fred123 Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 (edited) Hi. went out with a girl 2 weeke ago on a nice expensive fancy date. we kissed. She knew before hand i was looking for something casual. After the date she explained how she wouldnt get intimate with a guy unless she knows them very well and that we are both looking for different things. I then said that we shouldnt go on a second date ( was already planned before the first date as it was a restaurant we both wanted to go to- very expensive). She got annoyed and i suggested something maybe cheaper to do. I didnt want to spend £200 on a night out with a girl who had no interest in sleeping with me or being with me and i told her this. i suggested other dates. she wasnt happy esp when i said we can split the costs next time we go out. She then said that i only pay if i get something in return. Well yes il pay for girls who want to date me, who fancy me and who want to get intimate with me etc. She accused me of being tight when i spent £350 on our first date she then sent me this text " If I was treated perfect from the start even if I wasn’t feeling it things could change & then I’d be confident that’s how I wanna be treated and it would just work out well but it’s been abit off from the start 😅" 2 weeks later we had been texting still, i was asking her about whether she knows from the start if she fancies a guy etc. this is what she was saying ydy "Yeah always fancied right from beginning.I have too or it’s not real haha i either do or I don’t & it’s always been instant.I could never let anything grow on me it has to be initial attraction. Its instant or never". This seems a massive contradiction to her earlier text about if i treates her right things could change/grow! wtf?! can someone help? lol Edited July 7, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Shorten title Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 1 hour ago, fred123 said: .went out with a girl 2 weeke ago on a nice expensive fancy date. we kissed. Ok if you are just looking for casual or hookups, choose more casual type of dates, make make the first meeting just coffee or drinks. Why are you still texting her? Do you have plans for another date? Some women could get offended that you seem to imply that because you had a "fancy' dinner, they owe you sex. That type of transactional sentiment can come across as if you are talking to escorts. Link to post Share on other sites
AndyCapp99 Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 You should probably just hire a prostitute. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 2 hours ago, fred123 said: i spent £350 on our first date Why on earth are you spending this much on a first date to begin with? That is way too much. In any case, don't waste more time texting with this woman. You don't want the same things from each other, so there is zero point keeping in touch. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted July 7, 2022 Author Share Posted July 7, 2022 55 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok if you are just looking for casual or hookups, choose more casual type of dates, make make the first meeting just coffee or drinks. Why are you still texting her? Do you have plans for another date? Some women could get offended that you seem to imply that because you had a "fancy' dinner, they owe you sex. That type of transactional sentiment can come across as if you are talking to escorts. think you missed the point. she has contradicted her self. first telling me that if i treat her right feelings can grow. then telling me she knows from the beginning if she likes someone and that it cant grow. shes wasting my time Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 29 minutes ago, fred123 said: shes wasting my time True. Just bow out and then delete and block her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 Fred, as much as you were playing her by spending that much money on a date hoping/expecting to get sex - she is also playing you. Such is life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted July 7, 2022 Author Share Posted July 7, 2022 20 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Fred, as much as you were playing her by spending that much money on a date hoping/expecting to get sex - she is also playing you. Such is life. again. yes it was expensive but i wanted a nice night out anyways. the point i was making is she lies to be by saying that her feelings can change if a guy treats her right. then last night just talking about her previous guys and how she feels about attraction, she says that it has to be instant and that it cant grow if its not there lmao. she just wanted me to treat her to nice dinners KNOWING she doesnt fancy me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 (edited) 2 minutes ago, fred123 said: she just wanted me to treat her to nice dinners KNOWING she doesnt fancy me. Quite possibly. The learning for you here Fred - that way too much for a girl you don’t know/are not dating. Spending that much money on a girl won’t buy her affection - it won’t get you sex. Edited July 7, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted July 7, 2022 Author Share Posted July 7, 2022 1 minute ago, BaileyB said: Quite possibly. The learning for you here Fred - that way too much for a girl you don’t know/are not dating. Spending that much money on a girl won’t buy her affection - it won’t get you sex. yes. but tbh i could have taken her to nandos or something. i dont care about the money. i had a good time. Its just the fact that she lied to me saying that if a guy treats her well she can change her feelings. But she then said she has to like them from the beginning and can never change. I even said to her "why would i want to date a girl who isnt into me from the start?!" Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 (edited) Fred, I’m like you - if she knew she wasn’t interested, she shouldn’t have accepted your offer to go to dinner. I don’t disagree. That said, people don’t always know immediately whether they are interested or not. Sometimes attraction does grow with time - this is the reason why we date… What’s more, the world isn’t black and white. Human beings are complex and seldom predictable. This is life - people say and do different things sometimes. You have got to learn to roll with the punches sometimes… Edited July 7, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 3 hours ago, fred123 said: i wanted a nice night out anyways. she just wanted me to treat her to nice dinners KNOWING she doesnt fancy me. Ok, this is on you if you "wanted a nice night out". If you suggest coffee/a drink next time you date someone you wouldn't feel as 'used' that she didn't want sex/a second date. Make a policy to yourself of no fancy /expensive dates until rapport and interest is clearly established.. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 (edited) 7 hours ago, fred123 said: She then sent me this text " If I was treated perfect from the start even if I wasn’t feeling it things could change & then I’d be confident that’s how I wanna be treated and it would just work out 4 hours ago, fred123 said: she has contradicted her self. first telling me that if i treat her right feelings can grow. then telling me she knows from the beginning if she likes someone and that it cant grow. shes wasting my time It amazes me how entitled young women have become, geez! What she's saying is - spend enough money on me and I might consider allowing you to continue dating me.😳 My advice is stay away from women like this, and I'm a woman! Feelings don't grow because a man spends money on us, don't ever fall for that, it's BS and manipulative. Toss this one back and aim higher. Edited July 7, 2022 by poppyfields 3 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 (edited) 7 hours ago, fred123 said: she wasnt happy esp when i said we can split the costs next time we go out. She then said that i only pay if i get something in return I neglected to add this^. Pretty much says it all, girl is an entitled you know what. Hard next. Edited July 7, 2022 by poppyfields Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 7 hours ago, fred123 said: She accused me of being tight when i spent £350 on our first date And this^. OK done lol, said my piece. 😀 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 (edited) Oops, one last thing. If you expect sex in return for spending money, expect pushback. And the advice to hire an escort wasn't that far off. So in a sense you were both entitled, she expects you to spend $$$ and you expect sex in return for doing so. Sounds like a transactional arrangement versus a romantic date, which is not appealing to most women. Agree with others about spending too much on early dates. If a woman complains like this girl did, immediate next. Edited July 7, 2022 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 She knew that you were looking for something casual and yet she went out with you to an expensive dinner and described your differences. That should tell you everything you need to know. Don't keep engaging with someone or messaging with someone with whom you're not on the same page. She has contradicted herself more than once in this brief interaction. Keep things more light and never discuss who pays or splitting the bill. It's generally in poor taste, regardless of the situation. Bow out in future and remain respectful with your date or whomever you're seeing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 She went for the free dinner 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted July 7, 2022 Author Share Posted July 7, 2022 7 hours ago, poppyfields said: It amazes me how entitled young women have become, geez! What she's saying is - spend enough money on me and I might consider allowing you to continue dating me.😳 My advice is stay away from women like this, and I'm a woman! Feelings don't grow because a man spends money on us, don't ever fall for that, it's BS and manipulative. Toss this one back and aim higher. thank you. i think you understood my point. im not worried about expecting sex or my entitlement to sex, i really dont care about that. But yes you literally have hit the nail on the head which i didnt like about her 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted July 7, 2022 Author Share Posted July 7, 2022 7 hours ago, poppyfields said: Oops, one last thing. If you expect sex in return for spending money, expect pushback. And the advice to hire an escort wasn't that far off. So in a sense you were both entitled, she expects you to spend $$$ and you expect sex in return for doing so. Sounds like a transactional arrangement versus a romantic date, which is not appealing to most women. Agree with others about spending too much on early dates. If a woman complains like this girl did, immediate next. again im not complaining about the sex or lack of. Just the fact that she expected me to keep treating her to change her mind about me, when all along she admitted that she isnt the type of girl to change her feelings if it isnt there from the start. thats my annoyance that she has lied. £350 btw is a lot but for me its not really much. so i dont care about these things as much Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 7 hours ago, poppyfields said: It amazes me how entitled young women have become, geez! How old is she? That may explain it. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 Just now, fred123 said: again im not complaining about the sex or lack of. Just the fact that she expected me to keep treating her to change her mind about me, when all along she admitted that she isnt the type of girl to change her feelings if it isnt there from the start. thats my annoyance that she has lied. I understand and yes she lied. Liars typically are unable to keep their stories straight, as evidenced here. Have you nexted her? I see nothing good or positive here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted July 7, 2022 Share Posted July 7, 2022 Just now, stillafool said: How old is she? That may explain it. Yeah, I was curious about this myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted July 7, 2022 Author Share Posted July 7, 2022 13 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Yeah, I was curious about this myself. 22 Link to post Share on other sites
Author fred123 Posted July 8, 2022 Author Share Posted July 8, 2022 8 hours ago, poppyfields said: I neglected to add this^. Pretty much says it all, girl is an entitled you know what. Hard next. i meant she told me that " you only pay for dates if you get something in return". I said yes i do. why would i pay for her when she already said she isnt interested in me and wants to be friends?! Link to post Share on other sites
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