Is this toxic?

[Sizen]

I am recently divorced and have 1 child and I decided to start being out there after 4 years of no relationships and So I met this girl on a dating chat 1 year ago. We hit it off very well. The first 3 months but after that I don’t know what happened. Well, 3 months into knowing her she had surgery which I helped care for her but she was very ungrateful and mistreated me by emotionally putting me down. But I thought maybe she was in pain and the change  was making her groggy. Anyway, as months went by I started noticing she would do the bare minimum for me she would always say she never has money or  I can’t do this because I have no money or she would be like if you want to do this remember I can’t afford even after I offered to pay for it. I found this uncomfortable so I told her I will cater for everything if I ask to do something. So she agreed but when she wanted to do something I noticed she would sell it to me like it’s business to see if I would like to do it and I would end up paying for it. Recently, she moved in with her young sister because she’s transitioning jobs and she has been acting weird she would say things like my sister wonders why you don’t have many friends are you toxic? Or she would now invite her sister to join us in everything we do which makes me uncomfortable but she would say I am bringing my sister so she can help with your child, I would end up paying for everything even after the sister is rude to me and say things like I would pay my own bill( so I let her do it but she ended up asking her older sister to ask me to pay for it and even a simple thank you was unheard) well I started avoiding them and the girl keeps calling my phone asking me to join her for lunch but I refused at first then after a few calls I agreed and when I drove to the lunch venue, she was sitting there with her sister asking me so what’s the plan? What do you want to do? I looked at her like wtf? So I ended up being silent which made everyone uncomfortable and she eventually decided to jump out of the car and ran off when I asked her why she would do that. Anyway, I am done but I just want to understand from someone else view what this looks like.

[Alwaysmaybebaby]

Seems like she was just using you to pay her way for things and seeing how much she could get out of you without giving anything in return. Sounds like you have a very big heart and you showed that to the wrong person and did too much for her without her doing the same. Cut loses and move on be careful and be picky with who you show you care to. So sorry this happened to you, you are waaaay better off now!

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Sizen said:

I am recently divorced and have 1 child and I decided to start being out there after 4 years of no relationships and So I met this girl on a dating chat 1 year ago. We hit it off very well. The first 3 months but after that I don’t know what happened. Well, 3 months into knowing her she had surgery which I helped care for her but she was very ungrateful and mistreated me by emotionally putting me down. But I thought maybe she was in pain and the change  was making her groggy. Anyway, as months went by I started noticing she would do the bare minimum for me she would always say she never has money or  I can’t do this because I have no money or she would be like if you want to do this remember I can’t afford even after I offered to pay for it. I found this uncomfortable so I told her I will cater for everything if I ask to do something. So she agreed but when she wanted to do something I noticed she would sell it to me like it’s business to see if I would like to do it and I would end up paying for it. Recently, she moved in with her young sister because she’s transitioning jobs and she has been acting weird she would say things like my sister wonders why you don’t have many friends are you toxic? Or she would now invite her sister to join us in everything we do which makes me uncomfortable but she would say I am bringing my sister so she can help with your child, I would end up paying for everything even after the sister is rude to me and say things like I would pay my own bill( so I let her do it but she ended up asking her older sister to ask me to pay for it and even a simple thank you was unheard) well I started avoiding them and the girl keeps calling my phone asking me to join her for lunch but I refused at first then after a few calls I agreed and when I drove to the lunch venue, she was sitting there with her sister asking me so what’s the plan? What do you want to do? I looked at her like wtf? So I ended up being silent which made everyone uncomfortable and she eventually decided to jump out of the car and ran off when I asked her why she would do that. Anyway, I am done but I just want to understand from someone else view what this looks like.

Sorry this happened. Be more selective when you date. For example someone who supports themselves, has a job, etc. Watch out for scammers. Try not to involve your child in your dating situations. Date when the mother has custody.

[Sizen]

So I have a friend who every time we hang out she either has no money or hasn’t been paid or her card is not working. The other day she came over to my house and I was in the shower and when I came out she had left dishes from her snacking and several cups. So I asked her to load the dishwasher & her response was I am not going to because you are specific. I looked at her with confusion because other times she always cleans up after her self. Anyway, I was upset with how she responded & I went off on her. I questioned her about her lack of money when we are hanging out( btw when she’s with her other friends she always pays her bill) & how she yells at me when I ask her to pay for her stuff. And she said is it that what friends are for? Especially since you know my  situation. Having each other’s back when they are financially struggling. I asked what situation she said she doesn’t earn much. I told her I never had a problem helping her out but it’s ALL the time. I mean all the time.And she added that I shouldn’t  be upset about the money I spend on her because it’s not beneficial to her & she benefits me by hanging out with me. I feel this is the last stroke for me but she came and apologized for overreacting. I don’t know how to deal with this.

[glows]

10 minutes ago, Sizen said:

So I have a friend who every time we hang out she either has no money or hasn’t been paid or her card is not working. The other day she came over to my house and I was in the shower and when I came out she had left dishes from her snacking and several cups. So I asked her to load the dishwasher & her response was I am not going to because you are specific. I looked at her with confusion because other times she always cleans up after her self. Anyway, I was upset with how she responded & I went off on her. I questioned her about her lack of money when we are hanging out( btw when she’s with her other friends she always pays her bill) & how she yells at me when I ask her to pay for her stuff. And she said is it that what friends are for? Especially since you know my  situation. Having each other’s back when they are financially struggling. I asked what situation she said she doesn’t earn much. I told her I never had a problem helping her out but it’s ALL the time. I mean all the time.And she added that I shouldn’t  be upset about the money I spend on her because it’s not beneficial to her & she benefits me by hanging out with me. I feel this is the last stroke for me but she came and apologized for overreacting. I don’t know how to deal with this.

Is she a long time friend? You've made your point known so let this blow over. She apologized. 

You don't have to keep paying for her if you don't feel comfortable doing that. This reads as her being embarrassed and overreacting because she knows she was abusing that friendship. If she's feeling low, she may be feeling the need to exert her ego because she just doesn't feel good about herself. Step back and let it pass.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Sizen said:

So I have a friend who every time we hang out she either has no money or hasn’t been paid or her card is not working. The other day she came over to my house and I was in the shower and when I came out she had left dishes from her snacking and several cups. 

Lock the doors or change the locks. Stop letting her freeload. 

 

 

Edited July 28, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed link

[basil67]

You certainly need some boundaries with this woman.  But before I go deeper than that, why do you like having her around?   Is she officially your girlfriend?

[smackie9]

Wow you must have the word "sucker" stamped on your forehead. You see the pattern right? They are users. Cut these people off and out of your life. Hasn't their behaviour taught you anything? And oh the apology is just bs. She's just sucking up to you so she can continue to use you. Stop being a shelp/pushover/doormat.

[Maldives]

On 7/11/2022 at 11:49 AM, Sizen said:

I am recently divorced and have 1 child and I decided to start being out there after 4 years of no relationships and So I met this girl on a dating chat 1 year ago. We hit it off very well. The first 3 months but after that I don’t know what happened. Well, 3 months into knowing her she had surgery which I helped care for her but she was very ungrateful and mistreated me by emotionally putting me down. But I thought maybe she was in pain and the change  was making her groggy. Anyway, as months went by I started noticing she would do the bare minimum for me she would always say she never has money or  I can’t do this because I have no money or she would be like if you want to do this remember I can’t afford even after I offered to pay for it. I found this uncomfortable so I told her I will cater for everything if I ask to do something. So she agreed but when she wanted to do something I noticed she would sell it to me like it’s business to see if I would like to do it and I would end up paying for it. Recently, she moved in with her young sister because she’s transitioning jobs and she has been acting weird she would say things like my sister wonders why you don’t have many friends are you toxic? Or she would now invite her sister to join us in everything we do which makes me uncomfortable but she would say I am bringing my sister so she can help with your child, I would end up paying for everything even after the sister is rude to me and say things like I would pay my own bill( so I let her do it but she ended up asking her older sister to ask me to pay for it and even a simple thank you was unheard) well I started avoiding them and the girl keeps calling my phone asking me to join her for lunch but I refused at first then after a few calls I agreed and when I drove to the lunch venue, she was sitting there with her sister asking me so what’s the plan? What do you want to do? I looked at her like wtf? So I ended up being silent which made everyone uncomfortable and she eventually decided to jump out of the car and ran off when I asked her why she would do that. Anyway, I am done but I just want to understand from someone else view what this looks like.

Man it's pretty plain to see. She's taking advantage of you. I'm glad to hear that you're done. Or are you really?

I'm the total opposite. As soon as I sniff crap like that I'll make sure that I let that person know and have a boundary in place. If they don't contact me after that then I know they weren't a friend or worthwhile connection to begin with. 

Edited July 31, 2022 by Goodguy05