Crushing on my neighbor.

[ceeceebloom]

My neighbor lives two floors below me and he's a fine man. I used to notice him walking around here and there but he never actually got my attention the way he does now.

He's very attractive, physically. Very in shape and he got that mysterious vibe about him that I really like. We never actually talked to one another but we've bumped into each other sereval times, so, yeah, he knows I exist.

One time on a very hot summer day, I brought down a bottle of water with me to fill a bowl that I put out for cats to drink (I love cats more than any other living thing in the world), that's when I saw him standing at the block entrance beside an older woman that I assumed was his mom, I greeted them, then I proceeded to fill that plastic bowl with water, slightly feeling ashamed, what if they don't like cats and I'm bringing them to the block, plus the fact that he lives in the first floor, but I could see him, from the corner of my eye, just standing there and watching me, while the other woman was busy making a phone call.

Later  on, after I got back from work in the afternoon, I saw my girl neighbor, we talked for a minute, she said she saw me filling the bowl with water from her balcony, she also said that minutes after I left, she saw the handsome gentleman bringing some leftover grilled chicken outside, and bending down to call out the stray cats. He. Was. Feeding. The. Cats.

I never thought I would feel this way for anyone, but the second I learned that, I fell for him. Honestly.

I wanted to know more about him, I'm a shy girl so I don't really talk to guys. I learned that he works at a kiosk nearby after seeing him standing there, smoking a cigarette when I was buying some stuff across the street, I was happy to see him and surprised that I haven't noticed he works there all this time, I walked to the block and stopped at the entrance to check the mailbox when he entered right after me and walked behind me to his apartment door, slowly checking his keys to open it. I quickly wrote a little scinario in my head where he notices me walking across the street, he throws away his lit cigarette and follows me to the block. He followed me, or maybe he just felt bored and decided to get back to his apartment without even knowing I was walking few feet in front of him.

I don't even dare to look up in his eyes or smile at him, let alone talk to him. I'm too shy to do so, too insecure, especially that I'm not that attractive. I'm chubby and awkward, wearing glasses and cheap clothes, always rushing to work and bringing groceries. How to know that he's really admiring me (if he's noticing me at all)? If not, how to get him to notice me without being too obvious? Knowing that I walk past his kiosk everyday now.

[Happy Lemming]

7 minutes ago, ceeceebloom said:

I'm chubby and awkward...

How do you know this guy doesn't find you attractive?? 

Many years ago, I had just moved to a new town (and new apartment complex) when I met a wonderful Latina woman.  She was chubby, but pretty and fun to be around.  At that time, I was training for a marathon... so I was quite thin.

Apparently, she saw me move in and the next time I went to the laundry, she came down and also threw in a load of laundry.  We started chit-chatting and she started flirting a bit, so I asked her out.  "M" knew all of the great Mexican restaurants in the area.  We had a lot of fun and dated for a while.

I imagine if you saw him again, you could use your shared "love of animals - stray cats" as an ice breaker and attempt to talk to this guy.  Flirt a bit... see if he asks you out.  And there is nothing wrong with you asking him out -- if he doesn't pick up on your flirting, etc.

[salparadise]

You have to take some initiative in spite of being shy. Green-light... eye contact and a subtle, wry smile should do the trick. Nothing ventured... I thought women were born knowing these things.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, ceeceebloom said:

I walk past his kiosk everyday now.

Why not buy something from the kiosk and have some friendly casual small talk? 

[ceeceebloom]

Update: so I got back from work and saw him getting back as well so I rushed to walk behind him hoping to meet him at the entrance of the block and maybe make some eye contact as you guys told me to do, but when I made it to the block I was few seconds late, he already opened his apartment door (or was it already open), he threw a quick glance at me then got inside -I heard voices of people inside- and he slammed the door behind him, I don't know if it was intentional or if it was the wind but that was harsh and it kinda broke me. I guess he doesn't like me the way I do. Thank God I didn't initiate anything sooner.

 

 

 

 

 

[Happy Lemming]

4 hours ago, ceeceebloom said:

I heard voices of people inside- and he slammed the door behind him, I don't know if it was intentional or if it was the wind but that was harsh and it kinda broke me.

You have no idea why he slammed the door.  He may have been upset with the other people in his apartment.  The people inside the apartment could have been relatives & upset him about anything.  (I do remember one Thanksgiving dinner - many, many years ago when my sister upset me, when I got home I slammed the door so hard -- the plaster cracked and dust fell.) 

I think you are jumping to conclusions. 

4 hours ago, ceeceebloom said:

 I guess he doesn't like me the way I do.

You don't know that... Again, you are jumping to conclusions. 

My guess is the people in the apartment upset him, he had to run out and get or do something  (related to his guests) and really didn't want to discuss it with you or anyone else.

If I'm in a crappy mood, I'll avoid my neighbors; as I just don't feel like putting on a "happy face" and trying to exchange pleasantries.

[vla1120]

6 hours ago, ceeceebloom said:

I heard voices of people inside- and he slammed the door behind him, I don't know if it was intentional or if it was the wind but that was harsh and it kinda broke me. I guess he doesn't like me the way I do. Thank God I didn't initiate anything sooner.

Who knows? Maybe he was reacting to the people inside his apartment. You don't know that he doesn't like you. I would go to his kiosk to buy something and strike up a conversation. Maybe invite him out for a casual drink. The worst that could happen would be that he says "no" and you move on with your life - nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?  It could be your first step toward being less shy. 

[Johnjohnson2017]

My guess he was just having a bad day. It has nothing to do with you.

Next time you see him, if the opportunity arises, just say Hi and smile. Just simply saying hi opens up an opportunity to start a conversation. It doesn't have to be a deep one right away. You will probably run into each other many times during the coming year. This will give you an opportunity to gauge whether he has any romantic interest in you.

Edited July 12, 2022 by Johnjohnson2017
another person replied

[ceeceebloom]

The reason I thought he doesn't like me is not because he slammed the door, but because he saw me right before slamming it.

If I were him and I saw someone I like, even while having a bad day, I'd be the nicest because seeing that person would take away some of the anger or the sadness. But if I saw someone I don't really care about then I'd act the same way he did. But I don't know if men act the same way as women.

I like him though, and we're still neighbors anyway, we'll see :)

Thank you for your time and answers.

[Wiseman2]

Bite the bullet and buy something at his kiosk. Why not? At least you'll make a friend.

[Stret]

24 minutes ago, ceeceebloom said:

The reason I thought he doesn't like me is not because he slammed the door, but because he saw me right before slamming it.

If I were him and I saw someone I like, even while having a bad day, I'd be the nicest because seeing that person would take away some of the anger or the sadness. But if I saw someone I don't really care about then I'd act the same way he did. But I don't know if men act the same way as women.

I like him though, and we're still neighbors anyway, we'll see

Thank you for your time and answers.

Hi might have slammed the door to quickly close them because he likes you and is also not comfortable with the situation. 

[ceeceebloom]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Bite the bullet and buy something at his kiosk. Why not? At least you'll make a friend.

I mostly chicken out of the idea of being too clingy or being the one chasing him.

My way back from work is past his kiosk and he saw me many times walking past him (I catch him looking at me everytime for a millisecond before I look away, dying of shyness), I don't know if those were glances of recognition or something else.

So buying something at his kiosk will send a clear message that I'm chasing him, and I don't think that's an exciting thing for him to know. Instead, I tried to buy something from a shop that is right next to his kiosk and he was standing there (nope, I didn't make eye contact and I hate myself for not doing so), and while I was waiting to be served he walked behind me back and forth without saying anything, was he trying to get attention?

 

[ceeceebloom]

6 minutes ago, Stret said:

Hi might have slammed the door to quickly close them because he likes you and is also not comfortable with the situation. 

This made me smile, thanks! 😊 

[Happy Lemming]

@ceeceebloom I met my current girlfriend of 10 years in an apartment complex pool. 

Don't dismiss this guy so quick... like @Wiseman2 suggested, go buy something at his kiosk.  Your cash is green, so you could be a customer (like anyone else) - making a purchase does not mean you are chasing him, it means you are a consumer. 

I also think "feeding the stray cats" is a good opening for additional conversation, when you do make a purchase.

What does he sell at this kiosk??

[ceeceebloom]

59 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

@ceeceebloom I met my current girlfriend of 10 years in an apartment complex pool. 

That is beautiful, I wish you all the happiness together.

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

I also think "feeding the stray cats" is a good opening for additional conversation, when you do make a purchase

I'm planning on using that if I got any chance to talk to him. Thanks. 

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

What does he sell at this kiosk??

Small items like snacks, sweets, cigarettes, drinks and cosmetics. 

[Happy Lemming]

29 minutes ago, ceeceebloom said:

That is beautiful, I wish you all the happiness together.

Yes... "V" and I fit together like two puzzle pieces.   Same thing could happen to you and this guy.

33 minutes ago, ceeceebloom said:

Small items like snacks, sweets, cigarettes, drinks and cosmetics. 

That is perfect!!  Who doesn't like getting a snack or something sweet.

You can certainly use that to start a conversation.  "OMG... these (fill in snack food) are my favorite, what is your favorite here??"

"By the way, my name is CeeCee, I think I live above you at ABC complex.  So far, I really like living at ABC complex, just wish they had more washers..." You know, stuff like that... then if he is not too busy (with other customers) he'll keep the conversation going, thus you'll get some idea if he is interested or not.

[FMW]

On 7/10/2022 at 11:28 AM, ceeceebloom said:

I'm too shy to do so, too insecure, especially that I'm not that attractive. I'm chubby and awkward, wearing glasses and cheap clothes, always rushing to work and bringing groceries.

Others, including him, may see you as cute, attractively curvy, charmingly shy and "real". 

Your shared interest in caring for the strays is a great topic for conversation.  Stop at his kiosk some time and say something like @Happy Lemmingsuggested, and include something like "hey, I noticed you're looking out for the cats too".

[AngryGromit]

On 7/10/2022 at 12:28 PM, ceeceebloom said:

I quickly wrote a little scinario in my head where he notices me walking across the street, he throws away his lit cigarette and follows me to the block. He followed me, or maybe he just felt bored and decided to get back to his apartment without even knowing I was walking few feet in front of him.

He told me he has the same scenario in his head, but when he turns the corner of the apartment building, you jump out and spray him with a can of mace, screaming "STALKER!"  😝

The fact that he hasn't tried to strike up a conversation with you when your nearby, makes me think he's just as shy as you. Personally I would never date a smoker, but then  lots of other people would also dismiss him as potential dating material as well, so if you can over look his smoking, I think you have a decent chance. Unfortunately you are going to have to put yourself out there and try to make a connection, yes rejection is very good possibility, but you will never know if you don't try. If talking to him is out of the question, try writing him a letter, title it, "The attractive guy that works at the kiosk", if you don't want to identify where you live, you can say I'll be walking by him stand at 2 pm tomorrow wearing a red dress, if he's interested wave you over.      

 

[ceeceebloom]

29 minutes ago, AngryGromit said:

Personally I would never date a smoker

Believe me I used to say the exact same thing until I met him. I think l'm being blinded and I am worried.

 

32 minutes ago, AngryGromit said:

If talking to him is out of the question, try writing him a letter, title it, "The attractive guy that works at the kiosk", if you don't want to identify where you live, you can say I'll be walking by him stand at 2 pm tomorrow wearing a red dress, if he's interested wave you over.      

That's clever and I may very much try it out, but I'll never, in a million years, wear a red dress and walk by him, lol.

[ceeceebloom]

Update: This week has been crazy to me. Yesterday I was upset I got door-slammed in the face by him. Today is like the universe has decided for me to break the ice once and for all. I wasn't even planning, not even thinking of going to his kiosk, but today my aunt visited me and asked me to recharge her phone along with other stuff, she's old-school and technology isn't her cup of tea so she doesn't know how to do it online, and she has bad knees so she couldn't go outside herself, and it's been noon already and it was my lunch break so I went outside looking for a shop that offers this kind of service, and guess which shop was the only one in the area that does it? Yep, his kiosk. I was nervous and my hands were literally shaking, I walked in and greeted him with a shaky voice, he looked up and I could tell he recognized me despite wearing sunglasses (I lowkey hoped for him not to because I looked a mess), but he was really tender and kind, he talked to me formally as a customer but in a soft way compared to the other salesmen I buy from, I thought of opening up a subject starting from "you were the only open shop I found around here" just to have a conversation and shift a little bit from the formality, but another customer came in and stood really close (he was a teenager so that explains his manners) so I kept quiet, trying so hard to keep calm as my heart was about to escape my chest. When he asked for the phone number so he can recharge it, I handed him my aunt's number written in a piece of paper, worried if he thinks it was mine. After I paid him the cash, instead of putting the change at the counter as I did the first time, he put it right in my hand and his fingers brushed gently against mine. Not sure if he intended to do so or if it's his way to give money back. I smiled and said goodbye and rushed back to work, blushing all the way, relieved that now, at least, I know how his voice sounds like, and he knows how mine does. Maybe next time I'll be more courageous to talk to him casually.

[Happy Lemming]

2 hours ago, ceeceebloom said:

Believe me I used to say the exact same thing until I met him.

 

Many years ago, I dated a woman that was a two pack a day smoker.  She was very respectful when she did smoke, never in the car or an enclosed area.

I do remember sitting out on her back porch having morning coffee with her, while she enjoyed her morning cigarette. 

Her smoking never got in the way of our relationship.  All good...

 

[ceeceebloom]

35 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Many years ago, I dated a woman that was a two pack a day smoker.  She was very respectful when she did smoke, never in the car or an enclosed area.

I do remember sitting out on her back porch having morning coffee with her, while she enjoyed her morning cigarette. 

Her smoking never got in the way of our relationship.  All good...

 

That's reassuring, everyone has some bad habit that may not be fixable, but I think it's okay, as long as they don't get in the way of the relationship as you said.

[FMW]

Smokers are on my "no" list when I've made the perfect guy list in the past, but my guy smokes.  I love him more than I hate smoking.  The thing that bothers me is worrying about the health consequences for him.  Having him in my life is by far more important than having a completely smoke-free environment.  

[Wiseman2]

16 hours ago, ceeceebloom said:

When he asked for the phone number so he can recharge it, I handed him my aunt's number written in a piece of paper, worried if he thinks it was mine. After I paid him the cash, instead of putting the change at the counter as I did the first time, he put it right in my hand .

What type of kiosk is it?  What types of goods and services does he sell?

Stop by regularly so you can be comfortable being friendly and neighborly.

[ceeceebloom]

20 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What type of kiosk is it?  What types of goods and services does he sell?

It's a small shop where he sells snacks, sweets, drinks, cosmetics and other things and he also offers phone services.

Do you think stopping by regularly would make me look like a chaser?

(My aunt asked me for the second time today to charge her phone again for some reason and I don't want to go see him again, too shy to do so and I don't want to look like I'm hitting on him or chasing him)