ShyViolet Posted July 9, 2022 Share Posted July 9, 2022 It's really sad, after reading all this, that your main thought was "am I the problem?" You sound like you have really low self-esteem. It's time for you to move on from this lazy man-child, seriously. You've settled for this for way too long due to your low self-esteem but it's time to recognize that and put a stop to this insanity. When the lease is up, move out and break up with him. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julie G Posted July 10, 2022 Author Share Posted July 10, 2022 7 hours ago, Versacehottie said: It feels like you are his mom not his girlfriend. No wonder you are exhausted and not feeling great. I don't think there is any way back from this. He's a burden to you. I would think you'd lost all respect for him but questioning if you are the problem sort of points to you having little or lost respect for yourself. So technically I wouldn't say you are the problem, of course but you need to have a more elevated/high standards conversation with yourself (and build on it by improving your self esteem) as it took 2 people to get into this stiuation. That's important so you don't get into another dependent sort of relationship or one that really is not great for you. You have to also tell yourself that you have and are growing and will continue to grow but this guy is not showing you that for himself or the relationship so the relationship has run its course. Good luck I have also felt the same way. I have told him before that I feel more like a mother or babysitter, but I'm not sure he really understood it since his parents were never really in the picture (raised by grandparents for the most part) I grew up in a toxic household and struggled to overcome a lot of the issues I received from it. But yes, I have ended up regressing and struggling with a lot of those issues again such as respect for myself and self love/worth. Even my sense of identity has become confusing these days. I agree with you that I definitely need to get back to a healthy mental state and work on myself so that I don't get into any other relationships that aren't healthy again. I hate that I didn't recognize that I was losing these things, and the responses have helped me realize that even if he says he will change, this relationship won't work. It's not just him, I also have to work on myself to regain that respect and self love. Thank you for your response, I appreciate it 😁 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Julie G Posted July 10, 2022 Author Share Posted July 10, 2022 5 hours ago, ShyViolet said: It's really sad, after reading all this, that your main thought was "am I the problem?" You sound like you have really low self-esteem. It's time for you to move on from this lazy man-child, seriously. You've settled for this for way too long due to your low self-esteem but it's time to recognize that and put a stop to this insanity. When the lease is up, move out and break up with him. I have also realized this after reading these responses. I am grateful to all the advice and opinions shared that have opened my eyes more I have always struggles with my self-esteem, but I made progress about a year before I started this relationship. I didn't realize until now that it got so low again. I appreciate you pointing this out and helping me recognize more about myself. I appreciate the response😁 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 10, 2022 Share Posted July 10, 2022 11 hours ago, Julie G said: I am 23 and he is 24. He did not want a full time job as he claims it is hard on his foot. I don't know what's wrong with his foot other than an ingrown toenail that was taken out, so I don't really know. Wow, that's the funniest excuse I've ever heard, and I'm heard some doozies... There are plenty of jobs that can be done sitting down, lol. I'm doing one of them right now! 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 10, 2022 Share Posted July 10, 2022 10 hours ago, Julie G said: I have also realized this after reading these responses. I am grateful to all the advice and opinions shared that have opened my eyes more I have always struggles with my self-esteem, but I made progress about a year before I started this relationship. I didn't realize until now that it got so low again. I appreciate you pointing this out and helping me recognize more about myself. I appreciate the response😁 Move on. Just make the changes without doubting yourself too much. He’s complacent and manipulative because you allow it. With your history of abusive and manipulative relationships I’d be careful letting people in. Don’t feel bad about leaving this guy behind. You’ve got better ahead of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 10, 2022 Share Posted July 10, 2022 (edited) 10 hours ago, Julie G said: I hate that I didn't recognize that I was losing these things You have realized it now - that’s something. 10 hours ago, Julie G said: the responses have helped me realize that even if he says he will change, this relationship won't work. Past history would demonstrate otherwise. Saying he will change and actually getting a job, getting out the door every morning, doing household tasks, and putting the video games down is something else entirely. As you have learned, you can talk until you are blue in the face but it’s his decision to get off the sofa and do something with his life. 10 hours ago, Julie G said: It's not just him, I also have to work on myself to regain that respect and self love. Good for you! Wish you well Julie. Edited July 10, 2022 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted July 11, 2022 Share Posted July 11, 2022 Well ... in a sense, you ARE the problem. His behavior is not your responsibility, but you are staying in this relationship and also helping it to remain like this by enabling him. You doing all those tasks and driving him around so he is able to do absolutely nothing but game all day is pure enabling. So, it's your problem that you're playing that big enabling role which maintains this status quo. You are your own problem, because clearly this is not working for you (who would it work for??) yet you are bending over backwards to keep it going. Stop! 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kyra Posted July 22, 2022 Share Posted July 22, 2022 He will not change because he has no incentive to. He's getting everything he wants so why would he change or put any effort in? He'll only get worse. You're right, he doesn't respect you or really care about you. But that's on him. You are worthy of respect so kick him out and find someone who will treat you as you deserve Link to post Share on other sites
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