acegirl Posted July 5, 2022 Share Posted July 5, 2022 I've (26f) been dating my bf (25m) for 3 almost 4 years and we currently live with his gparents as we couldn't afford to rent elsewhere anymore. They have a plot of land that has another house where his parents live. We've had problems for 2 out of 3 years we've been dating and I don't see things changing- I’ve pretty much given up on making things work anymore. But its extra complicated with us living together, and with his family, and that we have 2 cats together. I have the option of living with my mum but she's 2 hours away so would need to arrange a moving van. And do i stay here till all of my stuff is gone? Or do i go to hers before arranging a van to move out? How do we figure out who gets the cats and if we split them up? I'm a little lost with it all and need some advice- my friends don't have any experience with things like this and my mum has strong opinions and is heavily biased so wouldn't be the best place to go. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 5, 2022 Share Posted July 5, 2022 17 minutes ago, acegirl said: we currently live with his gparents as we couldn't afford to rent elsewhere anymore. Sorry this is happening. What are the problems in the relationship? Unfortunately, yes you need to move out of his grandparents place. Do you work? Have a car? It seems you're concerned about the logistics of moving your stuff? First find a place to live depending on where your job is. Do you have family you can live with that is near where you work or can you find work near family? As far as cats and vans, perhaps you need to have a talk with him about how to manage that and if he'll help you move. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author acegirl Posted July 5, 2022 Author Share Posted July 5, 2022 8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this is happening. What are the problems in the relationship? Unfortunately, yes you need to move out of his grandparents place. Do you work? Have a car? It seems you're concerned about the logistics of moving your stuff? First find a place to live depending on where your job is. Do you have family you can live with that is near where you work or can you find work near family? As far as cats and vans, perhaps you need to have a talk with him about how to manage that and if he'll help you move. Well he cheated on me a month or 2 after we moved in together- in a rented house not his family's place. I haven't been able to trust him since then. It also lead to mental health and financial problems for me which meant we had to move in with his family. I'm a student so rely completely on student loans. I don't drive or have a car. I think I'm pretty certain that the relationship is over and i think he has a hunch too from how he's been acting. I think thats why I'm focusing on the actual moving etc. I spent majority of this relationship thinking we would spend our lives together but we don't connect in the bedroom and he lacks empathy due to his autism and I'm a heavily empathetic person- i only realised recently how important it is for me to have my feelings understood and to feel heard. Like I'm important and special to them. Unfortunately i don't get that from him and that's just something that won't change as it's who he is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 5, 2022 Share Posted July 5, 2022 9 minutes ago, acegirl said: which meant we had to move in with his family. I'm a student so rely completely on student loans. Ok. Check with the university for dormatories, student housing, and affordable accomodations. Work part time. Seek out more financial aid. Connect to fellow students. Ask around if either he or any students with trucks or vans can help you move. Let him have the cats until you figure out your accomodations. You can't continue to live off him and his family. It's not working out. You need to find work. Even if its part time. Check through the university if there are opportunities to make some money. Anything. Babysitting, housecleaning, fast-food, grocery store, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 5, 2022 Share Posted July 5, 2022 (edited) How much stuff do you have at his grandmother's house that you need a moving van? Is it all worth taking with you? I think you should start packing now and move out. You guys have been together since you were 21 and 22. Your relationship has probably run it's course and it's now time to meet other people. You guys are too young to settle down. I agree that you need a part time job. It will give you some financial freedom as well as keep your mind busy so it will be easier to move on from this bf. Edited July 5, 2022 by stillafool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author acegirl Posted July 5, 2022 Author Share Posted July 5, 2022 I've got a lot of stuff, I had completely moved out. I think I'd prefer to just pack it all up so i don't add more time sorting through it all. I'm currently doing a placement as part of my degree so I don't have time to have a job. I would also being living with my mum so I won't need to be stressing about the financial side or where I'm living for a while. I think he's realised too that things aren't going well and wants to talk this weekend so I guess I'll have to see how that goes. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 5, 2022 Share Posted July 5, 2022 Does you mom have room for all your stuff at her place? If not, just put it in storage and move to your mom's now. If you previously had moved out why is your stuff there now? I think it would be fair for each of you to take a cat. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 5, 2022 Share Posted July 5, 2022 Moving to your mother's might be your only option given your situation. I'm sorry things are not working out. Yes, empathy is important in relationships. It sounds like you've been suffering quite a lot in this relationship. End it and move out. It's usually easier to do it in one well-planned move. Do not act hastily or do anything with haste without thinking through with a plan. It may mean gathering the appropriate help and organizing something for your things to be shifted but do things calmly and with sureness. Remember to remove him from any shared accounts or take yourself off of accounts so you share no other bills and aren't liable for anything having to do with him. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 5, 2022 Share Posted July 5, 2022 3 hours ago, acegirl said: I think he's realised too that things aren't going well and wants to talk this weekend so I guess I'll have to see how that goes. Does this mean depending on the conversation you will decide whether you will move or not? Link to post Share on other sites
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