.  I don’t know if it’s too soon. That would be next weekend for sure. 
 

Do you think I’m expecting too much when I ask him to text me what he’s up to ? He used to do that before. Text me and show me videos of him at parties and call me when he’s home. He stopped that now …

[Wiseman2]

18 minutes ago, partycity said:

I also suggested the hotel thing.  I don’t know if it’s too soon. That would be next weekend for sure. Do you think I’m expecting too much when I ask him to text me what he’s up to ? 

This is the observation time, so while someone more into you would communicate more, this is where he is at. He seems to be checking out or dating others. What did he think of the hotel idea?

[partycity]

19 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

This is the observation time, so while someone more into you would communicate more, this is where he is at. He seems to be checking out or dating others. What did he think of the hotel idea?

I know that he’s not dating others . He always has no problem showing me his phone or showing his phone upfront like whenever we’re in the car . 
 

He said “yes it would be fun” and told me he will let me know when it comes up. It’s his birthday next weekend so that’s when it will be.
 

I know he has a busy weekend this weekend. Has 3 parties. And his sister is graduating Uni. He’s going to be around my work area on the weekend. I’m working this weekend. He told me he would “come see me” while he’s in the area with his sister celebrating . I don’t know if he’s just “saying that” Lol. 

Edited July 8, 2022 by partycity

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, partycity said:

He used to do that before. Text me and show me videos of him at parties and call me when he’s home

Do you do the same? Or just wait for him to initiate? 

[partycity]

20 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Do you do the same? Or just wait for him to initiate? 

I used to send him selfies and text him first when he did it first . Now when he doesn’t I stopped . But a few days ago before this date I randomly sent him a picture of me , and he sent one in the evening back. Saying good evening .

 

 

[stillafool]

6 hours ago, partycity said:

So we went on another date. This will be our 8th date.

Did he ask you on this date or did you ask him out?

[partycity]

5 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Did he ask you on this date or did you ask him out?

Nah he asked me out .

[partycity]

2 hours ago, stillafool said:

Did he ask you on this date or did you ask him out

 

6 hours ago, partycity said:

I used to send him selfies and text him first when he did it first . Now when he doesn’t I stopped . But a few days ago before this date I randomly sent him a picture of me , and he sent one in the evening back. Saying good evening .

 

 

Guys I noticed a pattern. After we go out, he will avoid the last message on purpose to see if I double text. Then he will start being all warm and asking me out if I message him first. I can see that happening since I’m very secretive about my feelings ?

[basil67]

Why are you secretive about your feelings?   Communication is key to a good relationship

[partycity]

I guess I’m not too sure where I stand. Yes he made it clear he asked me out and it was a date but I don’t know if he’s just testing the waters or what. He did outright say he likes me straight up. 

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, partycity said:

After we go out, he will avoid the last message on purpose to see if I double text.

Text in a volley like fashion. Do not double text. You seem to question his interest and motives quite a bit and seem to be chasing him heavily.

Stepping back from heavy pursuits like inviting him to a hotel for sex, etc. make help you determine his level of interest when you stop driving the relationship this hard.

[stillafool]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Stepping back from heavy pursuits like inviting him to a hotel for sex, etc.

I missed this, why are you doing that Partycity?

[partycity]

Update:

I am seeing your posts and you guys are asking what we did on the last date. We went out to eat. 
 

So after his weekend with a lot of family events, he texted me good morning on Monday. Asking me how work went. Following up a conversation about a topic I avoided to talk about as I wanted to talk to him in person. I told him I’d like to see him. He said of course , he would like that as well. He was at work that day. After his work I didn’t hear from him and I asked if we were still on, he said he was really tired from work and couldn’t make it . Which I understand , his job is physically demanding. He also said “we will have to do this another day”. I was a little disappointed but I sent pictures of myself out that night with friends , he told me I looked pretty.

The next day I followed up I asked him if he got enough rest . He said “yes I did, I was really tired”’. I didn’t hear from him in the evening so I asked him “I’m guessing you’re at the gym ?” He replied with “you know me well” and took a pic of him showing me where he was. I told him I missed him which was true and he said it back . 
 

So comes his birthday the next day, I send him a friendly birthday message. Nothing romantic . He told me it was kind of me and said thank you. I sent him a pic of myself and he complimented me. 
 

It’s now the weekend and I want to see him, but I don’t want to be the one messaging him to make a plan. Shouldn’t he be the one to message me?  I stopped double texting by the way. I didn’t respond after the birthday message.

I’m anxious and don’t know what to think.

Edited July 16, 2022 by partycity

[ExpatInItaly]

32 minutes ago, partycity said:

Shouldn’t he be the one to message me?

Given that you were the one to initiate most of the conversation this week, yes, the onus is on him to reach out to you. He seems to be backing away a bit so I would step back and observe and see if he gets in touch. 

34 minutes ago, partycity said:

Following up a conversation about a topic I avoided to talk about as I wanted to talk to him in person

I have to wonder, though - what was this about? 

[partycity]

37 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Given that you were the one to initiate most of the conversation this week, yes, the onus is on him to reach out to you. He seems to be backing away a bit so I would step back and observe and see if he gets in touch. 

I have to wonder, though - what was this about? 

Yeah good idea …

Nothing just something that  happened at work and I didn’t want to send long texts about it . I wanted to talk in person.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, partycity said:

Shouldn’t he be the one to message me?  I stopped double texting by the way. I didn’t respond after the birthday message.

That's ok, he may be busy with friends and family. Unfortunately he seems lukewarm about things, so step back a bit.

[partycity]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's ok, he may be busy with friends and family. Unfortunately he seems lukewarm about things, so step back a bit.

Why do you think he’s feeling like that ?

[partycity]

Update:

He messaged me. Asked how I was. He told me he’s going out for his bday to celebrate with friends but he will make it up to me soon.

[partycity]

2 minutes ago, S2B said:

What was your response?

I said I don’t feel important . I want to know what he does or feels about me 

[partycity]

Update:

After i told him I felt unimportant l, he said “I’m sorry , I’ve been really busy this week I barely got any time for myself . You don’t come last to me at all” 

i ignored him and 2 hours later he told me he hopes I enjoy my night.

 

what to make of this?

[ExpatInItaly]

I think you two aren't on the same page, OP. 

You're more into it than he is. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, partycity said:

 i told him I felt unimportant

Unfortunately you seem overinvolved and overinvested. Step back. Don't try to text-tether him any longer trying to have relationship talks, especially on his birthday when he already told you he's spending it with others.. Step back and don't contact him unless he reaches out first.

[partycity]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately you seem overinvolved and overinvested. Step back. Don't try to text-tether him any longer trying to have relationship talks, especially on his birthday when he already told you he's spending it with others.. Step back and don't contact him unless he reaches out first.

Just find it hard to believe as before his “busy” week this week , he was very attentive and sensitive to my feelings. Also very affecitonate and emotional more than me. I guess he was just really busy. I’ll see if he says anything else today. I won’t reach out til he does.

[poppyfields]

@partycityjust had a chance to catch up with this thread.  

Here's my take on this: 

I think what's happening is, because you have not given him the green light sexually, a clear signal you want sex with him, desire it, desire HIM, he's losing interest.

He may be interpreting that as while you like him and enjoy his company, you're not sexually attracted to him and men DO need to feel the woman they are attracted to are attracted to them!

They need a signal, a window, a green light that you desire him sexually.

I'm not sure why you are hesitating giving him this window.  It's been 8 dates.

As @smackie9said, you're not flirting enough and acting very cool and it all sounds quite "polite" and formal. 

That's why when you told him you think of him every day, he responded saying he was surprised.  

My guess is he has no clue what to make of you and your feelings, including sexually, and is losing interest because of it, which is why he's acting distant. 

You seem to have a lot of expectations about how a man "should" act. 

That he should do the initiating, he should be the one to escalate sexually even when given NO signal or green light from you. 

Men are cautious these days.  They get accused of being too "thirsty" sexually and too aggressive.  

Despite all the rhetoric about men "pumping and dumping," interested men need sex to feel connected and a signal that the woman they are attracted to desires them sexually.

Something. Again this all sounds very polite and it's heading straight into the friendzone.  

He may eventually lose all interest. 

I think it's time to stop behaving so cautiously and give him a window, a clear and direct signal. 

Speaking personally, I'm not perfect but men always know when I desire them sexually, I give many signals so there is no ambiguity or confusion and they will feel comfortable escalating without fear of rejection. 

They have always led to long term relationships including my current and we are getting married next month.

If I may ask, what are you so afraid of? 

 

Edited July 17, 2022 by poppyfields