ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 (edited) Whatever may or may not have happened between them is not really relevant now, if you believe your husband. But you seem to want posters here to assure you that it's not because your husband cheated on you. That is the impression I am getting. Do you truly believe him? It seems you have some doubts, if you are still twisting yourself into knots trying to figure out what is motivating her. In fact, you have repeated a few times that you believe it's because she didn't get what she wanted - but are you trying to convince us, or yourself? In any event, the problem at hand now is her continued inappropriate behaviour. Why she is doing it doesn't change the fact that she is still doing it. That is where I would shift your energy. Document all of it and consult an attorney, if you haven't already. You may need to take stronger action if she insists on harrassing you. Edited July 9, 2022 by ExpatInItaly 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 Yes, I'd like to help you, but I'm not sure if my advice was what you are looking for. Can you clarify what you're looking for? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 I also recall the previous post. Did your husband ever explain why he grabbed your phone and deleted texts? Either way, whether he cheated or whether he’s totally innocent, once you decided to stay with him, you need to leave this town and move away from this woman. She’s bad news. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Myabee Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 11 hours ago, peachpie said: wanted a happy neighborhood. I am the victim here. Does any possibility exist for you to ignore this woman and focus solely on your life with your family on the other side of the fence? Link to post Share on other sites
Author peachpie Posted July 9, 2022 Author Share Posted July 9, 2022 (edited) 3 hours ago, Myabee said: Does any possibility exist for you to ignore this woman and focus solely on your life with your family on the other side of the fence? Paragraph 7 says we’ve ignored her for the past 2.5 years she is a sick woman who is so jealous of me and she needs to create a storyline . Torn heart answered me. she is a sexual woman who always got her way, but not this time [] Edited July 9, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Off topic Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 (edited) 14 hours ago, peachpie said: She told one set of neighbors that I lost my mind and started stealing from her and that is why she’s not speaking to me anymore and that’s why she needs the cameras. Try to ignore hearsay and neighborhood gossip. She and her husband have every right to install whatever security system they want for whatever reasons they wish. You and your husband hopefully have an appropriate home security system with adequate property lighting and video surveillance. This seems like a nuisance neighbor dispute/issue more so than any type of affair. Go about your business and if these neighbors disturb you in an illegal way, contact police. You seem to have a contemptuous attitude toward your husband, so that may be a place to start. In your own four walls rather than this feud with the neighbors. Edited July 9, 2022 by Wiseman2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peachpie Posted July 9, 2022 Author Share Posted July 9, 2022 When I became aware of the secret friendship 2.5 years ago, I thought it was an affair, simply because my husband had no evidence to prove otherwise and this woman, who pretended to be my friend for 18 years, offered no evidence. All I had was a phone bill of 100s of secret correspondence. She hid from me like a frightened mistress. It was like she was scared and ashamed and couldn't face me. I ignored her as I did not want to give her the satisfaction that I needed answers. Months and months and months passed in silence. Any rational person would want to protect their own reputation and NOT let another woman assume she was in an affair with her husband - whether she was an affair or not. It was confusing to me why an "innocent" woman would act this way - scared, frightened, hiding. I am seeing now she wanted to hurt me be pretending it was an affair. We ignored her. Months and months passed. The silence evolved to harassment - false police report, false restraining order attempt... We ignored her. It evolved into cameras, weed dumping, pointing signs at us... We ignore her. Her behavior is bizarre and I agree with posters on here that this is about a nutcase neighbor and she is proving to me each day that it wasn't an affair. From what 've read on here, the OW are women who are peaceful people and never harass the wife. This woman is not fitting the OW category. I think it means more to her to hurt me and destroy my marriage rather than have a little dignity and pride and be a woman and show me the texts. She has me thinking it was an affair via her actions but she has my neighbors and her husband thinking I am a thief threatening murder. She is creating the victim storyline for herself. People say "she doesn't owe you an explanation" - well, a decent person would feel she owed the wife that courtesy and respect, but alas, she's not a decent person. Link to post Share on other sites
RebeccaR Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 I am curious why you ask us if this sounds like an affair while at the same time maintaining you believe your husband. If you believe him, there’s no reason to ask. Is your husband equally appalled by your neighbor’s harassment (which is extreme and very disturbing)? Or does he downplay it? You ask if her behavior is typical of poachers. Honestly, this level of harassment doesn’t sound typical of affairs or other relationships. She sounds crazy, in your description. But you have been neighbors for 20 years or so. Was she always crazy? Again, if you want this to end, you need to move. I hope your husband is supportive of this because even if he didn’t have an affair, he was deceptive and not blameless. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 56 minutes ago, peachpie said: the OW are women who are peaceful people and never harass the wife Absolutely not always true. But confirmation bias is a thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, peachpie said: People say "she doesn't owe you an explanation" - well, a decent person would feel she owed the wife that courtesy and respect, but alas, she's not a decent person. I mean, her current behavior is pretty outrageous, but as far as the above quote is concerned: Your beef is with your husband, not her. You found an inappropriate number of texts between them, and you never got to read them because they were deleted. Hm. What’s your Hs explanation for this? It does seem shady, and I’m not sure you’ve got the full truth here, unfortunately. What’s strange is the fact that her husband is partaking in what you call harassment. Why is he supportive of his wife, if she acts that crazy? He seems to be quite supportive of her, while your H tries to stay out of it to keep the peace. A big difference/contrast between the two guys’ behaviors. Would it be helpful if the two men spoke in private in order to resolve this? Because the women in this scenario seem to be very emotionally involved and kinda stuck. This is just an idea. Not sure it’s doable, but it might help, depending on how involved the husbands are. But it can’t be fun for them either so they may be somewhat motivated to make an effort with one another? Edited July 9, 2022 by BrinnM 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 (edited) On 7/8/2022 at 12:35 PM, peachpie said: What is your opinion on why she is doing this? Perhaps if you had told your husband to simply decline her requests to go over and help or told your husband to stop texting with the woman rather than confronting her, you wouldn’t find yourself in this conflict now. On 7/8/2022 at 12:35 PM, peachpie said: My husband treats me like a queen, we've been married 30 years, have 2 great kids, a beautiful home. I have a great career and great extended family and a great life. Well then, focus on your own life/family and ignore the woman as you say that you have been doing. If that doesn’t work, move. Hopefully your husband has learned from this experience the importance of maintaining a healthy boundary with your next neighbour. Edited July 9, 2022 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 24 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Perhaps if you had told your husband to simply decline her requests to go over and help or told your husband to stop texting with the woman rather than confronting her, you wouldn’t find yourself in this conflict now. Apology, I’ve just re-read your original post and it doesn’t appear that you confronted her. It’s your tone in this discussion that is rather confrontational. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 (edited) 4 hours ago, peachpie said: Any rational person would want to protect their own reputation and NOT let another woman assume she was in an affair with her husband - whether she was an affair or not. A rational person would understand that you can not control what this woman does/does not believe. 4 hours ago, peachpie said: From what 've read on here, the OW are women who are peaceful people and never harass the wife. Untrue. Edited July 9, 2022 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 (edited) 23 hours ago, peachpie said: She would have my husband in her home to help her with little chores her own husband could do. I think she wanted something to start with my husband but it never did. My husband is kind of an airhead and I don’t think he was thinking the way she was thinking. I’ve been with him 30 years and he’s never cheated on me. He just isn’t that type of guy. He has no game. Lol Your husband is kind of an airhead, yet remembered to delete hundreds of texts consistently over the years of contact with this woman? Never mentioned doing her bidding, being invited over for lunches, having phone calls? Not once? And then this woman goes apeshit... This isn't adding up to me. I think your husband has been given a pass because of how crazy this woman's behavior has been, but why would she be so invested if he didn't do anything untoward? Why the secrecy if no shenanigans happened? I just don't believe it is as simple as your husband being completely innocent. I'm guessing the truth may be somewhere in the middle of their two versions of events. In either case, I agree with the other posters that if you can't mentally ignore the contemptuous energy coming from her direction, you need to move for your own sanity and well-being. Edited July 9, 2022 by healing light 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
heartwhole2 Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 I think you're asking the wrong question, or at least, asking the questions in the wrong order. You're wondering if there's more to the story just based on the fact that she has been acting so crazy. But most people don't act this way, even when they have a good reason to, like being dumped by their affair partner. She has serious issues and has no problem lying to the police. She seems highly disordered from your description, and your main concern should be your safety today. It's highly unlikely your husband deleted innocent chitchat. At the very least, she flirted shamelessly and he allowed it. But probably he engaged in some way as well, saying "haha you wish" or whatever. You can ask him to take a polygraph if you need to know for sure. I would say, though, that if they had slept together, you'd think she would be shouting that from the rooftops in order to get her revenge on you. So I don't think it was physical, at least not very much. But the only two people who know are she and he. I would seriously consider moving. You don't need a crazy neighbor who has a vendetta against you. In the meantime, document, document, document. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 (edited) 9 hours ago, peachpie said: From what 've read on here, the OW are women who are peaceful people and never harass the wife. This woman is not fitting the OW category. Kindly, she's doing nothing to prove it wasn't an affair. If anything, I believe her behaviour fits neatly in the box of an incensed OW who's furious that her affair partner didn't come good on his promises to leave his wife. OW aren't a uniform group of people who hide discreetly in the shadows. And as you say, if it wasn't an affair, it's more likely she would have tried to repair things with you. That said, you believe your husband and that is OK. But out of curiosity, what's he doing to help manage the situation and keep you safe? Edited July 9, 2022 by basil67 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author peachpie Posted July 10, 2022 Author Share Posted July 10, 2022 (edited) My husband and I have been happily married 30 years, with this hiccup of an unscrupulous neighbor taking advantage of a kind man who was home alone. YES, I am MAD at my husband over it, but marriage counselors have determined it was not emotional or sexual - I'm sure they exchanged innuendos, though. I KNOW he's the problem here. Women should support each other [ ] and that's what I expected of my neighbor of 18 years. What she and my husband did to me was WRONG, and her bullying/harassing ME is wrong and she is showing her true colors of her jealousy towards me. She doesn't mean anything to my husband as he did nothing to salvage their friendship, either. He dumped her like a hot potato. I am not longer going to be using this message board as I got my answers - she's not mentally well and I don't deserve her abuse. She is showing it wasn't an affair as she is drawing too much attention to herself. She's looking to trigger us, and it hasn't worked. Her husband left her, apparently. She has a bitter life and is an attention seeker and drama queen. I am lucky and blessed that our marriage dodged this bullet, and I wish you all peace. Edited July 10, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator civility 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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