ggazoo75 Posted July 10, 2022 Share Posted July 10, 2022 (edited) So the past 6 months I was in a FWB type of relationship with this woman. She said that she wanted to “keep her boundaries” by not telling me if she was sleeping with anyone else. I should have stopped it right there. As the months passed however, we started to become really close. We’d both say how much we loved each other (“in love” was never used), and the sex was amazing. So, in my mind, I was led to believe that it was just me. When I asked if there was anyone else, she said that I could not ask that. Boundaries. After we had sex for the last time (which I was not aware was the last time until she told me after), we went out for dinner. Strictly platonic as we both wanted to try just being friends. It looked like something was wrong though. The next day she said that it was “time to stop”. Then, 2 weeks later… she has a boyfriend. I tend to think that this new guy was around long before… even when I was with her. While I knew the situation going in, we became so close. But she still kept the secrets. Would never answer my question about other people. Even got angry when I did. It was such a painful grey area to be in. Now that it’s over, the thought of her with someone else… someone who she may been sleeping with while she was with me… has caused me so much anxiety, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I want to let it go and move on. I know I’m only hurting myself here. I’m so confused. How should I feel about this? Edited July 10, 2022 by ggazoo75 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 10, 2022 Share Posted July 10, 2022 You should feel however you feel, OP. There is no "should" when it comes to feelings. Having said that, you are right that you should have stopped everything when you realized your and her boundaries were so different. Her refusing to let you know if she was seeing or sleeping with anyone else was your cue that she didn't intend on getting serious with you, and she probably was dating around this whole time. You weren't a couple so it was not cheating, and she didn't seem to have promised you anything, so she was indeed free to do what she wanted. It sucks that you wound up getting hurt, but she had to be finally be honest with you and call it off. At least now you know that this sort of arrangement isn't a good idea for you. You seemed to get attached, which is understandable, but that tells you that FWB is just not a constructive choice for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 10, 2022 Share Posted July 10, 2022 8 hours ago, ggazoo75 said: we both wanted to try just being friends. 2 weeks later… she has a boyfriend. Sorry this happened. Unfortunately nebulous situationships such as FWB rarely end well. Someone eventually gets hurt. How did you find out she has a BF now? It's best not to try to stay friends. Delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. It seems like you dodged a bullet if she's playing musical beds and wouldn't be forthcoming about that at least for the sake of STD safety. Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 10, 2022 Share Posted July 10, 2022 In my past, I've been in a couple of FWB relationships. I accepted the terms & conditions and was a willing participate. I knew going into it, that the FWB could end at any point and without explanation. Again, I accepted this. I kind of thought of it as "free sex" meaning I got to enjoy myself without all of the hassles, time constraints or expense of dating someone. One woman had her own business and was very busy running it, at that time I was busy working on a house -- trying to flip it. She'd call me up, I'd shower & go over there. We'd both get off and I'd go happy -- with a smile on my face. It lasted about 18 months and she ended it... no problem -- I just moved on. Try to remember the fun you had, then shower up, get out there and go find the next woman!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted July 10, 2022 Share Posted July 10, 2022 I've had several long-term FWB relationships (6 months to 6+ years), and all went well and ended well. No problems, no drama, no hurt - sometimes a little disappointment that we couldn't continue, but always for valid reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted July 10, 2022 Share Posted July 10, 2022 (edited) You made the agreement that it was sex and nothing more. you should have understood that anything more “was extra”. Who paid for dinner when you went out? in any FWB situation - it’s sex. Nothing more - nothing less. if you get attached - then this scenario isn’t ideal for you. why aren’t you dating someone? again - who paid for the dinner? Edited July 10, 2022 by S2B Link to post Share on other sites
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