mortensorchid Posted July 5, 2022 Share Posted July 5, 2022 I was talking with a long time friend of mine, he was referencing two old bfs I had who I will call A and B. B was my last really LTR (lasted 2 years), A was the one before that. He said he knew that it wasn't going to work between me and B the first time he met him. And to be sure, it ended because he showed his true colors to me, we were two completely different people, plus he was abusive and cruel despite his so called "nice guy" persona he put forth to one and all. He (my friend) said that B and I were more friends. A was the love of my life. He said that we had such fire and passion for one another than it radiated off of us. Why didn't we marry? He had never been in a long term relationship before and didn't know that the infatuation period wears off and didn't know what to do once it had, and he didn't want to make the commitment. And he never will to me or any other woman apparently. My buddy said that by now A and I would've gotten divorced. So what do I want? I want the fire and passion of A, even if just for a moment. I feel very helpless at times, thinking I will never find love again, I'm too old. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 5, 2022 Share Posted July 5, 2022 You can reminisce and value the time you had with "A"... It seems to bring you joy to remember that "fire and passion". Yes... sometimes the one we really wants gets away and we do have to live with that fact. You may be correct, you may be too old to ever find that "fire and passion" again, but there is still time to find a healthy & enjoyable relationship that brings you simple contentment. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 5, 2022 Share Posted July 5, 2022 I met my guy 3 years ago when I was 54. I wouldn't describe what we have as the fire and passion I experienced when I was in my twenties, but it's something much stronger, deeper and satisfying than I've ever felt before. Don't get hung up on your preconceptions about how you think love should be. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 6, 2022 Share Posted July 6, 2022 I've read that many/most of these "high intensity" relationships tend to burn out rather than turning into true LTRs. The "chemistry" to use a metaphor, is a bit too unstable. There is also the question of "where do you go from up" with these things - ie, they may start at a high but then you become accustomed to that high and it becomes a "rut". 3 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 6, 2022 Share Posted July 6, 2022 While it's nice to walk down memory lane with an old friend who knows you, I'd refrain from going too deep into your personal life or love life with someone else. What your friend is telling you is his impression of what your relationship was and there is absolutely no way for someone else (a third party) to speak for you in terms of what those relationships were behind closed doors. It's fine to banter about and chit chat but change the subject as it's no business of his to be referencing your ex-boyfriends. It's possible he knows nothing and is reminding you of an impression or idealized version of what your relationships were, conflating the fantasy that A was something great. Was there a specific context to the conversation? Good of you to end things with B, the cruel and abusive one as well. People like that have no place in your life. You are not too old to find love - try to remain in the present. Link to post Share on other sites
seapebbles Posted July 6, 2022 Share Posted July 6, 2022 I've had two LTRs as an adult that started as fiery passion. One when I was 39, and the other when I was 48. After ~1-2 years, the fire burned out and I spent many years trying to get that passion back when I should've just moved on. Without the blinding passion, I would've recognized earlier that these guys weren't right for me in the long run. Now, I find myself in, dare I say it, a healthy relationship in my 50s. It's full of love, trust, honesty, respect, and balance. And no drama.... What?! Our passion and excitement is growing over time. It's so different for me and a little frightening if I'm honest. My point is that you can absolutely find love later in life, and that the relationships that start with intense infatuation are great fun, but don't always last and you'll be back where you are now only older. As someone else said, challenge your perception of what love is. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 I don't think that many people end up marrying the one they felt the most passion and spark with. Link to post Share on other sites
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