Ended 8 yr affair ,are partners simply distraction from home life

[vla1120]

2 hours ago, florrymcgoo said:

Thank you. I'm very mixed up. Full of anger. I guess it's the process.   Would you believe it I just was thinking what u are after saying. And it was calming me . I suppose Basil if u read the thread you will see the period of my life he entered.  I maintain if I had proper family support as two close members were palliative I would not have gone ahead with this.  You probably won't believe me bit I'm a good person.   I made a very poor choice. Now I'm hurting I'm blaming.  Can you offer me any more nuggets. Thank you so much for I put. Yes you are right. I knew he had a wife.   But....so did he...so where was he going when he had someone at home?  Not the point I know. 

You've taken responsibility for your initial poor choice of getting involved with him. Now you've made the right choice by ending it, so don't be too hard on yourself. He is equally to blame.

As you've stated, he wanted it to be more, and you were not willing to have sex with another woman's husband. Speaking from the perspective of a previously betrayed spouse, I can tell you that I think it would have been easier for me to deal with the situation if he had chosen an affair partner only for sex, but theirs was initially an emotional affair that turned into something more. My husband carried on with my best friend for over two years right under my nose. He got caught "in the act" by my then 5 year old while I was pregnant with our youngest. The betrayal by both of them hurt me even deeper than if he had gone out and had a sexual affair with someone unknown to me.

It sounds like you are still going to be involved with him on a daily basis for business purposes? If so, that's not an ideal situation and will only contribute to your anger and difficulty getting over this situation. (I apologize if I am wrong.) I am glad you have an upcoming appointment with a therapist. I'm sorry you do not have friends and family in the area. Maybe you can make some new friends through a favorite hobby? Hopefully, your therapist will have some good recommendations and help you navigate the situation. If you could somehow eliminate him from your life all together, that would be best for all involved. Just take care of yourself for now, give yourself some time, and stay as far away from him and his circle of friends as you can.

[Will am I]

3 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

As you've stated, he wanted it to be more, and you were not willing to have sex with another woman's husband. Speaking from the perspective of a previously betrayed spouse, I can tell you that I think it would have been easier for me to deal with the situation if he had chosen an affair partner only for sex, but theirs was initially an emotional affair that turned into something more. My husband carried on with my best friend for over two years right under my nose. He got caught "in the act" by my then 5 year old while I was pregnant with our youngest. The betrayal by both of them hurt me even deeper than if he had gone out and had a sexual affair with someone unknown to me.

This resonates, I understand that many women would "prefer" their husband to be having sex with someone else above their husbands giving their heart to someone else. I've heard mixes opinions but this seems to be the more common one. Speaking for men I believe we are generally more hurt by the sexual side of the betrayal.

I feel sorry for what you went through. Betrayal from your partner and your best friend, knocking out the principle part of your support network when you need it most, that must be devastating. Also the pregnancy can make the experience heavier than it already is.

 

 

[florrymcgoo]

16 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

You've taken responsibility for your initial poor choice of getting involved with him. Now you've made the right choice by ending it, so don't be too hard on yourself. He is equally to blame.

As you've stated, he wanted it to be more, and you were not willing to have sex with another woman's husband. Speaking from the perspective of a previously betrayed spouse, I can tell you that I think it would have been easier for me to deal with the situation if he had chosen an affair partner only for sex, but theirs was initially an emotional affair that turned into something more. My husband carried on with my best friend for over two years right under my nose. He got caught "in the act" by my then 5 year old while I was pregnant with our youngest. The betrayal by both of them hurt me even deeper than if he had gone out and had a sexual affair with someone unknown to me.

It sounds like you are still going to be involved with him on a daily basis for business purposes? If so, that's not an ideal situation and will only contribute to your anger and difficulty getting over this situation. (I apologize if I am wrong.) I am glad you have an upcoming appointment with a therapist. I'm sorry you do not have friends and family in the area. Maybe you can make some new friends through a favorite hobby? Hopefully, your therapist will have some good recommendations and help you navigate the situation. If you could somehow eliminate him from your life all together, that would be best for all involved. Just take care of yourself for now, give yourself some time, and stay as far away from him and his circle of friends as you can.

Hello thank you for contributing and also for being kind to me. Even after all you have gone through. That was super hard and you should not have had that experience.  I hope your life is better now and that you have been able to heal. Bless you and thanks 

[florrymcgoo]

2 hours ago, Will am I said:

Sounds to me like healthy coping habits. Much better than substance abuse or moving from one temporary relationship into the next (just to name two men's favourite ways of mourning over a broken relationship).

As long as you don't push the work & fitness regime to extremes as to block out the time for meditation and reflection. Your emotions and your thoughs about these 8 years need some of your time too.

He's a man. If we get too deeply attached to a female friend, we're all at risk. Some of us are better than others at keeping that modest safety distance. Getting into an affair does not necessarily reflect bad intentions or a lousy mentality towards women in general. It's a series of failing safety nets, starting with his own moral compass but also including your inability to resist at the time.

There will always be a triangle of love, anger and sadness. When the intensity of these emotions lessens, the triangle gets gradually smaller until it can fit into your heart so to speak.  Then you won;t have to bounce between these ambivalent feelings anymore, you can experience them together. 

 

My EA was relatively short, I chickened out before things went totally out of control.

I don't feel much anger. She came on to me, I could be angry over that. But then I know what trauma caused it so I'm not angry. Only the way she took the break-up just a little too light hearted, that stirs a little bit of anger. It feels as if she wouldn't accept my position that it was a bad thing, and she wouldn't help me put it behind me.

I do feel love. Quite strongly, although it's a different type of love now. I want xOW to graduate with top marks, find the best job, find true love and be happy. This is not unlike what I feel for my children, their success brings me joy. The idea of xOW finding her own life partner makes me swallow the slightest hint of melancholy, but the sense of joy is far greater now.

There is some sadness. It was only short but she rocked my world. Knowing that is gone and I might not experience anything so strong again, makes me a bit sad. But it's no big deal, nothing I can't manage.

For me, the trangle between these emotions is small enough that I can feel them together in a balanced mix. 

After an affair of 8 years this will presumably take longer 

Hi Will am. You are so good at expressing yourself.   I hope I am using this thread correctly.  

You were a very smart man to

2 hours ago, Will am I said:

Sounds to me like healthy coping habits. Much better than substance abuse or moving from one temporary relationship into the next (just to name two men's favourite ways of mourning over a broken relationship).

As long as you don't push the work & fitness regime to extremes as to block out the time for meditation and reflection. Your emotions and your thoughs about these 8 years need some of your time too.

He's a man. If we get too deeply attached to a female friend, we're all at risk. Some of us are better than others at keeping that modest safety distance. Getting into an affair does not necessarily reflect bad intentions or a lousy mentality towards women in general. It's a series of failing safety nets, starting with his own moral compass but also including your inability to resist at the time.

There will always be a triangle of love, anger and sadness. When the intensity of these emotions lessens, the triangle gets gradually smaller until it can fit into your heart so to speak.  Then you won;t have to bounce between these ambivalent feelings anymore, you can experience them together. 

 

My EA was relatively short, I chickened out before things went totally out of control.

I don't feel much anger. She came on to me, I could be angry over that. But then I know what trauma caused it so I'm not angry. Only the way she took the break-up just a little too light hearted, that stirs a little bit of anger. It feels as if she wouldn't accept my position that it was a bad thing, and she wouldn't help me put it behind me.

I do feel love. Quite strongly, although it's a different type of love now. I want xOW to graduate with top marks, find the best job, find true love and be happy. This is not unlike what I feel for my children, their success brings me joy. The idea of xOW finding her own life partner makes me swallow the slightest hint of melancholy, but the sense of joy is far greater now.

There is some sadness. It was only short but she rocked my world. Knowing that is gone and I might not experience anything so strong again, makes me a bit sad. But it's no big deal, nothing I can't manage.

For me, the trangle between these emotions is small enough that I can feel them together in a balanced mix. 

After an affair of 8 years this will presumably take longer 

Hi Will am. I hope I am answering this in the correct format on the thread.

Wow you were very insightful to end it after such a short time and well done on getting your head straight.   You obviously paid heed to the red lights saying stop in time. 

My guess is that young woman was very taken with you.  When you decided to end it I'm sure she was very upset but out of pride will not show that. I don't think by any stretch of the imagination that what you shared was "no big deal" to her. She did not have a choice other than kick and scream and risk looking like a fool when you ended it. She done that to save face I'm sure of it ie treated it flippantly.  

I totally understand what you mean about the melancholy of living out life without feeling these feelings again. I empathise. However experiencing that sentiment appears to be typical of these types of inappropriate relationships.  They are much more charged with emotion than a legitimate relationship.   They are intoxicating and impossible to recreate in everyday life. Tell me about it. I feel like a light has gone out and I'm viewing the world through a worn candle wick instead of full beam illumination.     But I  think we will find exciting things again in life. You are obviously well educated and probably very productive in life.  That must bring you comfort.  You mention children, there's alot of exciting times ahead for you.

 

Do not dwell on the display of flippancy by that young woman. No woman gets into these situations and wants out. They just know it must end and their ego gets bruised.

 

Thanks so much for your kind support 

[vla1120]

20 minutes ago, Will am I said:

This resonates, I understand that many women would "prefer" their husband to be having sex with someone else above their husbands giving their heart to someone else. I've heard mixes opinions but this seems to be the more common one. Speaking for men I believe we are generally more hurt by the sexual side of the betrayal.

I feel sorry for what you went through. Betrayal from your partner and your best friend, knocking out the principle part of your support network when you need it most, that must be devastating. Also the pregnancy can make the experience heavier than it already is.

I've heard this, as well - that women are often more hurt by an emotional affair and men are often more hurt by a physical affair. I am fascinated by the human psyche, both male and female, and how we react differently to situations. 

11 minutes ago, florrymcgoo said:

Hello thank you for contributing and also for being kind to me. Even after all you have gone through. That was super hard and you should not have had that experience.  I hope your life is better now and that you have been able to heal. Bless you and thanks 

Years ago, I might have been bitter and chastised you for carrying on with another woman's husband. However, we all have a role to play in the deception. I spent many years being bitter at having been the main breadwinner and responsible one in the marriage while he put his hobbies before his career and jumped from job to job. He always told me I made him feel like a piece of furniture. If my husband had been happy and satisfied at home, he might not have drifted outside our marriage, so I take responsibility for the role I played in the demise of our marriage. 

[florrymcgoo]

1 minute ago, vla1120 said:

I've heard this, as well - that women are often more hurt by an emotional affair and men are often more hurt by a physical affair. I am fascinated by the human psyche, both male and female, and how we react differently to situations. 

Years ago, I might have been bitter and chastised you for carrying on with another woman's husband. However, we all have a role to play in the deception. I spent many years being bitter at having been the main breadwinner and responsible one in the marriage while he put his hobbies before his career and jumped from job to job. He always told me I made him feel like a piece of furniture. If my husband had been happy and satisfied at home, he might not have drifted outside our marriage, so I take responsibility for the role I played in the demise of our marriage. 

You are an amazing woman.  I'm sure life is going to bless you in many ways.   Nothing deserves cheating. That's the bottom line. So you certainly have Nothing to do with that poor decision.  How are you now?

[florrymcgoo]

Is taking responsibility for your part of the affair part of the process?

 

Not blaming your affair partner?

 

Because it was bad choice on both sides?

[vla1120]

12 minutes ago, florrymcgoo said:

Is taking responsibility for your part of the affair part of the process?

 

Not blaming your affair partner?

 

Because it was bad choice on both sides?

Yes. I think taking responsibility for your part is an important part of the process if for no other reason than to not find yourself in the same situation down the road. Some are of the mindset that he was the one who was married, he was the one who broke his vows to his wife, so he carries most of the blame and while that is true, here you are, trying to pick up the pieces after 8 years of growing closer and closer to this man while his life seemingly has suffered little to no adverse effect. I think that's where the anger comes in, understandably. That's why it is important for you to really practice self-care right now. He's going on with his life, unscathed. You need to take care of yourself and take this time alone (with the guidance of your therapist) to learn about yourself and set expectations and boundaries so that you feel safe and secure in who you are moving forward. Once you feel secure and confident in who you are and what you want in life, you'll be in a better position to select a partner who properly reflects those expectations. I hope that makes sense. 

[vla1120]

31 minutes ago, florrymcgoo said:

I hope I am typing in the correct format as I'm not very tech savvy

That's okay! You're communicating just fine!

[Will am I]

At one point there must be a balanced mix of emotions. Putting the blame on the AP where he was to blame, accepting the blame where you were to blame. Understanding why things happened as they did. Cherishing the good memories while not romanticizing the affair.

I feel I'm getting close, but that's 2.5 months after an EA that lasted not only 1 month.

[vla1120]

33 minutes ago, florrymcgoo said:

How are you now?

It's a long story, but once I told him I was leaving, within hours, he was out on a dating app and met his future wife within days. I recently found out he was cheating on me with another woman in his hobby circle of friends at the end of our marriage. I guess it's true that they often do not end up with their AP's after their marriage dissolves, because he dropped her like a hot potato.

Anyways, I rushed into another marriage with a man who was terminally ill so that he would have medical benefits (big mistake), but I stuck by his side through it all and was with him at the end (so he would not die alone). Now, I've been widowed for two years and I'm taking this time to learn about myself as I have not been truly alone since the age of 19. There are times I feel a bit lonely, but I like not having to take anyone else into consideration when making life's decisions, small or large. If I want to spend my day off lazily lounging around the house, I can do that. I'm liking my freedom and independence.

[florrymcgoo]

11 minutes ago, Will am I said:

At one point there must be a balanced mix of emotions. Putting the blame on the AP where he was to blame, accepting the blame where you were to blame. Understanding why things happened as they did. Cherishing the good memories while not romanticizing the affair.

I feel I'm getting close, but that's 2.5 months after an EA that lasted not only 1 month.

Thank you 

[florrymcgoo]

10 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

It's a long story, but once I told him I was leaving, within hours, he was out on a dating app and met his future wife within days. I recently found out he was cheating on me with another woman in his hobby circle of friends at the end of our marriage. I guess it's true that they often do not end up with their AP's after their marriage dissolves, because he dropped her like a hot potato.

Anyways, I rushed into another marriage with a man who was terminally ill so that he would have medical benefits (big mistake), but I stuck by his side through it all and was with him at the end (so he would not die alone). Now, I've been widowed for two years and I'm taking this time to learn about myself as I have not been truly alone since the age of 19. There are times I feel a bit lonely, but I like not having to take anyone else into consideration when making life's decisions, small or large. If I want to spend my day off lazily lounging around the house, I can do that. I'm liking my freedom and independence.

Wow I'm blown over.  What an amazing person you are. Thank you for guiding me and I send you every good wish

[vla1120]

2 minutes ago, florrymcgoo said:

Wow I'm blown over.  What an amazing person you are. Thank you for guiding me and I send you every good wish

Thank you for your kindness. Trust me - I have my faults! LOL. 

[Myabee]

On 7/3/2022 at 3:40 PM, florrymcgoo said:

1  be aiding a person stay in their marriage by providing them with an outlet

Absolutely! This is exactly what transpired in my scenario. I was the quick fix that was missing from the marriage and the deeper issues with himself that he refused to deal with. 

[florrymcgoo]

22 minutes ago, vla1120 said:

Thank you for your kindness. Trust me - I have my faults! LOL. 

To me you seem pretty perfect right now.  You are an inspiration.   If you can get through what you have gotten through then there are no excuses for the likes of me.   You won't probably believe this. And  I'm no Angel Vla1120, but I never ever ever ever wanted an affair with him.   I've known him 30 yrs on and off.  I always thought he was amazing looking and i may have innocently flirted.   But.......no way in hells fire did I even dream about where he wanted to take it.  Part of me was flattered.   Yes. Sadly.    But I never wanted someone's husband.  I have actually plenty going for me, I don't mean in a blow my own trumpet way but I did  not need to steal someone's husband.   It was never ever what I had in mind. But....I grew to know him and he supported me through 2 deaths of immediate family when no one was available . Its no excuse. People suffer every day. And I'm no Saint but to hurt a family was never on my cards. And thank God nothing happened only my hurt.   Its best outcome.   What a learning curve. And a brutal one.  Gosh you are amazing to not hate woman who involve themselves with a husband after all you have endured.   You are going to receive great joy in life you deserve it. 

[florrymcgoo]

14 minutes ago, Myabee said:

Absolutely! This is exactly what transpired in my scenario. I was the quick fix that was missing from the marriage and the deeper issues with himself that he refused to deal with. 

Hi myabee.   I've read your stuff. You had similar experience?  How are you now?

[Will am I]

3 minutes ago, florrymcgoo said:

And  I'm no Angel Vla1120, but I never ever ever ever wanted an affair with him.   I've known him 30 yrs on and off.  I always thought he was amazing looking and i may have innocently flirted.   But.......no way in hells fire did I even dream about where he wanted to take it.  Part of me was flattered.   Yes. Sadly.    But I never wanted someone's husband.  I have actually plenty going for me, I don't mean in a blow my own trumpet way but I did  not need to steal someone's husband.   It was never ever what I had in mind. But....I grew to know him and he supported me through 2 deaths of immediate family when no one was available . Its no excuse. 

I sense a tendency to talk yourself down by talking other people up. I’m also referring to the times you called me such a good person and such a kind person, after you heard my story isn’t exactly a Disney fairytale either.

There is no reason to think you’d be a bad person yourself, OP, or a woman without other romantic options.

Your story reveals quite a few things about  you and they generally reflect a positive image. A few of the things I read between the lines:

- businesswoman

- loyal, committed and able to sustain long term relationships (I get how you didn’t see this word “loyal” coming when we’re speaking about infidelity. but I believe loyalty is actually in your character)

- not too easy to seduce (or it would have happened way earlier in a flirty moment in the long friendship with MM)

- restrained (not having sex with MM in an 8-year affair, that reflects that you must have some solid moral standards)

I actually think you’re a great person who got into a really bad emotional state and chose to find comfort in a place where you probably shouldn’t have. If you need to find a cause to blame yourself, maybe you shouldn’t have lingered in the affair so long.

But altogether I don’t think your story witnesses or a bad character.

Considering these perspectives from me and others and comparing them to your own perspective, that is your process of finding a balanced reality. Which is part of the greater process of finding healing.

[Myabee]

1 hour ago, florrymcgoo said:

Hi myabee.   I've read your stuff. You had similar experience?  How are you now?

During a legal separation from spouse I had become involved for 18 plus months with a MM. While he lived 3000 miles away, we were in touch non stop. Text, phone, face-time and in person when he flew my way last spring. There was sexting, face-time sex most of all a huge emotional connection. I view it now as I played my part, he played his both of us were wrong.  I was left hung out to dry like an old towel when the wife found out via texts in his phone end of last November. I did not turn the corner  from this until April of this year. I have day's I get mad at myself. But I distract and change thoughts. I've pulled a few no so nice tricks on him via ways through social media from Nov to April. I full on stopped! Looked in the mirror at what I had become. A sour tossed out AP. I'm still healing and I no longer think of him daily. My advice, if your out stay fully out. There is no half in half out of this stuff. Block all forms of contact and ride it out. Best wishes. xx  

[florrymcgoo]

35 minutes ago, Myabee said:

During a legal separation from spouse I had become involved for 18 plus months with a MM. While he lived 3000 miles away, we were in touch non stop. Text, phone, face-time and in person when he flew my way last spring. There was sexting, face-time sex most of all a huge emotional connection. I view it now as I played my part, he played his both of us were wrong.  I was left hung out to dry like an old towel when the wife found out via texts in his phone end of last November. I did not turn the corner  from this until April of this year. I have day's I get mad at myself. But I distract and change thoughts. I've pulled a few no so nice tricks on him via ways through social media from Nov to April. I full on stopped! Looked in the mirror at what I had become. A sour tossed out AP. I'm still healing and I no longer think of him daily. My advice, if your out stay fully out. There is no half in half out of this stuff. Block all forms of contact and ride it out. Best wishes. xx  

Hi Myabee. I'm sorry that happened to you.  That was excruciating with his spouse discovering.    Sounds like you are well out the other side of it now through obviously hard emotional work on your part. I understand the lashing out , I really do. I've had some therapy so that has helped me keep a lid on things with view to exiting as drama free as possible.  Yes you are right. We are all involved when in this triangle.  Tbh I'm glad to date that it's only me suffering. It be worse if innocent party.  Never again.  Can I ask you this if its not too intrusive please. If you'd rather not answer that is obviously totally OK and I thank you for reaching out so far. 

 

1.  Had you anyone you could talk to about it?

2.  Did u get therapy?

 

3.  Did you find this website helpful?

[florrymcgoo]

1 hour ago, Will am I said:

I sense a tendency to talk yourself down by talking other people up. I’m also referring to the times you called me such a good person and such a kind person, after you heard my story isn’t exactly a Disney fairytale either.

There is no reason to think you’d be a bad person yourself, OP, or a woman without other romantic options.

Your story reveals quite a few things about  you and they generally reflect a positive image. A few of the things I read between the lines:

- businesswoman

- loyal, committed and able to sustain long term relationships (I get how you didn’t see this word “loyal” coming when we’re speaking about infidelity. but I believe loyalty is actually in your character)

- not too easy to seduce (or it would have happened way earlier in a flirty moment in the long friendship with MM)

- restrained (not having sex with MM in an 8-year affair, that reflects that you must have some solid moral standards)

I actually think you’re a great person who got into a really bad emotional state and chose to find comfort in a place where you probably shouldn’t have. If you need to find a cause to blame yourself, maybe you shouldn’t have lingered in the affair so long.

But altogether I don’t think your story witnesses or a bad character.

Considering these perspectives from me and others and comparing them to your own perspective, that is your process of finding a balanced reality. Which is part of the greater process of finding healing.

Oh Will am. You make me cry with your kindness.

Well I've not talked anyone up here who does not sound completely admirable in the way they handled their situation. 

I would forget guilt for you Will am. 1 month is a blip.   Gosh I wish that's the duration I was in. 

Thank you for your kind words.  Without cancelling out my bad deed, I'm trying to see my good points. You don't know how many times I could have been very intimate with him but I wouldn't. Believe it or not he was still a married man so anything heavy physically was out of the question.  We often snogged and he was frustrated and pushing but I stopped it. I'm no Saint.  I don't deserve applause and I'm sure his wife would not agree but I've not "had him"  in a way that's preserved for your most intimate expression of love.  I wanted him. Every hour of every day but I took that physical need out on my own like a sad lonely woman .   So he's clean for her.   I drowned him with affection and there was sexual chat and for that I'm sorry.   But I'm trying to work on myself .  

 

Sounds like you made a tough decision at the right time ending it. What a host of pain you have avoided.

 

For me the 8 years was because of business,  he's a neighbour next street. 

Him and I grew up in same neighbourhood but I was away 25yrs. He married from 50km away. She mixes with no one so I don't see her.  

 Anyway that's my story. 

 

Do you think I should tell him I accept my part and stop throwing blame at him?

 

After all in cold light of day I'm an adult intelligent human being and I could have quit it way earlier. The support and affection was so hard to turn from but it's not an excuse  

 

 

[Myabee]

18 minutes ago, florrymcgoo said:

Hi Myabee. I'm sorry that happened to you.  That was excruciating with his spouse discovering.    Sounds like you are well out the other side of it now through obviously hard emotional work on your part. I understand the lashing out , I really do. I've had some therapy so that has helped me keep a lid on things with view to exiting as drama free as possible.  Yes you are right. We are all involved when in this triangle.  Tbh I'm glad to date that it's only me suffering. It be worse if innocent party.  Never again.  Can I ask you this if its not too intrusive please. If you'd rather not answer that is obviously totally OK and I thank you for reaching out so far. 

 

1.  Had you anyone you could talk to about it?

2.  Did u get therapy?

 

3.  Did you find this website helpful?

My mom knew about it, and I had already had a therapist. As for finding this site useful,  yes. Then a point came when I had to break from anything affair related so I just took time until I felt grounded again. If you don't mind me asking how long has this gone on with you?  

[florrymcgoo]

36 minutes ago, Myabee said:

My mom knew about it, and I had already had a therapist. As for finding this site useful,  yes. Then a point came when I had to break from anything affair related so I just took time until I felt grounded again. If you don't mind me asking how long has this gone on with you?  

Thank you.  

With cringe factor 8 years. 

Thank you for your feedback 

[glows]

1 hour ago, florrymcgoo said:

Do you think I should tell him I accept my part and stop throwing blame at him?

Do not contact the ex-AP. Give yourself 2-3 weeks and know that this period is when you'll go through a rollercoaster of emotions as with any other break up. Move out of the mentality that you need to do anything else. You have done enough spending way too much time with an unavailable man. Stop finding reasons to keep engaging. Finish with this once and for all and move on.

 

Edited July 5, 2022 by glows

[vla1120]

15 minutes ago, glows said:

Do not contact the ex-AP. Give yourself 2-3 weeks and know that this period is when you'll go through a rollercoaster of emotions as with any other break up. Move out of the mentality that you need to do anything else. You have done enough spending way too much time with an unavailable man. Stop finding reasons to keep engaging. Finish with this once and for all and move on.

 

I agree. The best way to move on and move forward is to stop all contact. Every time there is contact, it will put you back at square one and take that much longer to recover.