Wiseman2 Posted July 10, 2022 Share Posted July 10, 2022 7 hours ago, Lessthan said: I think he is a lost cause. He got physically violent early which I can’t tolerate. Sorry this is happening. This is not about his friends. Do you have children? How long have you been married? Get to a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Discuss the abuse frankly. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. Be honest about the abuse, don't sidestep it with this issue of his friends wife.. Do not tell your husband. Next consult an attorney for a consultation and your options in divorce. Do not tell your husband and never threaten divorce. An abusive marriage is a completely different problem than simply disliking his friends. Start by getting help and information about that. Do you have trusted friends and family you can confide in about the abuse? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lessthan Posted July 10, 2022 Author Share Posted July 10, 2022 7 hours ago, BaileyB said: He apparently cares more about his friend and his new wife than his spouse. That would not be ok. There is room to compromise here - but not if he acts like this! I think you know what you need to do. Is this the first time he has been physically violent with you? I’m just wondering if this extreme reaction is atypical or if there have been other signs previously. I find it hard to believe that he has just cracked all the sudden. No. He is a veteran and has PTSD. He had gotten help before but doesn’t seem to acknowledge how bad his behavior is now. He seems in denial that he unnecessarily escalated the fight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lessthan Posted July 10, 2022 Author Share Posted July 10, 2022 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this is happening. This is not about his friends. Do you have children? How long have you been married? Get to a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Discuss the abuse frankly. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support. Be honest about the abuse, don't sidestep it with this issue of his friends wife.. Do not tell your husband. Next consult an attorney for a consultation and your options in divorce. Do not tell your husband and never threaten divorce. An abusive marriage is a completely different problem than simply disliking his friends. Start by getting help and information about that. Do you have trusted friends and family you can confide in about the abuse? We don’t have kids. I do not have friends or family. He is all I have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lessthan Posted July 10, 2022 Author Share Posted July 10, 2022 6 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Something tells me there is much more to this than you not wanting to see someone's honeymoon pics. And here it is. What on earth happened? What is really going on in this marriage, OP? You speak about this as though it's not the first time he's been violent. How often does this happen? He’s had never grabbed my throat and arms like this before. This was the most extreme he’s ever gotten. It doesn’t happen very often but I’ve learned when to deescalate the situation and usually leave before he gets too mad. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 10, 2022 Share Posted July 10, 2022 5 minutes ago, Lessthan said: I do not have friends or family. He is all I have Why is this? Has he isolated from them? 1 minute ago, Lessthan said: He’s had never grabbed my throat and arms like this before. This gives me chills, Lessthan. This man is dangerous. It doesn't matter if he'd never been this violent, because he has now. And it appears he has abused you before. This is abuse, full stop. Have you got a safe place you can go? A hotel? An Air B&B? Do you work and can you support yourself to get yourself away from him? The problems in your marriage have nothing to do with his buddy's wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lessthan Posted July 10, 2022 Author Share Posted July 10, 2022 6 hours ago, Acacia98 said: If you were not married, my first response to you would have said that you should break up with him. You see, the way he was treating you seemed so wrong to me that I felt your relationship was dead. Out of respect for the fact that you were married, though, I decided to ask for more information about your relationship first. You didn't answer most of my questions, but your indication that he turned violent tells me everything I need to know. I don't know why your husband is behaving the way he's behaving. But I know that the behavior you describe is both abnormal and unacceptable. If I had to guess, I'd say he had a substance abuse issue or was having an affair or was typically abusive or had developed a mental health issue. Thank you. I know this time it’s different. I just wasn’t sure if I was being so unreasonable about this friend’s wife thing. What I’ve learned here is that I’m not and it’s a big mess. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 10, 2022 Share Posted July 10, 2022 25 minutes ago, Lessthan said: We don’t have kids. I do not have friends or family. He is all I have. Do you work? Have a car? How old is he? How long have you been married? Why are you afraid to divorce/leave if he is frequently violent? Try calling a domestic violence organization for information and support. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 10, 2022 Share Posted July 10, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Lessthan said: I just wasn’t sure if I was being so unreasonable about this friend’s wife thing. You were not unreasonable. There are other solutions. As discussed, you could in some circumstances socialize with the woman politely. But, the better compromise would just be for him to meet with his friend and/or his friend and his wife alone. His response was disproportionate to the situation. The fact that you don’t want to get together with his friends’s wife does not warrant physical violence. Nothing warrants physical violence. This is not really about the friends. This is a much bigger issue than that. I’m sorry that this is happening. Please stay safe. Edited July 10, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lessthan Posted July 10, 2022 Author Share Posted July 10, 2022 2 hours ago, BaileyB said: You were not unreasonable. There are other solutions. As discussed, you could in some circumstances socialize with the woman politely. But, the better compromise would just be for him to meet with his friend and/or his friend and his wife alone. His response was disproportionate to the situation. The fact that you don’t want to get together with his friends’s wife does not warrant physical violence. Nothing warrants physical violence. This is not really about the friends. This is a much bigger issue than that. I’m sorry that this is happening. Please stay safe. Thank you. I don’t think people realize how much kindness from strangers is important to people like me who have no family or friends. Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted July 10, 2022 Share Posted July 10, 2022 Okay - not only is he disloyal by throwing you under the bus, now he’s also physically violent. My first thought: I’m glad you don’t have children with this man. Time for an exit plan. There’s no coming back from this. Do you have your own income? Link to post Share on other sites
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